"oooo you want to be giving up bf by about 3-4 months"

[tinylion]

I've had three members of the older generation tell me this over the last few days. My second child is 11 weeks.

The first, my awful MIL said, "make sure you start giving him solids by 16 weeks, and introduce a bottle. For your own sake you know. Not that I'm telling you what to do you understand."

My lovely mum said "You've done your bit. I found bf really messy. Why don't you start introducing a bottle now?"

And then, of all people, the bra fitter lady today said "3-4 months is enough I think. I don't understand these people that bf for longer than that. It's a bit unpleasant".

And my (male) hairdresser told me that sometimes women come in and half way through the hair cut they ask if they can bf. But he doesn't "know where to look. I don't want to see a boob in public anywhere. Perhaps on holiday but not in my salon. Of course you can't say anything can you? It's not right though".

Sigh.....I am bf my little one, with one bottle of formula at 5pm, (given by my hubbie) whilst I get DD into bed.

Why is the older generation SO against bfeeding? Is it cos we're "oop North"?! (no offence, but I'm not in a trendy urban forward thinking part of the world you see).

I seriously think to be honest that the majority of older people that I have met, and also men (and sometimes women) who don't have children are very uncomfortable with the thought of bfeeding.

Not that it's going to stop me you understand. Just thought I'd vent a bit on here.

tell them all to fark off and do what makes you and yours happy

yes, don't let it stop you!
Where oop north are you? There are lots of us in the Durham area who meet up regularly, and we won't nag you to stop, I promise

I'm in the wilds of Northumberland (near Hexham)....with lots of sheep and trees and nowt else.

Gah what is wrong with people!

Just ignore them, bunch of ignorant *

My own Dad actually said to me when DS was about 5 months old 'well I suppose you won't be feeding much longer then'. My reply was that I planned to feed until he had had his MMR at least, and then we would see.

I am still feeding DS now and he has just turned 2 - I don't make a fuss out of it, but my parents know I'm still feeding him and I know they don't approve really. Daft when you consider they are both Drs and were so very supportive in the early days, makes me a bit sad really.

My in laws have been asking how long I'll be breastfeeding for since ds was 2 weeks old...
Dh said I wasn't sure, but months, maybe a year, maybe longer, just whatever and FIL tutted!
GGGrrrrrrr

my MIL asked me when I was going to put my daughter 'onto the bottle' pretty much the whole time until about a couple of months ago when it seems to have clicked with her that I have no intention of doing so...

my extended family are pretty uncomfortable with breastfeeding in general. The only supporter has been my granny who fed my mum until she was 11 months (when she started her on 'proper' milk :-)

I just carry on, my little one is 10 months

My mother said (whilst I was in hospital after crash c-section trying desperately to establish bf with dd, born at 37 weeks weighing only 6lb and very sleepy thanks to the GA I had for her birth), 'I don't know why you're making yourself so miserable, would it be such a terrible thing to give her a bottle?'

FIL (god I hate that man with such venom...gah) again, whilst I was in hospital, 'oh come back and tell me in a month's time that you're not giving her a bottle' (said with sneers and winks to other gathered family members).

Not sure when would be a good time to 'go back and tell him' that I AM still bf, thank you for your support....

There is a generation that just cannot understand why you would want to do something as backward as bf. As another poster has already said, smile sweetly and then tell them to feck off.

willowstar maybe they just give up by then, my MIL and FIL haven't mentioned it for ages and my DS is 10mo too

He only has one feed during the day and it happened to be when I was at their house recently, I think they had kind of forgotten where his milk was coming from!

Some of the older generations are just plain ignorant about breastfeeding. DH's granny, in her late 70s, who breastfed her daughters (for about 6 months I think) was actually 100% BAFFLED that I was still making enough milk to feed DS at 10 months.

She didn't think it was wrong or weird (and tells me stories of how commonplace it was to see toddlers feeding when she was younger in the country) but asked me several times if I was 'taking anything' to help my milk production!

Still.

It's the word 'still' I want to scream at.

DS is 5 months and I get 'Oh are you STILL breastfeeding?'

So I hear ya.

Yup, had the same from MIL. She was obv not happy with me BF - why??? I think she would have been appalled had she known I fed DD until she was 15m when she self-weaned.

My parents have been so supportive throughout though, so I really don't think it's necessarily a generational thing - there are ignorant people of every age...

Tell them to fuck off.

Am on eight and a half months here, and my mum still won't get rid of the formula she put in the cupboard "Just In Case".

Some people - especially if they didn't / couldn't breastfeeding themselves, I've noticed - can be very derogatory and negative. You just kinda have to let it ride (or tell them exactly what you think ) and remind yourself that you are happy with your choice.

I got asked a lot, "Are you still Feeding Her Yourself?"

Because even the word 'breast' is a bit scary, dontcha know

Tinylion I don't think it's completely generational thing. Some people just have wierd attitudes. Agree with everyone who says just do what you want to do and ignore everyone else.

To back me up on this I have to say that one of the biggest supporters of bfing for as long as people wish is my FIL. Odd but true. He thinks people that complain about it should get a life. Perhaps its to do with him being from a farming background! To temper that view is my MIL who makes faces when she mentions people "still bfing when their children are 5." Sh really doesn't approve of bfing past a few months. My DD is 6 months and I bf'd DS until he was about 7 months when I felt under pressure to start winding it down (not just from her but in general). I just assumed thats what you did. I am planning on going for as long as DD and I want this time.

Bollocks to 'em.

god, this is a real eye opener for me, I never get any of this. My mum FF me and my sister but (with the exception of anything to do with teeth as she was a children's dentist) would sooner fly in the air than comment on such a thing. And MIL BF'd her 4, so nothing from her or FIL. And I've fed out and about (this is in London, don't know if that makes a difference) and the only comment I've had is when my NCT group met up in a local pub which was nigh on empty apart from us, and at one point we all had our boobs out feeding, and the manager, who was gay, was most intrigued and asked us lots of questions, but in an interested and friendly way.

I think it's AWFUL that so many people have to put up with this kind of rubbish, I don't think I could keep my cool at all.

Just ignore them.

My Dh's aunt apparently BF her youngest until he started school at 4.5 years old so compared to that I'm normal to be feeding at 3 months and SIL is normal to be feeding at a year.

My mum didn't BF me past 6 weeks because the meaningful older generation told her that my screaming was because she was starving me (in hindsight she probably was, my mum was told in hospital to fed 4 hourly only just 10 mins on each side), so she is very supportive although I suspect she'd find it weird if I fed for more than a year. She fed my siblings until 6 months as in those days (late 70s and 80s) they gave cows milk to babies at 6 months.

The correct answer is that the "guidelines" (who etc) are to feed for 2 years.

Until DD was about 6 months I kept getting asked "Are you STILL feeding her?" - no we've decided to stop and see how she does with just some sunshine and encouragement.....

I did consider stopping - and posted on here about it. After a few responses of "Why would you stop if its still suiting you and baby?" I wised up and now intend to keep going as long as I can.

Now that she's 9 months I'm still bfing her - not as much now she's on solids, and I don't need to feed her if we're out - so people have just assumed that I've stopped and that's fine with me, its no-one else's business.

With SOME people I think it stems from their own feelings of guilt/inadequacy that they didn't bf (NOT that i'm anti-ff, I think that it's up to the woman to choose and do what's right for her and her baby)

My SIL (early 30s, so of my own generation) has no kids of her own but is a primary school teacher and therefore believes herself to be an expert in everything baby/child related. When she first saw me breastfeeding DS (at 6 weeks) said 'You know you can feed with formula right? It's really good nowadays' I assured her however good it was it wasn't as good as breastmilk to which she said 'Well you'll only want to do it for 3 months then, because he won't get enough nutrients'. Sigh. Some people have no idea, I find it frustrating when breastfeeding was so difficult at first but we got there in the end that family members seem to have a problem with it. My Mum thinks my DS needs water, because breastmilk is food and he must get thirsty... a statement my Health Visitor agrees with? I usually just say smile, acknowledge their comments and then ignore them totally.

MIL cannot believe that I am 'still filling her (DD)' 5 months on. It is apparently far better to put a bit of rusk in the bottle!

I have always fed until 6 months, but feel like carrying on a bit longer this time to annoy everyone.

tinylion am with you!

DD2 is 8 months now and does take 1-2 bottles a day (I'm back at work) but I b'feed her 3 other feeds, and she still wakes quite a lot wanting boob so tend to cosleep at least half of most nights... MIL (who is actually really lovely and helps out with half of my childcare) every week asks if I've stopped bfing, and if not when I'm going to do it. SIL the same. Both b'fed their babes but only for 3-4 months.

I bfed DS til nearly 9 months and DD1 til nearly 13 months so have kind of hoped to keep going a while yet, but now feel I have to almost make excuses as to why I'm still feeding. Even my very pro b'feeding mum has commented on when will I stop- although in her defence it's in the guise of supporting me as she knows I'm not getting all that much rest...

Up here (Northern Ireland) I feel very very uncomfortable feeding in public, and so usually end up feeding in the car if we're out or worse still toilets (not easy with 2 other DCs). Unless we're in the wilds walking dogs- have no qualms then whipping my boobs out! Very mixed opinions on bfeeding here too, seem to be a bit of a freak rarity feeding longer than 3 months (but have gathered a few friends who have fed longer for mutual support!). And as much as I hate to say it, when you are in the minority you do feel less supported and less sure of yourself- so more likely to give up.

Such a shame (understatement) that bfeeding is still not viewed by the general public not only as the natural thing to do, but also that breastmilk is still nutritionally better than any other milk can possibly be (unless mum has to be on nasty meds etc.)right up until kids don't need/want much milk.

heymango am with you too re. rusk in bottle comment. MIL said she used to add custard powder to DH's bottle and he slept really well then- maybe I should try that?
Am no longer going to mention DD2s frequent night feeds as I think MILs (perhaps understandably) lacking in sympathy when there is an easy solution like bottle with rusk etc.

but what do you all think of this

link

It's just so rude. It is absolutely no one else's sodding business how you feed your child and why do they even care?

No, don't ignore them, tell them it is none of their sodding business. Unless they are willing to change every nappy, get up for every night feed, walk the floors with a windy baby and deal long term with every aspect of raising your baby, it's absolutely none of their sodding beeswax!

Ooh - jumpingjellyfish - may be considering that custard powder at 3am!

I cannot believe people make these kind of comments Tell them all where to go! Not sure about the northern link though. My family are from yorkshire and I've never felt more 'normal' bf up there. I always get given the best seat and everyone sits around me talking and feeding me etc Grandparents (80's), aunties and uncles (50's) and cousins (30's). Honestly it's always such a lovely experince feeding my babies there! My nanna bf 3 until a good year or so, which prob helps.