if you are BFing, do you co-sleep? Does it work for you?

[PutTheKettleOn]

I'm BFing DD2 (4 months) at the moment and sort of in 2 minds about our sleeping arrangements. Basically she cluster feeds in the evening, falls asleep any time between 8-10pm and goes into her moses basket downstairs. When I go up to bed I take the basket with me, and when she wakes up the first time (anytime from 12.30-3am usually) I bring her into bed with me and she BFs on and off all night. I have tried putting her back in the moses basket, but she never settles.

In a way it is working for us - she never cries at night, I pretty much wake up when I hear her snuffling around for a boob, latch her on and go back to sleep. So I feel that at least this way I am getting as much sleep as is possible with the amount she wakes up.

But in a way it is not working out - DH is on the sofa bed, he doesn't like sharing a bed with DD as he is a very light sleeper and also he worries he will squish her! Plus I don't think I sleep as well with her in the bed and I wake up with cramp in my hip from lying on my side all night. I'm also worried I'm setting myself up for a fall as if we don't get her out of our bed soon, when will she ever learn to sleep in a cot? Plus she is just learning to roll over so I'm worried she will fall out of the bed.

I guess I'm just wondering, if you BF do you co-sleep? If so, does it work for you? And when/how did you make the transition to the cot?

I posted someting similar on the sleep thread and got no replies, so hoping I'll have a bit more luck on here. Thanks.

yes, same as you. DD (13mo) starts the night in her cot but inevitably comes into bed with me (and that;s me, not us :(). It's much better in some ways as I can doze while feeding and there's none of the settling to do, but I sleep much better without her, and want DH back in our bed

I bf and co-slept with DS from the start until he was 5.5mo - at which point neither of us were sleeping that well, so he moved into his cot. Still fed to sleep, but laid in the cot - and if he woke in the night, tried to get him back in the cot after a feed sat in the chair in his room. However - if I was so tired I was nodding off, I would take him back in with me rather than risk falling asleep in the chair, so he didn't always stay in the cot.
DH never shared the bed with the both of us - he had his own bed in the spare room (he "needs his sleep so he can go to work" ).

HTH.

My dd2 was the same. However with her being dc2, DH had got over the pfb fear of squishing her and slept in the same bed in order to feel well slept and deal with dd1! I had her in her sleeping bag on top of the duvet between us. She didn't sleep much in her crib tbh, but we were a much better-slept family for cosleeping and could never go back to the endless nights of swaying and shhhing which we did with dd1.

I'm trying to remember now how things worked out with dd2. She is 10 months now and sleeps no problems in her big cot until morning. I think we just went with her tbh. She started going longer and longer at night (with a few periods of the opposite!) herself. I think when we put her in her big cot at about 4 months I did do some night feeds in the chair just so I could get a better night's sleep myself and give my hips a break. Just take things as they come. There comes a point when a bf isn't the magic cure-all and sharing a bed with a wriggling yapping scratching thing isn't as nice as it used to be! Saying that, she still comes in for a bf in the morning but I don't get my lie-in any more.

My DS is only 10 weeks but we co-sleep with a bedside cot. DS goes to bed on his own around 8pm-9pm usually (I feed him til sleepy then put him in his cot), then he usually wakes to feed around 2-3am - he's in a sleeping bag and I just pull him over to me. I try to scoot him back into his cot after this feed but often I fall asleep and he likes sleeping with his face resting on my boob anyway! After the next feed (5am-ish) he dozes and feeds on and off til 8am.

DP sleeps in the bed with us, but he's on my left side and DS is on my right side - as the cot is there he can't roll off the bed. When we've been on holiday though we've had DS sleeping on top of the duvet in between us and it's been fine.

Our plan is to move him into his own room around 6 months/once he's sleeping through. I thought it was probably important to get him used to going to sleep on his own in his cot, so I know he can sleep without someone in bed next to him, so moving into his own room isn't too much of a shock. We were letting him fall asleep with us in the living room and then taking him to bed when we went, but over the last couple of weeks we've had a definite bath and bed routine and him going to bed alone. At first we had a lot of going back and forth resettling him, but he seems to be content to go to bed before us now.

I kinda half co-sleep. DD goes into her cot at 7/8 o'clock then when she wakes at 3/4 ish she comes into bed with me and DH so that I can feed her and sleep at the same time.

DH sleeps on my right and DD sleeps on my left. I have a bed guard on the left hand side so DD can't fall out and when she has finished feeding I move her over to the far left of the bed. I also hook the quilt underneath me so that it can't cover her and she is swaddled in a sheet.

I don't find this arrangement particularly comfortable and I often have back ache from where i am sleeping on my side but leaning backwards away from the baby as I feed. Also I worry that I am putting her at risk because DH is a smoker. However I was really suffering from lack of sleep and seeing as her cot was next to the bed anyway I don't think the extra 2 foot closer to DH will make that much difference.

glad to hear it's not just us! Lots of friends have their babies in their own rooms by now and are a bit when they hear what we do. Hmm, i guess i might wait a little longer before trying her in her own room then and just take it as it comes.

i am co-sleeping with 5 month old. we are on a king size mattress on the floor in ds's room and dh is in our bed.

ds is feeding loads in the night at the mo, but i am starting to look wistfully at my nice bed.

i go to bed with ds between 9-10pm; am looking forward to him sleeping in the evenings one day too!

First child I would get up to b/f and shake gently on a pillow to sleep for 20 minutes and then move to a cot in a different room as DH said he was too noisy. (Did this from 6 weeks). I was exhausted. Finally slept through whn I weaned at 14 months.

Second co-slept with us. Would feed and then move to cot by the side of our bed. At 12 weeks found her own fingers and would settle herself. Moved into own room at 6 months when I got up for feeds in the night, but only brought her to bed if she was sick and needed a lot of feeds in the night. Slept through first time when I weaned at 13 months.

Third co-sleep again. Only wants to sleep in arms or on breast. Sleeps in our bed, but more often than not I just sleep in spare room so we can all get some sleep and she is getting cold after cold after cold from brother who has just started school. Luckily my other two sleep through.

Every child is different and my latest is quite needy and needs a lot of reassurance, but I know it wont last forever and before I know it you'll be a teenager and loathe me and so I will enjoy every moment of this time (albeit a bit bleary eyed !)

I also reluctantly co-sleep with my 6 month old.

DD wakes at about 3am and comes in with us. She sleeps on my side - not in the middle as DH would squash her. Don't have a bed guard, just have my arm round her - she's never fallen out when I've slept with her like this. IMO it's more risky to get so tired that you fall asleep accidentally when you intended to put the baby back down in her cot. This way I never wake up with that "where's the baby" feeling.

I get stiff from sleeping in one position though and I know DH would like to wake up to a baby free bed.

I'm just hoping she will start sleeping through soon.

I sort of co-slept starting at 4 months to 7 months, when DS needed rocking to sleep & I couldn't bend to pick him up from a mattress on the floor.

I put him on a single mattress on the floor next to my bed so I could feed lying down, then move back to my side of the bed. It was the best way to have the convenience & closeness but for me to have my space too.

Before putting the mattress on the floor I used a bed rail.

We did co-sleep with ds1 in the very early days, when he was waking loads and wouldn't settle in the moses basket. It meant I got a reasonable amount of sleep at least.

But I really didn't want the habit to persist. I hated having him in the bed; was constantly worried he'd get squashed or smothered, and didn't want to wake up one day with a giant toddler still in the marital bed. So after a few weeks I decided to nip it in the bud and started to put him back into the moses basket once he was asleep. Eventually (at about 8 weeks) he got better at settling himself and started to sleep through the night in his moses basket unaided.

So it was a good thing for a short while, but not long-term.

DD is 17 weeks and we've co-slept on and off since she's been born. When she was on bottles at night it was just a settling thing. Then when I got back to b/f I used to fall asleep sitting up so I tried to learn to feed lying down. This worked sometimes but her latch is not reliable and would often hurt, especially when I dozed off. Recently I've not been able to sleep at all like this, and also it's become clear she just wants a handy boob to suck when she feels like it, which doesn't suit me at all. So I've gone back to sitting up which is better now she feeds quicker. But now she's waking when I put her down and DH then has to settle her as she just wants more boob time if I try.

Re the cot, we have a bedside cot which I used to have against the bed, but now we're using it as a normal cot. If she's particularly difficult I'll put the side down and bring it up to the bed so I can have her beside me and slip her in when (if?) she goes to sleep. But as I said, since she's just wanted me as a night time dummy this isn't working too well. AAARGH!

What was the question again?

if its working its fine

My dd is 15 months and we always have co-slept as she is such a terrible sleeper, and will only feed to sleep. I survive despite the fact that she wakes at least 5 times a night, usually more, and this is only because I co-sleep. Did try having her on her own for a bit, but I just got so tired, and even when she was in a cot and I slept in her room I was too tired, as I had to actually get up when she woke. I am now at work- as a teacher, so a hard work job - and I manage fine with disturbed sleep, because I hardly wake when she does. (Admittedly I'm usually in bed by 9pm). Also, when she was smaller, many of my friends whose babies only woke once or twice a night were far more tired than me because they had to actually get out of bed, make up a bottle etc in the middle of the night.

Anyway, the point is, if you have a crap sleeper, I think co-sleeping is the only way to get enough sleep - at least if you don't want to do 'sleep-training' kind of stuff.

Hope that helps

My DD is 11mo and we co-sleep and breastfeed. She feeds frequently some nights, not so frequently others. Has slept through a couple of times recently but only because of our nursing strike. She "uses me as a dummy" but then I'm happy for my boobs to fulfil their natural purpose.

Don't have any intention of moving her to her own room any time soon.

We co-sleep and breast feed with my DS who is 6 months. I guess we didn't choose it, it was more necessity when he wouldn't settle in moses or crib. For us it gave us all much more sleep in the early months, plus the closeness that DS craved. Not forgetting the convenience for feeding.

We are at a point now where we are disturbing each other and keen to make the transition to cot. The one thing I would say is, and IMO, if you do choose to, it can be quite a hard situation to break. Some may tell you DC have no problems settling in their own beds after a period of CS, or are happy to carry on doing it no matter what and until the DC wants to be in their own bed.

Do what feels right for you, I don't regret cs, it felt the right thing for us at the time and has proved so. What I didn't intend necessarily was for it to go on this long.

Again IMO 4 months is still very young and it is natural for them to be so close at this age.

BTW, DS sleeps in the crook of my arm, next to me at the side, but without any sort of rail. It has proved safe for us and I seem to be very conscious of him there. However as others have said it can be uncomfortable in the same position! Again, it is the choice between that and up and down to him in his cot. Again it is really what feels right for you.

"She "uses me as a dummy" but then I'm happy for my boobs to fulfil their natural purpose."

I would be happy too jemjabella if she didn't make me so darned sore when left to her own devices.

Well I did this and I still have both girls in the bed !(they are 3 and five now).I don't see why your DH doesn't sleep the other side of you from the baby? dd1 was in between us,but dd2 has always been against the wall,with me next.We also had a mattress on the floor so that the baby wouldn't get hurt if she did roll or wriggle out,which did happen sometimes as she got bigger.(with DD1 we were living on a boat so the bed arrangement was a bit different).I'm still bf dd2, but she does sleep through most nights now,after being a fairly challenging sleeper.I like co-sleeping,I like just putting out an arm to check on my dds and I like hearing them breathing and dreaming.It does however impact on my sleep in that I'm still in the bf mode of waking at any little sign of a child rousing,but perhaps I would be wakeful anyway,maybe that is just motherhood.At the moment some nights I look forward to the peaceful bliss of just cuddling up with DH,but on other nights I love us all being snug together.Both girls adamantly do not want to sleep in their own bedroom yet,but they can if they choose so i'm sure they will decide to as they get older.

My 3 1/2 month old sleeps on one side of me, DH the other. We're in a monster bed (7' wide) so loads of space. A normal double would be much harder. He feeds every 2-4 hours. I latch and go back to sleep and he falls off when ready. gaelic I was having the same problem and needed several visits from our bf nurse to perfect the latch. I also don't mind being a dummy but if the latch is wrong that can vvvv quickly lead to very sore nips.

Plan to play it by ear about going into the cot but I'm not worried about it as the months of broken sleep I'd be suffering now if he was in his own cot would be hell.

To sort of answer your question I would say do what works for you now and don't worry about rods and backs - it may never happen. And if it does, well at least you've had some sleep before it!

Problem is OCC, that DD falls asleep, falls off and relatches a LOT. I don't think the b/f counsellor can teach DD to do it right when I'm asleep!!

Helly, your bed arrangements sound like my idea of hell! I find it very hard to sleep if someone is touching me as I can never get comfortable. Well, we're all different.....

Have a 15 mth old and am in similar position to loopyloo82. Have kept up the co-sleeping as we get more sleep that way! We use a bedside cot to prevent falling out etc and that means that on a good night ds is mostly in the cot but on a bad one he smuggles up to me. He seems to be getting a back tooth atm and woke up loads last night, don't think I could manage it if I had to get out of bed, especially on work days.

gaelicsheep - wasn't a dig at you :) Also had sore nips for ages when DD was younger as she'd drop the latch at night more. She seems to find it easier to latch, feed, suckle a bit and then let go without doing the annoying 'latch unlatch latch unlatch' thing now