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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Newborn nightmare - desperate

41 replies

ExistentialistCat · 24/09/2010 23:32

I so hope someone is awake out there to answer this, as I am truly desperate.

DD2 is 4 days old. DD1 never got the hang of bfing - in spite of excellent support she just never latched on. So I really wanted to make it work this time. And it has, in that DD2 feeds well during the day and her poo is changing and so on.

But nights are awful. She bats at my breasts and screams - ALL NIGHT. The only time I get any respite is when DH sticks a finger in her mouth. I've had no more than 1-2 hours sleep a night since she was born. I've tried swaddling, co-sleeping, dummy, you name it.

I know it's very early days but I'm starting to feel some quite scary emotions towards DD2. And it's not fair on gorgeous DD1 either. Another night like this is going to break me.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/09/2010 23:35

Oh you poor thing. :(

I have no advice, but I was where you are with DS. It just got better, slowly - I don't think it was anything I did or didn't do specifically. Sorry :(

Congratulations, and I really hope you get some sleep tonight. Have you tried DH putting her in the car and taking her for a drive?

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 24/09/2010 23:38

Not tried car thing. HV and midwife say this is normal behaviour designed to up my milk supply. I have to sleep. All I can think about is that I've ruined our lovely little family unit of three.

OP posts:

harverina · 24/09/2010 23:40

Will she not latch on at all at night? What time does this start from?

Is she settled at all when you are just sitting holding her or is it constant screaming?

peterpiperpicked · 24/09/2010 23:41

Yes I had this.

Decided to mixed feed form 5 days. He was much happier, instantly and we are still mixed feeding at 8 months.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 24/09/2010 23:41

Nooo don't think like that - that is the baby blues talking. You are on Day 4 and sleep deprived, trust nothing that your brain is telling you.

Has your milk really come in yet? Sounds like maybe not and that she's frustrated. Don't panic, hang in there and definitely try the car thing, it was a bloody godsend with DS.

peterpiperpicked · 24/09/2010 23:41

And by mixed feeding I mean formula and breast not ebm.

BertieBotts · 24/09/2010 23:41

I'm sure you've already tried this but what about different types of dummy? Maybe even a combination of dummy and co-sleeping with DP (rather than you as she'll be able to smell your milk which might be what is bothering her) if there is another bed you can sleep in.

I just remember DS being like this when he was about 2 weeks old - screaming at the breast but perfectly happy to suck on a finger. I got sore fingers after 2 days so bought a dummy and luckily he took it and it didn't seem to affect breastfeeding. But other friends have found that e.g. their baby will only take a certain kind of dummy. Try different teats e.g. latex rather than silicon as well as different shapes.

hobbgoblin · 24/09/2010 23:45

Day 4 so you are going to be feeling crap. Try and keep your usual perspective. Life isn't ruined for ever, it is just turned upside down right now while you all adjust to the new little person that will make it even more wonderful than it was in time. :)

Although you need to maintain plenty of feeds imo as a mum to 4 BF babies, there is NOTHING wrong with a bit of upturned finger sucking.

My most recent DD relied on this heavily and is thriving, plus I got sleep. Can you sleep through a BF? I couldn't because I had no DP around to watch out for us and was too paranoid to sleep through it, but could you snooze and feed a bit?

There are things you can do if things aren't better in a week, try not to feel defeated.

hairymelons · 24/09/2010 23:51

Alibaba is so right, day 4 is really hard. Baby blues and waiting for the milk to come in are a cruel combination IMO!

Try the car thing and if you have a sling DH can put her in that and walk her around whilst you have a whiskey sleep.

Who knows, you may wake up in the morning with boobs like Pamela Anderson then she'll have a big, milky feed and settle down.

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 24/09/2010 23:54

Thank you so much everyone.

I think my milk has come in. DD's nappies are milk poo-y and wet and she often dribbles a lot of milk when she has finished a daytime feed.

During the day she feeds like a trooper and is generally settled (I tend to carry her in a sling with me all day). It's just nights that are the problem. She snuffles and writhes and bats at my breasts but doesn't seem interested in latching on. She's more settled with DH but I can't expect him to spend all night settling her - he needs to sleep, too.

I am very tempted to see whether a bottle of formula might zonk her enough for us all to get some rest...

OP posts:

duchesse · 24/09/2010 23:54

This is the worst bit. Some hormones are plummeting while others are sky rocketing. Your baby is just doing what she's designed to do. Just feed and feed and feed. And try feeding her lying down- seriously it earns its keep very very quickly.

Hang in there. You will be turning a corner very soon.

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 24/09/2010 23:56

hairymelons my boobs are already Pamela Anderson-esque!! I've been referring to them as comedy gargantuan boobs. Any bigger and I won't be able to stand up anymore! I'm pretty sure there's milk in there, else how could DD be feeding happily all day?

OP posts:

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 24/09/2010 23:58

Been feeding lying down with some success as I'm so exhausted I nearly fell off the sofa earlier. It worked for a bit. But there's no sleeping through all the batting, mewling and screaming...

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KickArseQueen · 24/09/2010 23:59

Hang in there, its day 4 everything will get better, :)

Just 1 thing! I remeber several nights with my 4 at this age where I was so engorged from my milk coming in the baby couldn't latch on enough to get milk out. If your boobs feel really hard (like an orange) then express a bit off and then try to latch her on.

Duchesse is right, just keep going...

duchesse · 25/09/2010 00:05

I suppose I was quite lucky that at this stage with DD3 I was able just to nip into the expressing room in the nicu for a crafty pump every time I got too engorged. She then had plenty of supplies which were tube-fed into her in about 30 seconds flat by nurses in the middle of the night. Hadn't occurred to me how lucky I was. Bloody midwives kept telling me to get up in the night to express so my milk supply wouldn't be affected. Erm, no, I don't think so. I think I'd rather sleep.

Hang in there!

hobbgoblin · 25/09/2010 00:06

Hmmmm.

Just a wild thought here: She's very recently departed from the cosy womb snug, in the day she is in a sling which is about as close as it gets...lots of movement and lots of feed opportunties too for added bliss. So, at night this is when things get a bit different, yes? She is in a crib or bed, no movement, less feeds, less noise... Maybe she would be less boob batting and more settled if there was less of a stark contrast between night and day set up? It seems she is seeking out boob for a comfort suck, which all babies do and of course is what helps supply, but maybe she is a bit more in need of this comfort suck because she isn't swaying in a sling with the hum and buzz of daytime in the background? Could you try creating night conditions a bit during the day to hekp her be used to it over the next couple of weeks? So, put her where she is sleeping at night and make it quiet or however it is overnight.

I don't think huge glug of formula is going to stop her wanting to suck as it isn't hunger seemingly, rather comfort.

colditz · 25/09/2010 00:08

DUMMY

colditz · 25/09/2010 00:08

And swaddle her.

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 25/09/2010 00:09

Wow, duchesse, being able to see time in nicu as 'quite lucky' really does take the concept of silver linings to a whole new level

I really don't want to cosleep (I admire people who do but it's not for me) but am giving it a go on hv's and midwife's advice, so am particularly gutted that this seems to make no difference to DD.

I'm going to go now and see whether DH's finger has fallen off yet. I didn't realise Day 4 was supposed to be a particularly bad day so I'll just try to hang in there somehow.

OP posts:

KickArseQueen · 25/09/2010 00:11

Hobgoblin has a good thought, you could also try to make night more like day?swaddle and co-sleep?

Original poster

ExistentialistCat · 25/09/2010 00:14

Been trying dummy and swaddling, got brief respite...

Interesting thought hobgoblin. Particularly as the batting starts when we go to bed. Was so hoping that cosleeping would sort this aspect.

Really, really must go. So grateful to you all for rallying round, quite overwhelmed by the response. I'll be back (probably sooner than I'd like) to give an update...

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 25/09/2010 00:17

Do try buying a few different kinds of dummies tomorrow to see if that helps at all. Especially try the latex type teats. Sometimes babies prefer this as it's closer to the texture of skin. I hope you have a better night tomorrow night :)

duchesse · 25/09/2010 00:18

One does one's best.

duchesse · 25/09/2010 00:20

She was pretty much fine though- not premature or anything, just born with an unidentified infection and a few breathing issues. She was in excellent hands and I didn't doubt that she'd be fine.

strandedatsea · 25/09/2010 00:26

Mam dummies (they do newborn ones) are good if you do fancy trying something different.

I agree about the engorged breasts making it difficult to feed, but presumably this can't be the case if she is feeding ok in the day.

And I second your dh taking her out in the car or for a walk in the buggy, it really worked for us and in fact on occasion (dd2 was born in december) he just pushed her around inside.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

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