Private school scholarships

[erint09]

So, DS (12) has recently attained a 13+ scholarship to a really great sporting boarding school for his cricket. This is something he has wanted for as long as I can remember and he is extremely excited. However, we have three other children who we cannot justify school fees for. Our local schools aren't great (local primary school Ofsted of needs work, and local secondary schools having inadequate (two different schools)) so this opportunity would be amazing for him. DD (9) will likely also go for the same scholarship as she is incredibly sporty as well as being quite academic. If she is to get this scholarship then we will probably be able to afford it. However, DD (6) and DD (4) haven't showed any signs of an interest in sport. Would it be unfair to not allow DS (12) and DD (9) to access this education as it isn't fair on their younger siblings/allow the older to to go but have to keep the younger ones in awful state education?

Let your son take up the scholarship and see what happens with the others.

Sorry duplicate post.

How might your DS feel in years to come when he finds out that you denied him the opportunity to go there on a sports scholarship?

let each child follow the path they choose. Cutting off an opportunity for your eldest because you think your younger children won’t have the same talents is making a choice to hold your son back. Allowing him to take up the opportunity and encouraging your younger children to work hard and follow their talents (perhaps different talents) is making a choice to open doors to your children.

He is old enough and mature enough to know we can't afford all siblings to go there. DS is happy not to go for the sake of his siblings but I want to give him his full potential. @leeverarch @caffelattetogo

I just can't bare the fact that they will receive vastly different educations, and I don't want any of my kids to feel like they were the scapegoat just because sport wasn't their passion etc.

Agree with @caffelattetogo Let your son try for the scholarship. See where he gets to. If your DD wants to try, and you are still happy with the school, let her try. They may not get in.

I had the same issue. My ds was offered a place. I'm a single mum and even half fees were a huge stretch but somehow, here we are waiting for his GCSE results so I've survived.

I wouldn’t deny one an opportunity on the off chance that the others might also not achieve it. You then have worse outcomes for all 4, rather than a potentially better outcome for at least 2.

Your youngest children are very young, it’s surely too early to know anything about what they might achieve.

On a personal level, if I were your son and had won a scholarship through my own merit, and I wanted to take it but was denied based on my siblings being potentially less able, I think that would really harm my relationship with my parents and potentially my siblings too.

I would take it and celebrate his success, and treat each child individually when they get to the right stage.

Are the younger siblings going to have to sacrifice anything to allow the older one(s) to go to the private school? If not, I don’t see the issue - different children have different skills.

But by not sending him he’s a scapegoat because his siblings are potentially less sporty. That’s just daft

Is it a full scholarship?

If it is somewhere like Millfield I know they pay more than 100% fees and it may really help him become a professional cricketer if that is what he is aiming for.

If your child was a talented ballet dancer and was offered a place at the Royal Ballet School, would you let them go, or decide against it because your other dc weren't showing the same sort of potential and it wouldn't be fair to them if he got to go and they didn't?

It would be wrong and, IMO, cruel at this point not to let your eldest go. If you wanted to think about not letting him go in case his siblings couldn't go too then you should have made that decision before allowing him to take the scholarship and be awarded a place.

I totally agree. It would be extremely unkind to have let things get this far and pull the plug now. It's not like there has been a major change in your circumstances since your son applied for the place. I think you have to let this happen.

Being fair means giving them all the education they need. Let your son take up the scholarship and see how the little ones develop.

It would be unfair now to have got his hopes up only to take it away. Surely now you would forfeit a term's fees as well as scratch around for a place elsewhere. Could you afford day fees for all four instead? Won't the eldest ds have left before the younger reach secondary age?

My God - if my parents put me through a scholarship exam, and I was awarded it, and then they told me I couldn’t go because siblings - I would divorce them.

You cannot do that, @erint09, it would be unforgivable.

Depends what they are offering him for a scholarship - 10% off fees no way, 80% off fees perhaps

Equally you have many years to go before the youngest are in the same position. You could turn down the place for DS and then win the lottery in 3 years.... Then would you not send the younger two because you hadn't for the first?

Equally the state schools could improve, you could move home into another area, the children might get scholarships for music / dance / academia etc. You don't have a crystal ball and so must do what you can with the one decision you have right in front of you.

I’d let him go. Is it a full scholarship?

Your DS has earned his scholarship.

That’s how life works and taking the opportunity he has earned away from him would be worse imo than letting each child take their own path.

You will find ways of enriching the lives of your younger dcs in a way that suits their talents.

I would send dc1 to the sporty school. I would look to move in 6 years time when dc1 is 18 and dc3 is 12 (assuming that he’s not sporty) I think I missed what percentage discount comes with the scholarship but if you can’t afford full fees in 6 years time then living near a great comp might be the best solution for dc3.

Personally I've always tried to do the best for each child, as I am able to at the time.

This means that they've each had different experiences from each other over the years, but I (and hopefully they) know that whilst we've not given them all the same, we've always tried to give them the best that was available at the time.

In any case they're all very different people and what's best for one wouldn't have been best for another.

Your other DC might be clever or good at drama, art or music and get a scholarship.

You might have a financial reverse, and qualify for bursaries (usually much more valuable than scholarships these days). Or you might come in to money and be able to afford it anyhow, or at least for sixth form.

None of us have a crystal ball.

But I think it was unfair of you to let your DS go through a selection process if you knew he couldn't have the very thing he'd just earned.

You say it might be bad for your younger DC. But refusing to allow your DS to have the scholarship he has won is just as bad.

You haven't got a good answer here.