Please tell me how you cope with breastfeeding at night...

[gaelicsheep]

.. because I'm not coping at all. For the past couple of weeks, DD has had a bottle of formula at night and I can see that rapidly turning into two bottles. I am just so tired for much of the day and night that I cannot function. I cannot get comfortable breastfeeding in bed and I am finding feeding at night to be absolute torture. If I try I usually end up in tears with sheer tiredness and frustration (DD is not an easy feeder) and begging DH to make up a bottle. I've tried feeding lying down and it just doesn't work with DD's latching issues.

I don't understand why I'm so tired. I barely slept at all for the last two months of pregnancy and I was never this knackered, so it can't just be sleep deprivation. DH takes DD in the mornings anyhow to let me sleep so I'm not sure I'm that sleep deprived.

How do other women cope with breastfeeding at night, or with breastfeeding fatigue full stop? Is it like this for everyone? DD's 5 weeks tomorrow btw.

Hi there
I haven't read the other posts but here is my 2pence.

DC3 fed every 2 hours for an hour each time in the first couple months. He also clustered most days for the first 10 weeks and I was EXHAUSTED. It really can get you down and I was at my wits end at one point so feel for you (to top this we had tongue tie, mastitis etc). Here are my top tips for surviving:

1. Get a double pump if you are keen to give ebm in a bottle for your DH to give so you can sleep. Expressing with other DC's would not have been possible for me otherwise. A few minutes a day got me a bottle of ebm easily.
2. Give the 'main' meal for your older DC at lunch and a simple tea in the evening. I found as the day progressed I was more and more shattered.
3. DO NOT do this for too long as it will affect supply but maybe get your DH to give 2 bottles of ebm a couple nights in a row. Get to sleep by 9ish and hopefully it will see you through to 3am (and bf again then) and you can get 5/6 hrs of sleep a few nights in the running. It will refresh you. I did this and felt like I could go back to feeding with broken sleep again.

You are doing a great job and remember this is the hard bit. Anytime from 8-12 weeks bf suddenly spaces out and gets easier. It did for me.

Good luck.

I found couldn't feed lying down until around 6 weeks as he kept on falling off the breast. Now at 3 months he can fed lying down but rarely fed in night anymore.

Tips:

Feed as often as possible in the day, ie never go more than 3 hours, sometimes less.

Sleep when your baby does in the day and early evening. Spend as much of the day in bed as possible.

I watched TV when feeding in the night (not in our bedroom didn't want to disturb DH) although even from birth it was never more than twice, eg at 1am and 4am. I fed at 7pm, ate quickly was in bed from 8pm, fed in bed at 10pm, DH settled him, then got up to fed at roughly 1am and 4am. I had to get up at 7am prompt to take older DC to school but if you can stay in bed longer then thats better.

I have a jug of water on my bedside table and drink whenever I am thirsty and before a feed.

Another tip
If your DH has time, maybe a couple times a week get him to shower/bathe your older DD BEFORE he heads to work? Saves you having to do the bath in the evening? Again I did this because my DH was never home earlier than 7:30pm which meant dinner, bath and story was all up to me. Something had to give.

Definitely get your vitamin D levels checked as well as the iron. And remember that dehydration makes you feel tired & ill anyway, so be extra careful to avoid it when breastfeeding.

Thanks for all the advice. A few things are making me lol because I literally cannot put my DD down during the day without her creating. I truly do not know what I'd do if DH wasn't around most of the time (he's a SAHD) - nothing would get done in the house and DS would be totally neglected!

She's either on the boob, in my arms/on shoulder or in DH's arms (if we're lucky) all day long. DH is already doing DS's bath etc in the evening because I'm stuck on the settee feeding her for 3/4 hours at a time, which I don't mind except for feeling slightly guilty.

Hopefully once DD gets better at settling without me (if only!) and starts settling for some kind of predictable length of time in the evening, then I may be able to get to bed early for a sleep. But it's just not happening at the moment. I've tried going to bed early, but without fail DD, when left with DH, will wake wanting a feed within 10 minutes of me going upstairs.

Having said all this, DD is currently asleep downstairs (on her side, as I think putting her on her back is part of the problem) and has been for the past half hour - progress perhaps?! That's the longest she's stayed put down without howling for about 3 weeks.

I get what you're saying Starlight about supply, I really do (birth went amazingly well btw, I put a birth story in Birth Announcements). Things do seem OK in that regard though, and last night for example DD went from the last breastfeed at 1:30 am through to 6:30, so no formula feed required - hooray!

Downstairs, meaning right next to me. Not left alone on her side, in case that wasn't clear.

Sorry, also to add that I do have a sling (a Baby Bjorn Active carrier) which I use sometimes during the day. But it was hard enough managing the ups and downs of housework when 9 months pregnant, let alone DD now being over 2 lb heavier. Plus you can't cook or iron with a baby on your front. I really don't remember DS being quite this clingy - p'raps I've blanked it out! Is it normal?

I don't know if it has been mentioned but are you going to bed early? I found going to bed at 7-7.30 sand leaving DH downstairs with the older DCs helped.

Also Dr Edward and Martha Sears have written a book called 'The Fussy Baby' which many of my friends have found useful. Everything in the book is also on their website.
Some babies just need their mum's more than others.
Crying tends to peak at 6-8 weeks so hopefully you're through the worst.

I'm afraid clingy is entirely normal - historically, the babies who were happy to be put down, tended to get eaten by wolves, so she's doing what's normal for her.

A breastfeeding pillow helps some mums, and not others, it depends on what's comfortable for you, your breast size, etc etc.

You're doing really well, and it's an exhausting situation ... any chance you could get your DH to take the baby out (sling? pram?) along with the little one, in the day, so you can get a nap then?

At 5 weeks my DD and I couldn't lie down to feed either (dont think she got the hang til 12 weeks). We have a bedside cot and what I used to do was have a large bean bag where my pillows should be and would pop my AMAZING breastfeeding pillow on (my breastfriend- is awesome). and feed DD in bed leaning back against the beanbag (found it much easier than the pillows as they kept slipping and was a bugger to move. I ended up sleeping further down the bed (and I am 5ft9!) rather than move the beanbag (but its handle was attached to the bed so it wasn't going to roll anywhere!).

I also used to express the nightfeeds too sometimes (had a hospital grade breastpump) as actually me waking when my boobs were full (usually before DD) and pumping and then giving her the bottle when she woke - was actually faster than breastfeeding her in the early days! (she had tongue tie!)

I'm sure being able to feed lying down will get easier in fact now its pretty much the only way I feed DD other positions cause her to lurch her head about looking at stuff, this way she concentrates!

Just reading your posts - you were still up at gone midnight; is that normal for you?! God knows I feel bloody exhausted if I'm not in bed by 9. Would getting a few early nights help you a bit?

Ahh, just read your post about DD not wanting to be put down (normal!) Put the Baby Bjorn away and get a proper sling that distributes weight properly. It'll be easier to carry. If you don't fancy a wrap or something like that, get a SSC which you can v. easily put a baby on the back with, which means you can iron til your heart's content.

I cope by going to bed really early. if i can get dc3(4 weeks) to bed by 8.30 things are going well and I eat with dh and I'm in bed by 9.30. Last night dc3 was still up at 9.30 though! At the weekend we eat with the kids at 5 then as soon as dc3 is asleep scoff some crisps or pudding in front of the telly and off to bed. I'm hoping to get my evenings back in a few months time!

OK then, those of you that get early nights, how do you manage it?! Do you leave DH holding the baby and doesn't he mind? Or do you take the baby with you (can't see that working somehow). If your DH brings baby to you for feeds, don't you find it far worse being woken than it would be just staying awake?

The reason I'm often up so late is that I find it so much easier to cope with DD waking if I'm already awake. At the moment when (if?) she goes down or settles with DH I have no clue if it will be for 5 minutes, an hour or 4 hours! Getting 5/10 minutes rest before being woken again is my idea of hell.

Last night was very bad. We're using the bedside cot but she won't even be put down there and I am paranoid about cuddling her when we're asleep. Nothing I've found about co-sleeping talks about baby sleeping in mum's arms, only the protective "C" hold which I take to mean that baby is not actually in the crook of the arm (which is the only way DD will sleep at night just now). Does anyone know if cuddling her in the crook of my arm is more dangerous than her just being next to me?

Jemjabella - what's an SSC? I do have a Maya ring sling which I've tried but I didn't like the way DD is positioned in it. It didn't feel safe for her somehow.

I take the baby with me, and she normally gets a few hours before she wakes for her first feed. But, we do co-sleep full time so this contributes to how 'easy' it is.

I've slept with my LO in the crook of my arm, on my front, on her side next to me, all sorts of positions with no problems.

SSC = soft-structured carrier. We have a Rose & Rebellion - this one: www.roseandrebellion.com/page13.htm

Ring slings are safe you just have to tighten them enough. First time I put DD in mine it felt like she was going to fall out of the bottom. See the instructions on sling guide if you've not done so already - www.slingguide.co.uk/instructions.php#ringsling

The position they lie in though - that scrunched up position really close in to your body. Is there not a danger of suffocation, or it being bad for their backs?

You may have gathered I am now in the slow and painful process of unlearning a whole load of received "wisdom". I never had to with DS as he was a pretty settled baby (although I never could b/f him successfully so we had our problems). DD's a whole new kettle of fish and it's taking me an age to adjust. Something I read last night about co-sleeping really brought home to me that DD's behaviour is entirely natural. It was comparing human baby behaviour with that of other animals and said that the crying when mum leaves means that biologically speaking we are meant to be together 24/7. That really made sense and hit home. Not enough to stop me worrying about co-sleeping and cuddling though - it's good to hear your positive experience of that.

I realise after last night that cuddling DD is absolutely the only way I (or DH) is ever going to get any sleep (although when DH took her downstairs in desperation she settled in the travel cot with a dummy ).

As long as they don't have their chin pressed firmly to the chest there should be no problems.

Have you seen this btw? Makes me chuckle everytime I see it www.thefoodoflove.org/breastfeed-in-your-sleep.htm

hi,

sorry not had chance to read all of the thread and i have to post and run but i just wanted to suggest putting tv on while you are feeding if you have one in your room or listening to a cd or radio. My DD is 9wo and for first few weeks i used to pick her out of moses and feed her in the dark. I found that unbearable because i don't think i ever really woke up and felt exhausted during feeding.

I now put the tv on while feeding and I have found that it properly wakes me up so I don't feel so groggy and awful while feeding.

I tend to watch QVC because i get fascinated about how these people can speak about an eye shadow for 20 minutes and that takes my mind off the tiredness!

Good luck, hope it gets easier for you soon

Hi gaelicsheep, as the others have said definitely get a BF pillow - i have had alot of back problem 2x disc surgery when DS2 was small and so BF DS3 was putting strain on my post-pregnancy traumatised back but the BF pillows are a life saver - i have one upstairs and one downstairs and found the boppy pillow excellent and reduced the need to be shifting pillows around the bed at night. make sure you sit bolt upright with your bum as close to the headboard as poss, one pillow end up behind you and the BF pillow on your lap....you can then feed cradle, football anyway you wish without moving the pillow and protect your back at the same time. Another thing that make the night feeds easier is a flask of tea and pack of go ahead biscuits next to the bed! It kind of makes it more civilised for me and keeps the calories going in! Listening to music or an audiobook on an ipod does the same especially for those long early days feeds. my DS would feed for up to an hour a couple of times a night at least and i have two other DC so sympathise with you totally. He is now 14 weeks (was 4 weeks early so smaller than the average) but is already down to one night feed between 3-5am and from start to finish it takes 30mins with nappy change, settling etc. And last night he slept from 11-6.30am....i woke every hour from three waiting for him mind! they get so much more efficient so very soon you will be getting two distinct sleep parts of the night - much more bearable. As for the feeding i agree with the others who say try and bite the bullet and do the nightfeed/s as this is when your prolactin levels are at their highest and essentially drives the supply demand greater then any other feed of the day. In the early days i expressed after the morning feed and built up a supply then DH gave an expressed bottle at 10.30-11 and i went to bed after the early evening feed....i ate with my other children and Dh jiggled the baby as soon as he was home from work! That routine got me through a few horrendous weeks. Until you have enough EBM you can swop the bottle of formula to the 10.30ish feed to get you started and slowly reduce the amt of formula as the amt you express increases which it does amazingly quickly. I now express one day ahead at about 9.30pm and head to bed at 10 so i get 5hrs in a row...heaven. Also i still take the pregnancy multivitamins and agree spartone is fab. I had a terrible infection after labour and was wiped out totally - physically and emotionally, on tonnes of antibiotics and morphine for the pain and basically hung on by the skin of my teeth and sheer pigheadedness that i would continue feeding. i am glad i did as it is much less time consuming for me with two other DC but equally whether your baby is being bf or ff you are still a wonderful mummy and need to be gentle with yourself and let all non essentials go to pot!! Really hope you have a better night tonight.

Hi sorry i didnt read all of the posts! so sorry if repeating what everyone has said. Yes i left my LO with DH downstairs and he jiggled him, walked , bobbed, sang to, fell asleep with etc etc. whatever he needed to do to get me a few hours sleep. And i was upstairs with earplugs in! I found i just couldnt drop off if i could hear LO crying so DH would head out into the garden whilst i settled myself and popped in the plugs and i was oblivious to the rest until he woke me once LO was genuinely hungry not just his normal colicky screaming fits. He has stopped that now (at 12weeks) and is in bed at 7pm latest and sleeps to late eve feed.....i never thought that would happen so quickly. We now have a bit of our evening back to ourselves. Also anytime DH was home i would shove him out of the front door with all the children to the park with LO in sling or pram and grab an hours sleep....even if it was rubbish weather...what are wellies for!!

Thanks all. Did last feed at midnight last night and DD slept until 5am when I fed her again. I'm guessing there is no problem with not doing the small hours feed, prolactin wise, if she's not waking for it! Cuddling her is most definitely the answer to getting some sleep. I added a fourth pillow to the stack last night and actually fell asleep while I fed her - first time ever - so I was finally comfortable. But I will look into a b/f pillow since so many seem to find them useful.

I think DD is finally settling into a pattern of cluster feeding from about 6 to 8.30 (through DS's bedtime, most helpfully ) and then sleeping for a long spell. I still feel I want to limit the time in bed (actual night time) as much as possible at the moment, so I'm tending to doze with her downstairs, then wake her around this time (just about to), change her, put her Grobag on then take her up and feed her before settling for the night.

I do hope to drop the formula feed at night but would plan to do this by exploiting the times when she sleeps for a good 5 hours or so. If she wakes at 3am I still don't see an alternative for me, but we really aren't having any supply issues at all - am full and leaking at the moment - so I don't think it's doing us any harm. Without giving the formula at night I would most definitely have had to give up by now.

Why do you want to limit the amount of time your DD has in bed?

I seem to remember DD had a growth spurt at five weeks which wasn't great as we were on our 'honeymoon' (at my mums as we had no money) and I got about 1.5-2 hours sleep a night. If DH is at home (like my DH was) can he pop her in the sling for a while while he looks after DS during the day so you could catch up a little. DH used to take DD out for a walk locally in the sling so that I could catch up power nap style. Once he popped into McD's and got told no dogs allowed as they saw the sling moving and thought he had a puppy in there When they realised it was DD he had all the staff cooing over her!