Not after a fight - just want to know some honest things about breastfeeding

[Moomin]

Some questions for successful and not-so-successful breastfeeders (I fall into 2nd category with dd1 and am 8m pg now) :
How long did it take you to 'get the hang of it'?
How much or little did you persevere if it was hard?
How much/little did it feel like an extension of pregnancy - I guess what I mean by this is how much did it restrict you? [Please don't jump on me for that one; I'd like honest answers about how it affected your day-to-day life/routine(s)]
How enjoyable was it (if at all) and when did it become enjoyable?
Thanks in advance for anyone replying

DD1 was bottlefed from about 2 weeks since i found it so painful. Second time round, did more research and got in touch with a BFC/lactation consultant whilst pregnant and then called them 2 days after DD2 was born. she came round to see me when DD2 was 4 days and taught me how to get her to latch on properly etc. So in answer to your questions:

1. DD2 is 8 weeks and i don't feel i've got the hang of it yet, although the pain disappeared about 2 weeks
2. it was hard to persevere in those 2 weeks and even now, i still think bottlefeeding is easier because its what i know
3. hasn't restricited me even in a city where i've never seen a woman breastfed in public (in paris) and i've done it quite a few times now
4. at times its enjoyable for me but mostly its for her health rather than me... ie i'm not an earth mother.... (am i going to get shot here)...

hope that helps .. my advice is get to know a BFC whilst your pregnant to talk about your concerns .. i was worried that i would not be able to BF DD2 becaus of DD1 and in fact its has been easier....

Good luck...with the labour and BF...

With dd, it was hard for 6 weeks or so. After that it stopped hurting and I could just shove dd up my jumper and let her get on with it. So in that sense we'd got the hang of it. However, the longest she went between feeds was 2 hours, and that didn't improve till about 2 months after weaning her onto solids. And my breasts were constantly leaky. She refused a bottle so it always had to be me that fed her, and I hated that, having to do all the night feeds, not getting more than a couple of hours sleep in a row for 9 months, never able to go out without her or have a night out. Awful. I hated not being able to wear dresses in summer, and having to rummage through my clothes to feed her in public. And nursing bras and breast pads, euch. I got regular blocked ducts - a few days of pain and faffing about in the shower trying to massage the blockage. Demand feeding didn't make her contented although thats totally a personality thing - she is 3 now. She still needs feeding every two hours (in the day!) or she gets horribly grumpy, and she still wakes us up at night as much as the baby does.

So, with ds.. Well I bf'd for about 7 weeks. But he was taking over an hour to feed and not seeming happy afterwards, and when I gave him a bottle he turned into a different, happier baby. And sitting on the sofa bf'ing for hours is great when its your first, but not when you have a toddler who needs you too. So we're bottlefeeding. I love it, which I never thought I would. I love the fact that dh shares all of the parenting. I can go out when I want. If we're out as a family, it doesn't have to be me that sits on a bench for ages feeding while dh gets to play with our dd. It can be, if we want, but we can share both jobs with both children. I can wear what I like. I've got to remember to take a bottle of cold water and a measured tub of powder but I can't say its a big deal. It actually feels less hassle than bf'ing dd was. Probably cos I do it a lot less! 10 minutes a day washing bottles is easily made up for by the fact that dh does the first night feed, or all of them at the weekend. I don't warm bottles, and when ds was in our room I didn't get up at night to feed him. Ds and I both seem to do well with a routine - I mean he is demand fed, but he demands every 3 hours!

I'm not actually advocating bottlefeeding. If I have another, I'm going to breastfeed. And by 6 weeks he is going to be taking 20 mins to feed, every 3 hours, and being contented. And he'll have a bottle when necessary, and expressing will be easy.

Go for it Moomin. I wish you a baby that knows what it is doing!

But if you do end up bottlefeeding, enjoy that too.

Hmm. Might be worth just giving b/f a go while having all the bottles etc. there just in case? I mean, you shouldn't feel morally obliged to b/f if you really don't want to. But might be worth taking the chance that it might suit you this time with this baby?

Moomin, I didn't see your post before I posted. You don't need to know about the joys of bottlefeeding (which were a bit of a revelation to me!).

I had placenta praevia too, its the pits isn't it?

Surely what you were planning is the best you can do for both of you? I mean try bf'ing, see how it goes. Its got to be worth a try in case it turns out to be really easy. And your babe will get some breastmilk while you're finding out. If it's no good, well you already know you and your babe can thrive on formula.

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Moomin - I was not very successful first time round with DS. Had the same experience as you with a reluctant feeder and a nightmare with nipple shields etc. So I stopped at 10 days and felt crap about it ever since. But DD is now 14 months old and I am still breastfeeding her!

To answer your questions:

1. I felt I'd really got the hang of it after about 2 or 3 months (but we were doing pretty well after 4 weeks really)
2. I did perservere with some things. It hurt a lot more one side so I fed her far less from that side and then gradually built it up again. But I also promised myself from the outset that if it was making me really miserable for days on end that I could give her a bottle and not let myself feel bad about it.
3. I don't think I let it affect my day to day routine too much. From the outset I fed in public (with a modesty cardigan and a militant glare on my face) so I fed her anywhere in front of anyone. The only real restriction was that as she didn't take milk from a bottle until she was 12 months it made going away a bit tricky. BUT I resigned myself to this beforehand really. Plus she slept through from an early age. And when she was 8 months I went away for a weekend anyway and let my parents feed her lots of yoghurts and she was fine!
4. Once I learned to relax I enjoyed it. And it's enjoyable spending that close time with her.

My tips for being more successful this time:

• read books on latching on beforehand
• take the baby off the nipple and latch on again as many times as it takes until it looks right
• get a REALLY good book to read whilst you're feeding then you'll be desparate to feed no matter how uncomfortable it is - also helps you relax very well
• be bold about feeding in public if you can.
• if you want a drink have one straight after feeding. Apparently the alcohol level in breastmilk is the same as in blood - i.e. if you have one unit it will take 1 hour to get out of your system. So if you feed, have a small drink and then feed 3 hours later it's long gone (repeating after every feed is probably alcoholism tho)

Moomin - do what feels right for YOU - if you're unhappy then you baby will be too - and there's no point in that.

I BF DS1 for 14 months, and he never had a bottle (was ok with expressing but he point blank refused a bottle).

However, with DS2 the 'let down' just didn't seem to be happening, my boobs were full - but DS2 was getting none of it (I could feel the let down wasn't happening, and when I tried expressing was lucky to get 2 or 3oz in about 1/2hr of trying).

After many tears (telling myself what a dreadful mother I was) DH went to Tesco at 1am (thank goodness for 24hr shopping LOL) and bought bottles, formula and a microwave sterliser, we gave him a bottle (4oz) which he downed in literally 2 minutes.

I beat myself up over it for the first 2 weeks or so (after all I'd always been told and believed that Breast is Best (true) but also that if I bottlefed him I was somehow failing him (false).

After those initial 2 weeks of 'guilt' I never looked back, I was happy, he was happy and he's now a happy and contented (if slightly 'tantrummy' 21 month old).

A few days with DS - longer to get different positions going but was OK by about 2-3 weeks. Much less time with DD. And it hurt at first with both - more so with DS but suffered with afterpains with DD. I persevered as much as it took - never actually considered bottle feeding until the return to work loomed. With DS I was somewhat cautious about feeding in public (eg on a bench in a shopping centre, in a restaurant etc) so I had to find somewhere (even the car) to retreat to. But since we didn't have much in the way of babysitters not much restriction in things. With DD (and having DS to consider) I fed anywhere and everywhere and still no babysitters (other than DH and I managed to express enough for him on the rare occasions) so no restriction whatsoever. In fact so much less restricting than bottlefeeding (IMO) that I was reluctanct to give up. I found it relaxing, especially if accompanied by a book/glass of wine but sometimes a bit boring.

oh and as for alcohol - I have several pictures of me feeding DS1 during his 1st Christmas........with him in one arm and a glass of wine (well Whisky in one shot ) in the other

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Hi Moomin

Just wanted to say all the best with your new baby. My experiences are:

1. A couple of days of discomfort but never looked back after that with DS who is now 25mo.
2. N/A
3. God no restriction at all - B/F babies are so portable and I found "sticking him on" such a wonderful comforter if he was whingey (if only I could do it now!). On the extension of pg thing the only downside for me was that it took longer to lose the 2 stone I put on. Also, if I went anywhere on my own, DH would ring me saying "you have to come back he's hungry" when that wasn't the case at all in retrospect.
4. Hugely enjoyable - I stopped after 9m for purely selfish reasons - because I wanted to lose that surplus 2 stone. However I can say that B/F my baby is probably the only thing that I have done that I'm proud of!

Hope it goes well for you, whatever your decision.

CQ

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It took me about two days to get the hang of it with ds1 and then it was instantaneous with the others although with dd I had thrush which made it extremely painful for about two weeks.

I persevered with dd (through the thrush) because I wanted to give her what I had given the other two, but the honest truth is that, if she had been my first, I would have given up very quickly.

I didn't see it as an extension of pregnancy at all although there were some things I didn't eat because I was breast feeding, and I am afraid my boobs were off limits to dh during the time so there were ramifications IYSWIM. I found breast feeding helped me to get back into shape so in a way I saw it as undoing the bad work done by being pregnant, ie the weight gain.
Day to day routines weren't affected at all as dh and I have no social life, I don't work, and I don't care where I breast feed so I was able to do it anywhere and at any time, but that is something a lot of women find hard.

Enjoyable might be the wrong word for how I felt about breast feeding. It was immensely satisfying and very important (to me) to the bonding experience with the baby. I felt very clever being able to feed my babies myself and I enjoyed the closeness I had with them. When I stopped, it was a wrench to do so even though part of me was yearning to move on.

HTH

How long did it take you to 'get the hang of it'? Dd took to it straight away but my milk took a week to come in so she made me very sore. Don't think her latch was very good until I went to see a bfing counsellor who sorted it out for me. I had very sore bleeding nipples- a sure sign that my latch was wrong BUT mw's kept saying it was ok so i listened to them.

How much or little did you persevere if it was hard? Absolutley determines. Had really sore cracked nipples and 3 lots of mastitis.

How much/little did it feel like an extension of pregnancy - I guess what I mean by this is how much did it restrict you? [Please don't jump on me for that one; I'd like honest answers about how it affected your day-to-day life/routine(s)]

• No more than if I'd been bottlefeeding. If anything it was slightly easier as i didn't have to worry about taking feeds or heating them or anything. The only restricitons I felt were with having a new baby

How enjoyable was it (if at all) and when did it become enjoyable- at about 12 weeks.
Still going now at 19months.
The one piece of advice I will sugegst is that you visit a bfing group BEFORE you have the baby and get to know a few other bfing mum's/counsellors. Then if you have any problems you can give one of them a ring at the time rather than struggling alone until the next meeting or even giving up due to poor support.
All the best xx

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Moomin - excellent question.

I had a horrible time with my DS. Set out to breastfeed, but no one told DS this and ended up staying in hospital for a week with everyone and their nipple shields trying to help - with no success.

I agreed to wait in hospital a further two days to see the breastfeeding counsellor on Monday, but I cracked on the Sunday night as I was ill with a respiratory tract infection and tired of seeing my starving son screaming for food - I wasn't short of it and had filled the blimming fridge with EBM. I gave him a bottle of it.

I went home and continued skin to skin and started co-bathing as suggested by the counsellor. This became a bad thing as he emptied his bowel over me. Then the respiratory tract infection took over and I got mastitis.

Further to that, I expressed for 8 weeks inbetween trying him at the breast. Of course over time he became fully formula fed.

I guess it was an easy option because it was easily available - and perhaps because I was bottle fed and have reached my mid thirties with no allergies, diseases, hospilisation and a healthy amount of intelligence which has allowed me independant living and the ability to form a consultancy in my specialised career.

Guess what I'm trying to say is I fully agree that breast is best. It has to be - its nature and what nature intended, but formula is a great alternative and you have to weigh up what is important at the time. I nearly missed out enjoying my son due to the pressure I put on myself to breastfeed him, and the pressure I got from the people around me at that time - despite knowing that formula was far from going to kill him.

Quite agree fruitful - go for it Moomin. But only if you want to and if it works out. And if you don't or if it doesn't then wouldn't it be great to have an independant comparison of formulas so a mother could make an informed decision on which to choose?

sorry but this "it's only a short period in your life" stuff winds me up - why? Because youre baby is only little once too - and if you don't enjoy it because you're not completely happy with the how the feeding is going then not only will be you unhappy, but you'll not be able be able to appreciate your baby when they're little

Rant over

ooo Serah just summed said what I was trying to say, only much better

"Guess what I'm trying to say is I fully agree that breast is best. It has to be - its nature and what nature intended, but formula is a great alternative and you have to weigh up what is important at the time. I nearly missed out enjoying my son due to the pressure I put on myself to breastfeed him, and the pressure I got from the people around me at that time - despite knowing that formula was far from going to kill him."

Moomin - would recommend you read this book written by my friend here

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With ds
-About 5/6 weeks
-Persevered through him not being interested as drowsy for first few days, pressure to ff as continued to be drowsy and disinterested, "success" with nipple shields then weaned him off them, slow to regain birthweight, slow to gain weight etc . Even when it came together I then got a blockage at 7/8 weeks. Then fed him until almost 18 months (mixed from 6 months).
-Not a continuation really but didn't feel I got myself back until we stopped.
-Bit of a tie but actually once established it was fine. Once he got into more of a routine and I didn't have to think about the latch etc each time it became enjoyable.

With dd

• immediately
• had a bit of soreness but few of the probalems and pressures from 1st time. Lived where you only saw Hv as and when you wanted to and first check up aas at 4 weeks. Dd had reflux thoguh so was unsettled and sicky although nto recognised until about 8 weeks when weight slowed and she ahd an ear infection. When she had bronchiolitis at 3 months had to express and feed little and often as she had little energy.
• felt more of a natural follow-on
• was limiting more as had ds' activities to work around and she was reluctant with a bottle of ebm. Mianly thoguh it was the reflux which made life difficult. We stopped at 13 months-ish but mixed fed from 8 months.
• hard work from time to time but mostly enjoyable.

Socci - if you want to assume I was only talking to you - then go ahead - you're not the only person to have said it!

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and you also weren't the first in the thread to say it either

will read the rest later. DD took 12 hrs to find the nipple as we both had lots of drugs in system from traumatic birthing.

latched on within next 12 hrs and i think we have been lucky as no pain, thrush, mastitis etc yet at nearly 20 wks - helped along by what all the midwives referred to as lovely breastfeeding nipples.

It didn't feel like an extension of pg to me. a new chapter in life, yes.

The only difficulties over bf have come from the hv rather than giving me support. It got easy after 10 wks but dh was working away till then too.

Very convenient. don't want to give it up. DH gives her expressed milk if I go out. Its also difficult now as she is going to nursery FT from Monday. Will try to express for at least one feed a day for her.

DD has not yet been ill. Is not at all sicky. Her only sickie/colicky phase was when she was given a formula feed a day so I cut it out. Hope she copes better with formual now that she's at nursery.

Give it a try as it is the thing that only you can do for lo and once it is finished, you won't be able to do it for him/her again.