Agh. BF DD won't take a bottle and nanny threatening to quit over it.

[FrozenNorth]

It's been a bit of an emotional week so sorry if I ramble. It was my first week back at work and six-month-old DD2 has really struggled with taking expressed milk from a bottle or cup. She will drink maybe an ounce or two but is unsettled and cries on and off. This crying is upsetting DD1 (toddler) so altogether they're a bit of a handful.

I've been working from home and only doing half days so far, trying to ease into it. We currently have a nanny although we are making other arrangements for childcare in spring 2011. She remarked to a visiting friend the other day that she didn't feel like this was a situation that she wanted to stay in (and said friend relayed the comment to me). I'm a bit non-plussed because it was only the first week back and surely it's not ever going to be smooth sailing from the very start? She's never had a non-formula-fed baby to care for before (okay, DD1 was exclusively fed breastmilk but she took to bottles well from 6 months of age). It's making me very anxious because if she walks out we have no possible back-up for several months - and I have writing, teaching and a PhD to finish.

Anyhow - now I feel under immense, immense pressure to get DD2 to drink milk cheerfully from something other than my breast. I feel like if I don't fix this fast, I'll be letting the whole family down. Have considered moving to exclusive expressing so that DD2 no longer has the choice of the breast at all but the idea of losing the closeness makes me want to cry.

Right - phew. Glad to get all that out. Anyhow, bottom line is HOW on earth do I get DD2 to drink milk? She doesn't even suck a bottle 'properly' - she kind of chews on the teat and cries. She doesn't like syringed milk either. She eats minimal solids as we've only just started introducing them and my efforts to encourage her to eat more solid food are falling pretty flat.

Any suggestions - whether brands of bottle or other methods of feeding - very very gratefully received

oh dear. very sorrry you are going through this. you shouldn't feel under pressure about this as that will defiitely not help teh situation but i don't know what you can do. sorry.

I'm afraid some babies just won't take to the bottle at all - DS3 is one of them, and it is hard.

Have you tried feeding via a syringe at all?

TBH i think you really need to speak to your nanny and find out whats going on with her - you sound immensely stressed as it is, and her threatening to leave you in the lurch just isn't helping.

Will you be working for home all the time? Is it possible for nanny to bring baby to you for a feed and then take her away again whilst you get on with work?

Sorry i'm not much help - hope you get it resolved soon.

have you tried an open cup? it's faffy and messy but migth get enough oz into her to settle her

Tommee tippee free flow beaker worked for me, with some effort, first replaced her morning (breast)feed with beaker then gradually replaced rest except bedtime feed. it's taken all summer with a lot of help from my teacher dh who has had to do the lions share of feeding. Like your child my dd wouldn't take any bottle, she was exc bf till 6 months and is now 1 week away from 8 months. It's not been easy but it has been done gradually. She takes her water from the beaker too. Good luck, hope it works for u.

Hiya,

Right, first things first, babies are very very adaptable and learn new skills all the time. Including how to drink with a bottle. You will get there. Also, it has only been a week, so don't be so hard on yourself. Also this comment your nanny made may have just been an off the cuff remark and nothing for you to worry about.

Have you tried any of the following-

Make the hole in the teat very large, so it is free flow

Make your DH give the bottles.

Try this bottle and teat- www.breastflow.co.uk/

Experiment with temps of the breast milk

Will she take formula from a bottle?]

Good Luck.

I think your nanny has an appauling attitude! Of course it's hard!

I'm a nanny myself and I've found NUK bottles easiest to transition to. It just takes time and patience. Feeding in a 'boring' room may help.

Which bottles are you using? I found the Tommee Tippee Closer to Nature ones were pretty good, DD2 liked them well enough to drink from them. Have you tried a sippy cup? A doidy cup? a cup with a straw? May sound daft but it's worth trying anything!!

Don't push solids yet, she is only little, too much now and she'll get constipated, I'd go the BLW route (worked brilliantly for DD2) and take the pressure off that aspect of life for you. Make it one change at a time, you know?

Is she unsettled because of the lack of milk, or because you are not there? Perhaps your nanny's frustration is making her feel unhappy? I have known of babies who refused to take ebm from bottles who switched to reverse cycle feeding, and tanked up on breastmilk in the night (by co-sleeping) and had hardly anything but water and some solids in the day, maybe she'd be ok doing that?

Would you not be able to extend your mat leave? You can still have another 3 months with some pay, could you do a work from home deal to give you some breathing space for now? By 9 months she may be much happier drinking water/ebm and eating some solids.

Try not to panic, surely you have a contract with your nanny and she can't just walk out and leave you in the lurch?

Both my DDs were like this. You need playtex bottles. The milk goes in a platic bag attached to the teat. At first you can squeeze the bag, gently squirting the milk into the baby's mouth until they "get sucking". A playtex starter pack has 5 different teats. My DDs both liked the rubber on that looks like a nipple. They saved my life. Try amazon on eBay. If your in London I can recommend a chemist.

I have to say yr nanny sounds poor. When I was in your situation my nanny researched and found these bottles, drove round searching fir them and then spent HOURS coaxing the DDs to suck.

Good luck and don't let this force you into abandoning a good BFing relationship.

Syringes weren't effective early on but we haven't tried them for a couple of weeks so I'll get DH to have a go tomorrow - maybe now she's a bit older they might be better? How open a cup does one use - fully open, or a free-flow sippy? A large one, or a little one (sorry to ask so many questions .

The frustrating thing is I've basically said to our nanny that I'm happy to work from home for at least half of every day, so DD2 could have a morning feed, a lunchtime feed and a late afternoon feed no problems. But she would like to take the children out for the day rather than being 'tied to the house' (sigh). I feel like it's my fault for not enforcing a stricter routine sooner, but I've found bfing so convenient that I've not tried to do it, and DD2 has absolutely thrived on demand-feeding (so has my milk supply - DD1 is now feeding again!) - she's so lovely and fat. It was all going so well and now I feel like I've let her down somehow.

Ooo, just seen lots more answers. Thank you, I'll write more when I've read them!

You could try a doidy cup or even a plastic shot glass if you have one!

Here's the kit www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d.html/ref=mp_s_a_4?qid=1283030832&a=B001TJVKNC&sr=8-4

I tried EVERY brand before this: it's the squeezy bags that are the key. And the rubber nipple teat.

Oh and you have in no way let her down - the very fact that you're so worried is a testement to how much you care

Blimey. Change your nanny if you can. She sounds like she is adding too much stress to the situation, and she shouldn't be dictating what she wants to do with the children, especially when it inteferes with this difficult transition time. She is there to make it easier for you, not harder.

I think that at 6 months my DDs would go all day without boob at a push so if she's taking a couple of ounces as well as solids she should be fine. You have to change your bfing routine a bit...big feed first thing and a quickie after breakfast if you have time then BIG feed as soon as you walk in the door.

BTW I also think your nanny sounds rubbish but I see you need to keep her until spring....I'm sure she could do some local half day trips during the settling in period. Remember you are paying her to look after your children not gad about the park on her mobile.

Mine went to nursery BTW but I was briefly a nanny in my yoof!

Thank you SO VERY MUCH for all the suggestions and encouragement. For the first time today (I think) I'm properly smiling and feeling hopeful this can be solved

Right, I'll go and buy some possible bottles tomorrow - we've tried Dr Brown's and Boots own so far. We've got some free-flow sippy cups left and one with a valve from DD1 so I'll give those a shot too.

I hope our nanny's comment about staying in the position was just a throw-away comment (crosses fingers) - she does have a notice period but she has loads of leave left over so would probably use that for some of it. We've never really clicked - I think the fact that I'm younger than her has made her feel like I'm not proper employer material.

Unfortunately I can't have any more time off on mat leave - I'm paid a stipend not a salary for my PhD work and there is a maximum amount of time you're allowed to take away from your studies. If you exceed this time period, you have to start paying bits of your stipend back.

I kind of hope that DD2 starts reverse-cycling - I know that sounds odd but it would be one thing fewer to worry about and we're already co-sleeping so it would be relatively painless.

I used some free flow big cups from Boots...witha flip up lid and 3 massive holes so the milk just pours down their neck!

I bfed DD2 until she was 3 and only remember expressing milk when I was away over night...she went to nursery/my mum's at about 6 months so god knows how she survived!!

I second what POFAKKEDDthechair says, your nanny is your employee, there to do what you want, not the other way around. I used to be a nanny, I did what the parents wanted me to do, not what made my life easier!! It's her job to look after your children whilst you work, so she needs to buck her ideas up and sort this out. Has she been with you long?

"How open a cup does one use - fully open, or a free-flow sippy? A large one, or a little one "

All of them, until you find one that works!!

(and did I read that right? DD1 is feeding in tandem with DD2? If so, well done, I've got tandem nursing girls, it's great!)

DD1 is kind of feeding in tandem with DD2 in that she is now guzzling breastmilk again like there is no tomorrow (we had a brief break of a few weeks during my pregnancy with DD2 when I was just too ill to do it) - however she now prefers to drink it from a cup so she can do other things at the same time. She likes it fresh from the source though - will stand there as I express with an expression on her fact like our labrador looking at dog biscuits. She's also, rather cutely, begun trying to express milk from her tummy button. I found her attempting to express into a bowl of DD's breakfast cereal (as I do straight from the breast) this morning.

I'm getting the idea that we should just keep at it and persist with lots of new ideas (thank you for those!!) until we find one that works. I can't believe how kind and helpful you all are about this - I wondered if anyone would reply because I thought it might be a question that gets asked all the time

Sorry for the unmumsnetty gushing :)

"Expression on her face I mean, not her 'fact'"

DD2 is still boob obsessed despite having not bfed for 18 months. Every morning she comes in bed for a booby cuddle and this morning she named one Boo and the other Bee. She also likes to have a suck now and again but she can't even do it, not that anything would come out anyway!!

I love it when she pulls her top up and bfeeds her dolls.

Have you tried just a tommee tippee cup and letting her feed herself maybe? DD started by pouring it on the floor at 6ish months but fairly quickly progressed to drinking it.

Another vote for playtex bottles with the nipple shape teat. They finally worked with bottle refusing dd although she also had breastfeed at bedtime, one in night and one early morning until she was a toddler so she got a lot of milk into her at night.

I went back to work at this stage, managed to come home at lunchtimes for a few months which helped loads, and did BLW. The result was more night feeds but we coslept which made this easy and didn't cause me any major problems.

I agree, nanny dictating that she wants to go out for the day = crap employee! She's just not going to be able to - tough tits!

Does she need milk for the times you are not there? Could she have water and food and then have lots of boob time when you are available?