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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

HELP pls - very close to giving up BF....

68 replies

blossom2 · 25/08/2005 08:12

i'm almost at the end and really close to breastfeeding. DD2 is now 7 weeks and although is generally happy during the day, and generally follows Tracey Togg's 3 hr routine.

However during the evenings, she is a nightmare. its been happening for the last 10 days now, where she wont do to sleep from 7 - 11pm. last night, she was up from 5.30pm and didn't sleep until 10.30pm. She didn't want to feed and was actually sick. she then woke at 3.00am and 5.30am (which is normal for her) but needless to say i'm exhausted. she's not crying and fairly calm. will fall asleep on me but as soon as we put her down, she's wide wake. it seems that she will only sleep when i'm in the bed.

I don't have any support from family or friends. DH works loads and i never know when he's going to be home. also have a 3.5yr old DD and its all rally really hard.

DD2 seems very attached to me, seems to be using me as a dummy and needs me to sleep. she's developing habits i don't want. we're currently using the swaddle, sit, shush & pat techniques suggested by baby whispher but they didn't work last night.

Please Please help, i don't know what to do and am really close to giving up breastfeeding so that DH can at least help at night and the early mornings... how do people get through this stage???

OP posts:
Beanfrog · 25/08/2005 09:47

I had similar probs with my LO and started giving him a bottle feed of expressed breast milk at night. I went to bed at 10pm and if LO woke b4 2am dh gave him the bottle. You may have some reservations about introducing combi feeding but it worked well for us, as I got atleast a 4hr stretch of sleep. I'm still breast feeding at 10 months no problems.
Its just the 3 of us here our nearset family is about 200miles away so I know how hard and lonely it can feel at first. But it does get better. ((hugs))
My LO was a terrible sleeper from day one until about 6months when we moved him out of our room and he started to sleep through! Must have beeen dad's snoring!

donnacb · 25/08/2005 09:48

I also had the same problem at 7 weeks. I think its a stage but ds does have reflux. he wasnt really a pukey baby as such but you could here the milk going up and down and he would cry with the pain. now on meds is 9 months and a happier boy. r u having lots of fruit juice or acidic things tomatoes that acn also upset your liitle one sometimes and give them a sore tum. I do think its a stage they go through and i think some bottle feeders do it to. however dont feel guilty if you want to stop your baby has had 7 weeks of breast milk better than nothing at all. My little one wont take a bottle loves booby which means i never get a very long break away. so think about you too. good luck . ps breastfeeding does get a lot easier as time goes on.

Demented · 25/08/2005 09:58

Here is my thread about marathon evening feeds (often 6 hours at a time). My DS2 was a bit younger than your DD2. Having scanned through it I think the best bit of advice in the thread was that long feeds were not really an indication of a problem as long as the baby is gaining weight, it could be a bad latch if the baby is not gaining well.

I don't know how much this will help but when my DS2 was like this and my DS1 was about the same age as your DD1, I used to put DS1 to bed then sit in the livingroom with only a sidelight on and watch the telly (sometimes picking out a favourite film to watch and trying to have a bit of a girly evening, especially if DH wasn't in), often with a glass of wine in hand and just try my best to enjoy it.

Demented · 25/08/2005 10:01

Oh and just to echo Aloha your DD2 may not be any different if she is being bottlefed, this thought helped me keep going with DS2.

lucy5 · 25/08/2005 10:07

My advice is go with the flow and bin the books. (no pun intended) She will find her own routine and you can adjust it accordingly as time goes on and grab every bit of sleep you can, I know this must be hard with two.

Blu · 25/08/2005 10:13

Blossom - poor you, it must be realy hard being away from home and with a dp out til 9pm. Can he make an exception for a few nights to give you a bit of moral support?

I agree with Alux and Aloha - and (apart from the possibility that she is getting colic?) this is a sleeping issue rather than a feeding one.

My DS would only sleep when attached to me, too. In fact he was only happy awake if I was holding him. I got nothing done for months that culdn't be done one-handed, and carried him round in a sling. But it wore off, and i feel a bit sorry now that I didn't just surrender to it, spend all the time cuddling him and doing nothing...although that's much harder when you have an older child, as you do.

If it is colilc, isn't bottlefeeding more likely to add to the problem?

iota · 25/08/2005 10:17

have to say that I agree with you Blu -

both my 2 went through a very restless colicy stage and no it wasn't much fun.

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 10:50

i think its probably a sleep issue rather than a feeding one, but sometimes she seems to take so little that i wonder how she can be full. getting her weighed tomorrow so we'll see.

a part of me thinks its just a phase (rather hopes) but i do think she is beginning to develop habits and i really don't want to sleep train her later one. I really want my evenings as well and it also means i can devote some time to DD1 and perhaps even bath her!! I can't bear to hear DD2 cry either...

OP posts:
LIZS · 25/08/2005 10:52

Any chance you could all bathe together - dd2 may find it soothing - or you could take her into bathroom in chair or car seat ?

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 10:52

i also feel robbed because Dh was suppose to take 3 weeks off in august and that was going to be my time to get DD2 (and family) into some kind of routine, but he couldn't take it off. and now work is really busy so there really is no support from him....

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Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 10:53

DD1 would love to bath with DD2 but she is all over her and unfortunately we have a small bath ....

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Blu · 25/08/2005 10:57

Worrying that they can't be getting enough seems to be inescapable, we all do it, I promise!
7 weeks is still very tiny - she may well adopt one pattern that fits, but as they are growing and changing so fast, she may be in transition to a new one.It's months before you need worry about habits, isn't it?
I sympathise 100% about the crying - it's unbearable, isn't it?
Cudle cuddle cuddle, and it will pass.
Can anyone come and keep you company for a few days? A sister or old friend?

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 11:00

god, i sound so moany and whinging & ungrateful. i just seem to making excuses. i'm sorry, all your advice is really helpful and cheered me up loads ... i'm going to try the hot water bottle thing tonight.... thank you ...

unfortunately we're ran out of favours and everyone else is busy or pregnant!!

OP posts:
Blu · 25/08/2005 11:00

Blossom - just read you post about the 3 weeks in August.
That is REALLY awful, no wonder you feel robbed - you have been.
Look - can you get a maternity nurse or mothers help? If DP has 'reneged' on the deal - even if he couldn' help it - he should be sympathetic to you getting some alternative support.

Can you pack the kids up and bring them back to your Mums for a couple of weeks?

Blu · 25/08/2005 11:01

No, you DON'T sound moany and whingey - I would be going mad in your situation, honestly I would.

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 11:01

unfortunately we're in paris and i really don't have the courage to take them on a train .. but good idea if i was in the UK ... thanks blu

OP posts:
Tessiebear · 25/08/2005 11:02

My Ds3 is 7 weeks too - the only thing that has kept me B/Feeding is to top him up with a bottle at bed time as i feel he is not getting enough from me by that time of day. By the time he feeds in the night i feel that i am full of milk again. He is a big baby (14 IB) and is very hungry - it is also nice for someone else to have the option of putting him to bed - so you can have a rest. I dont think one or two bottles of "top - up" formula would do any harm if it will keep you B/Feeding longer

Tessiebear · 25/08/2005 11:05

btw - i didnt find that swaddling worked because DS3 needed to have his arms free to find his own sleeping position (which now means that he pretty much settles himself when i put him down)
I started off half swaddling him (under the arms) but now i just put him in his cot and cover him up

aloha · 25/08/2005 11:06

Where do you live? Can you pay someone to come in the evenings to help out? A local student/teenager/au pair/nanny - pay 5pounds an hour. She could hold the baby while you bath your dd and just help. Also have you tried a dummy just to get you through bathtime? Put her in the bathroom in a bouncy chair with a dummy and hopefully it will buy you some time.
It does sound really, really hard - having a newborn and toddler and no support is very, very tough and I totally sympathise...but honestly, I don't think adding washing and sterilising bottles and making up formula will make any of it any easier. Spend the money on help instead if you can. Your dh really owes it to you IMO.
Poor you - and I mean that.

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 11:07

i have no problems with top up formula at all but i'm worried she'll reject the breast .....

OP posts:
aloha · 25/08/2005 11:07

And never, ever assume a baby isn't getting enough. EVERYONE worries about it - even in countries where there is no option but to breastfeed.

Tessiebear · 25/08/2005 11:08

Ds3 has gone between breast and bottle without any problems - but we have done both from day one

Tessiebear · 25/08/2005 11:11

Aloha - i am not saying that mixed feeding is for everyone and that what i am doing is the right thing for Blossom to do - i am just saying it works for me and i have a very happy and settled baby. My baby feeds 2 hourly during the day and by the evening he needs more

Blu · 25/08/2005 11:15

Could your DP come with you on the train at the w/e, and then go straight back? or could a member of your family come out and then help you back on the train? Get DP to drop you at Gare du Nord, see you on to the train and have a relative meet you at Waterloo or Ashford?

Sorry, I don't mean to harrass you about this and it might come over like that- but one quite difficult journey might buy you 2 weeks of rest and support?

Original poster
blossom2 · 25/08/2005 11:15

i desparately want DD2 to take bottle & breast because i need time off ... i glad to hear its working for you tessiebear... gives me hope

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