Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Anyone else not ashamed to FF?

46 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 10/10/2010 18:33

I'm sure I'm not the only one who absolutely hates the usual bf/ff bunfight. I think tbh how a woman decides to feed her baby is her business, nobody elses. So why does the general view seem to be that FF is something to be ashamed of.

I ff DS from birth after briefly trying bf, I had my reasons which I won't go into (mostly because I feel I shouldn't have to justify them). Does anyone else want to come out if the ff closet and admit they're NOT ashamed?

OP posts:
FrozenNorth · 10/10/2010 18:51

Hmm. Of course you shouldn't be ashamed. I've never come across people on here saying you should be ashamed though - could you link to the thread where you've read that? Or do you mean generally but not on mumsnet?

doughnutty · 10/10/2010 18:52

Me.

I gave bf a shot too and was very guilty for a while (symptom of PND I think) I'm over it.

I think however you feed your baby is your own business.

My biggest wish is for it to become a non issue. People do what's best for their family.

wigglesrock · 10/10/2010 19:04

I'll put my hand up - wouldn't even occur to me to be ashamed Smile

strawberrycake · 10/10/2010 19:13

I'm not proud of it exactly, but I do wish it was a non-issue.

I feel I'm always explaining it to others.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 10/10/2010 19:27

Strawberrycake - there is a big difference between being proud and not being ashamed.

Frozennorth - I meant generally on MN

OP posts:
strawberrycake · 10/10/2010 19:33

I agree, I do sadly feel ashamed sometimes I must admit. Everyone presumed you're lazy and noone ever seems to wonder WHY you ff.

strawberrycake · 10/10/2010 19:34

presumes

ShowOfHands · 10/10/2010 19:38

Can you link to the threads where people say it's something to be ashamed of? I think attacking such terrible views at the source is the best thing.

I've never seen it on here. I've seen the silly thread today about SamCam but that's one person who was roundly chastised.

I genuinely would like to see links to this 'general view' of ff being something to be ashamed of.

I've seen some lovely, heartfelt and supportive posts for women who have struggled with the hand fate dealt them in terms of feeding their babies. I've also seen an awful lot of reassurances that you should never be ashamed of your feeding choices. But I've missed the threads you refer to. Please link.

Original poster
asouthwoldmummy · 10/10/2010 20:34

Not sure how to link (computer idiot). But search for sad about friend ff newborn.

I'm not saying that most people share the view that ff is something to be ashamed of, just the ones that do are seriously OTT.

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 10/10/2010 20:42

I have never seen anyone say that people should be ashamed to ff.

I honestly think this feeling comes from inside ourselves and we project it on to those who help/promote breastfeeding. I can say this from my own experience.

Most people DO ff after all, it is seen as the normal way to feed around here.

Threads like this perpetuate the myth that breast feeding promotion is the same as anti formula propaganda.

MummyBerryJuice · 10/10/2010 20:50

Thanks Humphrey. I think that that is a very insightful (and measured opinion). It seems to me that all to often (on here and in RL) any promotion of breastfeeding is seen as being anti-ff. Which is not the case.

It is just what it is. Promotion of breastfeeding.

StarlightMcKenzie · 10/10/2010 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SirBoobAlot · 10/10/2010 20:55

Agree with the above two posters. It is hardly shunning those that FF by pointing out the logical and obvious (that breastmilk is better for babies), and by promoting breastfeeding.

I know no one who has encountered problems for FFing - I know several who have for BFing.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 10/10/2010 20:57

Me

amd I will mention

foxytocin as someone who is just so awful

AliceInHerPartyDress · 10/10/2010 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pommedeterre · 10/10/2010 21:04

Well ff hasn't been a bundle of laughs for me. Strawberrycake who has also posted on this thread also has had problems ff-ing.
So that's just two example for you SirBoobALot. Any other sweeping generalisations you'd like to maker?
FFS.

pommedeterre · 10/10/2010 21:04

argh. examples. make. ack.

HumphreyCobbler · 10/10/2010 21:06

I think SBAL meant hostile reactions rather than problems.

MummyBerryJuice · 10/10/2010 21:07

Yes, Alice, you are right. Not in terms of how much they are loved or cared for or how much their parents worry about them. But in terms of health benefits there are real reasons to breast feed. Even in the Western world.

Pointing out the real (and proven) benefits of breastfeeding is not, and should never be, a way in which to shame mothers who ff.

TheUnmentioned · 10/10/2010 21:11

I have encountered problems formula feeding, with ds (3) and with dd (2 weeks).

Ds was breastfed exclusively for months and mix fed until almost a year ifrc, dd is mix fed for various reasons. I do feel ashamed but I dont think I should, it is a horrible, horrible, horrible feeling, the guilt is really dragging me down.

HumphreyCobbler · 10/10/2010 21:14

oh TheUnmentioned, I am so sorry you feel bad.

Please try really hard not to feel bad.

I have managed to let my guilt go, I did my best, that is all we can do for our children.

Have you anyone to talk to about it in RL?

ShowOfHands · 10/10/2010 21:14

I've searched for the thread you suggested. It's not really about being ashamed to ff. It's a discussion about a person's reaction to somebody else's decision to ff. Not about ff in general or a dismissal of the problems/reasons leading to ff, just that one point, the honest reaction to her own situation. It's a loaded, emotive op but it's a valid discussion and an admission of a natural reaction that somebody had.

Your op stated that the general view is that ff is something to be ashamed of. I see no evidence of that.

I'm sure you get the odd idiot making stupid comments but that's nothing to do with ffing or general consensus, merely the witterings of an idiot.

AliceInHerPartyDress · 10/10/2010 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyBerryJuice · 10/10/2010 21:19

TheUnmentioned I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like that Sad. Have you spoken to someone about your feelings? Your HV or GP may be a good place to start but AFAIK NCT postnatal councillors are trained to help mums deal with all these feelings.

Perhaps you should get in touch with your local branch. She may be able to help you deal with what you are experiencing.

ShowOfHands · 10/10/2010 21:19

SirBoobALot didn't mean problems with ff, she meant criticism of ff.

I think it's just an emotive subject and as is already said, the feelings are often just a projection of your own feelings. It's such a shame.

Same as childbirth. I feel like a failure. I'm ashamed of my body. I feel endlessly guilty. I couldn't birth my baby. I couldn't do what I was designed to do. Yes realistically I know that the em cs saved our lives but my heart screams otherwise. Because a vaginal deliver is better, it is the norm, it is the way it's meant to be. It is supposed to be a wonderful, bonding experience. But somebody extolling the brilliance of a normal delivery isn't deriding abnormal deliveries. The pain I have on hearing about those normal deliveries comes from me.