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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

should it be a joint decision to stop BF?

42 replies

harley85 · 26/07/2010 16:31

I im currently BF DD2 (6weeks) and after a struggle to start with we've cracked it

after the recent 'extraordinary breastfeeding' programe me and dp started to descuss BF and ages and he said he thinks 6 months is enough and he thinks i should stop then, i told him i would continue for as long as possible and as long as i want too! (was hoping a year) i asked him his reasons and he just said it would be nice to 'fully' have me back,

so would you swich to formula or give up Bf because DP or DH asked?

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 26/07/2010 16:34

Er....no. Well done for cracking it though Tell your DH the World Health Organisation advises to BF for at least the first two years and does he still really want you to quit at 6m so he can have you back?

booyhoo · 26/07/2010 16:36

the WHO recommends bfeeding to at least two years of age. what does your husband base his decision of 6 months being enough on, other than his own selfishness?

CMOTdibbler · 26/07/2010 16:37

Do your breasts belong to him then

Seriously though, DH thought 6 months would be enough. But then DS was 6 months, and it still seemed so little, so it was a year. Then 18 months. Then DS self weaned at 23 months, so it never came to an arguement. I always intended to feed to a year, but in the end, I'd have been happy to continue as long as DS wanted

QueenOfFlamingEverything · 26/07/2010 16:37

No I certainly wouldn't.

I'd expect him to put the needs of his child first. Why should a baby miss out on something physiologically normal because an adult male cannot accept that he will have to share, or even come second for a while?

TheOldestCat · 26/07/2010 16:37

Nope - DH and I talk about it and I listen to his views. But, ultimately, it's up to me - and DH supports me in whatever decision I make about BF.

I know he thinks a bottle of formula once a day would be good and help DS sleep. But he respects that it ain't happening If he asked me to give up, I'd address his reasons for asking but I wouldn't do it.

Morloth · 26/07/2010 16:41

Nope, they are my breasts and I will do what I like with them.

DH also wants the best for our DSs and knows that that include BFing for the full term.

Besides he would be too scared to question anything I was doing, ever.

LooL00 · 26/07/2010 16:42

Bf isn't the same after 6-8 months. Once my first 2 were on solid food I just bf morning and evening and no longer found it as time consuming. I stopped bf dc1 at 8 or 9months as he just stopped wanting it. i stopped bf dc2 at 10 or 11 months as she started refusing the evening feed sometimes and I landed up with blocked ducts and stuff like that. So in both cases it was sort of a joint decision but not involving DH who was happy as long as the rest of us were.

pebblejones · 26/07/2010 16:53

I think it should be a joint decision (don't bite my head off, please) they may be your breasts, but all things relating to your DCs well being should be discussed. Having said that I originally planned to stop at 6 months, but at almost 4 months I'm already starting to feel sad at the prospect of stopping, thankfully my DH is happy for me to continue as long as me and our DS want to.
What's sad in this instance that your DHs reasons are a bit selfish and your DCs needs should come first.

HaveToWearHeels · 26/07/2010 16:54

I have just stopped breastfeeding DD who is 10 months, due to an illness on holiday which forced me to stop (i tried expressing but my milk never really recovered). I was gutted as I wanted to continue for a year. DP made a comment this week end it was nice to have "me" back, meaning my boobs lol. He never made a comment when I was breastfeeding a fully supported me. Not that it would have made a jot of difference if he hadn't. After a rough start both me and DD were breast feeding pros' and I loved it.

sweetnitanitro · 26/07/2010 16:58

A joint decision between me and DD, yes. DH is very supportive. There's no reason why breastfeeding should get in the way of getting your sex life back to normal if that's what your DH is worried about. The only thing stopping you would be the lack of time and energy

Fiddledee · 26/07/2010 17:04

DH was keen for me use some bottles at 6 months but I said no, he told me that I was then responsible for the sleepless nights as it was "my fault" MIL said the same. After 12 months he was constantly nagging me and when I was pregnant and still breastfeeding I got alot of stick. I did not listen, the more I got nagged the less I was going to chang my mind

DuelingFanjo · 26/07/2010 17:07

What are his objections?

ChocolateMoose · 26/07/2010 17:11

If I were you I'd say to your DH "Let's see how it goes", and wait until 6 months to have the discussion. He may well feel differently then.

In answer to your question, if DH wanted me to stop breastfeeding, then I might stop a bit earlier than I would otherwise - i.e. when it was coming up to the point when I thought I'd stop anyway, that might tip the balance. So, a bit different from the other responses, but mainly I'd say it would be my decision - certainly for as long as I felt strongly about it.

lal123 · 26/07/2010 17:12

Sorry - but now you have a child he'll never have you fully back! Breastfeeding or not.

MumNWLondon · 26/07/2010 17:20

No, I think its your decision, unless its really impacting on him in some way:

eg I can't seem to lose weight when BFing - that is not reason enough

But if we were co-sleeping and DH wasn't sleeping well because of the baby in the bed then I think it should be a joint decision to stop co-sleeping.

TBH I'd had enough by 6 month with both DD and DS1. If DH had really wanted me to continue I might have (he is very pro breastfeeding) but he was happy for me to stop.

dinkystinky · 26/07/2010 17:24

Its a joint decision between you and the child you're bfing - not you and your partner.

skidoodly · 26/07/2010 17:33

Yes, ideally it will be a joint decision - made by you and your baby/toddler.

But ultimately if either of you really want to stop before the other us ready that is probably the end of that part if your relationship.

Your DH doesn't get a say. Obviously his feelings matter but his role here is to support you and understand that getting you back is less important than continuing to breastfeed as long as you and your baby want to.

Well done on cracking it

aactionmum · 26/07/2010 17:36

No, I wouldn't and I didn't stop breast feeding for my DH. My DS is 1 year old and is very very very keen on BF and I'm not planning to stop until he wants to stop, or until I'm healthy and don't have to have medication etc.

It's a joint decision between the mother and baby. Daddy has to wait! If you're co-sleeping and your DP can't sleep, a king size bed would be a good investment if you can afford it!

threelittlepebbles · 26/07/2010 17:44

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Original poster
harley85 · 26/07/2010 17:49

thankyou all for your responses,

ChocolateMoose i think thats what i'll prop do because he is very supportive of me and does tell me hes proud of me too (thats why this has kind of come out of the blue) but im just not sure he knew i felt so strongly about it, i stopped BF DD1 at 4 months as was really struggling but as im not time, i really am determind to go as long as we can,

Dp will prop feel different when we are still feeding at 9,10 or 12 months (hopefully)

I think the co-sleeping may be an issue altho he hasnt said anything about that so i might try her in her moses basket more to get her use to it

OP posts:
StarlightMcKenzie · 26/07/2010 17:53

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theyoungvisiter · 26/07/2010 17:54

"so would you swich to formula or give up Bf because DP or DH asked?"

No! I would take his views into account, but ultimately it's about my and my child's health and happiness, and his feelings are important but still secondary to those considerations.

Re his comment about "fully having you back" - I'm sorry to say that he will never fully have you back - you will always be a mother as well as a wife, and breastfeeding is only part of that equation!

And FWIW although breastfeeding can [cough] interfere with sex at first, what with weird spontaneous spurting and leaking, this becomes much less of a problem as time goes on. By 6 months you are unlikely to be leaking at all, and as far as sex goes, I don't think it makes a difference. Being constantly knackered running around after a small child, now that makes a difference. But there's not so much you can do about that

PuzzleRocks · 26/07/2010 18:00

DH and I both talk excitedly about when "that" day will come. But he would not dream of asking me to stop before I or the children were ready. And he has been waiting since 2006.
This is mostly because he sees and appreciates the importance of what I am doing.

Perhaps your husband needs a little time to see this. And a bit of educating. Is he aware that breastfeeding is so much more than nutrition?

Good luck with whatever you decide and many congratulations on a really great start.

Tabitha8 · 26/07/2010 18:21

Someone told me that the WHO guidelines about BF for two years only apply to third world countries. Is that rubbish? I've no axe to grind here, I'm still BF DS aged 13 mths. We both enjoy it.
And, no, I wouldn't stop if DH asked me to. Mind you, he wouldn't dare .

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/07/2010 18:27

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