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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

"oooo you want to be giving up bf by about 3-4 months"

46 replies

tinylion · 27/07/2010 14:59

I've had three members of the older generation tell me this over the last few days. My second child is 11 weeks.

The first, my awful MIL said, "make sure you start giving him solids by 16 weeks, and introduce a bottle. For your own sake you know. Not that I'm telling you what to do you understand."

My lovely mum said "You've done your bit. I found bf really messy. Why don't you start introducing a bottle now?"

And then, of all people, the bra fitter lady today said "3-4 months is enough I think. I don't understand these people that bf for longer than that. It's a bit unpleasant".

And my (male) hairdresser told me that sometimes women come in and half way through the hair cut they ask if they can bf. But he doesn't "know where to look. I don't want to see a boob in public anywhere. Perhaps on holiday but not in my salon. Of course you can't say anything can you? It's not right though".

Sigh.....I am bf my little one, with one bottle of formula at 5pm, (given by my hubbie) whilst I get DD into bed.

Why is the older generation SO against bfeeding? Is it cos we're "oop North"?! (no offence, but I'm not in a trendy urban forward thinking part of the world you see).

I seriously think to be honest that the majority of older people that I have met, and also men (and sometimes women) who don't have children are very uncomfortable with the thought of bfeeding.

Not that it's going to stop me you understand. Just thought I'd vent a bit on here.

OP posts:

usualsuspect · 29/07/2010 10:15

My mother breastfed all 5 of us ..it was the norm where I lived

mistressploppy · 29/07/2010 10:21

This really pisses me off NOW but I must admit, before DS I was going around saying 'oh I'll bf 'til 6m, after that it's a bit odd' etc etc

How wrong I was. I really want to get to one year at least (DS is 9mo). I'm making it my mission to explain to people why it's not weird. I feel I understand how they feel because I used to feel that way too.

Hopefully my mates realise that I'm not a weird tree-huggy hippy and that extended bfing isn't weird either.

I think attitudes will change slowly but it's up to us bf-ers to facilitate change and try not to punch people be too defensive when folks' attitudes are a bit

NinthWave · 29/07/2010 10:22

I've had "Are you feeding him yourself?" too. Was tempted to say "No, I've got a special machine"

When DS was a couple of weeks old, MIL said "Well it's fine to feed him for a couple of months I suppose". I wonder what she thought of me feeding him in hopsital when he was 14 months old and I'd have emergency gallbladder surgery...

DuelingFanjo · 29/07/2010 10:29

I think introducing a bottle of expressed milk is probably a good thing but the other comments would pisss me off. I hope no one says this to me

Lavitabellissima · 29/07/2010 10:33

I am pregnant with twins and really hoping to breast feed. DP's family are Italian and both his sister's breast fed until their children were 14/15 months and my mum fed me uuntil I was 16 months.

So for me, my family are all very pro breast feeding, however all my friends have struggled with it and none of them have managed past 3 months.

I am worried I won't be able to do it

WoTmania · 29/07/2010 10:48

I'm getting comments now DS2 is 3 and a bit.
It really annoys me too. I don't go up to people I see FF newborns and say 'are you already FF?'
I also found a lot of people would go on about how happy/chubby/content my babies were then find out they were still ebf and say don't you find they need something more 'satisfying'
On the whole though I've been really lucky and no comments about DD (17 months) I think they are used to me and my ways now

MathsMadMummy · 29/07/2010 10:50

have faith in yourself lavita try and find some breastfeeding support groups and start attending now. I know people who've BFed twins, it's perfectly possible, you will probably just need extra help at the start. be assertive in the hospital if you're struggling. A friend had twins and once supply was established they had one boob each

I've been lucky with comments. I've had family/friends ask if I'm still BFing but it's all been in a positive way. both my grandmothers said well done (DS 11m). my mum was a bit surprised that I'm still BFing DS, as I stopped feeding DD at 8m (which I heartily regret BTW ) - I was sort of avoiding the topic, but now I've just said I'm planning to BF until he's 2 at least.

WoTmania · 29/07/2010 10:51

Lavita - do you have an LLL meeting near you? They will be able to give you tips on successfully BF.

I've known a few people ebf twins, it's time-consuming, difficult at first but I would imagine no more so than getting up in the night to do 2 lots of formula and all the faff of sterilising/washing bottles/making up bottles not to mention the cost!

Fibilou · 29/07/2010 12:46

Gah ! I find it beyond annoying that if you even mention BFing to someone that is FFing you are accused of being a nazi - yet it's fine for people to try and bully you into FFing. So hypocritical.

My DF asked recently when I was planning stopping feeding and was rather shocked when I said "don't know, I plan to have stopped by the time she goes to school"

Morloth · 29/07/2010 13:22

I am just starting to get the "Still?" comments. DS2 is 4 months and is a monster so looks about 12 months.

Sadly some of the comments are coming from other mums who had babies at around the same time as mine and have been BFing but are now starting to switch to formula.

It is annoying and I am getting tired of being polite and brushing it off.

littlemissindecisive · 29/07/2010 17:53

DS2 is 4 months...and his sleep has gone haywire....i'm getting the 'switch to bottle/weaning' comments now! Just waiting for mum to come out with her classic 'you're milk isn't satisying him' comments as she did with DS1 - he's 17lb! The same boobs fed DD for 7 months

Longtalljosie · 29/07/2010 18:45

Lavita - I was worried as well but it was fine. And if it isn't, tiktok will sort you out! You'll be fine

harverina · 29/07/2010 22:46

Oh goodness, I posted a thread about this a few weeks ago. I am one of the few members of my family who have breastfed beyond 6 weeks. My DD is 16 weeks. From about 9 weeks I have had people suggesting that I think about introducing solids, formula, a dummy etc etc and for absolutely no reason...my DD is a very content baby. She is able to self settle most of the time, smiles all day long and only cries when she is starving...in fact she is wonderful . People make you start to doubt yourself...why are people so shocked when I say I want to try and b'feed for a year??! Why is it so hard to believe that I would want to use my boobs for what they were intended for .

My advice: ignore the comments and keep up the good work. Be proud of the fact that you are giving your DC the best start in life. The more people question me, the more I get my great big boobs out and feed . Theres nothing like a bit of boob to shock people who are sceptical about breastfeeding!

I do think it's a generation thing...not ONE of the older generation (i.e my mum's) in my family breastfed. Its actually shocking.

ProcessYellowC · 31/07/2010 00:33

I can't believe even the bra fitter lady!!!
You're keeping her in work. I'd have stormed off.

Not once have I had a negative comment, 2 1/2 years in (not so much out 'n' about now), but I am in urban daahn saath .

KristinaM · 31/07/2010 00:41

I used to answer them

" Don't worry, I'm planning on stopping before he starts school"

then look at their shocked faces before adding

" high school"

that usually shuts them up

AllSheepareWhite · 31/07/2010 00:44

I would tell them that actually the WHO advice is to bf to 2 years and medical profession in this country advise to 12 months, then proudly get my boob out and feed DD (13 months and counting) in front of them. I have fed on buses, trains, on the tube, in restaurants, in parks ... I do not care who feels uncomfortable as long as DD is content. Mostly people say that I am brave for continuing to feed, because she has 8 sharp knashers!

seeker · 31/07/2010 01:00

I'm the older generation and I fed mine for nearly 3 years and one year respectively. Don't blame us oldies!

harverina · 31/07/2010 01:06

Sorry seeker! There are always exceptions. The older generation in my family do seem to be coming round to the idea that I'm feeding my DD myself - well, they have stopped making comments (for now) anyway. Not sure what they say behind my back and I dont care!

raindroprhyme · 31/07/2010 10:32

reading this thread it shows how important cultural support is and the impact perr presure can have.
i was very lucky in that my gran and aunties and my older sister breastfed all their children and it never occured to me that i would do any different. it also meant that they could reassure me that everything was going ok and all was normal. At 19 a singlemum, i survived cracked nipples, thrush and multiple boughts of mastitis because i had good 'support'.
breastfeeding took alot of sheer determination on my part and that was helped by my family.

my gran who was born in 1926 was breast fed until she was 4 because both her parents were deaf so they needed to co sleep and this meant extended breastfeeding. i think that is why she was such a lovely person . miss my gran

MoonFaceMama · 31/07/2010 13:12

raindrop that is lovely about your gran i'm for you too. Thank you for sharing.

AngelDog · 31/07/2010 20:53

raindrop, you are so right about the impact that support / lack of has. Like Morloth, I've had lots of comments from people with babies my DS's age (7 m). Everyone has either switched partly/entirely to FF or is planning to do so in the next few months. If I cared about what my friends thought, I'd have stopped by now.

I do think that there is a general lack of awareness about how long it is normal / healthy for babies to be breastfed. My mum nearly had a fit when I said the advice was to feed until 2. She has been supportive of bf, but her experience is that you only feed for a few months.

My DH was rather taken aback today when I happened to mention a bf 2+ year old. He is supportive of bfing, but it had simply never occurred to him that a 2 year old might still be bf. He's never known or seen anyone feeding a toddler, so it's hardly surprising. Until coming on MN, I had no idea myself, and I've only once in my life seen a baby of more than 12 months being bf. I think we have a long way to go to re-educate our culture about the normality of breastfeeding.

I do laugh at the feeding him yourself question. The people who ask me in those words always tell me what a good job I'm doing, though, which is lovely.

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