What kept you going in the early days ?

[Fibilou]

My friend has just given up BFing because she found it too hard, I feel bad now that I didn't approach her to see how it was going (was afraid how she would react if I asked her due to some of the negativity on here mainly) and wonder if some of the advice I ws given would have helped her.

Anyway, I thought it might be nice for people that are really struggling to know what helped us get through the bad times. For me it was a bit of advice my friend gave me:
"Take it one feed at a time, just think that you'll do one more feed. And it gets much better at 6 weeks"

hmmmmm... I started a thread on here once asking if breastfeeding was as bad as people said it was and got told that for many people it's fine yet everyone I speak to says 'it gets better at 6 weeks'

My DH/family looking after me is the main thing I think. All I have to worry about is feeding the baby/resting up.

It seems that so many women have so much on their plates these days.

I think that the answer is that everything gets better at 6 weeks. A woman carries a baby for months, delivers it either through strenuous effort, or major abdominal surgery (or both sometimes), loses blood, is sleep deprived, has massive hormonal changes, and then is trying to teach someone very tiny to feed.

It's such an awful lot of things to happen at one time, that it's going to take weeks to gain a full sense of perspective of the new life. So whether bfing is a problem in itself, or it's just part of the package, around 6 weeks it does all get better

What Morloth and CMOT said. Babies get easier in many ways after around 6 weeks (well, many do). And taking one feed at a time is very good advice.

But now, knowing that feeding to sleep is a seriously wonderful tool would help me keep going through difficult patches.

I just kept going.

I had support that I think helped, great community mdwives and very very helpful and supportive DH. Friends were amazing, also good GP. Also mumsnet.

But in the main, I just kept running. Despite every pore screaming at me to stop, take 2 paracetamol, lie down and wake up in a fortnight.

Looking back, I have no idea if I could pull that off again. I count it as my own personal marathon - which is handy as now don't ever have to run one

While the six-week thing was true for me, be wary of it - if you do get to six weeks and you're still exhausted and struggling with feeding then it can make you feel even worse.

Saying that, I would agree that it does definitely get so much easier!

It's not that breastfeeding is hard for everyone - it's just that most of us don't come to it with the right expectations. I think it's ingrained in many of us that even if we're not following routines, somehow the baby 'should' start going 3-4 hours between feeds. And the reality of breastfeeding for many (most?) is that in the early weeks (and sometimes beyond), you're feeding much more frequently. If you don't realise this is normal, you might think you're not producing enough milk and your body is 'failing' you etc etc.

So, I'd say, come to it with the right expectations and go with the flow* for the first few weeks / couple of months. And talk talk talk to other breastfeeding mums, if you can.

• excuse pun.

My situation was different to the norm; my DS was early and so i had to express every 4 hours (including in the night) for 8 weeks. For last 2 of these weeks he was home but had to have ebm in the bottle as he was not strong enough. Then i had to wean onto breast, which i did as cold turkey.
It was long and tiring and when he so ill with a gut infection i many a time thought what is the point. I think when he was in hospital i kept going as wanted to experience feeding my baby. When he hit his due date he went onto cluster feeding and i would have given if it wasn't for the support, praise and encouragement from my husband firstly followed by my mum.

DS is 9 months actual now and still breastfeeding and i never thought i would say this but i fill up with pride when husband says he is proud of me for bf.

TheOldestCat is right about being wary of the 6 week thing taken too literally. Sleep rather than feeding was my big challenge, and weeks 6 - 14 were much worse than weeks 1-6. 8 weeks was the pits for us. I remember now that it was pretty depressing when everyone said that the first six weeks were always the hardest.

Seeing the increasingly chubby thighs on my Ds kept me going. That and my DH telling me he was proud of me for feeding his boy. I think the sense of responsibility for 'growing' a child is at times overwhelming but also very empowering.

I wish people were more honest about bf generally, it can be bloody hard and bloody painful!

I found that reading the book "what mothers do" was very helpful during the night feeds when I was feeling really resentful of dd for waking me up again

Green and Black chocolate - there is no other way I could have justified eating so much.

Ugly Betty and Gray's anatomy DVD boxsets - I had never seen them before and got so into them that I even thought - great, another feed, I can find out what happens.

That sounds pretty flippant but I did just have to reduce my life to minute by minute feeding/not feeding. That was the only two seperate states in my life. I needed to do something strange mentally to block out the extreme pain of every breastfeed.

I guess the thought that kept me going was that I saw too much encouragement to get your normal life back after a baby, and I wanted to be an essential part of my DS's life, with no ability to leave him and a bottle with someone. I feel pretty hesitant to admit this on MN, but there must be others out there who feel the same.

ok the things that are causing me to be on the brink of giving up are -

nipple vasospasm-using heat pads, taking painkillers, but boobs are agony, if i open the fridge door the pain makes me cry!

ds taking such a long time to feed that i am glued to the sofa for ages

feeling bad about above, so unable to do stuff with dd1 and 2 (4 and 3)

ds not settling between feeds at night, cosleeping doesn't help, so dh and i have to take turns carrying him around in a sling, last night i had 2 hours sleep

if i thought this will definitely get easier, it would help, but at the moment i can't see an end in sight.

ds is 4 weeks old, and dh went back to work today - probably a contributing factor to my feeling so low!

i realise i have completely flipped the thread on its head - i'm sorry!

I found the whole thing really really difficult.

IMO complete and utter madness in the true sense of the word kept me going.

I was one of those that got to six weeks and was like WAH!!! It's not any better, WTF is wrong with me, I'm shit at this...

So then what kept me going was long tearful skype calls to my sister and walking like a madwoman round and round the park.

I don't think it occurred to me to even think that the BF might be difficult, because the whole bloody thing was awful. In a way maybe that helped because even though I struggled emotionally, DS didn't gain weight, the HV mucked up a measurement and made me think his head was irregularly small etc etc etc I never ever considered giving up BF. Thankfully. because eventually that is what picked me up-sitting crying about everything else but realising that I'd successfully cracked one bit of the "being a mother" thing - feeding my DS. Once I had that to hook onto, it started getting easier!

(Have no idea if I've lost the plot or somehow answered what you were asking....)

I love the early days
The best bits are DH doing breakfast in bed every morning while I lay there with a baby asleep on me. Bliss.
And cosleeping; having that warm little body curled into mine.
I'm getting ever so broody....

Definitely one day/feed at a time.
Also I found having a tin of formula in the kitchen strengthens my resolve. I look at it and think no, not yet. We're okay.

I would agree with one day/feed at a time
But also that you get better exponentially - I remember those first few days where I was entirely surrounded by pillows and then 4 weeks later I was happily sitting on the floor plugging DS in.

fibilou, i wouldn't worry. so many things needed to be different for me to have kept going that one friend saying 'how's it going', particularly a friend who appeared to be managing well, might actually have made me homicidal. what i needed was a different attitude, frankly a different partner (dh is great, don't get me wrong), a different mother, a different mother in law, different doctors in the paeds ward, and to be fair possibly a different baby!

Expressing one feed each day so that DH/ granny can also feed the baby sometimes. I think feeding is a lovely bonding experience for your partner to share and it gives me that little bit of freedom from being the walking milk machine! Occasionally I also use a carton of Aptimal - oooo the shame! It's kept me going through breast feeding two extreemly hungry, big big boys and now one ravenous baby girl!

Hazey, well done for doing four weeks, it honestly will get better and better. It will also benefit your older DC in the long run as in months to come you wont have to drag them home from the park/friends house/swimming, delete as appropriate because DS needs feediing and you doont have a bottle.

To make it easier for DC 1&2 with DC3 I kept a stash of books/DVDs and a couple of card games which they could only use when I was feeding. My DC1 used to be asking me to feed asap because he was desperate to read Nat Fantastic again!!

In the meantime, make sure you hand over to DH when he gets home each day and ask for help from whoevers around that will be helpful to you. If you can persuade someone to take DC for a walk round the block, get your head down for a kip. It does get better, honest.

My mum telling me it would get better as I had fought back tears every time DD latched on. She was right. It did but the first few weeks were hellish. TV and food were also a great distraction. Cosleeping also helped a lot.

I think knowing what to expect would have helped me as I was constantly thinking I didn't have enough milk.

Agree with taking one day at a time. Things didn't get easier for me until about 8/9 weeks so the whole 6 weeks thing wasn't helpful at all.

I would have liked someone to tell me to enjoy the time with my feet up, eating loads of cake/chocolate, watching TV/films, reading books etc and having loads of cuddles with my DD because in a few months I would actually miss them. Just reading that back, not sure I would have believed you at the time but it is true.

Also would have loved a friend to come and take DD for a walk around the block so I could get a shower/go to the loo/make something to eat without feeling horrendously guiltly for leaving her crying while I did these.

what kept me going was a friend from ante-natal class who was doing night feeds at the same time as me, and we texted eachother every night - it made us both realise we weren't alone!

Also the pound a week DS gained.

For me, it got less awful at 8 weeks, then again at about 12 weeks.

Oh, and I set up a 'feeding station' where I could slump on the sofa with DS on my lap on his cushion, him latched on, and a wee table laden with food and drink and computer so I could MN with the other hand - not so great when I spilt diet coke all over my laptop, but it survived.

DVD box sets and all night Olympics in telly. Parking ourselves on the sofa for hours while DS did the 5-6 hour evening feed. Wish we'd bought a hard disk recorder earlier though

Seriously, I'm amazed no-one told me, not even the NCT breastfeeding class, that although the wee blighters have a stomach the size of a walnut (or something) they can feed for hours and hours. I was convinced I was doing something wrong. That and the fact that he trundled along on the second centile.

Gave up in the end due to niggly, unsupportive HVs, that second centile thing and a nervous DH. Second time around I'm recording entire seasons of cool telly, and planning on doing waaaay less around the house. Oh, and if I have another tiddly (but perfectly healthy and meetign all milestones) baby - ignoring the HVs.