Telling DD the darker your skin the more beautiful you are but she won't accept it

[PatricksRum]

DD7 is slightly darker than me and consistently tells how she hates her skin because "it's too dark."
She says she wants skin like mine as then she could be beautiful.
The difference between us is negligible and barely noticeable.

She has lots of darker-skinned dolls, toys and books containing them but is there anything else I can do to reinforce that black is beautiful?

It does.

No. I'm trying to avoid her thinking that white skin is more beautiful and superior.

That doesn’t address the question. When your dd meets someone who is darker skinned than her, you will have taught her that this other person is automatically more beautiful than her. It is a harmful message. Beauty is subjective, and is in no way linked to skin colour.

Thank you. I am too.

The darker-skinned celebrities is a good plan actually. Representation is very important.

Your post was helpful so thank you very much for replying and your suggestions

Are you black?

By telling her black skin is more beautiful and superior?

I personally don’t put a lot of importance on being beautiful but there are pretty/non pretty people of all skin colours. Trying to pretend otherwise……no wonder she doesn’t believe you, she’s got eyes and will have her own ideas of beauty.

@PatricksRum

You have lost me here.

You can affirm your child without any ideas about race superiority. That is so divisive.

Love and affirm the child you have. Dont inadvertently feed into racial stereotypes. Every colour is valid.

Yes

It does what? Do you seriously believe darker skin makes people look more beautiful than someone with lighter or different skin colour, dont you think that's really racist. You don't want her thinking white skin is superior but that dark skin is superior?

This is perfect. And I’m “biracial”. My brother, with his beautiful daughter, always made a point to praise her character and her behaviour, not even her looks. I’ve sometimes wondered how that would turn out.

She’s 23 now, a chemist, gorgeous, likes fashion, makeup etc, but isn’t conceited or seemingly in the slightest bit concerned with her looks. No stupid pouty insta selfies or mega makeup, fake lips etc. A win in our social media world.

with your daughter, she’s beautiful for being her. I wonder if she has received negative messages from school mates about her skin colour. I’d focus on building her self worth by emphasising what makes her beautiful (not just looks) and unique as your darling girl.

No. By telling her the darker the skin the more beautiful you are.

But that is not true.

I wrongly assumed you had posted in good faith and wanted a discussion with others. I see now that you are not willing to consider any other view point.

To me you are no better than the people who ascribed harmful stereotypes based on skin colour. It’s a different type of racism.

So how do you teach your kids (presuming you have some) that black isn't inferior and gear them up to take the racism they will experience in their stride?

That having hair that isn't straight (another gripe), afro hair and dark skin don't make you any less beautiful than having the opposite?

Sure. No worries.

But that’s simply untrue. I get what you’re trying to do but you’re basically lying to your daughter. You’d be far better pointing out beautiful people with similar features/colouring to your daughter and complimenting her positives (both physical and personality)

It is. That is my opinion.

I teach them that it is equal, not superior or inferior.

I am Black and I agree.

I get why we say these things because historically, the darker skinned of us were treated worse than those with more eurocentric appearance, but it still creates division. It becomes this thing where people who have lighter skin are Othered in Black spaces despite being treated as the Black person they are by just about everyone else. It becomes about who is "really black" and actually reinforces the problematic idea that we as Black people are a monolith rather than a group of people with a similar skin tone who were artificially forced into a shared identity. This is despite the differences in our culture and in fact, our appearance.

Instead, I believe we should cherish the diversity of Black people and make sure we value everyone who was included in this Black group that our oppressors created. We know about the one drop rule. That means that people of every human shade could have the African descent that makes them Black. Yes, we all have different experiences and those expeiriences are heavily influenced by how we look along with where we are. But that doesnt make one of us more Black than the other, that is just representative of the diversity within Blackness.

How can my opinion be lying?

If this is a genuine post and that's your belief, let's hope neither you or her think either you are more beautiful than lighter skinned people.

How does measuring beauty equate to being equal?

You are, inadvertently I presume, reinforcing racial stereotypes by focussing on skin colour. Substitute the word white for black and see if that explains it better.