Most polite manner to say Foff to the in-laws

[Foffnow]

Ok now, I don't know the right place to post this for help but I hope to get some help here.

So it's Xmas and we are highly likely to be meeting up with the in-laws who hates my guts but DH says is all in my head as though I am a newborn & can't tell when someone or a group of people don't like me- I feel insulted when he says that.

Anyway, I am foreigner and haven't got a british accent (but well educated enough with a masters degree) and the new BIL who is an arrogant prick I am sure will most certainly correct my pronunciation at some point and I am looking for the most polite fuck off reply to give him or any other of must stupid foolish in law who tries it this Xmas because I have had enough of all their bullshit
In fact I have downloaded Uber and ready to call and leave the place with my kids as soon as they over step the mark this time around.

There is along back story that is too long to get into and i have tolerated them enough.

Pls tell me the most polite thing to say to someone who is trying to have a dig at ones accent, pronunciation.

Oh, also, what's the best excuse to give not to eat at the gathering. Their food is tasteless, worse cooks I have ever come across in my life.

Help pls

There’s the good old mumsnet, “Did you mean to be so rude?”

I would just be sadly down with Covid. Such a shame you can’t make it.

I'd say, "sorry, but could you at least once say something intelligent" or "I've been picked up on worse, by far better",

I'm guessing your partner is British ? And family? If yes I am going through similiar

I prefer a head tilt and "gosh, how bizarre"

@Helar do you mean I should reply to anyone of them correcting my pronunciation by saying
"Do you mean to be so rude"?
I think I like that one,

although correcting pronunciation is likely to be done by the new BIL the arrogant prick that's got nothing but big mouth. All the others will most likely do something else by faintly overstepping the mark in other ways.

@theduchessofspork I am not looking into how to make excuse not to go in fact a part of my wants to go so that i dish out replies or/and leave the gathering with my kids in an Uber leaving DH with his infallible family who are just the biggest pretenders on earth (I say a very classic british thing) they hate your guts but smile with you, smile on your face but then stab you in the back/ gossip about you.

@atalost 🤔 I like your response too
"sorry, but could you at least once say something intelligent" or "I've been picked up on worse, by far better"
But I think they will most probably pick on me for the 1st reply & turn to say I am rude to him forgetting his rudeness but I can use that if he's or anyone clearly gone over the mark a f

Gone over the mark a few times.

@glossylippsthickhips well they are all BB born here but not enlightened at all or not as educated well, none to the level I am in any area not just education in all other areas too (even if I have to say so myself) & that's the major problem they have with me, the jealousy & envy is so obvious that only my blind DH can't see it because his family can't do wrong to him.

@Whataretheodds 🤣🤣 that's another good reply & now I am thinking of how to combine a reply of all the suggestions so far & then calling Uber & leaving the gathering with my children after saying it. In fact I would love to leave a spy recording device behind to hear what they will say once I leave with my kids in an Uber 🤣

OP there level of education isn't a problem, it is their ignorance over the numerous versions of English spoken around the world that is and the reasons as to why that is.

So
"Do you mean to be so rude"? is a short polite response though a silent stare while they run their mouth also works with some people.

In fact I would love to leave a spy recording device behind to hear what they will say once I leave with my kids in an Uber 🤣

Do it!

@Reugny 🤔 u are absolutely correct and most people are these days because I have noticed that for instance, some don't understand that pronunciations will always be different eg how is an English person going to pronounce French words or Italian or Dutch words exactly like a native speaker? 🤷🏽‍♀️ I speak very good English and even way better than some if not most native English speakers but ignorant idiots judges you the moment you speak & they can hear a british accent & instantly they judge you like oh this person is below them, this person is not up to the task(at work) I am just sick of it. Some then ask where are you from & i say from planet earth because I am just exhausted & sick of it all

I have an accent, and when people ‘ correct’ me, I look straight at them, and say ‘ yes, I’m <<insert nationality>> , we say things differently.’
I tend to either say it with an amused or puzzled look on my face, depending on the circumstances. For if I’ve really lost my patience, I will say it as if I am explaining something to a child.

Far better to be direct: "You're being very rude" said very politely/conversationally [ie, you are stating a fact].

When you want to be rude:

• Yes, that's how I say it
• Let me know when you're fluent in <your first language>

"How fascinating" in a deadpan voice with a deadpan stare.

You say pota-to, I say pot-ato, you say tom-ato, I say tomato. Love that song, don't you? Big smile. 😁 They will be confused.

I think the onus should be on your husband to stick up for you when you experience these micro aggressions rather than you having to forearm yourself with clever replies to them. (I say this as a white woman/hopefully and ally)

i had a highly educated father (academic scientist) with a very thick Indian accent. No one teased him, but people did sometimes doubt his intelligence when he was older and deafer (he was seriously bright!) it annoyed me.

So drawing on your own brightness, if I were you, I’d be tempted to reply to any teasing with a low throated complicated reply in your native language. Perhaps they will then realise that you are bi lingual, maybe even trilingual!, while they are… not.

Then again, with that lot, the “are you ok hon” might work better, with the MN head tilt, etc.

ps my mother is French and I got teased by my uncle as a child, when I mispronounced certain French words. But, ironically, the uncle in question was himself a non-native speaker (foreigner married to my aunt). He was a turd, and was crap to my aunt and cousin. I really do think the teasing you describe is a sign of low IQ, emotional or otherwise.

Take a bottle if nando sauce with you and salt

Why are you with your husband? He sounds as horrible as his family.

@MILTOBE good question & longest story ever🤦🏾‍♀️🙄 I have had it now though hence I am no longer staying silent with his family- it is all out war from now on

Do you have children together?

OP in the nicest way, when you get to the point where you are gleefully anticipating starting drama, it’s a sign that you need to excuse yourself from the situation. No judgement, we all have our fantasies defending ourselves against people who are cruel to us, but that doesn’t mean you need to sink to their level. You have kids, don’t put them in a position where you know Christmas is going to be ruined. Just don’t go.

@MILTOBE oh yes we have kids together

@MCOut 🤔🤔 worth considering your opinion too

I’ve been thinking about some replies:

is it my accent or my face that bothers you?

do you struggle discerning intonation and tone since you correct me all the time?

Your educated pull rank with these fools-

I didn’t realise I was having an oral / aural exam

oh I beg your pardon I didn’t realise I was at school.

I beg your pardon I didn’t quite understand. I have an accent but you dropped a t or a letter of some description.

And for the food - well after losing weight the one and only Xmas I had dinner at my in laws the following Easter dinner I bought my whole roast chicken seasoned and every ting FIL couldn’t get enough of the taste for his sandwiches the next day - that was 17 years ago and we have never been asked back for Christmas since 4 kids in all.

I mean the way they treat you I would be inclined to not go?

I know that doesn’t help.

let me think of some more replies - am just doing my Xmas cake

@Unexpectedlysinglemum oh yes, wouldn't that be nice and sure it should be him standing up for me but he doesn't because he claims he can't see anything (his family can't do wrong in his eyes, is like he is blinded completely) and to be honest, most of the time it is undercover kind of thing (for instance, the bad look his mother gave me at the last gathering which he might not have seen at all). But observing their new inlaw thus far, I see him being overtly not undercover like the rest of them. But all in all, I am sick of it all now from their stupid undercover micro aggression to the overtly ones and enough is enough and I see myself exploding in their faces or just saying fuck off politely and calling me an Uber to make the message clear to them.