Children - one in Boarding and one in State day school

[pasok1000]

I am just looking into choosing the school for my second son.

My first son ( now in year 9) is in the boarding school for boarding school outside London and the second son ( now in year 6) didn't get into that boarding school.

We are thinking whether to go down the route of second son going to the state school as place came up in year 7, which eould mean removing from prep school and committing yo state school till A level

I am just thinking that it's difficult to live under pressure for another two years in the prep school and again, waiting for a place and again going through assessments and also relying on some financial support as we unable to pay the full fees

Please could you share the thoughts if they had a similar situation

Thank you

Eton is very generous in the bursary, and if the 1st DS get a substantial bursary, and as OP said, the 2nd son was given a chance to try and additional support (DS1 state & DS2 in prep), it is very different from simply sending one to private and another to state due to favouritism.

Suppose the Prep fees are a big burden for the family. In that case, the DS2 will be under enormous pressure in the current Prep and can't really enjoy the other benefits of private education (e.g. extra-curricular) because the only reason for him to be there is to try Eton or similar with generous bursary (very very difficult). A good state may be better for him to thrive. You can use the money to top up other activities and tuition for him.

Every family is different; you need to choose to benefit the family as a whole. No matter whichever you choose, involve DS2 in the thinking process and explain the rationale behind the choice.

My reply above is based on the assumption that: OP would not have sent DS1 to boarding school without a (sufficient) bursary.

Ds1 has financial support

I am puzzles what concrete help i can ask from ds 2 prep school
They say it is up to senior school to decide on places...

Think of it from Younger Son’s perspective. He is at a prep school - from where he has seen other children proceed to one of their chosen schools. That is his normal - and probably the subject of constant discussion amongst his schoolmates. He knows and understands how and why his brother has progressed to his senior school.

He didn’t get into that school - and now his parents want to remove him from the prep? How can he possibly see that other than as a punishment for failure? He would always see it that way. It’s simply not good enough to decide the prep school fees are too high because one senior school didn’t offer him a place. As parents it’s now your job to use his next two years effectively to find the best school for him.

@pasok1000 The entire point of a prep school is to prepare pupils for suitable senior schools. That’s their job! It’s what you’re paying them for. To get him into a suitable school in yr 9. They have two years to do that.

Please advise me how can I speak to the prep school of my DS2 to make some concrete plan

I really feel that I try to put some questions but there isn't much coming back in terms of concrete plan - just all general talk that he would get to school at 13 plus

But the prep can't guarantee the financial assistance needed for secondary, the parents have to ask.

Yes but yhey can reassure me of preparation? I do jot get tgat sense

I don't think any Prep school can guarantee a 13+ place at another school.
The competitiveness really depends on the target school.

You must examine the financial situation first to see if you can afford the Prep. If you can afford it for another two years, target 13+ at different levels of school (top, good & backup options). Many schools offer means-tested financial assistance. Your DS2 has a much better chance of getting a 13+ place with financial assistance if you broaden your options.

No, that’s true, @tennissquare - but they had no business accepting a child into a prep if they weren’t ready to do their damnedest to find suitable schools ready to offer a bursary for senior school.

I absolutely know that no prep can guarantee parents their first choice of senior school - but it really is their job to use their knowledge and experience and keep trying until a child gets in somewhere.

None of this is to suggest a top flight state school wouldn’t offer a decent education. But the parents really should not take any action that marks their younger child out as a failure, undeserving of the good things afforded to his brother.

I'm guessing but I think part of the issue is the prep took ds1 into the prep school when he already had the year 9 place (from possibly Eton). If a dc is in a state primary Eton will suggest a prep where the ds can go for 2 years.

DS2 then moved to the same prep in year 4 and is now in year 6 without the offer his brother had and without a clear plan. The prep can not be expected to know the exact level of financial assistance needed by the family to accept a place at another leading boarding school like Harrow (that the poster suggested on another thread). Personally I would focus on private day schools with bursary places from year 9.

@pasok1000 Going back to one of your earlier posts "Yes, we are talking to his current Prep School, the second son school, all they say they cannot give us the assurance of a place at 13 +
, with complications of financial support
They say they think he will get a place at 13 plus but no reassurance"

You keep asking what help you can ask for from them, which seems almost nonsensical to me. Part of the offering of prep school is that they can "match" your child to a secondary school, suggest which ones you should look at, and coach them suitably to get them in. So the question to me seems fairly clearly that you ask them for a shortlist of schools they think he'd have a good shot at.
Saying they think he will get a place is meaningless if they don't engage in where you're applying. You need their advice on what schools they think he could get into. Then, it's on you to go and talk to these schools, visit, choose, pay deposits, and discuss bursaries with them at the appropriate time in their application process.

Of course they can't guarantee he'll get in somewhere AND that you will secure a suitable bursary. But you can enlist their help in identifying suitable schools where you'd have a fighting chance of getting him in and securing a bursary.

I suspect I'm missing something, because haven't you been through all this twice already, once for your eldest and then for your youngest's 11+? How did you select this particular boarding school, and the others you considered alongside it?

OP there is also the cheaper option of state grammar boarding? Look at Cranbrook, for example. It is still expensive but cheaper than top independent schools. Might be worth looking into.

Thank you

I went to a state school, but siblings went to private schools. I didn't feel resentment over it. Circumstances change and different children are wired differently. You can't and shouldn't always do exactly the same for each child.

Maybe in the future your second son will need more support/money for something else and you can help him them.

Is it easier to get a bursary place from a state school than a prep school? When applying for a fee assisted place does coming from a prep actually work against a child? That would be something I would want to understand in detail in your situation OP.

Who can i ask this question?

Bursaries are awarded on a means tested basis. Where you went to school before makes no difference. Afterall pupils get bursaries at preps too.

When applying for a fee assisted place does coming from a prep actually work against a child?

Not if they’re at the prep on a bursary, of course.

In my experience a sensible prep school would only offer a bursary to a child if they’re reasonably confident there’s a suitable bursary offering senior school for them to proceed to.

But obviously senior school fees are much higher than prep, so it would not be entirely unreasonable for a family who paid full fees for prep to feel the need for financial assistance with senior school.

The public school mentioned above offers separate entrance routes for state school pupils - so there is no longer any need for them to move to a prep to take CE. (Possibly the main benefit of attending a prep that sends several children every year to the same senior schools is that the prep pupils make the transition amongst a cohort, and thus feel more at home at their new school. Though, just as at state school, that doesn’t mean they continue to be friends with their prep schoolmates.)