Feeling nervous about BF

[Dozeyland]

37+2...
Feeling anxious about the whole On-demand feeding, day to day feeding, night feeds etc.

Living in my parents living room so lack of space, worried about not being able to settle baby, not knowing baby's cues etc, feeding in public... not ever finding routine..

worrying for no reason probably.?

it can be a daunting experience.
Could you get to a local BF group (LLL, NCT etc?) or a BF antenatal class?
It might answer any questions you have.

Just give it a go, if its not for you, then fair enough! Regarding lack of space - imagine not ff'ing would make that easier, so you don't have all faff of bottles, steriliser etc.

My advice would be - get a feeding cushion, and expect to feed a lot at first, especially first few weeks - someone else on here said at first, its pretty much if he cries stick a nipple in his mouth, its kind of true. It gets easier, you just get your head down and sit it out really.

In a way its really helpful because it helps you settle baby, they find it really comforting, because its a cuddle with Mummy. Make sure you feed asap after birth, and ask midwives loads for help with latch position etc whilst you're still in hospital, that way you'll feel better at home. Good luck! And remember to come on here with questions, its best place i think.

Ah poor you, becoming a mother is a worrying thing of isn't it?! I'm on my third DS and still worry - I think that's just normal.

Try and relax though, breastfeeding is completely natural and normal. It's not always easy of course, but if you have problems, shout for help! (either on here or your local group)

It takes time for both of you to learn how to bf and things understanding the cues and getting the routine will come, but don't expect them instantly. I reckon you need to give bfing a good 3 months to really get in to the swing of it.

Maybe read up a bit in advance at what to expect in the early days, how to get the latch right, cluster feeding etc (try
kellymom.com for this).

When you get home, - rest, rest, rest, feed, feed, feed and sleep when you can. Get your family to look after you for a while whilst you snuggle skin to skin with your lovely new baby.

It's daunting - yes, exhausting- absolutely, but just fantastic.

Let us know how you get on won't you.

Best of luck.

hi, i'll share my experience
i decided to bf on the grounds it was better and cheaper than formula. always said i'd give it a go but not beat myself up if i couldnt continue for any reason. I'm still going at 5 months, even tho i am back at work full time now. What i didnt expect was how much i'd enjoy it. Also we had alot of complications at first and the HV keeps saying i'm doing really well to keep going with bf; i disagree... it seems LOADS less faff than formula, if dd crys, i stick a boob in her mouth, she is happy, i'm happy job done. If i want to go out, i go. dont need to mess about preparing stuff to take out. i can manage night feeds without having to wake everyone else up by getting up and mixing formula- i have everything i need to give her a feed no messing with powder, hot water, sterilisers etc.
there is loads of help out there if you need it and i'm sure MNers will look after you if you ask. give it a go, good luck.

Agree with pootles, bf is great for settling baby. It is the quickest was to get her to stop crying and to get to sleep. Could you try and go to a bf support group, maybe at a sure start centre? Ask your midwife for places to go. It's useful to meet with other bf mums and get advice.

As for feeding in public, get a pashmina/scarf type thing and drape it round your neck to help cover up to help you feel less self concious. John lewis and marks and spencer also have good feeding rooms.

Just take it as it comes. Feeding in public comes about 3 weeks on, once they've started to latch by themselves.

Set yourself little goals: 3 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks and tackle each problem as appropriate, otherwise you'll get all overwhelmed.

Would agree with the suggestion to read up on what to expect - eg I've known so many people say that they just didn't have any milk and wonder whether they knew that it would take a few days to arrive and had to be stimulated. I used to put DD to my breast a lot when she was a newborn (stuck in hospital with nothing else to do!) and felt like I was being a bit of an idiot/pretending to nurse but in retrospect think it may have helped with not getting sore nipples/mastitis/engorgement etc (?) Can be helpful to read about positioning as well, even if it all seems a bit abstract at the moment.

Definitely get yourself clued up on what to expect - I can't link you to it right now as I'm on my phone but if you google breastfeeding "Off To A Good Start" there's a brilliant booklet available in PDF format which covers all the basics. It's a Health Board publication.

Basically be prepared to go with the flow for the first wee while. Not everyone finds it hard - you might be suprised at how easily it comes! As for demand feeding, night feeding etc - those things wouldn't be avoided by choosing formula! However you feed your baby, the first weeks can be challenging and you can feel lost. But you'll find a way through, you'll get into a wee routine of sorts and it will fall into place :)

How can you tell the cues in night feeds?? when the room is dark?

and when you feed do you do so in complete darkness ??

It is a bit scary, but take it feed by feed, I aimed always just for the next feed, ie, never said "I plan to feed for 6 months" or whatever, remember every baby is different, so cues for my baby might be different to your baby, and you will know your own baby better than anyone. BF is lovely, I think you have to accept that you will spend a lot of time feeding, but remember this is only for a very short time of your and your baby's life, to be treasured, DS is 3 and DD is almost 1, moved onto FF now, and whilst I am happy with my choices and how feeding went do feel a bit nostalgic for those lovely through the night feeds when it was just me and them in the dim lights when everyone else was asleep, enjoy your time, it goes so fast.

Hi

As others have said - please do give it a go if you have even the slightest inclination to BF. The cues and regular feeding will still be there even if you FF but without the convenience. It's really great being able to sooth your hungry baby really quickly and easily and it is a lovely feeling having midnight cuddles.

You can always express after a few weeks to get a break and let someone else help.

I feed at night using these fab rechargable lights which look too dim to do anything useful in the day but are the perfect low level light you can carry around at night and last for a week or more without a charge.

Also, in the first weeks you can feed lying down (takes a bit of practice) which is bliss when exhausted.

BF does hurt in the first couple of weeks, anyone who says different is extraordinarily lucky. I had great midwife help on getting a good latch but still sore. But get a tube of Lansinoh and push through and all of a sudden you won't feel a thing.

Not everyone can BF and there's nothing wrong with FF, but BF is lovely and 3.5months in I'm so glad I persevered.

Give it a go!

Oh and don't worry abuot not knowing the cues - a hungry baby is unmistakable! Basically when they cry, put boob in mouth, if refused (very unlikely!) then it's something else.

I really want to give it a go, and will do so all being well :-)

I went to The Baby Cafe yesterday and spoke to some mums about BF (and i didnt even realise one was BF whilst we were chatting - amazing!)

Yeah I think along with the anticipation with BF in general, I do just think how i will BF in the night discreetly as i have number of family members in my rents' home which is DEAD quiet at night. I know they will expect baby to cry. but i want to be able to see cues -before- the - cry.

i have a groegg thermo light. so could use that...?

so feeding on demand, especially in the first few weeks, will baby feed roughly every 2 hours, or i suppose it just depends on the baby doesnt it.

how do you have "some idea" for feeds when feeding on demand, or you just dont?

Every baby is different. Don't want to depress you but my LO fed every 1.5 hours at the start and each feed was about 45 mins, so 45mins on 45 mins off. He was a bit skinny on arrival though and chubbed up pretty quick!

Get some DVD boxsets, arrange sofa with remotes/mobile/mumsnet, large glass of water and enjoy it!

In your situation you may want to consider co-sleeping?? I did it for the first 6 weeks and it was a lifesaver. Baby just latches on whenever feed needed, sometimes didn't even wake til he was suckling!

Mine gave no cues til a few weeks in then got the sticking tongue out cue. Now he stares at my boobs til I feed him!

co-sleeping?

I'm having the moses right next to my bed so that should be easy enough.

Yeah in te frst few weeks i will definitely be catching up with the dvds. getting use to the baby etc. but dont want to be stuck indoors all the time..

so if i were to feed i could atleast go out for a walk with baby until the next feed is due, if i feel ok feeding in public that quick then i will, otherwise i could get home to comfort and feed then?

hi dozeyland
here is a good page from kellymom that talks about the hunger cues.

Basically, if you spot the cues, then you can get to them before the crying starts (this makes latching on easier too as they are less distressed and fidgety).

I really don't think that your family members will be that disturbed by your baby in the night (my DH isn't and he is right next to me ). Will the baby be next to you - either in a moses basket or in your bed? If that's the case, then as soon as you hear them stirring, you can scoop them up and feed. It does get easier to latch them on as they get older. My DS is nearly one and he just grabs my boob and shoves it in his mouth himself now. (no table manners)

I think it's great that you are really preparing for bfing and are being so positive.

With regards to the nightime feeds, I've found that DD tends to 'fuss' and just make little noises that wake me up...they're not loud, DH doesn't tend to hear her so it must be mother's instinct! (She's in a moses basket by our bed.) She hasn't yet cried at night so I'm obviously catching her in time.

Don't worry too much! I too worried, but DD is 8 wks now and so far so good. Today she has been feeding every hour and not really taking much each time, we both have a cold though so I think it is for comfort as much as anything.

The good thing about bf at night is that pretty much as soon as the baby wakes you up you can be feeding them - which will keep them quiet.

Babies cry (I know that you know that ), and if you're sharing a house with a newborn then you will get woken up. Most people find that if it's not their baby though, and they're not the ones having to get up, they roll straight back over and go back to sleep.

Oh, and I have a nightlight on all night so that we can see to feed etc but without any great shocks of light.

1 feed at a time for the first few weeks. Then enjoy how easily you can soothe them. I am just coming out the other side (DS aged 2 is self-weaning at present) and I am so sad - it is such a special thing to do!

Give yourself (and your baby) time to get the hang of BF. Even if you don't have any difficulties, it is still a challenge and is a skill that you both have to learn. It is natural, but doesn't always come naturally!

If you don't get a chance to feel straight away, don't despair. DS was whisked off to NICU for nearly 10 hours before I saw him again, let alone attempted a feed. We successfully BF after that (was born emerg CS, too).

You will be asleep at night (hopefully!), and your baby will wake you when it needs feeding, so it's unlikely you will "see" the cues then. Their needs are so basic in the early days and weeks that when they cry it's likely the need a feed, a nappy change or a cuddle. If you get a sucky baby, they may not be hungry but will cry and be settled by a quick latch on the boob.

There's nothing much you should try to do about being discreet, especially in the night. Just get used to the process and then when you feel more confident get out and about and feed where you feel comfortable. Your baby will probably not cooperate with appropriate times or locations, but trust me, you just get on with it.

The main benefit I found of co-sleeping was i could feed lying down and just fall asleep and let him get on with it.

When you do a BF you produce hormones that help you drop off to sleep. I usually take ages to fall asleep but so quick when BF.

I went out and about from day 5, just for short walks or to visit friends I felt comfortable BF in front of. Now i'd BF anywhere. Getting out everyday was essential, but most of your time is likely to be at home for the first few weeks.

Good luck

With a newborn, it's pretty much: they cry, you try feeding them. Even if it's only been an hour since you last fed them. Or 40 minutes! If they don't want to feed they won't and you'lll try something else (eg cuddling them, changing their nappy etc etc). You really don't have to worry about cues. And you will get to know your baby over the first few weeks.

BF at night - baby cries, just lean over to the Moses, scoop baby up, put baby on breast. No one else in the house need know (even your DH / DP if they are a good sleeper!). I wouldn't say you need a light (maybe in the very early days when you are still physically latching the baby on).

With a small baby you can't really think about planning walks etc "when the next feed is due" so agree with others suggesting that you get lots of rest in the early days and focus on nothing apart from snuggling with your baby and getting BF established, and when you feel a bit more confident you could venture out to a BF friendly location (eg a BF cafe or children's centre group for new mums) to give it a go in a supportive environment in public.

Go for it! And as others have said, think in small steps (step 1: I will give BF a go, step 2, I will BF right now, step 3: it seems to be going well, I will BF for the first month). Good luck!

Sorry, not "feel straight away", feed straight away.