Most polite manner to say Foff to the in-laws

[Foffnow]

Ok now, I don't know the right place to post this for help but I hope to get some help here.

So it's Xmas and we are highly likely to be meeting up with the in-laws who hates my guts but DH says is all in my head as though I am a newborn & can't tell when someone or a group of people don't like me- I feel insulted when he says that.

Anyway, I am foreigner and haven't got a british accent (but well educated enough with a masters degree) and the new BIL who is an arrogant prick I am sure will most certainly correct my pronunciation at some point and I am looking for the most polite fuck off reply to give him or any other of must stupid foolish in law who tries it this Xmas because I have had enough of all their bullshit
In fact I have downloaded Uber and ready to call and leave the place with my kids as soon as they over step the mark this time around.

There is along back story that is too long to get into and i have tolerated them enough.

Pls tell me the most polite thing to say to someone who is trying to have a dig at ones accent, pronunciation.

Oh, also, what's the best excuse to give not to eat at the gathering. Their food is tasteless, worse cooks I have ever come across in my life.

Help pls

@Whataretheodds Oh yes, I will definitely do it if I can find a decent spying device to leave behind.

Any suggestions from anyone re a good reasonably priced device that can be used will be highly appreciated

@Itsnotmyjobtoeducatestupid thanks and I am looking forward to more suggestions re polite F off replies from you and I am trying hard to smell that Xmas cake from here 🙈

“My parents taught me it’s rude to correct people.”
(Side eye the parents, too!).

Point out it’s very bad manners to correct another adult’s speech?

Since your new BIL is so knowledgeable on how to communicate correctly he should really already know that…

Or if you fancy the nuclear option

‘I recently heard this quaint piece of Scottish vernacular - ‘Why don’t you take a running fuck to yourself?’ Isn’t that a quirky sentence structure?’

grrr.

No suggestions other than the ones others have already posted, but I think you have a DH problem, not an inlaw problem. He clearly doesn't care enough about you to see what is going on (he can't be that fucking blind and stupid, he must know, he just doesn't give a stuff about your feelings), and you need to call him out on it and tell him he needs to work out who he wants to piss off less;- his wife, mother of his children and partner he lives with, or his extended family. He needs to choose who his loyalty is with. Ultimatum. You're asking for the wrong advice. You should be asking how to get your DH to have your back, or how to leave him, and how to lay out the ultimatum.

I am gatecrashing, sorry.

I do like these replies but the problem is that twats will see this as a sort of vindication - ‘we KNEW she didn’t like us, how rude’ sort of thing.

I think being both direct and honest but painfully polite is best. Because withering sarcasm only works if the group of people you’re with ‘side’ with you if you see what I mean. So if you say something like ‘look, you might not realise but you’re always correcting how I say things. I do pronounce some things differently because I’m from <place> but when you correct me in the middle of speaking I just feel really self conscious and it’s putting me off having a conversation. Sorry to bring it up but it brought its best to be honest with you about how it makes me feel.’

It’s awkward as hell but works.

Op 😂 the smell of rum and spices mums Trini recipe!

how r you feeling tonight? I’ve been thinking about you?
Happy Christmas 🎄 and all the blessings to you and your family.

If he picks up your pronunciation you could say 'gosh yes it's hard sometimes with a second language, would you prefer we spoke in 'X language? I presume your pronunciation is perfect'

I'd be very tempted to tell them exactly what I think about them in whatever language you choose -preferably not English, if that's all they speak... - but in a sweet tone. That way you'll know you've said your piece, and they're none the wiser.

All things why are you going round there if you can't stand the people or the food. I'd just claim COVID / sickness bug and stay home

If you genuinely are going to escape
in an Uber - get your credit card / PayPal details set up in advance to avoid faffing tomorrow!

If I felt like being passive aggressive I'd go for something alone the lines of
'Ah thanks for letting me know, no matter how good you are there's always a few tiny things in your second or third language that trip you up aren't there? I'm sure it's the same with you, what other languages do you speak?' (Friendly, interested smile).
Then when admits none
'oh....right.' Might get the point across?

If BIL corrects you while you’re having a conversation look straight at him, say ‘pardon?’ He’ll have to repeat what he said, you carry on staring at him, a little smile if you can muster one, say ‘okaaay’.
Continue on with your conversation, pronouncing your words as you usually do ignoring his ‘correction’.

If he says something how about’oh is THAT the way I’m supposed to say it?’

Pls tell me the most polite thing to say to someone who is trying to have a dig at ones accent, pronunciation.

3 second pause each time.

'Can you repeat that for me, please?'

'And a third time as those two were different'.

'I'm sure they sound the same in your head. Now the Scouse version'.

'West Country please...'

So normally, we go to the SIL on Boxing Day where family gather with there pretence and where her new big mount husband would also be

But surprisingly, there was no gathering this year - the one year I prepared myself harmed with a smart polite fuck off reply with an Uber on speed dial. But then DH just said he will like us to visit his mum before sch resumes and I have not issue with that although she hates my guts, I can sort manage.

So to the question, assuming we went to SIL on Boxing Day and someone made an overtly rude comment or big mouth BIL corrects pronunciation and I give a polite fuck off reply, call Uber, tell kids to get their shoes, tell everyone I am leaving because I have somewhere else to be/go. What would you consider the ideal response from DH?