Please help me stop breastfeeding.

[PavlovtheCat]

I have enjoyed being able to feed my baby. I have cherished watching him grow knowing I have done it with my own milk.

He is now just over 9 months old. And he wakes 6-7 times a night and will only settle with boob. When I am around he will only settle with me, and as soon as I walk through the door from work he wants boob.

It is impacting on all aspects of my life, but in particular cannot cope any more with the lack of sleep. I have not slept for more than 3 hours at a time since before I was pregnant and now its getting worse not better. I do not want to cope with it any more.

I am ready to stop now. I do not want to be persuaded to continue. I have already done a thread to seek advice on how to stop and was given some lovely advice from fellow MNers, but no-one seems to want to help me stop.

I have no strength to do cold turkey. As he wakes too many times.

Please help me.

So this is what happened last night.

He woke at midnight and I fed him, had agreed with DH that I would feed his 11pm feed, so a bit later than that. He wasn't happy and wouldn't settle so DH offered him a bottle after I went back to bed and he was desperate for it drank 8oz! He woke twice and DH settled him eventually without milk, until 5am, when DH fed him another 8oz bottle of milk, which he took all off.

DH did not tell me he had fed him the 8oz bottle so when DS stirred at 6am he had another big feed!!! (i had always intended to feed him that one as it is is morning feed, he then dozed for 30mins-1hr before breakfast). THEN he slept til 7:15am, and had a huge bowl of ready brekk and strawberries!

DH felt it went much better than he hoped for, and actually agreed to give it another two nights with me out of the room and see how it goes. He will offer him a bottle when he wakes at 11pm onwards, and then nothing but cuddles til 6am when I will feed him.

Went to HV to get him weighed as not done this for a few months, she asked about sleeping, we mentioned it and she said he was clearly getting enough food/calories as he was a good weight, same centile as always (just under 50th), but that we probably need to substitute a milk feed with a food feed, suggested bringing his dinner forward by half hour to 4:30-5pm then giving him supper just before bed, and finishing with a milk feed. Have already done that on occasion so will try that each day now. She said that he would not drink 16oz of milk at night if he was not hungry.

plu we will try that, offering the cup once he has broken the boob habit at night. He drinks from a sippy cup now, and has done for a while he has his water in it, and he is offered milk from it too, which he drinks but not in great amounts yet. Will continue to do so.

And thanks everyone for your support and encouragement. I will keep going, and keep you posted, lets see what tonight brings.

Oh, and also DS sprouted a tooth! It might even have been there a couple of days as I was looking on the top as one of his front teeth are about to burst through, but nope, its on the bottom next to his front bottom teeth! Poor boy, not been putting any gel on that bit!

Brilliant!! You and your DH are doing really really well!! So glad it is working out, please don't get discouraged if tonight is worse instead of better, that is where I am getting my 4 night magic number thing.

Great stuff, you must be really chuffed.

oh but what I didn't say was that there was a humungous rain storm and DDs bedroom is a loft conversion, so at 3am she woke frightened as it is the biggest rain storm ever (and also I was there, when not normally!) and she came in and had a cuddle, then would not sleep but nattered at me for half hour, fell asleep eventually after singing 'rain rain go away' and it did instantly! then it came back and she woke up after a pirate chased her through her dream then she would not sleep, then DS woke up (5am) and i put her back into her own bed and she said she was hungry, and I went downstairs as I was disturbing her, and finally she went to sleep and had to be woken at 7:30am (unheard of), so i slept like a bag of poop and been up really since 3am .

DH said 'i feel really bloody knackered but i guess, it is only what you do every night right?

'and then some, for 9 months but you did well, good job babe' ( in fairness had already told him well done!)

ahahahahaha! aren't men brilliant!

Well, lets hope the bloody rain and the pirates stay away tonight!

I am not sure if I should do sofa which is quite big and will at least be on my own but is nearer the bedroom (live in a flat with loft extension) or in DDs bedroom which is extremely well insulated and further away from DS, but at risk of DD coming in for a middle of the night cuddle if she gets wind of me being there...

DH tentatively asked me if I wanted to go into work late on thursday and take DD to school, so that he could have a lie in after his 3 nights 'on'. Bless him. I said not a chance. He would have to wait for the weekend like I have to every bloody week.

Argh. He has taken to waking at this time each evening too. what is that all about? he appears hungry. He has just had milk from me (should probably have offered a bottle) and he is drinking, not nuzzling.

A growth spurt perhaps?

i have the dishes to do, and need to hang some washing up. Then fall into bed.

Ahhh, that's so sweet that DH acknowledged your sleeplessness. It's good to hear you are working together, as that will make it easier (well, possible, in fact!).

Do, please remember that nothing they do is linear; they do regress, and it will improve in spirals. You must just not give up hope whenever the spiral turns to the bad. This is the same with anything: sitting and eating nicely at the table, sleeping through, sharing, no doubt potty training (haven't tried it yet, but am well prepared for regression). It's sad to think things could always get "worse" again, but they are only little, and haven't got the amazing stamina of adults.

Good luck for establishing the habit. Despite what I said above, once a habit is formed, it is easier to get the child back into it, so regressions are definitely temporary unless you lose your mind and decide your child can do whatever!

Well done.

plu oh yes, regressions, had plenty of those with DD! I am happy for a regression as long as i know he can do it, and is sleeping well, I can cling to the knowledge it will happen again if he sleeps badly for any reason.

So. last night. fed him tea at 5pm on the nose, weetabix at 6;30pm, not really interested, ate a few mouthfuls. went to sleep at 7:45pm ish, woke again at 8:45pm, settled again with more milk (definitely hunger cry). Then slept til 2am! DH fed him a bottle which he desperately wanted, then at 3:30am, he woke again DH said he needed feeding (did not tell me he had already fed a bottle, again!) and I had lots of milk to give! he drank lots more. Sleep til 6:30am, fed breakfast, then slept til 7am.

Much much better and in between those feeds he only stirred a couple of times and settled himself again.

And, today - he is MUCH bigger! Both DH and I can feel the increase in weight, so he obviously needs the milk at the moment, must try to stuff more in him, but not sure I can physically get him to eat more food in the day!

Good news about the appetite. Growth spurts really do unbalance things, as they live so close to their reserves in everything (food, sleep). Stamina is a purely adult phenomenon!

WOW. I have had the longest sleep I have had for 18 months. I went to bed in DDs room (did not tell her, as the sofa is not so comfy as a proper bed, which we have in DDs room) and woke up at around 3-4am ish? tbh i have no idea what the time was, but woke feeling groggy like I had been in a deep deep sleep and had no idea where I was!!! I had not moved an inch as the duvet was not even creased and I was in the same position i went to sleep in!!! DD woke, had a wee in her potty, saw me, delighted, quick cuddle, back to bed, and I woke at 6:45am with DD sneaking in for morning cuddles, went to check on the boys and they had just woken up!!! and you know what, I felt terrible, absolutely knackered !!!!! Like I had been drugged!

Apparantly, DS woke at 11:3opm for a bottle, then 3:30am (might have been him who woke me subconsciously), awake for an hour, did not want milk, and fell asleep again in bed with DH, until just before i went in to see him for breakfast milk!! So that was 8pm-11:30pm-3:30am, 4:30am-6:45am.

Not sure what is going to happen tonight, as DH is not happy to do it another night. Shame

Well done! And you must have been dropping feeds successfully, not to have been painfully engorged.

plu oh it was painful yesterday afternoon!!! I came in from a trawl around town looking for PE shorts, and there were friends here, I gave them tentative squeezes making little contact and promptly fed the boy!!! And by the evening, there was plenty for him to feed before bed.

Alas, last night was not so great. I was back in our bedroom and he woke almost as soon as I got into bed! 11pm, took 6oz of milk, then woke 4 more times in the night. Of course, it was my turn all night as DH had been up 3 nights in a row. Poor love.

Oh, dear. Well, I guess this is the "dark" side of that spiral I was talking about. However, it will spiral back to the light side again. It can't not; after all, who is still breastfeeding a "child" of 10? Very few. And children do go to sleep.

I know he can do it now though, and he is going in to his own room either tomorrow or sunday. Clearly the biggest problem is my presence, as he woke briefly last night at about 9:30pm and went back to sleep again on his own, without me there. It is when he sees me/hears me that he won't settle, so now, i do know there is some light at the end.

I have decided that while I am intending on stopping nursing as the end point, i cannot rush it, I will stop the nights as soon as he is in his own room, then when he is settled with that, I will cut out the afternoon so just feeding morning and night. Then will see how it all is then.

Thanks ladies for your continued support xx

Yes, one feed at a time is the way to do it - for you, too. Getting a child to do something new while s/he is distracted is a great technique for the toddler years, so will not be wasted effort!

Have a good weekend, with DH around to share the burden