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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

please reassure me re BF, feeling down

35 replies

ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:22

My baby is now almost four weeks and I'm struggling to feel positive about her feeding. I've seen various professionals and everyone says I know what to do to get the latch right but I don't always manage it. Sometimes she struggles and cries - I posted before about this - sometimes she feeds for awhile, and sometimes she feeds a few minutes. Loads of wet and dirty nppies, last week she was weighed and is on a reasonable line - but I feel really paranoid in case I'm doing it 'wrong.

She sometimes goes a few hours between feeds -up to 4 hours once in a while - and sometimes wants to feed after an hour or even 45 minutes. Is this ok at this age? will it get better ie will she fall into more of a pattern? I've heard BF is usually established by 6 weeks, and I'm worried it's not on an upward curve.

It doesn't help that I'm really paranoid after having a bad bf experience with my first child - struggled for a few weeks and thn he just got more and more upset when I tried to feed him. I gave up at 6 weeks and am now so worried something similar will happen. The presence of a toddler distracting me when trying to feed doesn't help either.

Does this all sound familiar? will it be ok? please help me to feel more positive ...

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:25

Just to add, I also worry that she doesn't find feeding comforting ie she cries and squirms and seems to find it stressful (not always but sometimes). is this a problem, i thought feeding was supposed to be comforting?

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tiktok · 01/09/2010 09:35

:(

Sorry you are feeling down :(

First thing is she is still v. young - not even a month old.

The pattern you describe - healthy baby, normal weight gain, normal nappies - sounds fine. So there is nothing physically problematic.

The irregular timings with shorter/longer gaps between feeds - utterly normal. No problem there, except one of perception, 'cos it sounds like you think/have read that 'established breastfeeding' = breastfeeding that's predictable and regular. I think the '6 weeks' thing is a common description, but it is easier and more accurate to think of 'established' meaning that your supply is less dependent than before on very frequent feeds.

Squirming and wriggling sometimes, and even crying, is, I would say, on the normal spectrum. It would be worrying if this was every time, or the majority of times, but from what you say, it's not. One tip is to respond quickly to feeding cues so she gets to have what she needs without getting worked up.

Hope things get better! It sounds to me that this is a confidence issue rather than a bf issue - prob because of your bad experience before, as you suggest yourself.

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/09/2010 09:41

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Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:43

Thank you for the reply - after a good feed I agree with you about the confidence thin, but after a bad feed I really worry that something is properly wrong. She generally feeds happily at night but later in the day she is more likely to sqirm and make stressed noises, I don't generally leave it more than a minute or so after she starts snuffling about for food so I don't think it's that.

How will I know that feeding is "established"? Is it ridiculous to ask for a deadline to aim for?

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Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:46

sorry to keep posting but the other thing is that occasionally she brings up quite a lot of milk - enough to soak her babygro. Problem? God I am a bag of worry about this! everything else I'm super laidback about this time around but the breastfeeding really gets me anxious!

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Ineedsomesleep · 01/09/2010 09:46

All this sounds perfectly normal. Plenty of wet and dirty nappies and she is going upwards on a curve. You are doing a very good job and sound like a great Mum.

Do you mix with any other bfing Mums? I always found it reassuring as they are usually experiencing the same things as you. You could try your local nct, Surestart Centre, La Leche League or Baby Cafes. You can just turn up, have a coffee, a chat and relax. Most should let you take DC1 too.

Have confidence, your baby is thriving and that is all down to you Grin

loopyloops · 01/09/2010 09:48

Oh my goodness this sounds so normal.

The only reason I wasn't worried when I had the same happening was because DD had spent her first 3 weeks in hospital, so we had had quite a lot of support there. She was 8 weeks prem and her feeding "routine" sounds pretty much identical to what you describe. After a few weeks it gets more regular, but you will still feel drained and as if you are feeding most of the time.
Just go with it. Remember how good that milk is, she is gaining weight and having wet and dirty nappies. If anything was wrong she would let you know, either by distress or by low weight gain.
Make sure you eat well, drink enough fluid and try and get some sleep. It will be fine, honestly. ::)

loopyloops · 01/09/2010 09:49

Ah, re bringing up milk and squirming, have you read about reflux? Ask your health visitor to see what they think.

Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:49

Thanks so much for the reassurance! I will try and get to a group - my closest one is appointment only so it's a bit difficult. My nct friends seem to be so "good" at it with their second ones, so I can end up feeling more inadequate/stressed!

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StarlightMcKenzie · 01/09/2010 09:50

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littleshinyone · 01/09/2010 09:53

your baby sounds just like mine was- and sounds like you're doing a totally perfect job. Your baby is happily growing and getting comfort from lots of close contact with you...

i can't imagine doing it all with a toddler to amuse aswell! well done and keep up the good work!!

Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:53

Is there anything they do about reflux though? she's fine the rest of the time, sleeps well, doesn't cry much etc. she isn't awake much but when she is awake - and not feeding - she will spend a few minutes in a chair or in her playmat looking around before getting lonely or tired, which I think is all relatively normal?

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Ineedsomesleep · 01/09/2010 09:53

Just wanted to add, that for me the first few weeks are the toughest. It will get much better soon.

Have a look at this on Kellymom. It should show you how well you are doing.

And this is about reflux

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/09/2010 09:54

This all sounds really normal, please try not to worry :)

I'm not sure that you can say 'feeding will be established by X point in time', although if your DD is feeding well, gaining weight, plenty of wet and dirty nappies as you say then these are all part of feeding being established.

Don't worry about her bringing up the milk. If she wasn't gaining weight then it would be something to look at perhaps, but as she is gaining weight then I wouldn't worry about it at all, it is just one of those things that babies do :)

Have confidence in your body, it is designed to feed your child and it sounds like it is doing a great job.

Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 09:58

Gosh I really feel better. Thanks everyone for the fast responses. I'm determined to keep it up this time, but it really helps to feel like I am doing OK

Thanks again. Bit weepy about the support!

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tiktok · 01/09/2010 09:59

OP - bf doesn't work with deadlines of any sort. It is a process, a relationship, and you can't put it onto graphs or timelines.

Hang on in there. Nothing you have said makes it sound as if anything is wrong. The chucking-up is normal, too - all babies do this. It doesn't sound like reflux to me.

childofthe80s · 01/09/2010 10:02

Well done - it sounds like you're doing really well.

Have you tried swaddling her while you feed (my mum's top tip)? It does stop that feeling that the baby is fighting you and help them concentrate on the feed I think.

Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 10:03

Thanks tiktok. I sort of know that really. As I wrote about the deadline I thought, that sounds ludicrous! As long as I can try and feel a bit more confident about it all and keep it up, I guess that is the way forward?

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StarlightMcKenzie · 01/09/2010 10:06

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japhrimel · 01/09/2010 10:16

There's lots that can be done for reflux, so do talk to your HV or doctor (or breastfeeding group) about whether it might be an issue.

Ineedsomesleep · 01/09/2010 10:25

I know I posted the link to reflux but it was more so that you could see if it did apply.

I'd go with what Tiktok says as she is trained one Grin

My DD was often sick but with her it was just excess milk because she had guzzled down so much.

Zimm · 01/09/2010 10:33

Hey - we are having identical feeding experiences! My DD is 3.5 weeks, sometimes feed well, sometimes only for minutes. She will go 5 hours at night but likes to feed constantly from about 6 til 9. Night feeds are usually short and I spend the day worried she is under eating until the manic evening feeding stage! We also have plenty of wet and dirty nappies and have a weigh in later so are keeping our fingers crossed. It was reassuring to read your post and hear others are having a similar experience! Best of luck to you - sounds as if we are doing fine.

Ineedsomesleep · 01/09/2010 11:10

Zimm don't worry about the weigh in. Your LO wouldn't produce plenty of wet and dirty nappies nor would they go 5 hours at night if they weren't getting enough.

Enjoy your LO, you too are doing a great job Grin

Porcelain · 01/09/2010 12:23

RE, the squirming, when are you deciding to offer the breast, and can you offer it a bit earlier? My LO is a nightmare to get latched on when he is properly hungry, but if I catch him before it gets to that stage, when he is a bit peckish, he latches much better.

If he is crying there is no way I will get him feeding, he has to be soothed first, I have sometimes had to give him a bath to calm him down, although a good cuddle and bounce will usually take the edge off enough. If he is at the hand0-sucking stage, it's possible, but his latch is really unreliable, and he will keep coming off, or slipping back so he only has the end of the nipple. If I catch him a bit earlier, at the lip smacking stage, he will latch on and feed quite calmly. He usually starts to stir and wake up when he is a little hungry, so during the day I usually pick him up, talk to him etc, to wake him a bit faster and get him feeding before he gets stressed.

Original poster
ThisIsBloodyHardWork · 01/09/2010 16:08

Just coming back for yet more reassurance - after feeling really positive this morning from this thread and all the support, I've had a really bad day with the majority of feeds being squirmy and two relatively big possets. I feel like I've spent almost the whole afternoon feeding. Most recently DD has fed nicely without the squirming, but I just can't help worrying that this will happen when I'm looking after my DS (he's at childminder at mo). I can't lie down for 2 hours in the middle of the day when I'm looking after him.

Oh dear, I'm just ranting really. I guess I'll just keep on keeping on as advised and hope it gets better as soon as possible.

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