Has the tide finally turned and its fine to bf in public now?

[darcymum]

I saw I woman today at a county village fete sitting down outside the tea tent bf her baby. She was wearing a boob tube so the whole of one side was on display apart from the nipple thanks to baby's mouth, and talking to her dad!!!!!

Good for her!

I bf anywhere and everywhere, but believe it or not the only negatives came from our own families. DH is Irish, and public perception of bf seems to be about 20 years behind the UK's - they seem to think it's an almost chavvy/low-class thing to do, so I got a few dirty looks from them. And my stepmum, very older-generation, firmly believes that such things should be done at home, and that I shouldn't leave the house if I need to bf (ditto nappy-changing, wtf?). I ignored them all, needless to say.

Ive fed absolutely everywhere, standing, sitting etc! havent had any negative comments but try to be bit discreet with blanket etc where possible, well i used to mroe so, but now its hot i think 'what the hell!' and just feed my 9 month old with boob half hanging out. she is a nosey little girl and feeding in public doesnt always go to plan as she is very easily distracted! Would never ever feed my children in public toilets again. did all that up until Ds was a few months old and now I just think why should I, that is my babys food and I wont give it to her in a toilet!

I'm Irish and agree (to an extent) with MrsDepp.

I was exclusively bfing DS, up until about 17-18 weeks when I started mix-feeding him (he's almost 20 weeks now). Just got so fed up with the negative comments from family members: "he's too old for bf", "bring a bottle out with you in public now", "don't sit in same room as us" etc.

Strangers have been lovely, or don't pay attention.

ILs almost died when I bf DS at a cafe with them - MIL must have sat indoors when her 3 children were bf as babies. When I visit their house I'm ushered to another room to bf

My parents had never seen anyone bf until I started with DS, both are a bit spooked by it, but mum is growing to be more supportive than I thought.

An uphill struggle at times, but worth it, I'm hoping.

The only negative reaction I got was from a doctor on the labour suite when I was rushed back to hospital a week after giving birth because I'd just passed a huge clump of placental tissue and was bleeding.

I was taken to the labour ward and was sitting on the bed breastfeeding when a doctor came to insert the canula for antibiotics. He blushed and stammered, and was obviously uncomfortable with it. He told me to stop breastfeeding so he could insert the canula. He then moaned because my baby started screaming loudly!

He then put the canula in the crook of my arm. I pointed out that it was going to make breastfeeding v hard if I couldn't hold my baby on that side, but he just shrugged. As he was leaving he gave me "permission" to continue feeding my baby!

Apart from that I occasionally get the odd old lady staring and whispering, but I just smile brightly in a passive aggressive sort of way and they don't say anything!

I was going to say that in 8 months I'd not had any negative comments/experiences, but after reading cantthinkofagoodname's comment, I remembered a similar incident when I was in hospital with gallstones at 4 months. One twatty surgeon, who was trying (and failed) to get me to FF, refused to make eye contact with me every time I was feeding (he'd look out of the window) and on the last day, came in while I was feeding DD on the bed and said "oh, you're STILL BFing?"

Kinda sad, really.

All of my experiences of breastfeeding in public have been positive...apart from one! I was sitting onmy own feeding my DS very discreetly when he was 5 weeks old. An older lady and her daughter came and sat on the next table and the witch started with "I can't stand it when..." the proceeded to mumble to daughter. The rest of their conversation was at normal volume.
Conversly, each time I have been to Costa/Starbucks the staff have offered to bring my drink to the table for me.
I find that men tend to be the most helpful - the hesd waiter at a recent wedding offering to get me something to eat, a man in m+s geting me a glass of water and telling me about how he'd been his daughter's birthing partner. From talking to friens, it seems to be that most people have had negative reactions from older women - perhaps down to their own bad experiences?

fifi I think older women have mixed experiences. According to my mum, back in the 1970s and 1980s forumla was toted as the 'new wonder' product so many women used it.

On the other hand, my MIL said that in her part of the country (rural, rather than the urban environment my mum came from) women stayed indoors to bf. I don't think it was a spoken rule, more of an unspoken modesty thing.

Takelovingchances I am shocked and a bit saddened by your experience. It must of been horrible to be shunted off to another room and made to feel outcast for doing something so natural. Good for you for bfing for so long.

One older woman told me they would stay at home with their babies and schedule a time to go shopping inbetween feeds. My DD's have never been able to 'schedule' a break in feeding, especially when it is so hot they are drinking every half hour sometimes.

When I bf DD1 my mil told me she didn't bf as she was still living at home and she didn't want to in front of her dad and brother.

Debs I assumed that was normal It's a PITA sitting in a different room for up to an hour feeding DS (especially when he was younger and fed more often) as when I returned I'd totally missed most of the conversations. It's even worse at meal times. Having to sit in a different room with a plate eating my dinner when everyone else is around the table.

Once in a cafe my dad told me to sit with DS at a different table than the rest of them as I had to feed DS. I refused and his face was a picture!

I could come out with instances like this all day.

I have also heard an older women (MIL) say that she 'scheduled' to go out in between feeds, and was when I said that I sit down and feed DS wherever I am whenever he needs fed.

When I'm with friends, on my own with DS in public or in my own house I bf as normal, without restrictions. When PIL and my family are about it's a different kettle of fish, and I 100% feel pressured to draw it to a close now, especially as DS almost 5 months old.

I have fed DS2 pretty much anywhere and everywhere and have only ever had positive comments from people. I had expected to have more negative reactions and have been pleasantly surprised.

I feed in public (DS2 now 12 weeks old) but try to be as discret as possible and have never had negative comment, but also no negative comments when DD (2003) and DS1 (2006) were babies.

When I was feeding on saturday in the park a 3 year old girl came up to me and asked if she could look!

I really don't give a crap about other people's ignorance. What matters is if my baby needs feeding. Ok so I don't sit there completely topless jiggling my boobs around, but I don't bother with a blanket or muslin or anything. I do the one top up, one top down method and it suits me fine.

Takelovingchances your PIL sound awful. That is not normal behaviour at all. Please, please don't feel pressurised into making a decision you don't want to because of their ignorance.

I frequently bf ds, five months (lost track of how many weeks that is ) and have yet to have a negative comment. Woe betide anyone who makes one! I even bfed ds at an informal meeting this morning.

I can understand why people might feel nervous of bfing in public, but i hope that if more confident people like myself can beat a path they can follow in.

I have fed 2 dd's for 18 months each now. I am still waiting to use the cutting comment I have for the first person to react negatively.

I think that the very few cases where people encounter a negative reaction (understandbly) get recounted often whereas those occasions where it all went fine don't. (a thread titled "I fed dd in M&S today & no one reacted except an old lady who smiled at me & said dd was sweet" would not get much of a reaction).

Therefore those negative reactions gain a skewed importance & volume.

Alternatively it could just be that I am too scary to critisise, who knows?

Come on then loon, what is the cutting comment you have prepared?

yes loon (and others!) please share! I have nothing prepped other than a willingness to channel indignation. maybe i should have something up my sleeve!

Have realised on reflection that i have gone to another room rather than feed infront of my granddad. To save his blushes. Ditto haven't been to local curry house staffed by muslim men as i wouldn't want feed there... Is this judgmental and hypocritical of me? Or culturally sensitive?

"slightly embarassed when a male work colleague..."

That's the only time I've been slightly embarrassed (but it didn't stop me. My husband used to bring my DD to Canary Wharf at lunchtimes when I was easing back to part-time work when she was 15-18 months. Always seen, or sitting next to one in a coffee shop, feeding a toddler...

I must have a reputation as the mad lactator.

MoonFaceMama - from what I've read, women publicly breastfeed even in v.religious muslim countries.

I think the ignorant crazies can tell when you will rip their heads off instead of getting upset and hence give me a wide berth.

I too, have been just dying for someone to have a go, but everyone has been lovely and kind.

I bf DD in all sorts of public places and never had a negative comment. TBH people didn't often seem to notice at all (I did try to be reasonably discreet, but I'm sure there were still occasional flashes of boob).

I was also surprised by how easy I found it bfing in front of male relatives, perhaps a little awkward with my brothers at first but I was fine with my Dad, Step-father and FIL.

Sorry went out.. (leaving the front door wide open but that's a whole other thread..)

My pre-prepared comment is that that is what breasts are for & that I fail to see how giving my baby cows breast milk would be an improvement on the perfect arrangement nature has provided..

Failing the critisiser's ability to understand my argument my backup plan is to tell them to get lost

Well quite loon!Thank you for that, i'll stash it for later!

That's interesting jemja! Perhaps i am overly cautious since the hindu boss of the bme org i used to work for told me to wear a cardi over my strappy dress on the hottest day of the year, So i don't upset "the muslims"

Takelovingchances If your milk is in good supply and you personally enjoy breastfeeding don't give up for the convenience of your family.

I love this thread, and absolutely agree that the more of us that bf in public (particularly older babies and toddlers), the more accepted it will become. I always feel very empowered by other mums feeding, and have also not had any negative comments so far...

I'm too am of the 'anytime, anyplace, anywhere' school of thought. At a friends Christening at the weekend an older lady told me she thought it was wonderful I was feeding my DS in church. Well the good Lord did make boobs for just that purpose...

Interestingly, I just spotted this in an NCT related document - looks like we in England and Wales are about to get the same protection as in Scotland - nice!

'Headline news - NCT celebrates as women win right to breastfeed in public
Under the new Equality Act, passed in April 2010, mums cannot be discriminated against, asked to
leave a venue or treated unfavourably because they are breastfeeding when out and about in
England and Wales. The Act will come into effect in the Autumn.
NCT, the UK's largest parenting charity, has campaigned for this right for many years, so that
mums are free to breastfeed when away from home. Rosie Dodds, Senior Public Policy Officer,
NCT, said: "It is fantastic that mums have the right to breastfeed when they're out without worrying.
It's also important that women know they have this right. Surveys have shown that two in three
breastfeeding mums have faced unsupportive comments or behaviour - so this new law protecting a mother's right to breastfeed in public is a real boost." '