I am being utterly ridiculous and selfish, but can someone tell me they understand, please!

[SirBoobAlot]

DS is nine months and is a boob monster. I'm very proud of the fact we have got this far, and am grateful that we have had a relatively straight forward route.

But recently I have been getting frustrated with breastfeeding. My main reasons for stopping are that I would like to be able to have a drink without thinking about what is going into his system, and I want to wear a proper bra as I hate the way my boobs look in a nursing bra I know that is stupid, and selfish, and that if I did stop I would probably regret it. But I can't stop thinking about how nice it would be.

He doesn't drink from a cup or bottle very well - maybe a few sips if that, regardless of what is in it. So I suppose a lot of it is that I feel very trapped.

Really I just wanted to know if anyone had felt the same, because I feel very guilty for feeling the way I do. It was my choice to breastfeed, and I most certainly don't regret it. But every now and again I think, "God I'd kill for a night out" and "My boobs would look so much better in a proper bra..." (and this I know for a fact, I've tried some on ). Is it just me?

Get a nice bra and go out. I think you are being a bit of a martyr TBH. I left DS2 from when he was a few weeks old. If he wakes up he can have EBM, if he doesn't want that the babysitter (DH or otherwise) can cuddle him.

As others have said alcohol in milk isn't such a problem at 9 months. I don't see why stopping feeding is going to help if he will not settle for anyone else.....

I am frustrated with BFing for different reason - I am 2 stone overweight and can't diet when BFing as am hungry/peckish all the time. So I will probably stop at 6 months, can't see easy fix for me....

you can have a night out and you can wear nice bras.

I never stick with nursing bras beyond the first 6-9 months... after that the risk of the underwire causing mastitis is fairly minimal as they aren't engorged anymore due to the baby relying more on solid food than milk.

And i've gone out and had 5/6 drinks and come back and fed ds2 right away and there's been no problem, alcohol metabolises out of the milk as quickly as it does out of your bloodstream so as long as you don't get drunk it's fine (and even then the amount baby gets is miniscule)

ds2 is very clingy with me and generally won't settle unless i'm there but luckily dp is a star and doesn't complain about being stuck with a grumpy baby all night... and in fact has surprising success with getting him down without me there once ds2 gets tired enough.

BFing is exhausting enough without martyring yourself in the process

MumNW.... I never lost weight until my babies were a bit older.... it started falling off once they hit 6/9 months and once they were a year it melted off easily... that's without me making an effort at all. Lots of women find similar, your body hoards it in the early months but once baby starts solids your body seems to realise it's not needed and starts metabolising the fat.

Also wanted to add, my SIL was like this, never went out at all (drinking or otherwise) because her milk monster DS2 would wake up. After around 9 months her DH got annoyed by it, and suggested that it was time to stop.

Anyway she didn't want to so they decided to do night time sleep training / weaning instead at around 10 months when he was eating 3 good solid meals a day. He got moved out of their bed and into his own cot and within a week he was pretty much sleeping 7pm-7am. Now they/she can go out in the evening. She is still BFing at 13 months, he Bfeeds 3-4 times a day and has three solid meals (he is eating better now he has no night time milk), and still rarely drinks anything other than breastmilk.

Maybe sleep training/night weaning is the answer? On thinking about it, I don't think this is really a BFing problem, more of a night waking one.

SirBoob - 9 months is a really difficult patch for BFing I think, I remember thinking 'god I can't keep doing this it's driving me mad'.
DH and I went out a couple of times and left DS with my parents and a few bottles of EBM - they are both brilliant with him though, my Mum has a knack with a bottle and my Dad would pace/jiggle/cuddle/rock/sing for hours if necessary.

DS is 2 now and tbh we don't go out very often. We have friends to stay for the weekend or go and stay with them and do our socialising that way by getting the children all into bed and then getting drunk! But we are older than you and I can completely understand you being desperate to go out and let your hair down!

One thing I would say - persevere with giving water in a beaker. DS dropped daytime feeds very quickly from 8 months and by the time he was 10/11 months I could wear a 'proper' bra during the day and yes it did make me feel much better and more myself.

Non glamerous unfortunately, but underwired nursing bras here at Figleaves, some of them do go to larger sizes if they're in stock.

I'm beginning to feel a bit like you. DD is 8 months tomorrow and loves the boob. She refuses to entertain the idea of a bottle no matter what's in it and still wakes to feed a couple of times every night so leaving her for a night out is nigh on impossible.

She's eating well though and I'm having some sucess with giving her water in a tippee cup so these stories of 8/9 month olds dropping feeds are making me feel a little better.

No real help I'm afraid but wanted you to know that you're not alone.

sirboob last night, at 3am, I declared to the room myself that I was stopping. that was it, done, i had Had Enough.

Now, DS is nursing to sleep, but I am resolved to trying not to feed tonight. He loves the boob too, and is showing no sign of wanting to stop, unlike DD who stopped on her own at 10months. I feel tied down sometimes a lot and I feel guilty for that. He loves it so much how could i stop it i think, i see how well he has grown on MY milk, and not want to stop. And then think, if I stop, he has still done all that growing on MY milk, and that is great, and 9 months is bloody fantastic.

It is ok to want to stop. I do, just not sure if I want to stop. NOt sure if that even makes sense.

SirBoob - is it more of a frustration with the evening routine - could you spend a couple of weeks sorting that out - ie night weaning basically between 8 and 6am or whatever it is - once you've decided to do it with some children it is actually not as bad as you think and ime it needs to be done before a year anyway or it gets much harder.

(Am just saying this if SirBoob wants to nightwean - I know that there's no need to etc etc)

I found with both of mine that once we had nightweaned the whole thing was a lot easier and then I bf on to whenever I wanted.

I felt like this when dd2 was 9 months, by 11 months she had weaned herself off the boob, at which point of course I was devastated! But not for long .

you've done brilliantly getting to 9m, don't feel guilty, you've managed a lot longer than i did with either of mine (7m and 5m) and i had exactly the same feelings as you. I couldn't cope with the trapped feeling, it contributed directly to my PND. However it seems a shame to stop when you've done so well.

I think you will feel a lot free-er if you can get rid of the night feeds somehow, once they are gone you will feel so much better. How's his eating going, is he ok with food? If so it's unlikely he needs milk in the middle of the night, there are loads of strategies re getting rid of night feeds, talk to HV/BF counsellor maybe??

Then you can just feed in the day and he will take a bottle eventually, both of mine were adamant bottle refusers but when hungry enough they took it (dd was more stubborn than ds, she took 4 hours, he took 45 minutes!).

But if you do really want to stop, then stop without guilt, you've done a brilliant job and your emotional well being is equally as important for your baby and you IMO.

I don't want to stop, and I'm sure I would feel much worse if I did, its just dragging me down at the moment. Also DS would just not take anything else, so its not an option; which in itself is probably why I am feeling so down about it.

By the way - when I said FF cows milk, I meant "full fat cows milk", not formula. DS has never had formula, and I don't intend to introduce any now.

RE night feeds; I think he does need them. They're not short, we're talking 20 minutes a piece. He is eating three meals a day, plus snacks, plus lots of milk. He's very active, and has only put on a pound in the last two months as he is burning off all his food almost as quick as he eats it.

I don't know whether part of it is like pregnancy; I craved pate and goats cheese more because I knew I couldn't have them. Does that make sense? Am not even that keen on drinking and never normally notice what bra I'm wearing. Just a thought that crossed my mind earlier.

If you are concerned about him not drinking anything when you are not there, you could try giving him jelly. That has a high water content and is enough to quench a thirst. My sister's first DD would not drink anything at this age and this was what her HV suggested. If you are out perhaps he could be distracted with snack and jelly? Just a wee suggestion for you to try so you don't feel so tied down.

Look for the lovely signs when he is feeding which can warm your heart. I loved the way my babies ran their hands across my chest or reached for my face or the waythey rubbed their foot up and down my side. They way they look at you then smile with your nipple still in their mouth. These moments will soon stop forwever. My youngest is 16yrs old and I miss it all.