Agh. BF DD won't take a bottle and nanny threatening to quit over it.

[FrozenNorth]

It's been a bit of an emotional week so sorry if I ramble. It was my first week back at work and six-month-old DD2 has really struggled with taking expressed milk from a bottle or cup. She will drink maybe an ounce or two but is unsettled and cries on and off. This crying is upsetting DD1 (toddler) so altogether they're a bit of a handful.

I've been working from home and only doing half days so far, trying to ease into it. We currently have a nanny although we are making other arrangements for childcare in spring 2011. She remarked to a visiting friend the other day that she didn't feel like this was a situation that she wanted to stay in (and said friend relayed the comment to me). I'm a bit non-plussed because it was only the first week back and surely it's not ever going to be smooth sailing from the very start? She's never had a non-formula-fed baby to care for before (okay, DD1 was exclusively fed breastmilk but she took to bottles well from 6 months of age). It's making me very anxious because if she walks out we have no possible back-up for several months - and I have writing, teaching and a PhD to finish.

Anyhow - now I feel under immense, immense pressure to get DD2 to drink milk cheerfully from something other than my breast. I feel like if I don't fix this fast, I'll be letting the whole family down. Have considered moving to exclusive expressing so that DD2 no longer has the choice of the breast at all but the idea of losing the closeness makes me want to cry.

Right - phew. Glad to get all that out. Anyhow, bottom line is HOW on earth do I get DD2 to drink milk? She doesn't even suck a bottle 'properly' - she kind of chews on the teat and cries. She doesn't like syringed milk either. She eats minimal solids as we've only just started introducing them and my efforts to encourage her to eat more solid food are falling pretty flat.

Any suggestions - whether brands of bottle or other methods of feeding - very very gratefully received

Frozenorth - your nanny sounds unrealistic and not too nice.

If you are able to work from home every day then you should be able to continue breastfeeding. I would suggest you find a nanny who can support this and thereby support what is best for your baby and you.

My baby went to nursery for only up to 2 days a week but 1 day was full time.

My baby never took anything other than my breastmilk.

So I have to feed lots before and after nursery. I have also on occasion popped in, but now the baby is older and can be left for longer durations if need be.

And I had the benefit of really experience nursery nurses, who tried everything, never pressured me and at about 6 or 7 months said - you know what your baby is ok, we are not going to even try anymore with the formula.

They upped solids, always made sure my baby had water.

You sound like you have a great degree of flexibility with your work, I really would look for another nanny. It is not you, your baby or the feeds, it is her, IMO.

You might like to try MAM ULTIvent teat, it fits boots/avent/Dr B bottles.

I've tried the breastflow bottles with my 6mth old DS3 who wouldn't take bottle at all and it worked.

My DS2 completely refused and i found that when i went back to work at 6mths he started to reverse cycle and fed more in the night, not great for sleeping!

Hope you get sorted

Six months is a long time to struggle with a nanny who is not working out and you may find that she goes earlier than you want anyway causing even more disruption. If the children (babies) were happy with the nanny then this probably wouldn't be as stressful as it clearly is. Check out a few nurseries and see if interim arrangements can be made (lots of redundancies parents locked into termly contracts out there and there may be shortish term solutions that work for more than one party). Also check out childminders, other nannies. When you are clear about your options sit down with nanny and explain the circumstances, either she does the job in accordance with your wishes or you part company. If she wants to do the latter make it clear that it will be until spring 2011 and no longer and if she wants out sooner then she needs to let you know. Always found a written JD and daily routine notes really helpful but it took a few disasters to get there. Sorts out expectations. If she were any good, she would be researching bottles for you and you wouldn't be feeling so unsure about things.

hear hear onceamai.

God get rid of the nanny. She sounds like a horror. I would not want someone so lacking in empathy looking after my children!

Try childcare.co.uk.

DS never took bottles of expressed milk - we had to put it in sippy cups - we found the tommy tippee one hole ones were best to start with, but he quickly graduated the the moo cow cups - they do spill though despite being ahem spillproof.

You are doing amazingly well keeping breastfeeding - it is very hard. When I went back to work, DS just nursed before I went and when I came back he pretty much jumped into my bra as soon as I walked through the door - it all works out in the end though :)

Just thought I'd update that we've had some partial success with this:
www.boots.com/en/Nuby-Natural-Touch-2-x-210ml-Silicone-Bottle-Step-1_1110337/

• combined with me putting my foot down about giving her a good feed at lunchtime. And yes, childcare changes are afoot!

You have my sympathy....

Firstly tell the nanny that you are comitted to solving the problem and that in 2 or 3 weeks you'll probably all be laughing as it will be impossible to tell that DD2 isn't used to bottle feeding.

You may need to go cold turkey to get her to take a bottle, although I hope you find a better solution.

FWIW my nanny left her last job as the mum was working from home and she wanted sole charge. I don't agree with the comments about the nanny wanting to go out for the day means she's not a good employee.

I tried all sorts with dd. Ds had never taken a bottle at all but I had to leave dd for a full day when she was not quite 6 months. I think all the stressing and changing just got to her (and me) so decided on a bottle, bought just one of them and every day at a time that I knew she was always pretty hungry (such as just after her nap or lunch time) I offered her a bottle. At first she only took a bit but after a while she was taking it fine. As soon as she started stressing over it then I offered breast right away. I don't know if doing something like that is workable for you. I found too that she took it best when it was almost too hot.

Tbh though the nanny should have the patience to sort it out and the confidence to go out with the dcs and manage. After all if she is taking a few mouthfulls of solids and a few oz of milk then she will be ok, the nanny just might have to give her 2oz frequently instead of fewer, big feeds. Anyway can she not just do some practice runs to Wharton Park or something and just come back if she has to? COuld be that at home dd2 knows you are around but out with nanny she will be ok.

Hope things are going well for you and you are less stressed. I also had my PhD to finish to when LO was born (and a post-doc to start 4 months afterwards), but only had the one to worry about.

Doesn't sound like the most understanding nanny, fancy telling your employer you didn't want to be tied to your work office all day. I don't think it would hold up very well.

Your nanny sounds awful. She should be supporting you 110% in whatever feeding methods you choose, plus she ought to be taking the initiative and researching bottles and teats etc so she can help ease your stress about this. She should take steps to encourage your baby to feed, slowly but surely, and not expect life to be rosy and joful from week 1. It's a huge transition both physically and emotionally for you and for your baby and tbh any good nanny (or anyone with any empathy) should know part of their job is to HELP not HINDER.

I'm well impressed by all the trendy bottles you've been recommended - though not by your nanny! How come she hasn't come up with any ideas, isn't she supposed to be the one with the baby knowledge?!

I am assuming they don't make the nipples out of latex any more - is this correct? None of the sites I looked at specified the material (seems odd!) I had trouble with a baby that hated latex. She wasn't allergic: must have just hated the smell or something. It could be worth trying different materials?