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Original poster

Threats made against my child, at the end of my tether

35 replies

Cozzadelsol · 15/10/2023 11:37

This is going to be a long one, as I don't want to drip feed.

I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

My DS, who is 14, in year 10, got into an altercation in the playground with a year 8 boy in school. The boy barged him, was then swearing and being aggressive for absolutely no reason.

He kept following my DS around the playground in the end. My son took the boys' glasses off and told him to stop bothering him. He then gave the glasses back to him undamaged, and that was the end of their contact. He said he did this, as he didn't want to hit him as he was a younger, smaller boy. This has all been confirmed by the school.

My DS then starts being told by other children that the boys older brother (18) is coming to attack my child after school.

So he is allowed to leave school early to avoid this happening. I am only informed via the school app that any of this is happening. No phone call, nothing. I only picked the message up after my son was already home.

My child is then told by friends, that the brother, plus two of his friends, were waiting for him, armed with knives saying they had come to 'stab the n**ger up in the shopping precinct next to the school. They even grabbed another mixed-race child, thinking it was my son, who had to be defended by other children saying 'that's not him'

I obviously informed the police immediately, giving them all of the facts. The next day, i also informed them the school had spoken to pupils who all corroborated the incident in the shopping precinct.

That was on Thursday, and I have heard absolutely nothing from the police, I've called them numerous times, emailed, and heard nothing. When I spoke to 101 with the crime reference number, I was told they are very busy and someone will be out to interview you 'soon'

I am at my wits end, I haven't eaten or slept, my child has been ill with a fever all weekend, I don't know if this is stress related, he seems to be in dental about how he's feeling.

I just don't know where to turn.

OP posts:
Antst · 15/10/2023 12:00

Go to the school and ask for help in approaching the police. The police may be more likely to respond if they think multiple school officials will be upset if they don't. I'd go to the local police station with an official from the school or any other authority figure (such as your church pastor) so that the police know you have witnesses if something bad happens and they've done nothing to help.

At this point, I'd contact the local paper too and some of the national papers. You might not get anywhere, but if you do and the paper pay attention, the police will act immediately and the boy's parents might be more inclined to parent him.

What I'm saying is kick up a fuss until someone listens.

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 15/10/2023 12:06

Antst · 15/10/2023 12:00

Go to the school and ask for help in approaching the police. The police may be more likely to respond if they think multiple school officials will be upset if they don't. I'd go to the local police station with an official from the school or any other authority figure (such as your church pastor) so that the police know you have witnesses if something bad happens and they've done nothing to help.

At this point, I'd contact the local paper too and some of the national papers. You might not get anywhere, but if you do and the paper pay attention, the police will act immediately and the boy's parents might be more inclined to parent him.

What I'm saying is kick up a fuss until someone listens.

Thanks, the school is totally appalled at the police response, too. After the initial poor communication, they are taking this very seriously and were waiting for some guidance from the police on how to deal with it.

OP posts:
Antst · 15/10/2023 12:10

@Cozzadelsol, that's great. At least you have someone on your side. I'd call the school and talk about setting a deadline for a response from the police. If you have heard from them in X days, I'd ask for someone from the school to show up at the local police station with you.

Any public service is so underfunded and chaotic these days that unfortunately it's routine to have to kick up a huge fuss. It sounds like the situation is risky enough that you should kick up a fuss though. I hope you get somewhere.

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 15/10/2023 12:15

Thanks again, I will be doing this first thing tomorrow.

I thought that the police would have at least been to speak to the parents of these boys, as the school could have provided their details.

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/10/2023 12:17

I absolutely would not be letting him return to the school, or be out and about in the area. Might sound dramatic but he is not safe.

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 15/10/2023 12:24

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 15/10/2023 12:17

I absolutely would not be letting him return to the school, or be out and about in the area. Might sound dramatic but he is not safe.

Yes, he is not allowed out of my sight.

The school is not in our local area he takes two buses to there. This wasn't by choice.

He really likes it there, though, but I'm actually reluctant for him to return. I actually can't believe this is happening, it has escalated from a playground minor incident to my child's life being threatened.

The racial element has also really shook me up. Naively, I didn't think people still behaved like this.

OP posts:
PennyPickle123 · 16/10/2023 09:05

Sorry posted in wrong place

cccarol · 16/10/2023 12:37

Im sorry to hear your son is suffering this im hoping these boys ( young men infact) don not know where your son lives are you based in london don’t think i would send my son back to this school how awful for you all hope it gets sorted soon xxx

EveryKneeShallBow · 16/10/2023 13:30

How awful! I’m so sorry to hear what an awful response you’ve had to this. Would it be worth contacting your MP?

Potentialmadcatlady · 16/10/2023 13:34

Is it possible to change schools to one closer? I wouldn’t be sending my son back there sadly.

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 16/10/2023 17:10

Hi, I'm in the North West, I have contacted my MP, school governors, and department in the City Council. Still no police response.

I have told the school he can not return until this is resolved.

I am absolutely devastated. Our lives have gone from peaceful, and my son Happy go lucky, to absolute nervous wrecks in a matter of days.

OP posts:
Antst · 16/10/2023 18:15

Cozzadelsol · 16/10/2023 17:10

Hi, I'm in the North West, I have contacted my MP, school governors, and department in the City Council. Still no police response.

I have told the school he can not return until this is resolved.

I am absolutely devastated. Our lives have gone from peaceful, and my son Happy go lucky, to absolute nervous wrecks in a matter of days.

At this point, I'd write an email to all of those people and organizations you listed plus your son's GP and any social work and child welfare agencies. Include the local paper and the local branch of the BBC. Say that you are taking your son to the police station and sitting there until someone pays attention.

it really does sound like there's a risk for your son and I don't want to hear the police saying that "lessons will be learned" if something awful happens. You deserve to get this dealt with.

Ivyy · 19/10/2023 15:15

That's horrendous, I'm so sorry you and your ds are going through this op. Please tell us you've heard something from the police by now? I echo pp's suggestions, also there must be an official complaint route as well? If there isn't there should be. I don't know if the police in your area have a Facebook and Twitter account but ours does, and I'd be complaining all over those too, they won't want negative publicity. Local media should be interested, especially given the heartbreaking teen deaths in the news recently caused by knife crime

It's scary the level of anger and aggression some young people have now, my dd 13 came home from school last week feeling shaken after a group of older teen boys had waited outside her school at the end of the school day, she said there were about 10 of them stopping kids and asking if they knew a year 10 boy and where he was / where he goes after school. Apparently he'd done something to upset the younger brother of one of these older teens. Dd said they looked about 16-18 and there were messages going around later that evening on Snapchat etc that they had knives, though no proof of this as far as I know (as in no sightings / witnesses). I naively never expected things like that to happen at her school, but you're only ever a sibling or contact away from these things it seems now, even in a "nice" area and good school (I realise now very naive of me, I'm only just starting out with the teen years of parenting)

Ivyy · 19/10/2023 15:16

@Cozzadelsol Sorry forgot to tag you, please let us know how you are x

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 19/10/2023 15:36

Ivyy · 19/10/2023 15:16

@Cozzadelsol Sorry forgot to tag you, please let us know how you are x

Hi Ivyy, The police have been out today and took a statement after over a week.

The officer seemed to be trying to put us off taking it further, saying stuff like, "Are you sure you didn't assault the younger brother?"

I made it very clear when I reported this to the police initially that my son wasn't the aggressor. The school confirmed this. The school thought the matter was dealt with, until the older brother and his friends came not once, but twice with the intention of harming my child. Armed with knives and making racist threats.

The officer said, when I asked how long this could go on for "how long is a piece of string, "

I am even more anxious now than before, as the officer also implied that the brother is actually 20 years old and known to the police.

OP posts:
YellowSubmarine994 · 20/10/2023 06:15

Ivyy · 19/10/2023 15:15

That's horrendous, I'm so sorry you and your ds are going through this op. Please tell us you've heard something from the police by now? I echo pp's suggestions, also there must be an official complaint route as well? If there isn't there should be. I don't know if the police in your area have a Facebook and Twitter account but ours does, and I'd be complaining all over those too, they won't want negative publicity. Local media should be interested, especially given the heartbreaking teen deaths in the news recently caused by knife crime

It's scary the level of anger and aggression some young people have now, my dd 13 came home from school last week feeling shaken after a group of older teen boys had waited outside her school at the end of the school day, she said there were about 10 of them stopping kids and asking if they knew a year 10 boy and where he was / where he goes after school. Apparently he'd done something to upset the younger brother of one of these older teens. Dd said they looked about 16-18 and there were messages going around later that evening on Snapchat etc that they had knives, though no proof of this as far as I know (as in no sightings / witnesses). I naively never expected things like that to happen at her school, but you're only ever a sibling or contact away from these things it seems now, even in a "nice" area and good school (I realise now very naive of me, I'm only just starting out with the teen years of parenting)

It really does happen everywhere in every school unfortunately. I work at a "nice" school in an affluent area with really nice kids. That said, we still have kids dealing drugs, being roped into County Lines, getting quite aggressive. It's like constantly trying to put out fires

historyrepeatz · 20/10/2023 09:22

As there is a racial element here I would reach out on the black mumsnetters bit and see if anyone there can point you in the direction of any support at being taken seriously that way. Stephen Lawrence keeps popping into my head. I think it's awful the police spoke to you as if your son did something to warrant this and haven't spoken to the school or student witnesses. They should also be talking to the boy they tried to grab in mistaken identity. What would have happened if they had located your son that day. Maybe they'll find something else to focus on but maybe they won't. I hope things get better for you both. Could you look into a restraining order?

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 20/10/2023 12:40

historyrepeatz · 20/10/2023 09:22

As there is a racial element here I would reach out on the black mumsnetters bit and see if anyone there can point you in the direction of any support at being taken seriously that way. Stephen Lawrence keeps popping into my head. I think it's awful the police spoke to you as if your son did something to warrant this and haven't spoken to the school or student witnesses. They should also be talking to the boy they tried to grab in mistaken identity. What would have happened if they had located your son that day. Maybe they'll find something else to focus on but maybe they won't. I hope things get better for you both. Could you look into a restraining order?

Thank you. It's been a terribly traumatic time.

It keeps hitting me what could have happened, had they got hold of my child, it makes my blood run cold.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 20/10/2023 12:52

Could anyone advise how I can move this post to the Black mumsnetter forum, as someone else suggested? Many thanks

OP posts:
MNHQ
LivMumsnet · 20/10/2023 13:56

Afternoon @Cozzadelsol, we've now moved your thread over to our Black Mumsnetters topic and we hope that helps. Flowers

LondonMummer · 20/10/2023 14:25

This is horrendous. I have no advice but I'm so sorry that you and your son are going through this. How awful. I hope you get the support you deserve.

Startyabastard · 20/10/2023 14:27

That's absolutely appalling and very scary. I hope it is resolved soon xxxx

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 20/10/2023 16:17

@Cozzadelsol God I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your family. The police response is absolutely shit and disappointingly unsurprising.

Was it the school’s designated safeguarding lead you spoken with? They’re usually a member of the senior leadership team. When you feel it’s safe enough for your son to go back, I would set up a meeting with them (and a police officer, if possible - unlikely but worth a shot) to see what steps are in place to safeguard your son at school and on his journeys to and from school.

Original poster
Cozzadelsol · 20/10/2023 16:54

DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 20/10/2023 16:17

@Cozzadelsol God I’m so sorry this is happening to you and your family. The police response is absolutely shit and disappointingly unsurprising.

Was it the school’s designated safeguarding lead you spoken with? They’re usually a member of the senior leadership team. When you feel it’s safe enough for your son to go back, I would set up a meeting with them (and a police officer, if possible - unlikely but worth a shot) to see what steps are in place to safeguard your son at school and on his journeys to and from school.

Thanks for your support.

I have asked for a meeting with a member of the senior leadership team and safeguarding lead at the earliest opportunity.

My child is a very social child. He loves being with his friends in school, going for a burger and milkshake with them after school, etc

This is now not going to be possible. My heart is breaking for him. He's putting on a brave face, but I know he's hurting inside.

I am contemplating pushing for him to be moved to a more local school, which incidently should have been the case on secondary admissions, but that's a whole other thread.

OP posts:
DrinkingMyWaterMindingMyBiz · 20/10/2023 17:14

@Cozzadelsol I wonder if you can do an in-year move now, based on all that’s happened? Not ideal in Year 10 I know, but most schools tend to stick with the same exam boards in the same local area so there shouldn’t be too much change for his GCSEs. Better now than in Year 11, I guess? Or would he rather stay at his current school where his friends are?