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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

4 day old baby, desperate sleep deprived mum - advice help!

29 replies

fifitot · 15/07/2010 12:19

I thought I might know what I was doing 2nd time around but no........

Baby born 4 days ago, my milk now in. He is feeding constantly but will not sleep between times. I have had about 3 hours sleep in total since Monday and was so bad in early hours last night was almost hallucinating!

He is feeding, taking the milk, coming off the breast but as soon as I put him down he wakes up again, rooting for nipple. He would sleep on me but that's not option and tbh even though not keen, tried to get him to sleep in my bed last night but still wouldn't.

He just seems to want a nipple in his mouth all the time. Stupidly I gave him a dummy on Tues, just for respite but this hasn't worked as soon as he spits it out, he wakes up and cried. He hasn't slept much at all and nor have I.

I am exhausted and not sure what to do. I don't mind waking up every couple of hours at night which was what I was prepared for after my first baby but I can't cope with NO sleep between feeds.

Is this a growth spurt so early? Or is he just stimulating the milk?

Please, any advice......am losing the plot!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/07/2010 12:21

Congratulations on your DS but - you poor thing
What do you mean he wouldnt sleep in your bed? Do you mean you couldn't get latched on and comfortable?
Do you have help with your older child?

wonderstuff · 15/07/2010 12:24

Oh you poor thing. I don't really know what to suggest - what was the birth like? I know people who have had grumpy babies transformed by cranial osteopathy after traumatic births, suckling can relieve pain, so if he has a headache after forceps or something that could explain constant feeding..

It will get better. Do you have anyone who can give him ebm, or just take him out for a walk for an hour to let you rest a little? I remember hitting breaking point when my dd was firstborn and my inlaws taking her away for an hour so I could sleep - was amazing how much better I felt after just that.

Snuppeline · 15/07/2010 12:29

I started to lie on my side with one arm under my head and baby swaddled, then latched on to the breast. I would then let baby fall asleep and when soundly asleep (mouth relaxed) gently remove my nipple. Sometimes I would quietly get out of bed to get a meal/drink/shower (obviously only when baby was safely cushioned in bed) but mostly I would just dose off with baby latched on. When baby was a few months old I started a better sleeping routine and didn't have any problems breaking this early 'bad' pattern of falling asleep on the breast. It is hard and it takes a while to get to know your baby, even if its your second one this one is unique! I hope you get a decent rest soon.

SirBoobAlot · 15/07/2010 12:30

Congrats on your DS. I remember how difficult the first 10 days with mine was, but was nothing compared to this, you poor thing.

Can you feed him laying down, so you can rest at least?

Really hope it settles down quickly.

Original poster
fifitot · 15/07/2010 13:06

Thanks. I can cope during the day, in fact he is more settled during day. it's at night he just won't sleep between feeds.

I will try the swaddling maybe and though want to avoid co-sleeping might try it again. I think he just basically wants to sleep on me!

Is this just a growth spurt or something? Thanks ladies.

OP posts:
omnishambles · 15/07/2010 13:08

I think they almost always want to sleep on you at this age - I just let them and then when they become more settled you can stop...

congrats btw.

SirBoobAlot · 15/07/2010 14:18

Remember that their day / night understanding doesn't set in for a few weeks. And that he has been inside you, warm, snuggled and hearing your heart beat constantly for nine months! Its a big shock for them And if he needs to sleep on you for you both to get some rest for now, then so be it

bethylou · 15/07/2010 21:25

Congrats. I'm risking a flaming here.. my DS2 would feed, be changed by DH and then start rooting again even if he'd just had a really good feed. I know that babies aren't supposed to have a dummy before 6 weeks, but I decided to put it in and see what happened - he fell asleep and slept for 2.5 hours. We soon established that DS2 rooted whether hungry or tired. From then on, I would put the dummy in after a feed (and change) if he started rooting when I thought he was probably full. If he continued to fuss/cry then I carried on feeding but mostly he just fell asleep and woke for next feed.

After 4 days, he was feeding approximately every 3 hours and settled into the Baby Whisperer's EASY routine by two weeks. I do have what she terms an 'angel' baby so am very lucky, but he's still at the 91st centile at 5 months (fully breastfed) so clearly haven't done him any harm! Baby Whisperer does say that babies need to suckle for 16 hours a day to start with, whether breast or dummy.

Please don't yell at me folks - it's just what worked for me.

Carbonated · 15/07/2010 21:32

Congratulations!

This is going to sound like the exact opposite of what you want to hear but....your baby is settled during the day. You sleep during the day. Your baby is unsettled at night. You don't sleep much at night. For most parents, this is how it is for a while.

At day 4 you are starting to notice that this is a bit shit and you think "But I need 8 hours sleep a night". You will eventually downgrade to "I need some sleep at night" and then you will just be grateful for any sleep, at any time. You will start to get used to the sleep deprivation, even appear to thrive on it - and then your baby will reach the grand age of 4-6 weeks and start sleeping at night, all by itself.

And again I repeat, congratulations

Carbonated · 15/07/2010 21:32

Sorry, I should have said all by himself.

Original poster
fifitot · 16/07/2010 07:30

Thanks again for the responses. 2 more nights when he has been awake all night.........I don't remember it being this bad with DD. She slept between feeds I am sure she did.

Carbonated he will sleep at some point won't he?????

I can't let him sleep on me - scared will squash him! Also tried lying down which works to a point...

He has now also rejected the dummy.

Guess am going to perservere. I am very engorged so not helping, despite all the feeding. If I had have had formula in last night he would have had a bottle. In some ways glad I didn't but am going to try and express today to get the engorgement down and he can have that at bedtime.

God this is hell. Amazing how you forget.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/07/2010 07:41

How are your nipples?

I would normally say everything sounds absolutely normal, but the engorgement, despite lots of feeding, might mean that he's not feeding as effectively as he otherwise might ...

What sort of local breastfeeding support do you have?

How did breastfeeding go for you, last time around?

Cosleeping, if it works for you, can be a great solution to this situation.

HowAnnoying · 16/07/2010 07:44

DS1 was like this, but after a few weeks he started to get the idea. Then DS2 came along and I was expecting the worst but he slept between feeds from day 1. Weird how they can be so different and from same people!

Try and sleep as much as you can during the day.

Sorry no useful advice but it will get better and congratulations!!

abdnhiker · 16/07/2010 07:45

We co-slept with our second DS for survival - and it worked well! We were against it at first but it was what he needed and it's hard to convince a newborn to be on their own if they don't want to!

Congrats and I hope you get a bit more sleep soon.

Original poster
fifitot · 16/07/2010 08:00

I THINK he is latched on OK. There is still some soreness but is getting better. I am going to attend the BF support group next week so hopefully they can have a look.

It's nice to get these responses - especially as you have all come through it. I really didn't think it could get worse than my first! But is has! I did get through the worst though and BF for 2 years so want the same for DS.

The co-sleeping. He actually wants to be latched on all night. If I detach him to try and get more comfy he is off again. I also find it hard to get the bed suitable. DH is currently sleeping in another room so he can be available for DD in the day so have lots of room but will have to try and arrange the bed so baby sleeping direct on bed and not near quilt or pillows.

DH has taken him out in pram now so I am off to bed! Any more ideas most grateful too.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/07/2010 08:40

If you can get it arranged properly, it is possible to breastfeed and sleep at the same time.

I would get your latch checked at the BF group, and talk to them about bfing and cosleeping, they should be able to talk you through some options for positions.

llareggub · 16/07/2010 08:51

My DS2 was just as you describe.

After those initial, shocking few weeks in which I hallucinated with sleep deprivation, I started co-sleeping.

It was the best thing ever. Between 6 and 24 weeks he slept all night, waking at 12 ish for a feed then dozing back off. I'd often wake in the early morning with him latched on.

If you can arrange things safely, and there is lots of advice on here, I'd recommend it.

DS2 left our bed at 12 months and it was a tricky transition but hey, one step at a time!

Carbonated · 16/07/2010 09:39

Agree with everything NQC says. And yes, he will sleep soon(ish). It just feels like a heck of a long time.

DomesticDisaster · 16/07/2010 14:08

Hello Fifitot
Just wanted to add a little bit here despite the brilliant advice you have had already. I went through something very similar with my second. I was bascially up all night every night and he just wouldn't settle without being on me. I almost went completely bonkers with the sleep deprivation.
What worked for me in the end was to kick DH out of bed and pop DS in a sleeping bag so I wasn't worried about him suffocating etc. I then slept beside him and popped him on and off as and when. I was ever so worried about this becoming a long term thing but it wasn't and he settled at around 6 weeks.
Hope this helps.

azazello · 16/07/2010 17:06

I had the same problem and found an Amby hammock really helped. If you already have one or there is someone you could borrow one from it might be worth a try?

Original poster
fifitot · 16/07/2010 20:10

Thanks. I may have had a latch problem according to BF counsellor. Breasts v engorged despite the feeding frenzy. I need to work on it and hopefully baby will get more milk and feel settled better.

Lets hope so - will let you all know how we get on. All your comments much appreciated.

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/07/2010 20:26

Make your hand into a letter C shape, with thumb on top and pinch the opposite side boob until it's nearly horizontal, then encourage latching-on while your boob is very firm.

Is it nice and dark in your bedroom at night? Try to keep it as dark as possible at night, and in the day, try to get your baby to stay a bit more awake -- going out is a good idea, chatty conversation, attracting his attention while he's awake. Night and day confusion is common.

Original poster
fifitot · 17/07/2010 10:45

Thanks. Good point about the light I think.

Slighty better last night. Got a bit of respite between feeds. However he is eating alot at the moment but just had a big sleep - will try and encourage him to stay awake more this afternoon and evening.

Still struggling with positioning. It's his little flailing arms that get in the way - may buy a swaddling wrap to help me keep them away from my breast so can focus on the latch.

OP posts:
LeninGrad · 17/07/2010 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fifitot · 17/07/2010 14:05

Little devil just wants to sleep all day today. Am desperately trying to keep him awake!

OP posts:
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