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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

should it be a joint decision to stop BF?

42 replies

harley85 · 26/07/2010 16:31

I im currently BF DD2 (6weeks) and after a struggle to start with we've cracked it

after the recent 'extraordinary breastfeeding' programe me and dp started to descuss BF and ages and he said he thinks 6 months is enough and he thinks i should stop then, i told him i would continue for as long as possible and as long as i want too! (was hoping a year) i asked him his reasons and he just said it would be nice to 'fully' have me back,

so would you swich to formula or give up Bf because DP or DH asked?

OP posts:

skidoodly · 26/07/2010 18:28

Starlight

I don't feel quite like myself when I am breastfeeding - I'm fatter and vaguer and have close to no desire for sex.

I've been either pregnant or breastfeeding or both for over 3 years now and I could quite understand if DH wanted "me" back. I want me back

But not enough to stop breastfeeding.

Tabitha8 · 26/07/2010 18:29

I see what you mean . So, it is rubbish. She said it's because we have access to such good food... Like MacDonalds?

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/07/2010 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FessaEst · 26/07/2010 18:43

Just this morning I was thinking about this. Before I had dd I used to think it was a bit odd to bf an older baby , didn't know that in fact that was how it should be. Now I want to carry on until dd wants to stop and am so positive about bfing. DH has been supportive up to a point but now mentions getting her to take formula more and more (he thinks it would help our sleep situation), and when I said I thought it was really sweet that dd could kind of find her own way and help herself - I love the way she get excited about feeding, he gave me a look. I am now really worried that I am going to be made to feel weird for wanting to continue in my own home.

That said, I won't be stopping. His objections will make me but ultimately it's down to me and dd. As a pp said, I think sometimes the think it is going to continue to be so frequent etc but I envisage it as a morning and evening thing in later months.

mollycuddles · 26/07/2010 19:54

Me and dh were discussing this recently too. I fed dd1 until she was 14 months - she lost interest. Dd2 is now 9 weeks. My first aim is a year as after that there would be no need the fill the coffers of formula companies - dh likes both the ethical and financial aspects to feeding for at least a year. He assumed I'd stop soon after a year but I pointed him in the direction of WHO and said I wouldn't be making the decision to stop before 2 years but if dd2 wants to stop between 1 and 2 years that's fair enough. In my case (apologies for tmi) with dd1 as long as I was bf my breasts were off limits sexually due to spurting and leaking. My breasts, my decision what I do with them.

secunda · 26/07/2010 19:59

I would say to him, let's see at 6 months. Also remind him that he will hopefully have you for the next 40 years!

nextafternursing · 26/07/2010 20:03

My DH has also said a few times recently that he wants me to stop BF. I am sticking with, yes soon probably and ignore

DS is 19m and I am planning on feeding til he self weans. My breasts, it is a joint decision between me and DS when we will stop.

A couple of days ago he was quite arsey about it, said that DS hadn't eaten his breakfast because he was 'full of tit milk' Nice. I told him he had only had a tiny feed/bit of a nuzzle and it was nothing to do with it but GGRR I was so pissed off. How bloody rude. Sorry for rant!

ProfessorLaytonIsMyLoveSlave · 26/07/2010 20:04

I think it should be a joint decision between mother and child.

If DH has a sensible and evidence-based argument then I'd be prepared to consider it and listen to what he had to say. But I wouldn't go against all the evidence showing that natural term breastfeeding was better for my health, my DC's health, and my DC's emotional wellbeing just because my DH felt a bit weird about it, no.

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 26/07/2010 20:13

Hell. Fucking. No. I would not. If DH asked me to give up before me & baby had negotiated OUR decision, I would drop kick him to outer space and celebrate his demise with a breastmilk cocktail. Cherry on top and paper umbrella.

wastingaway · 26/07/2010 20:18

It's not just about the baby though is it, the mother's health is affected by how long she feeds and DH has no right to ask me to do something that will affect my health, without a very valid reason.

YanknCock · 26/07/2010 20:20

When I first started BFing, my only goal was to make it to 6 months. Then I hit 6 months and neither DS or I were ready to stop. DH has been very supportive, would never dare suggest I should give up for his own selfish reasons. He knows too well what kind of reaction he'd get!

The spontaneous leaking does subside, and at about 10 months DS was on just morning and evening feeds. At least, during the week when DS is at nursery we are on two feeds! I think on the weekends he just wants to feed more because I'm around more. I try to distract him but he's quite insistant.

DS is 11 months now and my next goal had been to get to 12 months. I see no reason to stop then either, although people are asking me about it and one friend in particular tells me it is 'disgusting'

My stock answer to anyone is: 'We will stop when DS is ready to stop. He's not ready yet. I don't know exactly when he will be ready, but I'm not going to force him off something that is good for him.'

undercovamutha · 26/07/2010 20:29

I wouldn't stop just because DH told/asked me to. I would take his views on board, and then probably say that we should go with the flow and see what happens.

My DD self-weaned at 11mo, and my DS was never that interested tbh!!! He refused to bf from about 9mo and I had the devils own job getting any milk into him until after he was 12mo! SO any plans I had of bfing until DCs were 2yo would have gone by the wayside anyway.

teaandcakeplease · 26/07/2010 20:33

I felt very under pressure to give up BF as my H (at the time) couldn't seem to find another way to arouse me he liked, to get it on. He was very strange and didn't even like getting friendly when I was pregnant to be fair. I did give up sooner than I'd have liked in the hope of rekindling my sex life

Shame after the second baby by the time I gave up at 6 months his affair had already started

So I know my experience may warp my advice but honey it's your body, your decision!

Original poster

harley85 · 27/07/2010 07:18

teaandcake-

we had a talk last night and he is fully supportive, i explained the guidlines more and said we should wait and see... were not even there yet! it wasnt an arguement and he wasnt being an arse so i think he realises he prop shouldnt have even bought up the subject so early on.

but when it comes to it... My decision my body

OP posts:

mollycuddles · 27/07/2010 07:19

yankncock any "friend" of mine who said bf was disgusting would be kicked to touch. So it's ok for dh to fondle and lick my boobs but my baby getting nourishment from them isn't on???? What is wrong with some people?

slushy · 27/07/2010 13:39

It should be a joint decision to a certain extent, for e.g if you have more than one dc and are finding bf hard and it is effecting the other child.

However I would be very disappointed if my dp asked me to give up bf so he could have me back and I think the suggestion to put mine and dc health at risk for such a selfish reason would mean he would lose a lot of respect from me and effectively never get me back again. But that is just me.

Dp has only once suggested giving up bf and he said it so we could TTC because he wanted me to check whether bf and pg would put strain on me or the fetus.

YanknCock · 27/07/2010 21:19

molly, I do agree somewhat, but this particular friend is a tricky situation. She has some mental health problems that mean I am careful about getting in her face about anything (hard to understand without knowing the situation, but trust me, she is actually very fragile under her strong opinions). At one point she did admit some of why she was badgering me about using formula was down to her own guilt over not wanting to breastfeed.

So I shrug it off from her, but anyone else would get an earful!

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