Considering sending DS to boys boarding prep in Yrs 7,8?

[Mummerss]

DS is currently at a London prep school that goes up to 11 and we’re thinking about possibly switching him to a boarding prep for years 7 and 8 to prepare him for 13+ boarding.

Has anyone done this before, and do boarding preps even have space for new boys at this point?
We’ve also thought about possibly sending him a year earlier in year 6 or during the summer term of year 6 if boarding schools still do this?

We are mainly interested in boys preps like Ludgrove, Cothill, Summerfields, and Sunningdale… etc that appear to have strong academic results to top boys public schools.

We aren’t really keen on sending him to board any earlier than 10 or 11 but worried that him not having any boarding experience before senior school might be tough.
There is also the academic factor that he’ll need to switch anyways before or after 11+ from his prep for a boarding school that only starts at 13+.

It’s not unusual for prep schools to have a small 11+ intake, but I think it is often for students switching from state schools. How old is you ds? Have you contacted any of the possible preps yet? Which school are you hoping for him to go to at 13? All (or almost all) will have a lot of experience with boys who haven’t boarded before so if that’s the only reason you’re considering it, it’s probably not necessary.

Gently, I think you might be overthinking it. He can't avoid being new at boarding at whatever time that happens (now, or at 13). There will be an adjustment period either way. The main difference is he will be 2 years younger living away from home if you start now. Only you know your son, but it's worth considering whether 2 extra years of home life plus the additional maturity might actually be better for him when he needs to transition to boarding, rather than being younger.

Also I don't know how set you are on 13+ boarding, but if you send him younger to a different school and he really struggles and/or hates it, he might refuse to board at the next school at 13+. What does he think about boarding generally?

Yes I agree with these posters that there is not necessarily much to gain from sending him early, and possibly lots to lose. It only means he’s younger when he has to grapple with it all.

IME the prep boarding experience isn’t massively more nurturing than senior. The senior schools are all set up to take a 13 plus intake many of whom will be first time boarders. Additionally, I think many of them start being more ready for boarding around that point.

My DS both boarded from year 6 but just for a couple of days a week initially, adding more days as they wanted. They really enjoyed it and ended up boarding 4 or 5 nights. I personally don't think I would have wanted them as full boarders until they were 13 so maybe look at schools with flexi boarding and see how they go? It may take the worry off full boarding at 13? I certainly felt more comfortable with packing them off to big school.

We opted for Ampleforth College which has a junior boarding house for years 7 and 8. It was a lovely, gentle, nurturing introduction to the school. Most children come in year 9 but there was a wonderful homely atmosphere in the junior boarding house for those starting earlier.

Former Cothill parent here. The school started with a tiny band of boarders in Y4 and these grew in each year to Y8, even term by term, as families felt the time was right for their sons and their circumstances. Lots of new boys arrived in Y6-Y8, there would be nothing at all unusual in this. I'm sure the same would be true of other boarding preps.

You are probably aware that Cothill is now offering more flexibility about boarding, and that it will be changing to co-ed. I think these will make a huge alteration in the nature of the school, not necessarily to its advantage- which saddens me, as it was a magical and much-loved place for my two DS, unapologetically geared toward boys and boyhood, how boys learn, how boys play etc. I hope it will manage to retain its wonderful character of academic strength worn lightly and without much outward show.

Thank you for the replies everyone! I appreciate the concern about sending DS at 11 but I also feel that allowing him to try it out in years 7 and 8 could help him make a decision if he wants to continue boarding at senior school. With that said I do feel he would enjoy boarding and it’s something we’ve already talked about as a family.
DS is currently at an all boys prep in London, with that environment seeming to work well for him, along with him being fairly bright, we thought one of the big all boys schools (possibly Eton, Winchester, Radley) would be a good choice for secondary. Although I have looked into some of the big coed schools that have an 11+ intake as another option.

How old is he? I’d probably move to a boys or coed prep in London that goes to 13- there are plenty of these (I have 3 within a reasonable walk from my house) and they all have the leavers destinations you’re eyeing. Otherwise I think you’re just over complicating things and 10 is just so very young to board. And I’m not anti boarding, I expect mine to go at 13, as long as they want to!

@WaftherAngelsthroughtheskies Very interesting! Cothill was one of the schools I really liked the look of, but did not know they were planning on going coed soon?! Not sure how to feel about that as I know it’ll probably stay boy heavy for a while but we really do want a single sex prep for DS if we go this route. But I agree it’s always a bit sad when schools seem to change dramatically from what they used to be.

I do have a question though, is it common for boys to arrive in the summer terms to start boarding? That is good to hear that the number of boarders grow each year though as I wouldn’t want DS to feel like an odd one out going later than everyone else.

What year is he in now and roughly what area of London? Some of the boys boarding preps have buses in and out of SW London so boys can start as day/ flexi boarders and then move to weekly boarding in Y7 and 8, or as you're suggesting, summer term of Y6.

@Mummerss Yes, very common for new boarders to start in the summer term. It's ideal, as summer is the easiest term in many ways- relaxed, long, light, warm days so lots of outside time etc. Then there's a lovely long holiday, and they know how to navigate the school and already have some friends when they go back for the more serious autumn term.
The term I might not want to start a child boarding would be Lent/Winter. Although short it always seems gruelling, and there's no Christmas at the end of the tunnel.

Does he want to go? So many adults I met who had to board says it fucked them up.
I can't imagine not having mine around me every day they are so much fun as they get older.

Probably not the best thread to give that view.

I think it is a probably a good thread for it. If he is up for boarding then that is one thing, many teens are and its a more natural age to be apart from ones parents. But the OP is asking about sending a child and the wishes of the child is surely important.
I personally wouldn't do it but the friends (and family - my Dad, who said it damaged him being away from his parents) who did go said older was better.

I'm sure the OP has given her child's wishes the utmost consideration. A little unkind to suggest otherwise or to suggest that parents who send their children to boarding school "fuck them up" or "damage" them (as you say). It is always uppermost in the minds of parents of boarders. I would suggest if you are anti boarding or have no direct experience of it, it's probably not helpful to comment on this thread.

@Workasateamanddoitmyway The OP is asking about whether to send her child to boarding school at a younger age. There is lots of evidence that younger is not better. She isn't asking everyone to agree with her.
I have seen the affects first hand, especially for younger children. I was brought up by a man who was emotionally stunned and a large part of that was boarding school. I also have 2 good friends who went , one at 10 and one at 11 and they both hated it and said it harmed their relationship with their child. But anecdotal evidence isn't important. It's pretty well documented. Research into age of boarding and effect on mental health .
A think being "a little unkind" to parents is better than letting them make choices that could permanently damage their child is surely actually a kindness.

The boarding schools of the 1950s and 60s (when my father also went and which he hated) and the school my brother boarded at were very different from boarding schools now. Obviously if you don't have a child that boards now you wouldn't be expected to have any real knowledge of current schools which is perfectly understandable.

@Workasateamanddoitmyway
Obviously those that went to terrible boarding schools would have had a bad time at whatever age. This is this thread isn't about boarding schools per se it is about the age at which sent a child to boarding school if you have to do it.
Anecdotally my friends didn't dislike their school in fact one went to Cothill that was mentioned above and then to Eton where they were very well cared for. One of them is only 27 so it wasn't decades ago. What they say they disliked most was the feeling of not being wanted to be pin their home. I imagine teenagers are less impacted by this as there is a natural feeling of wanting to separate more from family life than younger children. Though if course anyone living with teens know they still want to talk to you when it suits them!

I’m normally fairly intolerant of posters who come to boarding forums to criticise the choice; however I think this poster has a more sincere point in that the topic of the post was about the possibility of going earlier than would be normal, in which case I think it’s reasonable to note that those extra couple of years may not sound much in adult timescales, but do make quite a big difference developmentally.

@MoonshineSon it's true a parent sending younger children to board needs to be really careful to ensure their child doesn't feel as you describe. There are a thousand ways to help ensure a boarding child feels loved, part of the family, and very much wanted at home. Like marriage, you have to work at it! I've seen examples from both ends of the spectrum.

Frequent letter writing, bothering to come and watch the U10 Ds at rugby in the rain, always being glad to take a call even when there's an important business meeting or Mum is really busy, frequent wellbeing check-ins, are all helpful to remind a child that they are loved and wanted. As are the little conspiracies like 'illegal grub' where parents deliberately break minor rules on behalf of the child, usually aided and abetted by the school.

I did also see some very distant parenting, with parents rigorously enforcing term dates, not bothering to come to matches for lower teams or in bad weather, boys who would receive expensive gifts but no letters, siblings in day schools etc, and it would be easy to see how those children could feel like they had been packed off to school.
It's an artificial arrangement, to send children to boarding school, and it would certainly be possible to do harm- but that's not inevitable. And it's equally possible to harm children by being constantly on the move, by having upheaval at home, by being raised by a stream of nannies an au pairs, by having parents who fight etc, and it's possible to have too much money and neglect children without sending them to boarding school. Good parents generally find a way to be good parents in whatever course they choose, and so do selfish, neglectful or emotionally unavailable ones.

@Mummerss a fair few start at our prep in the summer term of Y6 yes. DM me if you want.

I do get that and it's of course something all parents do consider. I would hope that goes without saying. I'm sure it was meant well. I just find someone with no direct experience of modern boarding schools other than anecdotal stories from two mates giving an opinion here and using the terms "fucked up" and "damaged" not hugely helpful, particularly to people who have children currently boarding. That's just my opinion though and perhaps others find her post very useful.

I do note on mumsnet people do quite give opinions on things like private schools, boarding schools etc by saying they have no direct experience themselves but a friend they know did go to private school etc. I don't really see the point of making such a post really. But that's just me and I'm sure she meant to help.

Completely agree @Workasateamanddoitmyway and it's exactly why a group of us badgered MNHQ to set up a boarding school board... so that posts like the OP's could be discussed without the usual derailing.

Just another perspective on earlier vs later

DS will board from September (Year 9- technically full boarding but the school only has a 50% Sat night requirement and we are fairly local so will be there for matches/ Sunday lunch when summoned etc). He hasn't boarded before and it seems as though about 50% of the boys in his house are in the same position, including two from overseas. The rest are already either full or flexi boarding in Year 8.

Personally I feel like now is the right time for DS. He is one of the oldest in his year, so will be 14 before Christmas (just for context). He has grown up a lot this year and I can see him shifting towards forming increasingly strong bonds with his peers and away from us slightly, so I think he's now in a good position to really enjoy the positives of being with his group of friends with sport on tap, but with a lower risk of homesickness etc.

For him, I feel like the positives of delaying boarding are greater than the possible negatives of being a boarding noob in Year 9 (am sure he will be an absolute agent of chaos for the first term but his housemaster is known for instilling good personal organisational skills so here's hoping!).

However, this is just one perspective. Obviously every child is different.