HELP pls - very close to giving up BF....

[blossom2]

i'm almost at the end and really close to breastfeeding. DD2 is now 7 weeks and although is generally happy during the day, and generally follows Tracey Togg's 3 hr routine.

However during the evenings, she is a nightmare. its been happening for the last 10 days now, where she wont do to sleep from 7 - 11pm. last night, she was up from 5.30pm and didn't sleep until 10.30pm. She didn't want to feed and was actually sick. she then woke at 3.00am and 5.30am (which is normal for her) but needless to say i'm exhausted. she's not crying and fairly calm. will fall asleep on me but as soon as we put her down, she's wide wake. it seems that she will only sleep when i'm in the bed.

I don't have any support from family or friends. DH works loads and i never know when he's going to be home. also have a 3.5yr old DD and its all rally really hard.

DD2 seems very attached to me, seems to be using me as a dummy and needs me to sleep. she's developing habits i don't want. we're currently using the swaddle, sit, shush & pat techniques suggested by baby whispher but they didn't work last night.

Please Please help, i don't know what to do and am really close to giving up breastfeeding so that DH can at least help at night and the early mornings... how do people get through this stage???

blossom have no advice except another voice to say please please pay for some help, or could any family members fly over to you to help you with the trip back?

even with one child where non-solid feeding is a distant memory having a dh who didn't make it back til 9 pm every night (and I bet he leaves early) would drive me simply BANANAS.

For the second one, if I have one, I have dh's agreement to go and live with my mum for a month. It's standard practice in Muslim culture as I understand it. (Haven't told Mum yet.) When the time comes I hope to extend it to 2 months

I think it is worth a try Blossom

Sorry keep forgetting you are not the UK. What a nightmare.
Not saying you shouldn't ever give formula - but just saying don't 'assume' you don't have enough. Only your baby can say that - if she is gaining weight and is well, then she's getting enough. That's all.

oh no Blu, you're not hassaling... it just i wish i had friends & family that were that supportive and have the 3 of us for 2 weeks - there really is no one. everyone is neither, pregnant, got kids of their own or hse is too small ... there isn't anyone i would go to and have them help out in that kind of way .... in terms of getting paid extra help - not really an option as we're only here for another 2 months and most nannies/au pair/babysitter don't want something for such a short period ...

sounds like she wants you, rather than food.

if you bottle feed her, she will probalby just end up being sick - eg she'll gulp the bottle then want you anyway.

Personally...I would let her have you as much as possible, take her into your bed and let her grow more and more secure.

I think its a myth that you will create 'bad habits' at this age and anyway, you can always break them when they are a bit older

jsut read the thread and realised that I basically agree with sweetkitty

You could try the paid help thing though. Put an ad somewhere - in a shop window/nursery. It might well suit someone who does babysitting. You don't know until you try!

Do you have any friends with an au pair who they could lend you for a couple of hours ?

You're right Aloha, will post an advert on the english speaking mothers website - hopefully someone will reply.

blossom2 - I have been following your threads and have posted on a couple so I won't rehash but I went through exactly the same thing with dd2 - really really hard for gosh, nearly 3 months I think, and then it got better. She went down at 7pm, and was then up nearly every hour, with me up and down the bloody stairs, then awake in the night.

She was in my bed and has no 'bad' sleep routines now. I really would go with the flow and just feed her on demand. Easier said than done I know love.

Dd2 fought having a bottle (I tried stopping b/feeding at about 6 wks I think, found it hard with dd1 to cope with as well) and when she eventually went onto formula I whooped for joy. I know this won't sit well with some, but I found it lots easier, not saying give up, but don't feel guilty if you do.

I regret trying to 'rush' dd2 through this early stage now, it is such a short time.

Hope things get better.

xxxx

agree with alux and sweetkitty.
my ds (14 weeks) still hardly sleeps during the day and can be up half the night too! we've gone with the flow and just very recently he's started sleeping longer at night (from early/mid-evening onwards, interrupted by feeds) all by himself.
one thing which will unfailingly get him to sleep is putting him in the baby björn. with a sling or carrier baby has the comfort of closeness to you and you have hands free.
could evening feeding times also be times for you to read and talk to dd1, help her with drawing, etc.? basically quiet wind-down play times.
yes... feed in bed! it will mean sleeping separately from dh due to his smoking habit (maybe being relegated to the couch will be a good incentive for him to kick it?... the habit that is, not the couch! ) but your nights will be soooo much easier.
don't worry about bad habits! to quote lll, their needs are their wants at this stage. this is an issue i'm having to fight out with dh atm, but i'm sticking to my guns as i (sorry) dislike the idea of putting them into strict routines so young... as aloha said, they haven't read the baby books! sound like you're actually making more work for yourself with it all.
this stage WILL NOT last forever. i promise

blossom2 - haven't got time to read through responses just now but want reassure you that this is anormal phase and will get better. Congratulations first of all for getting to 7 wweeks breast feeding. Unfortunately you have not hit the 'lovely' phase yet but it is very much feed, nappy, feed, cry, etc.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking that bottle feeding will solve your problems - you may have an equally upset baby without the advantage of the breast to placate them. Youe first baby settled more easily - so did mine. Hardly heard a cheap out of him until he was going through grwoth spurts where he wanted to cluster feed. The rest of my children were all different and they were all fed the same way, so there is a little personality in there too

My philosophy always was, if they are clean and dry and crying, give them the boob. When I couldn't be arsed breastfeeding again, I put them in the pram and pushed it back and forth quickly until they dropped off to sleep. Sometimes worked, sometimes didn't. I also swaddled them tighly before putting them back to the breast 'for one last time'.

You will not form habits at 7 weeks. The more a baby is cuddles/fed at this age, the more secure they feel and the less they cry.

If DD2 is going 3 hourly of her own accord then that is fine. If however you are trying to make her wait 3 hours before feeding her then I would stop that for a few days. If she is going through a growth spurt she wil want to feed more frequently which will increase your supply. Once the supply is up, she will settle more again.

I wouldn't waste a lot of time sushing and patting where a feed might work. Remember that the breast is a place of security and comfort as well as a source of milk.

This book may give you a bit more confidence because I think this is the problem you have at the moment. As you said, you know bottle feeding but you are feeling insecure about feeding at the moment. The book is easy to read and is on the mumsnet webpage.
here

Will post amazon link too. HTH.

It is stocked in Amazon and is usually dispatched in 24 hours. It really will help and explain it all.

link

blossom: I'm smiling because I had all the angst about developing bad habits if I fed her to sleep, slept in the same bed etc. but realised that I could only give her the care I wanted to if I rested more. DD is now 18 wks old and she goes into her cot with minimal fuss - and stays there. Like I said, you won't find that everytime she is put to sleep you will have to do this. Try putting her into her cot the way you want first, if it is not working, then try whatever way will make both of you sleep. We had countless lunchtime sleeps together because it meant that I would survive the night wakings when dh was in scotland without becoming a weepy bag of nerves.

Its just a phase. it will pass. Oh, I what also helped was reading about the difference between 'crying up' and 'crying down'. Google them to understand the difference and it will tell you whether it is better to pick up so she doesn't get hysterical or if she is having a little cry and is likely to soothe herself to sleep.

Hi Blossom

You have my life except I live in a northern suburb and you live in Paris! I have a 6 week old, a 4 year old and a 5 year old. My DH works all the time (he managed 3 hours in the delivery room!) and although a very sweet man is utterly crap with babies so I do all the baby stuff with no help, and also get DS1 and DS2 fed and into bed in the evening. (I know you didn't say your DH was crap with babies!).

In the evenings my DD seems to be frantic for the breast but screams when she gets anywhere near it. It makes it very difficult to do anything for the boys as she screams the house down if I'm not carrying her - she's like this from about 5pm onwards. She eventually falls asleep in my arms if I jig her around, and I take her up to bed around 11pm.

I just wanted to say that I really sympathise with your exhaustion and how lonely it can feel to do all this on your own. The only technique I have found for coping is to just enjoy all the cuddles from your DD during the evening witching hours, and remember that these new baby phases don't last for very long.

agree with mears on how good breastfeeding is to settle, I did miss that when she went onto bottles. My philosphy for those early months was 'if in doubt, get them out' . Not in any books but it does work.

Thank you for all your comments ladies. i've taken an atitude (?) turn since my posts - resigned myself to this happening until she is at least 3 months. don't think there is any point in fighting it and getting myself & family upset. Its bloody exhausting though. although tonight DD2 was calm and very cute - smiled at me for the first time!!!

lets hope i can keep up this attitude ... will continue to breastfeed ....

You're doing a good job blossom,and remember it is a bloody full time job,so don't worry about anything else. Sit and relax!

Well done for keeping going Blossom, some babies are much higher need than others and will still be high need whether breast or formula fed.
You're doing amazingly and I think you're wise to try and just go with it rather than fighting what she needs. I find the times I'm not enjoying being with my little one is because I'm trying to run things and it doesn't fit with what she needs at that time. Remember how quickly your first grew up and that in a few short weeks you'll hit the lovely part of breastfeeding, where they become more settled and happy and smile up at you while they feed.
I felt like I breastfed constantly for the first 3 months, but its been lovely ever since. My little one is now 14 months and still breastfeeding, and its a wonderful part of our day (the only time when she's not wrecking the place, lol).

Big hugs, you're doing great, these early weeks are tough.

Love clare