Oh the opinions!

[Defaultmum]

Seeking advice! We decided to send our kids to boarding school, and we’re facing a lot of opinions from friends and family. How do you cope with the pressure and judgment that comes with such a big decision? Would love to hear your thoughts!
Many of ‘our circle’ are extremely pro-government funded education and we feel that is not the best choice for us.
Have you experienced the judgement/options of others?
Just wanting to seek solidarity with like minded people here.

Just don’t engage.
Change subject.
Oh, listen I’m so interested to hear what you have to say but I have an appointment to get to. Buh bye

Soon you will have more like minded friends.

Enjoy !

What are the opinions you are facing? Boarding school has been a great option for our kids. We're not really interested in opinions of others and our kids are really happy, and that is all we need.

Mostly that it’s a waste of money and the schooling is the same (I completely disagree).

for one, less bullies, shorter class sizes, better taught knowledge, less disruption in the lessons, students that are better behaved and focused on learning , thats for starters

technically the knowledge is similar but in private chances are its in more depth, more analysis, plus teachers can focus on teaching without bad behaviour from pupils

People love to have an opinion on the choices other people make for their children. It always amazes me.

Just don't engage. You do what's right for your family.

@Defaultmum We were unusual in our social group for using boarding. One or two had used private day schools.One had a dad who had been a miner and was a Labour voter! Money and needs of dc change views! I live in a grammar county and DD1 did pass to go to one. In the context of all of that DD loved the idea of boarding.

We, if asked, said results were similar, DD would get lots of clubs and options to be herself, friends on tap and no travel to school. If anyone just looks at state school outcomes then it’s a narrow view of what school is about. I no longer had umpteen activities to take her too, all were at school.

Our other main reason was friends. She didn’t have any going to the grammar. The girls going had shunned dd (parents dictate friends here) and we wanted a new start. I used the “new start” reason quite a lot. Boarding also was a remarkable success. DD loved school. Tried lots of clubs and activities many of which were not available at the grammar. Or, as others found out, were rationed.

So use the positives for your child and it’s up to you how you spend your money. I would change the subject too. You don’t have very pleasant friends.

I just say, "well I agree it's not for everyone, but it works for us" and move on.

I’m guessing you didn’t go to boarding school? Not just the grammar, but the idea that there are fewer bullies because people are paying more is ludicrous. Parents just don’t hear about the bullying so it’s a belief they can select.

Not all private schools are boarding schools.

Ignore them. Those with the strongest opinions must doubt themselves and try to justify their choices. In reality, it’s because many of them can’t afford that option even if they wanted to, so they are trying to make themselves feel better. I had people criticising me for choosing private school (I never brought the subject up, it was always them), claiming it was immoral and that they would never use private education. Funnily enough, when their financial situation changed, guess where they sent their children……?!

Unfortunately, the government are stirring up hatred towards the private sector even more.

Choose the right school for your children and ignore people.

I am guardian to nephews and nieces at boarding school. One major advantage these days, if the school bans smart phones, is that the kids actually get up to real life stuff constantly. I am amazed at how much they fit into their day and how happy they are. They also exercise every day and also do either music or drama most days as well as managing lots of homework and hanging around with friends. The terms appear very short but they are incredibly productive.

Well I can’t comment on the whole country, but I can say that our local state options don’t offer anything like the same schooling we experience. Smaller classes, excellent behaviour on the whole (private schools can ask poorly behaved children to leave), wider exam subject choice, much more regular sport, specialist teachers (state schools are struggling to recruit), huge range of extra curricular activities which they wouldn’t be able to access otherwise, regular feedback to parents of child’s progress, teachers keeping a very close eye on children and reporting any problems back to parents, strict mobile phone policy for the first few years etc

We don’t board, but a lot of their friends do, and love it. I’ve being accused of being cruel for choosing a school which does Saturdays (even though the children are more than happy to attend as they love school).

@Another76543 It’s amazing how others know what suits your dc best. Mine didn’t have Saturday school. It tended to be sports match day. As they weren’t sporty they did other things and when younger it was trips out quite regularly. Theatre trips and cultural visits by train. They really liked it.

I didn’t think teaching was necessarily better in all subjects but the all round education was better.

People always have an opinion but it’s about doing what is right for your child within the means you have.

Re the bullies - obviously it happens everywhere but private schools are certainly better at recommending that children aren’t a good fit and finding ways to remove the particularly problematic children who bully or take drugs etc! Sadly in state schools the teachers don’t have as many options and have to do their best to work with them!

We have tried state, private and now state boarding grammar schools.
The private school undoubtedly had the most sports, music and arts.
The children were equally smart at the state and the private school in fact possibly more kids needing extra help at the private school and our kids didn't make the progress they could have.
Certainly more tiger parents at the grammar school, more homework and higher aspirations than the private school.

From what age will you send them? It's not the fact it's private education but the evenings and overnights you won't see them. The home life.

My opinion is skewed because my poor old Dad was sent when he was tiny and it scarred him for life.

They will go at 12 years old. Our only other option is a massive commute 1.5 hours away each way.
We chose this school because we will be able to go see the sport and any events easily, we will still be very involved and actively parenting.
My husband boarded and had an awesome time, made friends for life etc, I went to state school so boarding is a whole new world for me.

@Defaultmum I never ever had to tell
my dc to do their prep. They did it at school. Weekends at home were family time without pressure and we had long summer holidays too. Weeks longer than state schools. Our school was around 50 mins away. We saw DDs in house events such as music and drama and dinners, in any performances they were involved in and when we took them back on a Sunday we stayed for chapel. We spent lots of time commuting to and from school. I think we had a less fraught relationship as a result, Basically we had the best of them!

Our senior school wasn’t over pressurised regarding results but we wanted that. We had very few tiger parents. The grammars have more wannabee parents pushing like mad. My DD2s prep had many parents wanting top senior schools so there was pressure and to get scholarships. All of this depends on school and, frankly, the wealth of the parents. Far less pressure on dc of the wealthy. They don’t need that top career.

Boarding depends on the child and whether her or she are up for it. I do feel guilty as any parent will but actually my children seem to be having a brilliant time although I dont expect it's not got it's challenges. But they are having miles more fun than they would at home or commuting for hours each day. If you can get to lots of matches just to clock-in each week or so etc it's great. My children are self-reliant, resilient and tolerant of others (as they learn to get along with all sorts of characters sharing dorms). They also have lots of international friends as well as UK friends which has broadened their horizons. I'd love to have them bundled up with me at home all the time but we live rurally so we save that for the long school holidays and exeats.

just ignore them, you have to do the best thing for your family.

several of my friends went to government funded boarding school as their parents were in the military.

Well you won’t be very actively parenting if they’re not at home as much as if they didn’t board. That’s the reality of it.

People will judge you, but then people judge everyone for all kinds of things. If you’re confident about your choices it won’t bother you as much.

I would judge my friend if they did this. But I wouldn't mention it.

Yes, this is typical private school delusion, with the boarding delusion added on. Some of the worst instances of bullying I’ve come across (because I knew the parents of the children involved, because the children had been friends with DS in primary) have been at two the highest-ranked boarding schools in the country. Why wouldn’t they be? Boarding means only that bullies have far more opportunity. No escape home after the school day, no possibility of widening your social circles by doing after school activities with different people, and the endless possibilities of night-time for bullies.