Telling DD the darker your skin the more beautiful you are but she won't accept it

[PatricksRum]

DD7 is slightly darker than me and consistently tells how she hates her skin because "it's too dark."
She says she wants skin like mine as then she could be beautiful.
The difference between us is negligible and barely noticeable.

She has lots of darker-skinned dolls, toys and books containing them but is there anything else I can do to reinforce that black is beautiful?

No more skin colour talk, right what movie are we watching tonight”

rinse and repeat but mix up the alternative!

Seems an odd message to give a kid- the darker the more beautiful?

Why not just go with- All skin types are beautiful, but thats not even the important bit, its whats inside that makes a person beautiful. Come along then!

Everybody is beautiful regardless of their skin colour, that's the message you need to tell her

In what way is it odd?

Thank you. I haven't tried this. I always address it so maybe this is the way forward.

This! One skin colour isn’t more beautiful than another, everyone is beautiful.

Because you are still linking beauty to skin colour.

Because it's not true. Why make something up? I would go with all skin colours are beautiful as pp have suggested.

The darker the more beautiful is still adding a value to the shade of skin.
Surely better to teach her that a person's value isn't linked to what they look like.

In what way is it made up?

We're discussing beauty as that is the topic. I am responding to her specific comment about skin colour and beauty.

It is made up because beauty isn’t about skin colour.

She’s 7 op

distract
don’t dignify with an earnest chat beyond “I don’t give skin colour a second thought sweetie, and nor should you. Who’s having the last quality street?”

Well then you tell her that skin colour isn’t linked to beauty. You are replacing one harmful message with another.

Which value?

Me staying that X is more beautiful in no way suggests one's worth is based on what they look like.

Because darker skin doesn't make anyone more beautiful and it's not something to tell any child

It's not harmful. It's necessary.

I have this occasionally with DD, but I tell her on a near daily basis that her hair looks nice, or she looks cute in that outfit, or her skin is looking lovely.

She’s said she would prefer to have lighter skin. But despite mostly being around white people (I’m biracial), she ultimately isn’t that bothered and is happy, with good self esteem.

Maybe try giving compliments often, rather than waiting for her to express that she’s unhappy with her skin?

That's my opinion. It isn't wrong.

Are you black?

Don’t get sucked in to this

try my suggestion

and remember… your daughter is just 7. No need to approach matters like you would with a 13 year old

But you are saying that someone with lighter skin is less beautiful. What happens when she meets someone with darker skin with her when you have taught her that she is then less beautiful.

Thank you.

I also felt like this as as a child. I thought I was way too dark so I'm keen to prevent that here.

I will try this. Thanks.

No. I'm telling her that the darker the skin the more beautiful you are.

Nothing because she doesn't treat people badly based on how they look.

It’s not true at all. In reality there are beautiful people of all skin colours and of course less beautiful people too. Tell her that she/ her skin colour/ her nose/ her freckle on her forehead are beautiful all you want but don’t tie beauty up with skin colour as that’s the message we’re trying to avoid surely.

Hello i am light skinned “yellow bone”
Blah blah and i have one daughter who is cocoa chocolate.

All I have done is tell her a million times that she is so beautiful, i always point out darker skinned celebrities on the tv (this is hard to balance as my 2nd DD is lighter like me).

I just try to affirm her, compliment her, and NOT make a thing about me being light skinned.

I know this post may not be very helpful - i don't have all the answers.

I just try to be super positive about her skin colour and give her tangible references to people who have the same complexion as she does.