Dismissing your own wife and her heritage?

[Throwawayfortoday]

My (white) DH has just told me (his black wife) that it is ‘good’ that our DS’ first gf isn’t black. That it is best he stays away from black girls. For context , it was part of a conversation that she is bi-racial but not part black.

We’ve been together over 20 years and I’ve genuinely never heard him say anything overtly racist. Stupid and misinformed, sometimes, but not ever malicious.

I’m so unbelievably hurt, I don’t know what to do with myself. Plus he’s acting as though I’m being ridiculous for being upset and it’s making me question my reaction.

@Itstarts ah ok - reported.

Hi OP
How did you get on dealing with this?

But it was okay for him to go near, and marry, a 'black girl'?

Thats sad. I'm not OMG about it as Ive seen and heard of this type of thing more than once. Alongside too many White men who think that because they're married to a Black woman they can talk to all of us how they want to. Well, not on my watch.

Its about the type you marry, essentially, because there are always signs when they are like this. Usually starts with them being scornful of Black women, telling you you're 'not like the rest of them', and you falling for it. I have a biracial friend with a White father who is so racist about Black people that she cut ties with him years ago.

It's best you leave him, he's a racist and he won't change

I echo PP's thoughts. I wonder how the OP is doing?

Funny enough it doesn't actually surprise me.

Very similar situ with a friend of mine. Her dad want's to start eradicating the black side of the family so has kindly asked his mixed raced daughter to not marry black.

If he didn't like black so much, it makes me wonder why he went and have a child with one!!!!

OP, I'm sorry to say (or am I sorry?) but your husband is racist.

Throwawayfortoday
It's 2026 and I'm late to Black Mumsnetters
But heres my take;-
He may have married you but you're the one he picked whilst discarding anything else black out there
Benign racism is what this is, and im so upset that you're married to that knob
Personally
He'd get a piece of my mind and I'd ask why he actually married me? Because I was a black girl and still am?
And the sons girlfriends ethnicity doesn't matter so long as they're both well/happy together
It's like he's saying you're black
But different to the others out there
Which is why he picked you and you're been ridiculous because how can he be racist when he has you as his better half?
Have it out with him
And as for your offspring
It may be prudent to give them just the facts and your support at the moment
Emotions will come later
And I'd consider leaving him
Tell me,
What did you do eventually?