Newborn nightmare - desperate

[ExistentialistCat]

I so hope someone is awake out there to answer this, as I am truly desperate.

DD2 is 4 days old. DD1 never got the hang of bfing - in spite of excellent support she just never latched on. So I really wanted to make it work this time. And it has, in that DD2 feeds well during the day and her poo is changing and so on.

But nights are awful. She bats at my breasts and screams - ALL NIGHT. The only time I get any respite is when DH sticks a finger in her mouth. I've had no more than 1-2 hours sleep a night since she was born. I've tried swaddling, co-sleeping, dummy, you name it.

I know it's very early days but I'm starting to feel some quite scary emotions towards DD2. And it's not fair on gorgeous DD1 either. Another night like this is going to break me.

OP, if your baby is quite settled with your DH, you should maybe go into another room and try and get some rest, even in the early evenings? Its amazing how some quiet time to yourself, even for a short nap or bath, can make you feel better.

Babies go through many growth spurts and the early days when they are just home from the hospital is one of them - just think how rapid her weight gain is at the moment.

The first few weeks are really hard. Stick with it - feeding on demand will stimulate your milk supply.

I can't co-sleep either so sympathise with you - when you don't co-sleep, you truly are awake for every single feed - and in the early days you feel like all you do is feed feed feed, especially in the evenings. This is all normal.

Although your DD is still very young and alot of this will apply to older babies, this is a good link with some good soothing ideas at the bottom of the page.

Congratulations, you are doing a great job. I know you are probaby feeling exhausted right now but it will get better.

Oh, if you're finding engorgement is making it difficult to latch her on, have a towel or muslin near your bed, and just express a bit of milk off by hand, into the towel or muslin. Just to soften your boobs a bit. Saves walking all the way to the bathroom to do it over the sink.

Thank you all so much for your support. It meant the world to me at a time when it felt like everyone but me was sleeping soundly!

DD was settled with her daddy when I returned to bed last night but became unsettled when I came into bed - I'm sure it was the smell of my milk. But she didn't want to feed - just turned her head away and yelled whenever I offered. So DH put her on his side of the bed (away from me) and settled her. We swapped later on and she was reasonably settled with me.

But I still don't really want to co-sleep!

We've had a good day of feeding today but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much for the night...

Thanks again, everyone.

Oh you sound so much better today :)

I really really wouldn't worry about the co-sleeping. I think you need to do whatever it takes to get you all through the first couple of weeks still relatively sane. Just because you have her in your bed doesn't mean she will still be there in 3 weeks/months.

Hope you have an ok night tonight!

Glad things were a bit better last night and it's great she's tanking up in the day, bodes well!

I agree you just need to do whatever gets you through right now- if you're really not into co-sleeping then don't do it. Having her in with you just now doesn't constitute a decision to co-sleep IYSWIM.

I'm 2 weeks off my EDD with DS2 so it's scary good to read about newborn antics cos I'd forgotten all about it! Wishing you lots more settled nights :)

for some cruel reason they seem to have their @unsettled time@ when it least suits! mine will sleep like a baby all day, then get super agitated 2am to 5am, he is 3 weeks

it WILL get a bit easier when milk is fully established, as at least you'll get some 2 hour sleeps, maybe....

i also applaud your honesty about the anger, when you are alone with wailing newborn at 4am, you get ANGRY!

no advice, but this shall pass and get easier, you are not alone!

try dummy, co sleeping etc etc, they do help

and I think this behaviour is normal, cruel for us. but sadly normal....

Hobgoblin had great advice. It really is early days and you are used to totally different feeding with your first! It is worth noting that th first 6/8 weeks of bf are totally exhausting for many and baby is getting used to being out in the big wide world! Have you tried a nightlight in your room or a toy with a light in? she may not like it being totally dark?! Worth a try! What you are feeling is normal - seek advice from bf support groups etc and good luck!

Massive sympathise OP, I'm in the exact same position, DD is 5 days old, and unsettled from 3-6, she will feed, grunt, poo, look at my nipple suspiciously, grunt a bit more, poo, feed, sleep during that time.

It's so difficult and lack of sleep is awful.

Also have DD1 who wants to constant hug, touch, launch herself at DD2 while she is feeding which is not helping, making me cross with DD1 who really started to play up last night in reaction.

Then when I do get some respite when DH can pacify/hold her for a couple hours I really struggle to get off to sleep despite being knackered.

Glad to see she's doing better.

It's normal for a baby to be like this just before the milk comes in, they are not getting much colostrum and they are hungry, but more important, the process is essential for getting the milk to flow. She needed to suckle a lot, even if she wasn't drinking a lot, because that is what causes the milk to come in. Bottles or dummies at this stage can reduce your supply, so aren't a good idea if you intend to exclusively BF. The good news is, it only lasts a couple of days, although you may get times like this when she is having a growth spurt and needs to stimulate more milk from you.

Don't panic about co-sleeping. My DS spent 2 weeks unable to sleep unless touching/ on me, then slowly moved to being near, but not touching, then bedside cot and then own room. All quite naturally. I think it just took him a while to get over the shock of being out of me and he wanted to hear/ feel me but he soon preferred his own space. Now he only appears in our bed in the early hours, which I don't mind, he's rather cute and I've had my sleep!

Have you tried some form of white noise (my MIL says she hoovered all her kids to sleep!)? I read a good article that pointed out that in the womb, it is never silent because there's always the sounds of your body, so a quiet night-time is really unsettling for a newborn.

Oh god, 4-5 days post birth is fucking horrible.
Hang on in there, it truly does get better, now your milk is in she will feed longer and be fuller and so sleep longer.
Don't get hung up on the cosleeping thing, for this little bit (and it is a little bit,honest) it's not co sleeping so much as feeding lying down.
A godsend for me was having a cot on the side of the bed though, I took the side off and butted it right up to the bed witha sheet and towel(for drips) goiing across the cot and the bed, that way I could roll into cot, feed her and then fuck off back into my bed without moving her or leaving her feeling alone as I could leave a hand on her, worked a charm.
BUt like I say, don't get hung up on it, the first few days with dc2 are a nightmare, take it easy on yourself and get your DH to spoil your DC1 (ie take them out to the park for hours so they are knackered and less hassle)

How could I forget white noise. At 4 months when my ds can't settle he still sometimes needs his white noise. It was like he had an off button!

Oh, and I've hoovered ds to sleep too! HV was surprised 2 weeks pp how clean my floors were.

Days 4 and 5 are shit. That's when the exhaustion hits, baby starts to realise that they're out of their nice, comfy, warm, snuggly womb and in this big scary world, and its when your hormone levels are at their most screwed up.

Know its really really tough going right now, but it does get easier. Keep going. You've been given really fantastic advice already, but just wanted to send you a hug more than anything!

Don't worry too much about the co-sleeping - it doesn't have to be permanent. But preserving what sleep and what sanity you can right now is a Good Thing!

oh by the way - very imp note - have you thought of taking her to a cranial osteopath? my ds was a nightmare too and i saw a cranial osteopath who deals with babies (sounds scary but not at all, very very gentle it is, just like he is touching the head and no hurt to baby) and it made a massive difference. being born either vaginally or c-sec can have a massive impact on the head and these cranial osteopaths are an amazing help. i don't know where you live but i have an amazing cranial osteopath in northampton that people from all over the country travel to see but there is also bound to be ones local to you. worth doing!