Demand Feeding V Structured Routine

[RachD]

Many of the regular posters on mumsnet are pro feeding on demand.

On one side of the very end of the spectrum is 'structured routine - e.g. Gina Ford or EASY - Tracy Hogg.
On the otherside is feeding on demand.

And what never ceases to amaze me is the most of the people who are very pro feeding on demand, can not accept that a set down/ structured routine works for others.

It may not work for them - that is o.k.
But surely you must accept that it does work for many people.

If poster on mn said " read GF, can't do it, crying, hate myself etc etc " - which I have seen - I would say, bin the book, go with the flow, structured routine is not for you.

If a poster says , " We are really struggling, exhausted, no routine," I would say , have you tried routine like GF or EASY.

Some posters are already on GF or EASY.
They are basically happy with a routine, just a glitch.
Maybe one part is not working.

So, I would advice, carry on. Adapt a little.
See how it goes.

But the pro feed on demand people, can not accept that.

They still insist that feeding on demand and let the baby find its own routine, is best.

But the poster is basically happy on the routine.

Its like trying to convert somebody to the totally other end of the spectrum.

Its like trying to make someone who isn't tidy, organised, into an organised person.
Instead of helping them to adjust.

Why do pro demand feeders, not accept that structured routine works for some people ?

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RachD, I think you've made a lot of generalisaitons in your first post. I for one do believe routine can be great for some people!

Except babies

On a serious note, my issues would be based on the problems Mears highlighted. Aside from the overnight expressing issue (why?! One of the best aspects of breastfeeding is quick, simple night feeding, no bottle malarkey, IMO!), breastfeeding by routine can indeed culminate in supply failing.

It makes me that 'designers' of these routines do put the individual's breastfeeding experience at risk.

This is totally related to my personal opinion; another thing I don't quite understand is, who the hell wants to live by someone elses routine?! I haven't done that since I left home and it's not something I would wish to return to!

I quite often suggest people hurl their books on a bonfire because they post in utter despair because they are trying to impose the book's routines on (often) very tiny babies, and when the babies don't conform, they feel like total failures and become stressed and upset.

DS1 had a routine, DS2 doesn't. Well, now he's down to one nap/day, I'm starting to schedule him.

As others have said, routine isn't really breastfeeding-friendly. In fact, there was a very strange pro-routine book in the US, a few years back, that came in both openly-Christian and hidden-Christian versions, arguing that demand feeding leads to heroin use (instant gratification, doncha know). It was associated with a few failure-to-thrive deaths.

Found a cite for that: the books are called Babywise. Here .

Granted, it's only in a place like the US where healthcare costs money and babies aren't checked enough, that such a thing could happen.

I feed on demand and the concept of fitting the baby into a routine, or structuring my babycare by any book is completely alien to me.
However, I'm currently staying in France with some friends who are doing Gina Ford for the third baby in a row. She's currently trying to convert me to her GF ways but I'm having none of it. I don't resent that she's trying because I know she wants what's best for me. I can appreciate how well it works for my friend because she functions far better with a routine.
I think people who try to convert are just trying to help. It doesn't make them judgemental.

I think this whole debate is odd.

If someone looks for advice she needs advice from all kinds of parents surely. Then she can take what seems to work for her. For lots of Mum's telling them its ok to forget about routines and concentrate on making their baby happy is just what they need, and of course others are bent on having a routine and not having one would make them miserable.

I don't see how forcing a routine on a breastfed baby can be a good idea though, obviously lots of babies fall into their own routines very early but mine took about a year. Until that time she fed to go to sleep and took her naps when she wanted either in my arms or in the sling and she slept in my bed going to bed whenever we did and waking when she wanted to.
She also fed entirely when she wanted to and still does at 14 months. I don't get the need of people in our culture to force babies to conform to someone else's idea of normal.

I read CLBB when I was pg with ds1 and it made me feel sick and panicky as I knew there was no way I could stick to anything like that even if I wanted to. I read Baby Whisperer when he was a few months old (was formula fed by then)and found that the EASY thing seemed to make sense but not sticking to any particular times for events just the order.
With ds2 I have demand bfed and it has been fine and does roughly fall into a doing similar stuff at a similar time each day type of thing eventually. It doesnt bother me when it doesnt though.

Ha, well get your head round this. I fed my son on demand purely because I had never heard of Gina Ford, and the midwife had told me that that is what you do. You feed them on demand.

So I did.

Within 2 weeks the little blighter had put himself into a Gina Ford routine. I don't know how, and I don't know why. Actually an airy floaty easygoing baby would have suited me better.

My point? None at all.

My conclusion? Babies do whatever the hell they want to do, and if you don't let them, they make your life miserable until you do.

Disclaimer: The author of this post has experience of one baby only, and can be expected back here in 7 months begging for help and advice.

Ha! That squashed that one![smuggified smirk]

at colditz

I once tried routines...for a couple of days. dd1 was the most anti-routine baby imaginable. Come to think of it, she's never been that hot on routine, and she's nearly 9 now.

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Some babies fall into their own routine naturally. Some babies are unhappy and can't find their own. They need help with that, and that can come from a book, from HVs or even from MN.

But the problem with books is that they try to impose one routine on all babies. And not all will suit that routine. But the books often don't admit that - they tend to be written in a very dogmatic style and inexperienced parents can get very upset and feel they are doing something wrong when their babies don't fit.

There's a specific problem with Gina and breastfeeding where her very structured routine is almost designed to reduce milk supply. I'm not saying someone who doesn't have their own kids can't give parenting advice - she's got an awful lot of experience of babies - but I do think lack of personal experience of breastfeeding makes it much more difficult to give advice that works.

PS I do think it is very difficult and possibly unhelpful in most cases to try to force a newborn into a very prescriptive regime.

Coming late to this... we nudged both DSs into a routine of feeding every 3 hours. It was loose in the sense that if they wanted feeding less than 2 hours after the last feed, we distracted them (and then fed them if they would not be distracted!!) and didn't let them go more than about 4 hours between feeds. At night, we let them sleep/fed them whenever they wanted! As newborns, they pretty much got fed as and when they wanted although we'd still try distracting/nappy/wind etc first if they were whingy before the 3 hours.

This worked brilliantly for us and they did indeed settle into a nice 3 hourly daytime routine, feeding at convenient times of our choosing (we nudged them towards that too!)

I see Babywise mentioned somewhere further down. We based our plan loosely on that but certainly not with anywhere near the draconian measures suggested by both that and GF.

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