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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Please help me stop breastfeeding.

66 replies

PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 06:43

I have enjoyed being able to feed my baby. I have cherished watching him grow knowing I have done it with my own milk.

He is now just over 9 months old. And he wakes 6-7 times a night and will only settle with boob. When I am around he will only settle with me, and as soon as I walk through the door from work he wants boob.

It is impacting on all aspects of my life, but in particular cannot cope any more with the lack of sleep. I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a time since before I was pregnant and now its getting worse not better. I do not want to cope with it any more.

I am ready to stop now. I do not want to be persuaded to continue. I have already done a thread to seek advice on how to stop and was given some lovely advice from fellow MNers, but no-one seems to want to help me stop.

I have no strength to do cold turkey. As he wakes too many times.

Please help me.

OP posts:
PeasPlease · 05/09/2010 06:48

Can your partner go to him at night or does it have to be you?

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 06:52

my partner can go to him at night yes, but firstly, he won't, and secondly even if he does, the cub cries and cries and won't settle, same effect whether i go to him and not feed or he goes to him and not feed.

He is currently in our room with us, but this is changing this week as soon as DH has finished decorating the cub's bedroom and laid the new carpet. Probably wednesday or thursday.

I said to DH that tonight I might go into DDs bedroom and sleep on the spare bed in there and he can deal with ds even if he cannot be settled. I never thought I would be ok with him crying if I am not there to hear it. And that breaks my heart.

OP posts:
ernestTheBavarian · 05/09/2010 06:54

I had this with dd, waking a lot in the night wanting a cuddle and milk off me, even though she didn't need it. It is really hard. Sympathies.

It's not a quick solution, but I introduced cows milk as well and ensured she was happy to drink it, so she was having both. Then when she was waking loads in the night, Iideally I sent dh to her, armed with a bottle of milk just in case. It was much easier for dh to go, but he wasn't always there and not always possible. We did have say up to 2 weeks of lots of tears, mostly from me at this point I think, but it worked and she stopped waking in the night. I carried on bf her during the day.

To stop altogether, I stopped offering, and if she asked, I would destract her. If she really wanted bm I would give her one, but I never offered and always destracted 1st, and using this, she stopped asking so much and it tailed off pretty quickly.

The nights were hard though, a real killer. Obv. The problem isn't bf as such, it's wanting you to come a snuggle and comfort her. It was a hard one to crack, but I felt so human once we succeeded.

Good luck.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 06:55

I simply cannot find anything to do with a smooth transition from breastfeeding when ready, not anything with decent information that I can use to help.

OP posts:
ernestTheBavarian · 05/09/2010 07:01

What do you mean?

I agree finding a room in which you can sleep where you can't hear so much will help both of you. It will also be a big help to be in a different bedroom. And the cutting down is a pretty quick and painless way to do it. Just aim to do say 1 less feed a week for example. So none at all on waking. And lots of distracting as 1st response.

That way if you do it gradually, so cutting a feed every few days you won't be going cold turkey so less stressful for baby and reducing your milk supply naturally and painlessly too.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:02

thank you for your honesty earnest. I should really have cracked it before I went back to work last month. We tried to sort the day time ones and to some extent did but not the nights. And that is the problem really, I work from 8am-1pm and the kids are up by 6:30am latest, and the lack of sleep is just so so debilitating. My job relies on me having my wits about me mentally, and the thought of two weeks of hell is hard.

But, if I know it will work I will prepare myself for it and do it.

We have tried introducing a bottle, and he takes it randomly. He had a bottle at 11pm for about a month, then stopped wanting it, and it did not help him sleep through. Now, more often than not he will not take a bottle from DH in the morning to replace the morning feed, so goes without, although offered, and has milk offered in a cup at snack time/after lunch.

OP posts:
PeasPlease · 05/09/2010 07:02

I reached the end of my tether at 10 months. Fed DD to sleep then put earplugs in and had my first decent sleep in over a year. Yes, DD cried but DH was with her all night and I found them both cuddled up fast asleep on the floor in the morning.

The next night was better, the next night she slept all night.

Bight the bullet I reckon, he will cry out of confusion but will have the comfort of cuddles from his dad.

You poor thing I remember how it all feels.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:06

so it is ok to not offer the morning feed on waking? i had thought that was the one to not stop til last, but if that is ok to stop first, that is probably the easiest to stop, as he likes his breakfast early (he likes food, in all forms!).

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:07

If I stop milk feeds, how do I replace it? like i said, not really taking a bottle, does drink from a cup but not as much as from me. Is that ok? will he get enough from his meals/snacks?

OP posts:
jandmmum · 05/09/2010 07:14

Aw Hun I really feel for you. Will he take a dummy? Think this one will probably take a little while to crack as it's a habit that's taken 9 months to develop. I remember weaning DS off night time feeds although fortunately he was only waking a couple of times. Try to remember that if he's taking a good amount of solids in the day then this is not hunger and therfore withholding the boob is not cruel but necessary to help him learn to self soothe. It would be easier if DP could help so that DS doesn't smell the milk. I remember a fair amount of crying but it was worth it in the end for both of us as this was also impacting on his sleep quality. Probably best to try on a weekend when you don't have to go anywhere if you're knackered and be consistent. Good luck and he might be easier than you expect. Oh and well done for doing 9 months!
xxx

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:20

j he never used to feed this much. When he was younger, he woke less than this, and when he started waking more, i did not offer boob first, but he sort of insisted. And then he was teething and so he wanted the comfort/ease on gums I guess and before I knew it, here i am. But definitely at 6months he woke less and I offered as not convinced he did actually need at least most of it. Now, I know for sure he is only really feeding once out of these awakenings.

He won't take a dummy.

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:23

I didn't have this problem at all with DD. She fed around 4 hourly from when she was born, and although we had a little night trouble, it was nothing compared to this, by 7 months she was waking at 1am, and sometimes 4am, and we were able to easily manage the 4am, then the 1am and she slept through the night by 8 months, and by 9-10 months she self-weaned of her own accord.

But she was nowhere near as much of a milk monster as her brother. Who has fed 1-2 hourly at his most hungry stages, in the early months Shock that floored me I can tell you.

OP posts:
fernie3 · 05/09/2010 07:31

It sounds like the fedding is not the problem but the need for cuddles and help getting to sleep. My son did the exacr same thing and he was bottle fed from birth, he was about the same age as well. He would wake up and cry for a bottle once every hour or two.We dealt with it by gradually reducing the amount of time we allowed him to "play" with the bottle as he wasnt feeding just fllicking the teat around his tongue and enjoying the hugs.So say he stearted of taking 20 mins reduce it to 15 and then put him down in his cot, he didnt really seem to notice and eventually i was just picking him up giving him about two mouthfulls and a quick hug then putting him down . He gave up waking up at all after a while apart from for one feed at 5am (still has this until 11 months).

ernestTheBavarian · 05/09/2010 07:49

if possible I would go cold turkey on any bf in his bedroom. Ideally get dh to give him a bottle and story on going to bed, and dh go to him in the night. He needs to disassociate night times & bedroom with warm snuggly milky mummy.

I only suggested the morning one as it's easiest iyswim, but perhaps not the best one to strat off dropping if he's not having one last thing or during the night, so maybe get him up and bring him downstairs before you feed him though, not in his bedroom.

Right now if I were you I would just concentrate on getting the nights sorted before worrying about stopping. That's easy if you want to, but here your problem isn't the bf, it's the wanting mummy in the night.

Good luck. It was hell with dd and an awful coupl eof weeks. I nearly gave up many a time, I dreaded eveings approaching and I didn't think it was going to work, as she put up a fight! But it was worth it and I felt so much better. I can't describe it. Be strong. :)

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 07:53

I might talk to DH and see if we can get the room finished today, at least all the painting. It only needs one more coat, and then will be ready for him to sleep in on tuesday. The carpet can be done any time.

Then I can sleep in with DD tonight and tomorrow.

Maybe cold turkey is the best way, as when I am in the room with him, i give in as much as he wants me, so its both of us making this situation so unbearable.

OP posts:
ernestTheBavarian · 05/09/2010 08:06

but not cold turkey bf altogether, just at nights. Totaly ct would psychologically be bad for him and murder your breasts., but he needs to learn you're not on call 24/7 and to stop expecting/wanting you to come all night.

DuncanDisorderly · 05/09/2010 08:10

I went cold turkey at 9 months with 2 of my children, for the same reasons as you need to. One baby never took to the bottle and the other did but both managed to get enough fluids into them from foods/yogurts etc.

I don't have any advice, it was a hellish couple of days but they soon forgot about bfing. Hope you manage a full nights sleep soon.

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 08:10

oh yes of course, just nights, then once that is sorted, then I can do the day ones one at a time?

OP posts:
hophophippidtyhop · 05/09/2010 08:11

There is a sleep regression at nine months which is probably adding to the problems you're having with him waking up more. Can't really add any more advice other than cutting feeds one at a time. DD1 I stopped feeding when she was one, and luckily stopped feeding altogether over about 10 days. hoping I'll have the same luck with DD2 when the time comes!

Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 08:13

oh yes I have heard about this sleep regression. what is that all about? how long does it last for?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PavlovtheCat · 05/09/2010 08:18

ok, just googled the 9m sleep regression and that makes a LOT of sense. the cub does often wake and stand up immediately, and he has just started to take baby steps holding on to my hands, and is into everything so it make sense, i forgot about developmental milestones and how they can affect sleep.

Well that makes me feel a lot better. Perhaps it is not all me after all. And it means I feel a bit better about letting DH deal with it tonight, and maybe we can alternate it until we reduce the feeding/get through this stage.

I will concentrate on the nights, and maybe the days will sort themselves out.

OP posts:
ButterpieBride · 05/09/2010 08:19

Pav- we're cutting down on bf with an eye to stopping here too. I've got to the end of my tether now, and I don't mind 9 months of having a baby surgically attached, but now I want to get on with things a bit more than 2 hourly feeds will let me.

ernestTheBavarian · 05/09/2010 08:35

yes, just concentrate on sorting the nights. the day feeds / absolutely everything will feel more manageable once that's under control.

hophophippidtyhop · 05/09/2010 08:45

Glad the regression thing made a bit of sense, from what I remember, their brains are too busy working on new skills to shut down properly when it comes to sleeping, or something like that! Also, if you're worried about him not getting enough milk as he won't take a bottle easily, ply him with yoghurts and cheese to up his calcium.

sugarsnappea · 05/09/2010 08:45

When my DD was 9 months she also had me up all night and she only wanted me and she only wanted to nurse. She screamed and screamed if DH went to her. After consulting with a sleep expert (I was a zombie and had lost 10kg) we stuck to our guns and only DH went to her in the night. The first night, DD screamed for 3 hours, the second night: for 2, the third - she slept through. DH stayed with her the whole time, he offered her a sippy cup of milk (she didn't want it though). He picked her up when she cried, he put her down when she stopped. It was exhausting. She now sleeps through and does not need to nurse. it was bloody hard and a lot to ask of DH.
Good Luck