Considering sending DS to boys boarding prep in Yrs 7,8?

[Mummerss]

DS is currently at a London prep school that goes up to 11 and we’re thinking about possibly switching him to a boarding prep for years 7 and 8 to prepare him for 13+ boarding.

Has anyone done this before, and do boarding preps even have space for new boys at this point?
We’ve also thought about possibly sending him a year earlier in year 6 or during the summer term of year 6 if boarding schools still do this?

We are mainly interested in boys preps like Ludgrove, Cothill, Summerfields, and Sunningdale… etc that appear to have strong academic results to top boys public schools.

We aren’t really keen on sending him to board any earlier than 10 or 11 but worried that him not having any boarding experience before senior school might be tough.
There is also the academic factor that he’ll need to switch anyways before or after 11+ from his prep for a boarding school that only starts at 13+.

Sounds pretty sensible, @LaPalmaLlama . There's a lot to ɓe said for beginning the boarding experience at a natural start point when lots of his peers will also be newbies and the school will be gearing up to support them. I think it would become harder to break in to friendship groups later down the track- the House will probably rotate all the boys in his year group through remixing dorm sets each term until they all know one another and can start requesting specific dorm-shares next year, so now's a good time to start, especially since you are confident about his personal readiness...

"agent of chaos" 😂

I know there are more private schools that end at eleven these days, presumably in response to the increasing number of day schools who start at 11 rather than 13 as used to be more the norm for boys. If you do send your son to boarding prep for year 7, I suspect a number of her fellow new joiners will be those from state schools who have offers for schools already to start in year 9. Or they will be children from private day schools who have failed thus far to secure a place at year 9 after the Pre test now set in Year 6. You need to make sure your son understands that he has not been sent away early because he has not yet secured a place from his current school. Schools with entry at year 9 are now very used to boys having no or little boarding experience, sending your son away early may not be the help you think it might be.

One of my DDs wanted to board at secondary age and, after much thought we went along with this as the school was a bit of a distance away.

It was the worst thing we ever did and I have regretted it for decades. After one year she became a day girl and we bit the bullet on the practical problems.

We all missed her; she missed us; she was subject to the sort of bitchery you only get in girls' boarding schools; she got a distortedly detrimental idea of her worth as there were so many shining lights who were in the national this and national that. She went to the local sixth form college afterwards and thrived - and her siblings went to comprehensive schools and did just fine.

I have GC who are at a private secondary school as day pupils; they are reaping some benefits - but will not stay for the sixth form. They feel uncomfortable about the elitist ethos now they are of an age to make a judgement.

@Mummerss
another cothill parent here.
My DS was at a London prep too. Moving him to Cothill was the best decision ever. It has been brilliant for building his confidence and independence and he is so happy there. It is like a family.
I’m going to be honest, boarding (at any age) is great for some, but not for all. But I would much rather have found out if it suits him aged 10 than aged 13. There have been a couple of kids who have tried it and left because boarding wasn’t for them, and gone back to day schools. But IMO that is much less disruptive than starting at boarding senior school for the first time at 13 and hating it so that you have to leave. A lot of parents who want their boys to go to Eton choose Cothill for prep, and maybe that’s because it’s boarding or bust at Eton, there’s no day or flexi, so you really need to be sure your child will thrive as a boarder. (My theory FWIW is that the boys who struggle with boarding are often the “baby” of their family - they quite often pick up on parental anxiety about letting the last one go.).

So yes, boys do turn up at various times and they are quickly integrated. It’s impossible to tell who the original crew were in Y4 and who is new(er). Summer of Y5 would be a great time to start because it’s a decent run-in to ISEB and gives the head long enough to gather material for his reference - for example he can tell the admissions teams at Eton and Winchester that your DS has taken to boarding like a duck to water, which is a big positive. Summer of Y6 also very possible (and fun because of the annual Y6 trip to Iceland) although of course the likes of Eton/Radley/Winchester will have already issued offers so you will be relying on his current prep to have done all the heavy lifting on applications and references. Alternatively Autumn Y7 is the next best bet because it gives a proper run-in to Common Entrance and at Cothill, the boys go to France for half a term in the summer of Y7. Autumn Y8 - would not recommend - your DS would not be a prefect, would be one of the only new boys, and it’s getting very close to CE.

re girls. You don’t say how old your DS is. However it sounds like it’s going to take a while before any girls happen, and a very long time before they are there in every year and/or in any significant number.

Why not? It is a valid question. Why consider boarding at all? There are so many disadvantages. What are the advantages?

I had a close school friend who moved from our comp to a boarding school at 13. She thought she wanted to at the time, but she has never recovered (we are 50 now). And she didn't get a better education that we did, and she hasn't had better outcomes in any way than we have.

That is the person I know best from boarding school, because she was a neighbour, but I know many others, and they all wish they hadn't done it, even the ones that knew there was no alternative - military families, etc.

@opalsandcoffee

Plenty of advantages. For some children they will comfortably outweigh the disadvantages, for some they will not. (NB your friend boarded nearly 40 years ago - things have changed immeasurably since then)

Advantages

1. Learning independence and life skills (particularly for boys)
2. Longer structured days = less filling time on screens and social media
3. No time wasted commuting
4. lots of friends to play with, any time you want
5. great role models - teachers tend to be uber-dedicated and available
6. more opportunity for sport and extra curriculars
7. prep done at school, much less painful than HW at home
8. consistency and stability (if parents travel for work, move a lot, fight, separate)
9. cleaner air and more green space (v going to day school in London, etc).

@Mummerss you talk about sending him in years 7/8 "to try out" boarding. I don't understand - I thought you would have to make a decision in year 6 about where you want him to go in year 9? If so then the decision about where to go in year 9 will already be made by year 7, won't it? I am not sure that it's a good idea to change school (and therefore friends) too many times if it can be avoided

This is an eye opening report about Ampleforth and its safeguarding problems.

https://www.theguardian.com/education/article/2024/jul/12/ampleforth-inquiry-finds-alleged-serious-abuse-against-pupils-in-last-10-years

The report details the school’s repeated failures to pass inspections carried out by the Independent Schools Inspectorate and Ofsted. In 2019 the college’s interim head resigned after a snap inspection found child protection risks including bullying and poor leadership. In 2020 the college was temporarily barred from taking on new pupils by the Department for Education, and in 2021 an Ofsted inspection rated its leadership as inadequate and reported that “some younger pupils with identified [special needs] engaged in sexual activity during the school day while not supervised sufficiently well”.

it is always important to read up on things but I promise you none of us would choose to send our children to a school where we had any concerns about safeguarding currently. What happened was devastating but everyone is very open about it, the new staff brought in have been superb and standards are extremely high.

Whichever schools you choose to look at for your DC go and speak with current parents and current staff, and talk to your children about things so they know they can talk to you about anything.

Our son did Flexi boarding for two years at his request and is now weekly boarding. Weekly boarding is enough for us but each family has their own challenges. We are doing it due to geography.

As for fncking your kids up.. all families are different. We know one family who work all hours and their son is gaming and day and night with no bedtime. I'd say it's not ideal parenting. We also know a single parent who really struggles to look after her two girls. She often misses sports day, parents evening etc. she is totally unreliable and often forgets to pick them up. My husband thinks she is on drugs or an alcoholic. Who knows. But she is a fairly crap parent I'd say. The girls are now boarding and everyone is much happier. The dad lives in another country and sees the girls once a year..

We sent ours to a West Country boarding prep for yrs 7 and 8 in preparation for Radley and it has been the best thing we could have done, I think they would have found it very difficult without that in between step. Different circumstances, but in your position I would definitely consider it. One thing to consider is whether you want a prep with flexi boarding or full. London friends sent their son to Ludgrove, it is full boarding but has exeats more often than most preps (every other weekend I believe), so they are home every 10 days or so, and easy to get to from London for matches etc. I rather wish we had done this as I love the way they are all in, or all out. Our prep school is incredible but has just changed from full boarding to flexi and so a lot of children are now out at weekends. I wanted ours to get the experience of being in at weekends as that is what they will have at senior school. Having said that, we are appreciating being able to go up and watch a match and take them out on the odd Wednesday night… I suppose it depends what works for you.