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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Demand Feeding V Structured Routine

67 replies

RachD · 31/08/2005 07:32

Many of the regular posters on mumsnet are pro feeding on demand.

On one side of the very end of the spectrum is 'structured routine - e.g. Gina Ford or EASY - Tracy Hogg.
On the otherside is feeding on demand.

And what never ceases to amaze me is the most of the people who are very pro feeding on demand, can not accept that a set down/ structured routine works for others.

It may not work for them - that is o.k.
But surely you must accept that it does work for many people.

If poster on mn said " read GF, can't do it, crying, hate myself etc etc " - which I have seen - I would say, bin the book, go with the flow, structured routine is not for you.

If a poster says , " We are really struggling, exhausted, no routine," I would say , have you tried routine like GF or EASY.

Some posters are already on GF or EASY.
They are basically happy with a routine, just a glitch.
Maybe one part is not working.

So, I would advice, carry on. Adapt a little.
See how it goes.

But the pro feed on demand people, can not accept that.

They still insist that feeding on demand and let the baby find its own routine, is best.

But the poster is basically happy on the routine.

Its like trying to convert somebody to the totally other end of the spectrum.

Its like trying to make someone who isn't tidy, organised, into an organised person.
Instead of helping them to adjust.

Why do pro demand feeders, not accept that structured routine works for some people ?

OP posts:

Nickyfen · 31/08/2005 11:30

Just to add my humble opinion. I based our routine on Gina Ford very loosely - I don't actually know anyone who has used the book and stuck to it ridgidly, however I used to have to LIE to my HV and tell her I was demand feeding, because she was so anti-routine. Now this is wrong - mum's need support whatever their choices. It's not like I was smoking whilst pregnant or something - it's only a routine!
My ds may have been just as settled had I demand fed - we will never know, but I am happy with the choice I made.
At the end of the day if demand feeding worked for everyone, there would have been no reason for Gina Ford to have written the book in the first place

hunkermunker · 31/08/2005 11:33

Lying to HVs is something I would encourage.

Mears - agree re GF's expressing malarkey in the early weeks - madness for stimulating supply!

oliveoil · 31/08/2005 11:37

GF - in the early days, madness. Can work after a few months however.

A newborn baby does not follow a routine imo and you will send yourself daft trying. IMO! Not forcing views on anyone.

bloss · 31/08/2005 11:47

Message withdrawn

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 11:59

As a mother of five can I say I never heard of Gina ford till I came on here about 8 weeks ago!!!
Why do we worry so much about right and wrong ways to bring up babies. Once you have a baby you are a mother...nothing else matters untill you are settled and comfortable. Its striving tobecome this perfect person that causes the stress on you and the stress you suffer affects the baby!!!
but each to their own!!!

snafu · 31/08/2005 11:59

There is a middle ground, and I think the vast majority of us support that on MN. I think it's a great shame this thread appears to want to divide us all into two camps.

There's a big difference, imo, between a 'structure' - which I believe can be very helpful to mums and babies in the early weeks especially - and a 'schedule' which is what GF recommends and imo can be dispiriting, confidence-sapping and in some cases downright harmful. I agree wholeheartedly with Mears that GF can sometimes (unwittingly, I'm sure) sabotage breastfeeding.

I believe passionately in demand feeding/sleep when they need to sleep etc and have major problems with CLBB and the rest of the GF regime (and it is a regime). But that's not the same as saying that I think a vague, personalised, 'what-works-for-my-baby' structure is wrong. I don't, because I had one. But I had one by learning what my child wanted and what made him and me happy, not by slavishly following a book written by someone who had no idea about me, my child or my lifestyle.

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 12:00

bloss if you did it from birth how do you know they couldnt form their own routine!!
Do you expect them to be born knowing? it takes time maybe even 3 months or so!

Chandra · 31/08/2005 12:10

How do you iknow your children where better withoiut a rutine if you have never tried it?

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 12:14

but they did have a routine...their own!

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 12:16

I dont really care how anyone decides to bring up their baby its up to them. but everyone bangs on about natural being best then try to make there babies form an unnaturak routine!!
Its just odd to me...but thats just me!

Chandra · 31/08/2005 12:18

Well, bloss has had her own routine, one of her choosing, and it worked for her. What's the problem with that?

Chandra · 31/08/2005 12:19

Sorry, crossposted!.

hunkermunker · 31/08/2005 12:20

Why are people so hung up on saying their babies are in a routine they took from a book...then say they've adapted it to suit them? Then it's not the routine from the book, is it?! LOL!

snafu · 31/08/2005 12:21

'Zactly, hinker. And surely the whole point about GF is that you are supposed to follow it to the letter otherwise it 'won't work'?

QueenOfQuotes · 31/08/2005 12:22

I and very pro-feed on demand......but both my boys have had routines too.....just OUR routines that we've worked out as a family based on what the children need (both totally different needs) not what someone in a book has written.

Most of it common sense - no naps too close to bedtime, regular bedtimes, don't let them sleep until lunchtime etc etc.

frannyf · 31/08/2005 12:23

Some demand feeders believe that GF style routines are wrong. (I am sure you have heard the reasons why they feel this before and I don't need to rehash it all) That is their prerogative. It's good that you accept other people's styles of doing things, RachD, but what you are missing is that not everyone can extend the same acceptance to your way of doing things, because some of us believe it to be just plain wrong. Hopefully we have the good manners and respect not to force our views on you, or try to make you feel bad about your parenting choices, but you will wait a long time for me to stand up and say "It's fine to demand feed, OR, it is fine to do Gina Ford" because I don't believe it.

If you ask for people's opinions you are going to get some who disagree with you. You can't turn around and say "Oh it's not fair, you are not accepting my way of doing things, but I'm accepting yours." As long as the views are being expressed politely we all have a right to say what we think.

Nickyfen · 31/08/2005 12:24

I think the routines in the book are so strict that you would hardly leave the house if you stuck to them to the letter. I think you need to use your common sense and take out of it what helps you and your baby. As a 1st time mum with no experience of babies I found it extremely useful.

WigWamBam · 31/08/2005 12:25

I don't like the Gina Ford routines, I think they are over-prescriptive and tend to be a bit one-size-fits-all, but that doesn't mean I'm anti-routine. My dd had a routine - but it was her own routine, and I was only able to help her find it by demand-feeding to start with. She would never have found her own rhythm and routine if I had tried to make Gina Ford's fit her, and given that for the first four months she fed every couple of hours, and for 4 hours at night time, she wouldn't have been happy to have been restricted to three-hourly feeds, and neither would I. Isn't that what's important - we do what makes our babies happy and keeps us sane?

The trouble is, the babies have never read the books, and don't know (nor do they care) that they are only meant to be hungry every three hours - if your baby is happy on that kind of routine then that's fine - but many babies aren't, and will need to carve a routine for themselves.

I don't think that there's really the big divide between pro- and anti- routine that RachD thinks there is. There is just a recognition that one routine isn't always going to suit every baby, and there needs to be a bit more flexibility than Gina Ford allows.

Chandra · 31/08/2005 12:26

Could it be possible that we all are doing the same (following a routine AND demand feeding)? even when some used the advice of the health visitors and others of GF?

I wouldn't be passionately dogmatic about GF either, actually I wouldn't be dogmatic for any of the main issues of parenthood, babies and their mother are all different, there's no single thing that suits us perfectly as a whole.

Nickyfen · 31/08/2005 12:28

You hit the nail on the head wigwambam - it's whatever makes our babies happy and keeps mummy sane!!!
As long as you are happy with your choice - nothing else really matters

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 12:31

this will go on for ever...but I think all agree that you do what suits you!
If advice is asked for then dont be offended if its not what you want to hear.

mumtosomeone · 31/08/2005 12:32

plus I think RachD was just trying to stir it. fwiw

bloss · 01/09/2005 04:14

Message withdrawn

hercules · 01/09/2005 15:54

I am an ap parent [attachment parenting] and wouldnt follow gf but I have suggested a few times on mumsnet for a mum to follow it if she is clearly someone who needs the routine and struggles with going with the flow.

Tiktok has often commented on gf's lack of understanding of bf and how many calls she gets from mums who are struggling with bf because of it.

There is nothing wrong with telling someone this.

I dont think people fit into either camp either.

hercules · 01/09/2005 16:01

Just read other thread. If you demand feed that does not mean you dont have a routine. It may not be GF's though.

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