Telling DD the darker your skin the more beautiful you are but she won't accept it

[PatricksRum]

DD7 is slightly darker than me and consistently tells how she hates her skin because "it's too dark."
She says she wants skin like mine as then she could be beautiful.
The difference between us is negligible and barely noticeable.

She has lots of darker-skinned dolls, toys and books containing them but is there anything else I can do to reinforce that black is beautiful?

There are people on this thread who clearly are not Black.

I wasn't referring to you.

Are you black?

https://tv.apple.com/us/episode/black-like-us/umc.cmc.50gj1p1d3qf6y9h9uhmxl3mue?showId=umc.cmc.ltyt8sry6hdq2xjg4mp0yxm1

Rudimentary research tells me that we wouldnt even be posting here if it wasnt for this OP.

Yes. But you were referring to asking lots if they were black and I was referring to this.

❤️

I'm following. I was active here when PatricksRum led the call for this Board despite a lot of opposition. She had so much abuse on here and elsewhere. but her courage was an inspiration to the rest of us.

(Back when Michael was lead mod. I had a different user name then.)

She's no troll and has always been direct in her speaking. It's fair enough to ask other posters if they are Black, if they are posting on Black MN.
If they aren't Black, then I think it's reasonable for her not to want to engage on this dedicated Board.

Kitty thank you so much. 🥹

It's why I wanted this section to exist. To ask fellow black mums. If you aren't black then my question won't apply to you but also why are you even here telling me, as a black woman, how to deal with racism.

Thank you both.

Well, I suspect I'm not black enough / not the right kind of black to qualify to speak on here.

If you don't want to hear from people unless their skin is black can I suggest you put that at the top of your OP? Your question was relevant to me and I am interested in the discussion despite the fact you do not wish to hear from me. I'd prefer to be told from the off rather than interrogated on the color of my skin before my voice is decided worthy or not.

This is Black Mumsnetters

@PatricksRum I hope that you had a good Christmas with your lovely daughter. A strong and proud mum like yourself is a great role model for her.

I've often wondered how you were doing. It was great to see you posting.

And thanks @Lovenliving and others for sharing your thoughts.

I hope the coming year is a good one for you all.

Keep telling your children how beautiful they are both inside and out, and make them proud to be who they are. Continue to challenge colourism and those who would put you down. Love to all you good women here on Black MN x

I posted in a section for black mumsnetters, can it get any clearer?

I don't know what the right type of black is. Sounds like you're gaslighting me.

Thank you so much Kitty.
I really appreciate your kind words. They mean so much.
DD is now 7 with a full head of dreads! I remember posting about struggling with her hair loss the first day this topic opened and now she has too much hair! 😁

I really hope you had a great Christmas and here's to a good new year for you and your loved ones! ❤️

Thank you again Kitty. Sending hugs to you and Loven for your support. Xx

Spreading hate and prejudice. You cannot teach self love with comparisons. Your children deserve better.

Being instrumental in setting up this board does not give you a pass to preach that one shade is more beautiful than another.

The Black is Beautiful Movement and it's long history seems to have passed some posters by.
Possibly because those most taking exception to the OPs statements are not themselves Black.

You can affirm a child's Blackness, beauty, abilities, and pride in themselves, without teaching them to hate others. The OP hasn't said she is teaching her child to hate others.

I'm another who is not interested in debating with non Black people posting on a Board that exists for Black people. Elsewhere on MN perhaps I'd explain in depth to others but there should not be a need to here.

On Black MN there are always posts from perpetually offended ploppers whom I know aren't interested in a genuine discussion. It's quite easy for the genuine posters here to spot the non genuine. It's not based on us all being a monolith as mentioned up thread. It's about being able to engage on the issues without throwing a wobbly on an imagined slight from a Black mother who happens to also be ND.

I will refer back to my first post where I said why I personally dont take this approach with my children. However, i think anyone who behaves as if they do not understand why we have had to elevate Black people with darker tones is being totally disingenous. We arent comimg from a place where all black skin tones were equally hated. There was a time where you could pass as white just by not being dark skinned and having a certain type of hair.

Corrected it for you.

You can teach a child to love their Blackness, skin shade AND features and to have pride in themselves, without teaching them to hate others. The OP is teaching her child to hate. @PatricksRum is just using a darker shade of paper bag to do it.

@Lovenliving we don't need to elevate one hue above another. Parents and communities need to challenge and dismantle the systems and methods that send those messages. Shade is only one of the damagjng battle fronts of racist beauty standards.

You've corrected nothing for me Socrates. You are just another poster and nobody special, just like the rest of us. Huff and puff away all you like with your Head Teacher "corrections".

I read your posts as written in an angry and goady tone and fixated with the OP. You say she is teaching hate - yet there are no deletions from the moderators to her posts.

I'm sure that if she had posted anything hateful as you deem it, then it would have been moderated.

You aren't a Black person are you? You might say you are, but the way you angrily post with fake claims, rather than discussing and persuading, doesn't convince me at all.

Pulling up other posters and claiming to have "corrected" them isn't how we speak to each other here. Nor do we constantly @ people for attention.

You are misrepresenting also what Lovenliving said upthread. Which I thought to be a most considered post. We can disagree with each other on here, of course, and explain why - but in a supportive way. To move us all forward.

Inventing bullshit claims about posters stirring up racial hatred really isn't the way genuine Black Mumsnetters use the Board.

So I won't be engaging with you again as ime you aren't helping in wanting to help the OP explore how she best builds confidence in her child.

I don't take this approach either. But positive affirmation, showing our child those who look similar to them, and pointing out their inner and outer beauty, courage and abilities is how I reinforce images and help develop self worth.
It's the gentle reinforcement of this over time and developing a child's love of who they are which works for us.

Elevating a darker hue would be equality because racism and colourism deems darker skin as inferior. The elevation I speak of intends to level dark Black skin to that of light Black skin. Light skinned people already have that validation from society.

Yes. Number 1 reason I do not is because my children are not dark skinned.

My work colleague who is very dark skinned himself, has one child who is light in skin tone and another with dark skin and this has been quite the parenting challenge for him. And thrown up all sorts of things for the children which has been distressing for them. As I'm sure you will understand. It's endlessly tough trying to navigate the best way forward.