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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Using a dummy in a way that doesn't affect breastfeeding - and is it a sign of weakness?!

46 replies

Bumperlicious · 20/10/2010 22:41

DD2 has currently been feeding on and off all evening, and now is starting to fuss at the breast, turning her head, pulling of, not latching properly but wanting to be on the breast, crying if not. I'm wondering if she would benefit from a dummy at this stage (so that I can go to sleep!).

How can I use it in a way that doesn't interfere with breastfeeding? Am a bit reticent as DD1 loved dummies and gave them up only very reluctantly at 2.5.

Also is using a dummy a sign of weakness. None of my friends have ever felt the need to use them and though I'm sure they never judged me with DD1 I always felt a bit inferior, like I needed them as a crutch (after about a year she only had them for nap times).

Not sure what to do really. Wondering if dummies will help her sleep a bit better (and consequently me sleep better) but scared to interfere with the natural course of breastfeeding.

OP posts:
SpecterBooAlot · 20/10/2010 22:45

DS has a dummy, and he's still a boob monster at eleven months, so am sure it hasn't interrupted with breastfeeding.

As for being a sign of weakness... I always hated dummies. Hated the look of them, the idea of them. And then I had a colicky, sucky baby who wanted to be attached to me 24/7, and was making my nipples sore by just sucking and not feeding. Using the dummy has saved my sanity. If the need for some peace, less fighting to get to bed, and not having nipples which are constantly bleeding makes me weak, then I'll sign on the dotted line!!

How old is she, by the way?

FranknCock · 20/10/2010 22:49

I also hated the look of them past a certain age and hoped we'd get along without one. Despite using one from about 10 days old, DS gave it up before he was 6 months old and is still BFing at 14 months, so no trouble here.

I really couldn't have gotten on those first few months without it though. Some babies just like to suck.

PlasticinePolly · 20/10/2010 22:52

How old is she? I thought the no dummy rule for breastfed babies was just for the first 6 weeks or so - just to avoid nipple confusion. If breastfeeding is established then it's fine.

You could try her with one and see if she likes it. She might not though - my DD didn't, and according to my mum me and my sister didn't, my other sister did and my brother preferred his thumb. Some babies are just more sucky than others, they're all different.

AScaryFuckingLemonadeDrinker · 20/10/2010 22:54

how old? I think it depends - DS (3.5 mo) has started sucking his fingers and he loves being at the breast, but doesn't always want the milk (I take his fingers out and latch him off, but he goes back to fingers) so in that case I thought about a dummy, but he wouldn't take it and TBH I was glad as it was always dropping on the floor etc :) I actually have a totally different opinion of dummies now - I have never really used them, DS3 was the first baby I tried with one but from what I have read I think dummies are helpful for reducing SIDS (?) , obviously a comfort so can't be all bad. But if she is fussing because of being tired, I wouldn't give a dummy as she'd probably rather sleep than feed and therefore miss out on milk she may need. do you co sleep?

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 20/10/2010 23:08

Sorry - she is 4 weeks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bumperlicious · 20/10/2010 23:10

She is wailing now, but won't stay latched on :(

OP posts:
suzikettles · 20/10/2010 23:14

I spent hours sitting on the sofa with my little finger in ds's mounth. He was really sucky and I was too sore to let him be on the breast for longer than actual feeding in the early weeks (caveat: he was putting on weight well and I knew he was getting enough milk).

I didn't want to use a dummy so I used my finger. In retrospect I was mad! I think he'd have been a lot happier with a dummy. He never sucked his thumb so I think there's a good chance that he'd have grown out of the dummy fairly quickly.

moajab · 20/10/2010 23:16

I introduced a dummy to DS1 when he was about 5 weeks old and it turned him into a different baby! He stayed asleep after a feed so I wasn't still trying to get him to sleep at 3am. He slept in the pram when we were out instead of crying. I used to slip the dummy into his mouth as he came off the breast at the end of the feed and before putting him down. I found it helped to space out the feeds and in no way hindered the breastfeeding. In fact it probably saved it, as I was so exhausted after feeding a baby virtually non stop for a month and was very tempted to start offering formula. We took away his dummy at about 15 months and he never missed it. I don't see it as a sign of weakness and I'm sure your friends don't judge you either. But not all babies will take a dummy - my next two refused to have them.

gaelicsheep · 20/10/2010 23:17

It is absolutely not a sign of weakness. Some babies are very very sucky (like my DD for example). Unless you are going to be attached to your baby pretty much 24/7, with the very sore boobs to show for it, then you need to try something else. A finger is fine for a few minutes, but faced with a choice between accidental smothering with my hand when I fell asleep, or a dummy, I chose the latter.

In no way do they interfere with the natural course of breastfeeding. They say that in case anyone is tempted to just stuff the dummy in rather than take note of feeding cues. Nipple confusion? Maybe, but not IME (not with nipple shields or bottles either I might add). Used for their intended purpose - ie to sooth when nothing else will do - dummies are just fine (and I say that as a converted dummy hater). Until your very very sucky, demanding baby (like my DD, did I mention it?) starts to refuse - said - dummy -

PumpkinsandPotPourri · 20/10/2010 23:19

Wish I had with mine, wouldn't still be up all night bf-ing and as a result shattered!!

And remember, you can take a dummy from them, you can't take a thumb away!!!

Caveat of course is as Suzi said, needs to be gaining weight well

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 20/10/2010 23:22

Ok, going to try feeding again and if she is still fussing at the breast I'm going to get DH to crack out the emergency dummy

Need to go to bed. Am happy to feed but not to be used as a human chew toy.

Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:
AnnieLoBOOseder · 20/10/2010 23:28

After spending endless hours eating, sitting, even walking about with a little finger in DD1's mouth, one day we realised we were mad and gave her a dummy a few weeks in!

With DD2, we gave her a dummy practically from day 1! She lost interest a couple of months later and now sucks her thumb Hmm.

Was is weakness to give her a soother that was not one of my body parts? I don't think so!! And I BFd her to 15 months.....

gaelicsheep · 20/10/2010 23:28

Human chew toy - lol, that's me alright!

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 21/10/2010 00:42

Well it was all a moot point as she won't even take the dummy. Not feeding proper. Won't sleep, just crying and trying to latch on. She has been feeding on and off since about 7pm. I'm done in and have just woken DH up (on the sofa) and handed her over as I am likely to throw her out of the window otherwise. I'm knackered and all I can think of is that I am not asleep yet, god knows how many times I will be up in the night and I have to be up to take DD1 to nursery tomorrow.

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 21/10/2010 01:04

Bumper I wrote a post like this! "Will it interfere with breastfeeding?" "Will DS still use it when he's toddling and look awful?" "Will people be judging me?" - anyway I was suitably reassured on here, then offered him a dummy - and.... he wouldn't take it.

BUT! That was with the fancy tommee tippee 'orthodontic' dummy, when we offered him an old-fashioned soother, he took it, spat it out a bit, and eventually took to it like a boy possessed.

He only has one in the carseat and the cot, and is always jamming his hands into his mouth (12 weeks) - he can't quite figure out his thumb yet, but he's a sucky sucky baby and I think it'll be thumb or dummy. Over here (USA) people are pro-dummy cos they say it's easier to wean your kid off it than their thumbs. I've no idea - remember sucking my own thumb till I was nearly ten Blush so I imagine we'll have to deal with some kind of pacifier/soothing technique either way.

Erm..longwinded way of saying your lovely daughter might take it if you keep offering. And most of the mums I know here had to try a couple of dummies before they found the ones their LOs would really go for. It's a serious improvement in our quality of life - both mine and DS's! Good luck :)

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 21/10/2010 06:32

Dh took her & she fell asleep on him in the end as I was getting desperate. He eventually bought her up at 4am bless him & she slept till 6. Not sure how to avoid that situation again though.

OP posts:
jemjabella · 21/10/2010 10:45

I don't have a problem with dummies - it's amazing how many people change their mind on them when they become parents Grin - but there's some misleading chuff in this post.

Dummies can and do interfere with some breastfeeding relationships. Dummies can and do cause some babies to show nipple confusion/preference. Saying it doesn't happen because you've not experienced it is somewhat short-sighted Hmm

It is also entirely possible to use the breast for comfort suckling without getting sore - you just have to pay attention to the latch all the time.

gaelicsheep · 21/10/2010 16:34

Well I did say that maybe they do cause nipple confusion but not IME. Is that misleading? As for interfering with the normal course of things - surely that depends on when and how they are used? And since there is no guidance on their use other than "don't use until b/f is established", it's hardly surprising that some people, who are desperate and cannot wait, get it wrong.

I'm sure it is best to allow comfort sucking whenever baby demands it, but you can't stick a boob in their mouth when stuck in traffic, nor when wheeling the pram, nor in any number of other situations. Dummies come in really useful in these cases where the alternative is not cosy suckling, but rather a baby screaming themselves senseless. Or even to give the mum a bit of respite, which most of us do need - especially in the very early days.

MoonUnitAlpha · 21/10/2010 16:58

I have no problem with ds having a dummy - and it hasn't interfered with hunger cues ime, if he's hungry and you stick a dummy in his mouth he spits it back out again in disgust!

Brilliant tool for comforting him in the pram or car, and I've found it great for when he's worked up and overtired and wants to suck and cuddle but not necessarily drink. I could let him comfort suck on me, but tbh I feel like I spend enough time with him clamped to my nipple just from feeding him - it's nice to be able to hand him over to his dad sometimes.

gaelicsheep · 21/10/2010 17:02

Amen!

TheUnmentioned · 21/10/2010 17:09

I havent read the whole thread but my dd is 4 weeks tomorrow. She is mix fed but also has a dummy veyr occasionally (for example, not at all today, or yesterday but maybe will later).

She is a v sucky baby at times, particularly in the evenings when she is a bit colicky and gets into a vicious cycle of

sore tummy
sucking helps sore tummy
sucking gets milk
too much milk gives sore tummy
sucking helps sore tummy but oh wait im getting milk so Im going to scream and arch my back because I just want to suck I dont want milk......

So she has a dummy at times like that and she usually just sucks it for a few minutes to calm herself down and occasionally fall alseep and then she spits it out.

Ds never had a dummy and I HATE(D) them with a passion but you know, I need to sleep, I hate seeing her in pain, I have to look after her and ds and not be (too much of) a zombie. Never say never and all that....

TheUnmentioned · 21/10/2010 17:16

ps yes dd HATES the orthodontic dummies, she has a tommee tippee cherry one (well, six actually) and prefers that.

gaelicsheep · 21/10/2010 17:19

Hmm, I may try getting a cherry one then. DD does exactly what you describe, and also sucks and sucks at times then chucks it back up again. She's been rejecting orthodontic dummies for some time and I'm going spare!

MoonUnitAlpha · 21/10/2010 17:31

Ds rejected the nice (expensive!) orthodontic dummy too, had to relent and get cherry latex ones.

TheUnmentioned · 21/10/2010 18:01

gaelicsheep yep, dd pukes too after that cycles then want fed again and on and on we go....