For those who went to boarding school what was it like?

[bassue]

Has anyone ever been to a boarding school such as Erin or Harrow? I know Britain was famous for them years ago, but even now there are many and people from around the world want to send their children to them.

For those who went what was it like? Was it worth it? Would you recommend the system at all?

Enjoyed it aged 10. Chose to return to it aged 16.

My experience was pretty grim. I think things have changed and it's a much less Spartan and repressive experience now.At least, I hope so.

I went to boarding school. Loved it. To the point I never wanted to come home in the holidays. However I was only child that lived in the middle of nowhere and my mum worked in all the holidays so was so depressed and lonely at home.

DH’s best mate went and it really traumatised him, he won’t talk about.

Totally depends on the family, the child and the school

also depends on the era

there will be a very wide range of experiences

Horrendous. All-girls. Mid-80s. I'd never do that to a child.

Oh, I fully boarded.

This is a site where the majority are women so you’re probably not going to find too many posters who went to Eton or Harrow 🤣

I went to one, it was awful but it was a special school and I went home at weekends so a bit different than what you're asking about.

Personally loved it. I went to a very minor independent school after the local state school that my elder siblings had attended became a feral bullying shithole. The difference between the two was stark, small classes, zero tolerance to poor behaviour, teachers who were genuinely engaging and cared about you and the classes they taught, up to date textbooks, well furnished labs, sporting facilities etc. The whole atmosphere was tilted towards going to university and building the soft social skills that would help you in life. Pretty confident my old school tie opened zero doors for me or connected me to some shadowy old boys network but I did leave that school with some decent A Levels in my back pocket, strong friendships that still survive 25 years later and a sense of direction in life.

Many, many years ago…

Went to two different schools. First was a very prestigious school - it was awful. Bullying staff in the boarding house, terrible Spartan facilities, and a regime that would now be considered criminally abusive. Second was a much smaller, less prestigious school, where I had a wonderful two years with lovely, caring staff, better facilities and a warm, friendly atmosphere. Some decades later, the first school closed, and the second is still thriving, though is now only a day school.

Nowadays, Ofsted inspect boarding facilities of independent schools, and whatever one’s gripe with Ofsted generally, they do pay careful attention to the facilities, organisation and pastoral care in boarding houses. As a result, the experience of children today is generally very much more positive than my first five years boarding were.

Boarding has also evolved hugely since "my generation" (I didnt board but have a lot of friends/ family who did). Apart from the pastoral side and boarding facilities upgrades (much lower dorm share ratios/ nicer bathrooms), the majority of UK boarders (i.e. boarders whose parents live in the UK) are now weekly boarders (or flexi) who go home pretty much every weekend and most boarding schools also have fairly high day numbers. This means that boarding has become much more regional which is a benefit during the holidays. Also the age profile has shifted upwards - the number of genuine full boarders (exeats and weekends only) in Years 3-6 is now very small (vast majority are flexi) , with most coming in at Year 9 and then more "first time boarders" coming in at 6th form.

Whilst I do still think that boarding only genuinely suits certain people, I also think you cant really compare boarding from the 80's/ 90's to boarding now, because both the boarding and the "home parenting" models have changed so much.

I didn’t, but my best friend did. He was sexually abused there, and finds the whole idea of boarding school abhorrent

Hi. A male friend of mine did, he’s in his 50s. He was sexually abused routinely by older boys.

I didn’t board but both my late Dh and my dp did.

DH weekly boarded from age 8. He experienced it as a profound rupture from his family, but stopped boarding aged 14 due to financial strain. He was diagnosed as bipolar aged 21, had other diagnoses later and eventually died by suicide. Probably a higher link with the bullying he received at the non boarding school than with boarding, but he felt unable to tell his parents about the bullying. I personally think boarding under 11 and really under 13 is an insane choice, and it’s a risk after that; but the payoff is high for the parents and for the right child at the right school so I see why people do it. Dh was an incredibly intelligent man, and received an amazing education.

Dp boarded at the school his parents worked at, so he was frequently able to go home. Tbh I thought the teaching he received sounds pretty poor throughout compared to what I had at state school, but it was a few decades ago. I wouldn’t say his education was that amazing but he had a broader range of experiences than the average state school kid of his age, and importantly he was very happy there. I simply don’t think it sounded worth the money.

Went in the 90s. Absolutely loved it. But I came from a loving family. We didn’t get home except every 4-6weeks but it was so much fun and I loved the independence. My parents missed my sister and I terribly though.

Dh and siblings boarded, all do have issues though their aloof mother may be part of the reason. My dd boarded older for specialist sixth form out of choice and loved it

Children’s homes for rich kids is how my therapist described it.
absolutely no pastoral care. Fucked up kids caring for other fucked up kids. Would not recommend it.

Boarded from 1980 to 1987 hated every minute of it

Damn, I wish someone had told me earlier that I was a fucked up kid.

You can't judge boarding schools now from boarding schools in the 80s. Worlds apart.

So you need to decide, do you want to know about back then, or current?

I know lots of parents who have dc who board or very recently boarded.

From 5 DC that currently board, 2 aren't happy and the other 3, I think are okay. They all started boarding at 13 ish. They are all between 14-17. The ones that aren't happy, one is looking at taking them out completely and the other , they are looking for an alternative school, possibly closer to home so they can come home more often on weekends.

Other 4 DC I know who have left boarding (now aged (19-27). Two are thriving, with jobs, travel, girlfriends, typical young persons social life etc.
One is diagnosed bipolar, has had a lot of therapy, has really struggled but I think is now much more settled but hardly in contact with parents now. Obv, don't know whether boarding issues in therapy.

The other one is the saddest, despite coming from the most wealthiest of all the families, their DC has gone down a destructive spiral of drugs, in and out of the most expensive rehab from America to Austria. You name it, the parents have thrown all the money they have at it. They don't know where they are half the time, living in some squalor in Amsterdam one minute to a bedsit in Thailand. Very chaotic lifestyle. It's been heartbreaking.

All the families above are quite different, parenting styles vary, cultures, wealth, family dynamics. I've known some of the kids from when they were toddlers, and in hindsight you can sort of see which dc, boarding is probably not the best choice.

My dc don't go to boarding. I'm glad they haven't to be honest. From my anecdotal experience; think wisely.

I boarded for 10 years from 1984 and I absolutely hated it. I would never do that to a child.

Agree with this, that they’re probably v different now. However, I just remembered I knew someone years ago who was sent to boarding school from 9-18 and whilst he is v successful in life, had lots of great opportunities re his education, and happy as far as I know, he always said he felt his parents outsourced his childhood to strangers and he has always had a very distance relationship with his parents and feels like they didn’t parent him at all really. In this situation there was no issue of his parents jobs and having to travel etc, they just wanted to send him.

These threads always go the same, very polarised way though. One group comparing boarding schools to some kind of Roald Dahl / Monty Python / Gulag mash up and nothing short of child abuse. The other group had an amazing time and loved it!

I boarded for 7 years (11-18) in the 80s. Loved almost all of it, but back in those days there were some horrendous staff/teachers.
I now work in boarding and the experience for most children is awesome. Obvs most miss home, but for many, it is respite from home.
if you can be confident that your child will call out wrong behind closed doors, then I think you can be confident that they will not be harmed in the way that some have suggested here.
some children can be horrid and manipulative. If they don’t share a dorm with that sort of child, all the better , but MUST call it out if it happens. Staff WILL deal with what they know.