International Boarders - Ludgrove School

[est09]

We are looking to send our eldest (age 6) to Ludgrove for year 4-8 (so when he turns 8.) Currently we do not reside in the UK, but we are UK citizens, and have a house in London. We have a relative with whom he’d stay with if we weren’t able to travel over for exeats (which would be our aim). Has anyone got any advice/experience with:

• Boarding at a young age
• International boarding
• Ludgrove School

Also, if anyone has any other recommendations of full boarding schools within around a 2 hour car journey (maximum) from a London Airport, please let me know.

Things we’d like to know about Ludgrove from other parents before we ask the school themselves:

• How often can boys contact their parents?
• Are they allowed devices?
• How many boys on average are in a dorm?
• Policies on children on social media/protection from the media?

In an ideal world, we would like to go from Ludgrove to Eton/Harrow. Our other sons would join him when they reach his age.

Thank you.

@est09 You know your kids best- few people understand the absolute unique demands of serving families. Some think they do, but the truth is some service families have a lot of pressures and very, very frequent locations put upon them. No one but you truly knows your situation. Thank you for your service and the sacrifices you make as a family.

George May at Cothill is wonderful.

Sounds like you’re prioritising your relationship with your husband over your children. If my husband had a job which meant he had to move every couple of years and it wasn’t practical for us to move as a family, then I would stay behind with my children. Absolutely no way I’d send them to boarding school at 7/8

What an unkind and unnecessary comment, @needmorecoffee7 . As a family they are planning ahead two years into the future, of course they are together on this overseas posting along with the younger siblings -why would you say she is prioritising husband over child? Some children may thrive on frequent moves and changes of school, others experience it as upheaval and dislocation. Some locations offer good international school options, others are terrible. Managing family life in these circumstances is a tricky balancing act at the best of times and involves difficult choices. OP moving back to UK as you suggest- with or without the younger siblings- would mean disrupting their parental relationship with either mother or father. Considering boarding at a school that specialises in boarding for younger children is a valid alternative to frequent disruption and poor experiences in education. It's not something anyone should do lightly but there's no evidence to suggest OP is being cavalier about her DS's wellbeing or happiness- she is looking for ways to support these by her choice of school.

Military and Diplomatic families have to make really hard choices but their service is needed now in this fractured world more than ever. @est09 you, your DH and family are making sacrifices to serve our country and for that I am thankful. Having been in a similar position and used an excellent boarding prep from Y4 I know this can work very well if you do your due diligence and learn the art of good parenting at distance. Choosing a school like Ludgrove is a good starting point.

It’s not a job. It’s service.

My dc boarded part time at 8. I could never recommend full boarding at that age it’s miserable. They pined for their parents and were jealous when my dc went back home then next day (my dc chose to board so they could continue their sport early in the morning and was happy enough to want to ft board later)

OP has asked for opinions and this is mine. Why have children if you send them to boarding school abroad at 8? It makes no difference what job my husband is doing I would stay with my children. Taking up a position in the military is entirely voluntary, so yes it is a job not a service in my opinion and not one that I place a particularly high value upon

If you look at the description of the boarding school topic it is for a supporting environment.

Secondly, if you look around the world I suggest you show gratitude, not judgement to the armed forces and its families.

You’re welcome to have your opinion but please remember those who are there to defend that right on your behalf.

@mrcarson as we live in a democratic society I am free to have my own opinion about the armed forces. There is absolute no way that I will ever show respect for an organisation that glorifies violence and supports illegal and unjust wars. I am also free to have my opinion about boarding schools which I have already expressed.

It was the British Army that fought their way through France, Holland and Germany to liberate 60,000 sick and starving Jewish prisoners from Bergen-Belsen in 1945, burying the dead, giving medical treatment, food, clean water and clothing.

Have you any respect for that? Or would you rather have had them stay at home in 1939 and leave these people, and many millions more, to a terrible fate?

To give another example, following the Srebrenica massacre in 1995, when UN peacekeepers did not to intervene to stop the genocide of Muslims by Bosnian Serb forces, the British Army was sent to Bosnia as a key part of a new UN peacekeeping force to enforce the Dayton Peace Accord. Thousands of British soldiers ended up staying for another 13 years preventing further conflict in Bosnia, Croatia, Kosovo and Macedonia, and helping rebuild towns, infrastructure and civic institutions.

Have you any respect for that? Or would you rather they had stayed at home and let genocide in Europe continue?

@TheCricketersReferencing WWII to justify the relevance of today’s armed forces feels outdated. That was nearly 80 years ago. Since then, our government has repeatedly stood by while genocides unfolded around the world — just look at what’s happening in Palestine right now.

I don’t hold the armed forces as an institution in high regard. I respect individuals in uniform no more or less than I do teachers, nurses, or any public servant. What I struggle with is the mindset of someone willing to kill on behalf of a political agenda — especially when that agenda is often deeply flawed.Blind loyalty to political agendas deserves scrutiny, not automatic praise.

@needmorecoffee7 Your disregard for the Armed Forces demonstrates the privilege of living in a country that has had peace at home for three generations. I wonder how you would feel about the military if facing a war of national survival. I guarantee people in Ukraine don't feel such a disrespect for their young men and women warriors, nor will those on the eastern fringes of Europe be so dismissive of those prepared to put their safety on the line to protect their fellow citizens. Wake up and smell the coffee- and pray you and your loved ones never ever need them.
People don't join the Military to fight for political agendas. They don't get to choose their postings or deployments. They do have to put their family stability and personal safety on the line. Unless we are going to argue that Armed Forces and Diplomatic personnel are not allowed to marry or have children then as a nation we have to support them to mitigate the impact of Service life on those families.

Apologies @est09 for derailing your thread.

I agree with this. I went boarding at 11, and felt it was pretty damaging, looking back. A fellow boarder had started at 7, and she would cry herself to sleep in our dorm, it had affected her terribly. However good the school, however kind the staff, you still spend all your time with people who don’t love you, and that is disastrous for emotional well being long term.

@FairlyFarleighSo being critical of the armed forces means I’m “privileged”?No — it means I’m paying attention.

Soldiers don’t get to pick their wars — they follow orders. That’s the job. But following orders doesn’t make something right. History is full of atrocities committed by people “just doing their duty.”

Blind obedience isn’t bravery. Real courage is asking why we’re sending people to kill and die in the first place.

No I'm saying you can take your dismissive position from behind the bulwark of 80 years' peace at home where you haven't had to be worried about invasion or occupation by enemy forces. Safety that was won for you by prior generations' blood and sacrifice. And I'm saying that the world is changing and we need people in this generation who are prepared to make sacrifices today on behalf of the nation.
If you recall this thread is about a family serving overseas who are trying to balance the needs of several siblings for education and family life. Those are hard decisions that anyone having to make wrestles with. It's woefully- maybe even deliberately- missing the point to lecture a parent about putting husband before child, let alone doubling down on the basis that you personally don't respect the Armed Forces.

@needmorecoffee7
You haven’t answered my questions. All you can manage is that WW2 and the Holocaust don’t count because they were 80 years ago??

Bad actors have not shut up shop after the horrors of WW2 and the Holocaust. Srbrenica was genocide on our own doorstep, in Europe, only 30 years ago, and our armed forces spent the next 13 years making sure it would not happen again. Thousands of civilians in Ukraine have been killed and as many as half a million children have been abducted since 2014 when Russia invaded their country, and our armed forces have been doing everything short of boots on the ground to help the Ukrainians defend themselves.

In recent years UK armed forces have also helped end the civil war in Sierra Leone (2002); provided humanitarian aid immediately following the Rwandan genocide (1994); have kept the peace in Kosovo (1999), in East Timor (1999), and between Greek and Turkish Cypriots (for the last 60 years); and participate in UN peacekeeping forces in Somalia and South Sudan (for the last 9 years), the DRC (last 15 years) and Lebanon (last 2 years).

Some people would like us to get involved in more conflicts and peacekeeping missions elsewhere in the world, or send even more support than we already do. However, after years of defence cuts our armed forces aren’t big or well resourced enough to be everywhere help is needed and it also depends on what the UN and other nations decide is necessary, because we do not have the resources or legal authority to act alone.

I assume YOU haven’t volunteered to be one of the people that has to clear Congolese land mines, or make safe Hamas booby trapped tunnels and unexploded Israeli missiles in Gaza, or protect aid convoys from militias and bandits in Sudan?

So if you are one of the people who would like to see the UK armed forces play a bigger role in peacekeeping missions around the world then I suggest that you firstly start showing a little respect and support for the people who do volunteer to put their lives at risk in the UK armed forces, and their families, and secondly write to your MP to say you’d like a greater share of tax revenues spent on defence.

@needmorecoffee7 has a very limited understanding of the armed forces, however, one thing is correct: It is indeed voluntary to serve.

Be grateful someone else is putting service before self, as without volunteers, the choice for you to opt out disappears.

Not volunteers though, it's paid employment.

It means you enlist by choice. As opposed to a conscripted armed force.

Funny how doctors, nurses, and teachers save lives and shape society every day — but they don’t demand respect or silence criticism to do their jobs.

No one forces anyone to join the military. It’s a job — a choice — like any other. It comes with known risks and serious consequences, especially for families.

Anyway, I’m going to leave it there—I don’t want to derail the thread any further. I’ve made my view on the original post clear: sending an 8-year-old to boarding school is hard to justify unless the home environment is genuinely unsafe. It’s a huge decision that deserves real, careful reflection. It affects a child’s whole life — it shouldn’t be treated like a logistical fix.

@needmorecoffee7
That’s very amusing. Doctors, nurses and teachers are always striking or threatening to go on strike because they say they don’t feel valued enough. God forbid anyone ever criticises “front line workers in our NHS”, no matter how incompetent they have been. I listened to a radio interview only yesterday with the person in charge of the Royal College of Midwives, who refused to accept that any of her members could possibly be at fault for the appalling number of baby deaths in some maternity units, or the woeful standards of care and behaviour being reported by users of some maternity services.

So it’s funny that you portray them as saintly figures martyring themselves in silence, compared with the military (and by the way I am not in the armed forces and no one in my family is either), when the military a) are not allowed to go on strike b) put up with pretty bad conditions for very mediocre pay and c) actually put their own lives at risk to save and protect others.

@TheCricketersthat’s an interesting perspective, I’d always considered going on strike to be to do with pay, which is a completely separate issue. I know many people who work in these sectors and they all seem to quietly get on with their jobs rather than demanding respect for their profession. Anyway this is not something I’m going to waste time arguing about any further. You seem unable to accept my opinion.

And you also seem to not accept our opinion. Hope you have a relaxing morning and a nice coffee 😂😁

Well said.

I know some children thrive at boarding school and love it, others don't and it can be very damaging. I'd be very wary of sending a year 4 child, it may have worked for you and your DH but that doesn't mean it's the right decision for your DS.. I'd personally leave it to year 5 (minimum).