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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

I am being utterly ridiculous and selfish, but can someone tell me they understand, please!

38 replies

SirBoobAlot · 15/08/2010 23:41

DS is nine months and is a boob monster. I'm very proud of the fact we have got this far, and am grateful that we have had a relatively straight forward route.

But recently I have been getting frustrated with breastfeeding. My main reasons for stopping are that I would like to be able to have a drink without thinking about what is going into his system, and I want to wear a proper bra as I hate the way my boobs look in a nursing bra Blush I know that is stupid, and selfish, and that if I did stop I would probably regret it. But I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be.

He doesn't drink from a cup or bottle very well - maybe a few sips if that, regardless of what is in it. So I suppose a lot of it is that I feel very trapped.

Really I just wanted to know if anyone had felt the same, because I feel very guilty for feeling the way I do. It was my choice to breastfeed, and I most certainly don't regret it. But every now and again I think, "God I'd kill for a night out" Blush and "My boobs would look so much better in a proper bra..." (and this I know for a fact, I've tried some on ). Is it just me?

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 15/08/2010 23:44

Nope, not just you Grin

Been there, worn the feeding bra....

How long do you see yourself feeding DS?

mears · 15/08/2010 23:46

Why can't you have a night out when breastfeeding? One of the myths is that you can have no alcohol at all. And why not wear a proper bra? Seems to me you are shackled by 'rules' about breastfeeding that are not set in stone. I breastfed 4, had a drink sometimes which did no harm and I wore nice bras when I wanted to. Go and have some fun - you are allowed Smile

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 15/08/2010 23:51

Mears - I have had the odd glass of wine, but he still feeds twice a night, so a proper night out is off the cards. As for a proper bra, I can't feed in one (have tried), and he still feeds a lot during the day. Thank you for making me smile though!

Val - am so glad to hear its not just me Blush I'm not sure. Once he is a year, I am going to try desperately to introduce some FF cows milk, see if maybe he'll take that. I don't want to deprive him if its breast milk he wants... The idea of doing this for up to another year actually makes me want to cry.

OP posts:
quaere · 15/08/2010 23:53

Well, imho, the first six months are the most important and where you get the most major benefits. 6mo to a year is good if you can, past that there are still benefits but only really worth it if you both love it. If you don't love it, it is perfectly cool to quit it after a year, you've done very well.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 15/08/2010 23:53

Oh my goodness, I remember it all too well.

Right, for a start, you are doing an fantastic job and more importantly you can wear a proper bra.

Your supply will be pretty damn stable by now and as long as the underwire doesn't compress any breast tissue all is well. Buy a really well fitting underwired bra and try feeing in it. it works with a lot of models, you'd be surprised. If it's not working do this to the bra using the clips from an old feeding bra and hey presto.

9 months is a difficult age to BF, or at least it was with my two. It really does get better. Honestly.

Keep up the good work. Book yourself a night out, leave some expressed milk behind and have fun, if DS is hungry he WILL drink. If he doesn't he'll just make it up in the morning. No need to pump and dump, once the alcohol is out of your blood it's out of your milk. It sounds harsh but sometimes you have to do something just so you don't totally lose yourself.

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 15/08/2010 23:55

V slow typing, X posted with all posts after the OP Blush

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 15/08/2010 23:56

you can get underwired nursing bras - I love mine :) My DS fed at night until late too, but remember the feeds will tail off over the next few months :) I remember feeling exactly the same and then DS self weaned suddenly at 18m, but I was a few months pregnant with DS3 who is now 5 weeks so the long haul has started again! The Olympics will be on when I finally get freedom Grin

FerminaUrbinoDaza · 15/08/2010 23:59

Oh yes, you can get underwired nursing bras, but if you've got a large cup size they're very hard to find and stupidly expensive. For some reason I imagined you with a rather imposing frontage.

Sorry about that, no idea why Hmm

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 16/08/2010 00:07

LOL Fermina Grin That made me laugh very hard. Thank you!! As it happens I do Wink but I may well be trying the converting technique you posted a link to - definite possibility!

LemonadeDrinker - congrats on DS3! And thank you for the hope. I will certainly look out for an under wired bra, I didn't realise you could get them. But if they are anything like Fermina says to find size wise I don't think it will be an option.

Thank you, quaere. I said initially, "I will get to six weeks", then it was "Three months", then "Six months", then "A year". I find it easier if I have targets to reach!

OP posts:
FerminaUrbinoDaza · 16/08/2010 00:13
Grin

Tame the norks and get yourself a night out. No arguments. I speak from bitter experience.

tiktok · 16/08/2010 09:10

SirBoob - read up the facts about alcohol and bf, and decide for yourself about having a night out. My view is that if you want to have a good drink once in a while, there is no evidence that this will do any harm at all to your baby - and certainly not to a bouncing 9-monther. You may disagree - but for goodness sake, don't make a decision one way or the other without knowing the proper story :)

itsybitsy08 · 16/08/2010 09:43

I totally know what you mean!
I was sick to death of wearing horrid nursing bras, so when dd was about 7month i bought a couple of normal bras with multi way straps - you can unclip the strap off and then put it back on! Makes it easier to move the cup - it is more difficult to clip the strap back on and you need a bendy arm but i had had enough.

As for wanting a night out, just have one. I know it sounds easier said than done but ...

Agree with poster who said express some and if your ds needs it that much at 9 month old he will drink it. When i stopped bf due to going back to work when dd was 10 months i was really worried about her not getting any milk as she would not drink from a beaker or bottle. As it happened when i wasnt there for her pre bed feed she drank her milk from a beaker off my mam with minnimal fuss!

You need some time to yourself - you are not just mum or a pair of boobs - totally understandable. To have fed as long as you have is a great acheivment and you should be proud! I was! :)

Lizzy1001 · 16/08/2010 09:57

Hi
feel for you! You gotta stop feeling guilty though, it is hard enough getting through all of this stuff and truly by the time they are seven you will really understand that it probably made not that much difference if you finished at 9 months or 12 months, especially if it is make you stressed. (By the way the French doctors recommend you drink a glass of red wine a day- go figure!)
Try different teats and milk products if he does not like the bottle I believe it is harder to get milk from a breast than a rubber teat so maybe a slow flow teat might work. Best of luck!

pixierara · 16/08/2010 10:02

totally normal Grin BF DS1 untikl he was 14m and went through periods of wanting to stop for the same reasons as you! Nursing Bras are horrible aren't they? I did get a few nights out though as used EBM......could this be an option? We even managed a night in a hotel when DS was 10m.......it is possible!

sungirltan · 16/08/2010 10:05

hey boobs!

i suggest getting some breastflow bottles - the ONLY thing that worked to get dd to feed from a bottle.

also i have totally given up nursing bras. i wear strapless underwired bras all the time now. i totally sympathise though i think wearing frumpy nursing bras delayed my getting confidence back post baby by a good few months.

angfirsttimer · 16/08/2010 10:08

Yep feel the same. The fact that ds won't take a bottle or cup makes me feel like it is not my choice anymore IYSWIM told myself would feed up to six months, ds currently five months so looks like I won't be able to stop anytime soon. Really proud of myself for getting this far BUT, and please don't flame me for this, I feel like I have done my bit on the bf front now.

Original poster
SirBoobAlot · 16/08/2010 10:09

Its not the alcohol content in the milk, not bothered by that Grin Its the fact that he still feeds 2 /3 times a night, so I can't go out. The first feed is slowly getting later - its around 11/12 now, and he doesn't generally go down till 8pm.

I tried a few weeks ago, and ended up coming back half way through the show because he wouldn't take anything. Have tried different bottles and different teats, he won't take it. He has only ever taken two bottles; every other attempt has just resulted in endless screaming and hysterics, whether I'm in the house or not.

Am so glad its not just me though.

OP posts:
tiktok · 16/08/2010 11:01

Ah, I get you, SirBoob - it's question of finding something else that will comfort him when you are not there.

Switching to formula will not help him need you or miss you any less.

Whoever is looking after him needs to be able to have a box of comforting tricks, and not upset and frustrate him by continually trying him with a bottle.

At 9 mths he can work up to being without you for a few hours in the evening - maybe not immediately, but if you practise leaving him for an hour and then increase that you should find it's ok. The carer has to be prepared to jiggle, sing, cuddle, rock, wheel around, and be tuned into what your baby is 'asking' for - so no singing/jiggling when the baby wants a bit of calm cuddliness, and vice versa.

HTH :)

LibertyGibbet · 16/08/2010 11:05

I'm still feeding a 3.4yr old. And I'm sick of the greying nursing bras. No I don't need them anymore but my old bras don't fit and I can't really afford new ones.

And I'd like my body back. We're winding down slowly to avoid blocked ducts and mastitis (I've struggled continually with them).

I feel guilty for feeling frustrated but tbh, I've done my bit.

ShrimpOnTheBarbie · 16/08/2010 11:26

I hear you - I am feeding my DD2 who is 10 months and feel the same way. I felt the same the first time too.

Nursing bras are the worst - and the fact that it's hard to wear a nice dress or nice anything and then have to hoick it all up just to feed a hungry monster. Bottles look so much more glamorous!

What kept me at it till 15months last time was that it really is so much easier and I am extremely lazy at heart!

This time I have managed to just find a few nice dresses that are feeding friendly(ish). No good bras yet - though. I have also made a decision to design a good feeding clothing line!!

I'm hanging in till 12 months as I can't handle having to convert to bottles - and then past that till after xmas as we are going away and I want the feed to help her ears in the plane. After that I am all gorgeous bras and milk stain free - if she lets me Wink

Bechka · 16/08/2010 11:47

Congratulations on getting this far, wooo!

No advice, other than to do what you think is best, but FWIW I have never used a nursing bra! My PFB is almost eight months now, never had formula, and I have stuck with underwired and padded throughout. Because I did not like the idea of nursing bras, and I like my boobs to look a certain way. So if you're being utterly ridiculous and selfish, then so am I, and precious to boot.

Good luck, whatever you decide!

civil · 16/08/2010 17:09

I fully support BFing, believe it's the only way and found it easy.

However, at getting to nine months I felt just like you. Frustrated, tied and envious of bottle feeders.

With dd1 I managed to carry on feeding her at bedtime and in the morning until she was just over 1, giving myself some freedom during the day to work. (I did have a job!)

With dd2 I stopped at nine months because I was getting so cross about doing it and envying people who'd had 'no milk' because it excused them from doing the right thing. (I'm not one to be gracious!)

StarlightMcKenzie · 16/08/2010 17:13

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StarlightMcKenzie · 16/08/2010 17:15

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ButterpieBride · 16/08/2010 17:26

Sirboob- I am feeling exactly the same. I think the main thing stopping me is peer pressure- about the only time I get to socialise and make new friends is at LLL, and I ony get to that every couple of months. (God, I sound sad!)

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