Explain to me why bf is worth it

[ExistentialistCat]

Couldn't bf DD1 and it nearly broke my heart. DD2, 1 week old, seems to have got the hang of it and I'm delighted, BUT not sure whether I can keep this going...

DD1 is only 14 months old. I seem to be attached to DD2 ALL THE TIME and although DD1 is very independent and has taken all this in her stride, it's asking an awful lot of her. It's just about possible while DH has bits of paternity leave that he can take, but what about when he has to return to work full-time?

I've been advised by MW and HV that co-sleeping will help me to establish breastfeeding. I HATE co-sleeping.

I quite like some sort of routine. Not rigid, she-who-must-not-be-named routine, but some structure and predictability. This seems impossible with bf at the moment.

I know that ff isn't all rosiness either and didn't exactly enjoy the sterilising, boiling, cooling down and all that faff last time round. But a lot of things were much simpler - knowing roughly when DD1 would want another feed, knowing how much she'd had, being able to plan my day and get out and about.

Please don't just tell me to keep going for 6 weeks and it will all magically get better. 6 weeks feels like a lifetime when you haven't slept for a week.

I feel that bf is pushed so hard these days that it must be virtually illegal to even consider ff out of choice rather than necessity.

well... having done both i can say that in the long run breastfeeding is a LOT easier.

you aren't ever caught out without a feed for your baby
you don't have to listen to baby crying while you prepare a feed
it's free
it has myriad health benefits for baby AND you

but you know all this i am sure.

breastfeeding in the early days is hard work. no-one can deny that. babies are supposed to feed little and often, it's jujst the way they are.
giving a bottle doesn't guarantee your baby won't want feeding often, or that they'll be more settled or that you;ll get more sleep. you may end up just the same but with bottles to prepare too!

you can plan your day even easier with a bf baby, because you just have to sit down and feed as and when necessary.
i AM going to tell you it gets better, because it does.
it's very intense early on, but when it all calms down and it's going well it's just the best feeling ever. knowing you've made a baby and then fed it by yourself... it's kind of special.

You must do what is best for you. Breast feeding does get easier and might even give you more flexibility in the long run. Try and think a week at a time rather than 6 weeks ahead, that seemed to work for me when I was struggling in the beginning, although I didn't have another kid to worry about. What about a cot next to the bed if co-sleeping isn't for you? I'd give it a bit longer before switching to ff but if bf isn't working for you don't beat yourself up about it, you've done really well to get this far x

FF is just fine if BF doesn't work for you. For me it was desperately painful and nigh on impossible with flat broken nipples. Preparing bottles isn't that hard! I wash everything in the dishwasher and make up bottles at night or use pre-made stuff. I was a sorry mess when I was breastfeeding.

When I was struggling with BF I used to think about the next feed rather than the weeks/months ahead. Even though I hated BF, when I thought about whether I could give one more feed the answer was always that I could. And it did get better eventually.

If you hate co-sleeping, please don't do it! I didn't to start with, BF established and then did co-sleep for a bit but with DD in a bedside cot, and then stopped - and slept far better as a result! If you hate it, don't do it.

I had a nursing chair (fabulous, get one if you can and have space) next to the cot which was near our bed. So when she woke in the night I just stepped out of bed, scooped her up and snoozed sat in the chair to feed her. I actually found it a lot more comfy than feeding her lying down although having said that I have now worked out that i need DD on a pillow in front of me and another pillow behind me to prop me up at the right angle for her for it to work without any strain.

I will reiterate what thisisyesterday said - it WILL get easier, as they grow they become much more efficient feeders and are not on the boob for such long periods, your boobs are very much portable (!) and you can feed her whenever/wherever you want. You will be setting an amazing example for DD1 who, like me, will grow up thinking BF is the norm and probably go on to BF your grandchildren (there's a thought! :))

You mention that you like routine - have you looked at BW or GF? I found BW to be a flexible routine IYSWIM so never looked at GF which sounds extremely regimented. But just by doing BW I knew what to expect and roughly when, and being able to 'plan' my day to some degree I actually found very liberating. I would think doubly so as you have another child to look after!

I never co slept and b/f ds1 for 2yrs. Yes its hard at first, but don't look too far forward. Try to go with the flow and 1 day at a time. I am terribly big on structure and still went ahead with daily plans but didspend afew weeks at home more than out

Crikey, you only gave birth a week ago and you are writing sentences!

Give yourself a break, I found this physically a very tough time. If DD2 knows what she is up to, then take full advantage of this - she will get even more efficient at feeding, it's her job, and she can get on with it.

As for DD1, she sounds like the 3rd sensible female in the house. She hasn't got a y meetings or conference calls, she is going to be absorbing everything and be fascinated by all this stuff. She won't feel left out if you have no intention of leaving her out.

Yuu're in charge - if you want routine, it will materialise in the next few weeks, but that would be the case if you were BF or FF.

I would guess that a decision to open a tin or whip out a boob is not the critical thing. It's whether you feel confident about what you are doing. Sounds as if you would like to BF this time, and you are certainly not behaving as if you have been in a car crash (unlike me), so decide for yourself as the weeks turn into months whether YOU think BF is worth it or not - to you & to your girls.

xx

tis ridiculous that you have to feel defensive about suggesting a routine GK. It's what keeps most of us sane.

My method has been - cot from a few days old in the baby's nursery, start FF when you feel it is right, try and keep the baby in a routine which suits your family life - but most of all go with the flow and don't think that any method is out of bounds. Your baby has to fit to a certain degree within your family structure. Good Luck EC and do what is right for you and your family.

I wrote almost an identical post a few weeks back. My reasons for continuing were as follows:

convenience when out and about

ready means (possibly only means) of comforting DD

dislike of wasting undrunk formula

inherent need to succeed this time around

I'm sad to say I don't think the latter reason would have been enough without the three preceding ones.

What helped me was:

a bedside cot (I too dislike co-sleeping, and if you can't feed lying down - I can't - it doesn't help anyway)

acceptance that my evenings would be spent largely on the sofa (Brideshead Revisited came in handy)

giving occasional bottles when breastfeeding was too much (I am not recommending this, but it worked fine for me)

Unfortunately I don't agree that it becomes easier at 6 weeks, but at 3 months I think it is. What does happen over the weeks is that you gradually adjust to the way of things. I think what helped me most of all was finally abandoning my desire for a routine/schedule - for feeding at least.

My approach now DD is 3 months is that she gets as long on the boob as I have to give. If I have to get DS to nursery (he's 4), she gets a quick 20 minute feed. When I have nothing I have to do and DS (if at home) is happy, she gets as long as she wants. It's working well for us. HTH a bit.

Taking your thread title literally, assuming you really want that answered, here's why it's worth it to me.

• It lines the intestines, giving protection against attack by micro-organisms and allergens while the immune system and intestinal tract is immature

• It helps to keep my baby safe from viral and bacterial attack by him being given my antibodies to anything he comes across (if I don't have them already, he passes the infection to me via the nipple and the immunity is passed back, which I think is pretty cool)

• It reduces the risk of allergies - there's lots in my family

• It never runs out and I don't need to make sure it's where baby is

• It's free (formula costs around £700)

• It's soooo easy overnight

• It's better for the environment

• It has great long term health benefits for me and for my baby

I do co-sleep but completely understand why you wouldn't want to, but I still think night feeds would be easier as the milk is always ready to go! You don't need to co-sleep to build up your milk supply though. It can help if there's a problem but it's not necessary.

I was knocked for six when DS2 was born and I realised just how tough it was to have an older child and a new baby. It was absolute hell. I understand what you mean about your DH going back to work. Is there any chance of help or support with your older child from anyone else?

Thank you, everyone. I like the idea of taking it one feed at a time. My main concerns at the moment are that DD2 is having lots of very short feeds (and green nappies), which apparently means she's only getting foremilk (although I must say that this fore/hindmilk business sounds a bit odd to me), and that she might be able to go much longer between feeds on formula, which is particularly appealing at night! But I do realise that I might have very similar problems with formula but also have all the sterilising to do...

It's reassuring to hear some people say that it's my decision either way. It sometimes doesn't feel that way, with all the breast-is-best propaganda and pressure from health professionals to bf!

Hello and congrats on the new baby

I also had to resort to ffing #1, also have a small age gap (18 months) and also had a few wobbles getting things established with #2. I know that '6 weeks feels like a lifetime' feeling, but in my experience:

• The first 3 weeks were definitely harder than ffing
• The next 3 weeks were, all things considered, no easier/harder than ffing
• From then on it was easier. Much easier.

DC are now 5 months and almost 2 years and I am sooooo glad I managed to continue bfing this time around. That said, it is bl*y hard to get established and it quite simply does not work out for everyone.

Oh thank you neverquitesure (fab name!), that's really reassuring. My interim goal is to get to 3 weeks and then take stock...

another reason

Breastfeeding is a mindset - you have to kind of forget that babies should feed every 3 hours and then nap.

As they get older,feeds become much,much quicker and more regular

The first few weeks are hard - just concentrate on feeding and everything else can take a backseat (ie housework and cooking)

I never,ever thought i would make it but i did and DD is a year and it is lovely ...

Thisisyesterday and organic carrot have written great posts

The first few weeks are hard full stop. Yes,if you FF people can also feed the baby but if you breastfeed people can do other things to help ...

It does, I promise, get easier

it is free.

it does get easier.

they do slot in with your routine in the end (and there is always cbeebies until they do)

Because you can breast feed and do a jigsaw/read a book, play toys with your toddler at the same time.

It's surely easier to get out and about because you just pack your boobs and go.

Routines are desired by adults, but babies have no concept of time or predictability. They may keep you sane, but may also frustrate you if your baby cannot slot in to your timescales. (or those written in a book)

Go easy on yourself, your baby is so new.

Oh, and here's the link that explains about fore/hindmilk

www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/foremilk-hindmilk.html

i ffed ds1
am bfing ds2.

after the first 6 ish weeks, bfing is soooooooooo much easier. and it is lovely and snuggly. and you feel so very proud at having grown this entire wee person.

the early days are grim, but tbh they are grim if you ff too.

good luck

Thing is - the early days are shit regardless of how you feed! I really don't get this "the first weeks are magic" thing. They couldn't go quick enough for me!

To answer your thread title -

• Its free

• Its on tap

• Its easy at night time; even if you don't like co-sleeping (I never used to, I now do it for my sanity) having the milk there and ready is such a blessing!

• You don't have to plan ahead; DS was a windy baby, and some days it felt a case of I Will Go Mad If I Don't Go Out. All I had to do was grab the changing back, put baby in buggy and start walking, no faffing around.

• Health benefits

I remember very clearly (and am again, at nearly eleven months, with mastitis) thinking "Just one feed... Just one feed..." because the idea of having this child attached to me for days, months, years even was such a range of emotions there is no word for it. Before I knew it though, those One More Feeds had become two weeks, then a months, then three months, then six months, and here we are.

I will say it regardless of whether you want me to or not It does get easier. Remember your little girl was only inside of your tummy a week ago, and a week ago you were only a mum of one and a bump! This is a huge adjustment period for you both - for you all, in fact - and please don't rush into feeling that this upheaval is what breastfeeding (and parenting!) will always be like for you, because I can honestly promise you it won't be.

Congratulations on your new DD :)

Hi

I EBF but have never co-slept. It's hardly essential to a breastfeeding relationship.

We've fallen into a great routine (which is wierd because I've never been that sort of person). So best of luck and just remember that no matter if you bf or ff, you've spent 9 months bringing a wonderful human being into the world and you should be proud of yourself.

If she's only taking short feeds and you're concerned she's only getting the foremilk, put her back on the same breast the next feed, then switch when the other side feels a lot fuller IYSWIM.

I didn't co-sleep with DS because he snores and farts continually!

I did with DD.

Both were successfully breastfed (DS still is). As long as you are willing to haul your arse out of bed to go feed the baby it really doesn't matter.

And with your second child it's normal to feel guilt that you are having to shunt the first one over a bit to accommodate the second. In some respects Bfing makes this easier - I used to read to DD for hour while DS nursed - still do actually because it's the only way I can ensure neither of them are talking to me continually all day!

Whatever you decide, good luck and congratulations on your baby. :)

well done you and new baby, def worth it doing BF, cheap, easy can feed anywhere, i have, bus stops, buses, trains, benches, beaches, middle of day, night, hot days cold days everywhere, no equipment, no fuss, baby regulates supply, you get more sleep if you co-sleep, but also having moses basket by bed is just as good, hormones from milk-production make you sleep better and are same hormone as ater having sex, so you iterally fall in love with baby during every feed, lovely stuff, i miss it!

main reasons also include nutrition - it is better for antibody passing to baby, and better fat ratio for humans than formula, plus they get fed when they want it, not when you want it, so makes for easier communication later.

also v cuddly and nice