Dismissing your own wife and her heritage?

[Throwawayfortoday]

My (white) DH has just told me (his black wife) that it is ‘good’ that our DS’ first gf isn’t black. That it is best he stays away from black girls. For context , it was part of a conversation that she is bi-racial but not part black.

We’ve been together over 20 years and I’ve genuinely never heard him say anything overtly racist. Stupid and misinformed, sometimes, but not ever malicious.

I’m so unbelievably hurt, I don’t know what to do with myself. Plus he’s acting as though I’m being ridiculous for being upset and it’s making me question my reaction.

I'm sorry OP.

What's his justification (in his mind) for what he said? What did he say he meant by his comment?

Hey, I can't imagine how hurtful that must have been for you to hear from him. What was he fucking thinking? And why in all things holy did he utter the words, even if he was stupid enough to think them?

Omg OP that must have like a punch in the gut. WTF did he mean by that!!!??

That's disgraceful, what on earth possessed him?

I honestly don’t know. And I can’t bring myself to ask him right now, am too upset.

It’s unreal? Like my experience of married life has been rewritten? That sounds dramatic but it’s how I feel right now.

Has he been dismissive of your black culture? Snide little remarks. Etc?

OP that's such a hurtful comment to hear. What an insult to you... his Wife .💐

Pack your bags and go stay with a friend for a few nights, then talk.

This shit needs opening up.

You have to realise racist white people marry black people , both white men and white women. I have work colleagues that I know are racist as fuck, but would think nothing of having lunch with me, inviting me to their house and our kids playing together.

He basically thinks black girls are trouble, low class, will entrap your son with a baby and ruin his life. But he thinks you are the exception to the rule. Perfectly legit viewpoint for the racist married to a black person. I've dated one, and would never do it again.

I've nothing against mixed relationships as long as the white person is a committed non-racist, its not good enough to be even non-racist, they have to be actively non racist or all bets are off.

You have to realise racist white people marry black people , both white men and white women.

This.

My DP's sibling is racist. The sibling is married to a brown person. The sibling has made racist comments about their own spouse and me. Oddly we don't have contact with the sibling.....

I agree with this.

"Stupid and misinformed" most likely means you dismissed previous warning signs. This red flag was just too big too ignore, because it confirms what he thinks/has always thought of Black women.

Stay with him if you believe yourself to be unworthy of better treatment. He is gaslighting you (and it won't be the first time) into believing that his racist thought process is no big deal.

Same here.

Sorry to hear this OP, sounds like it has come as a shock to you. Does your DH have Black friends? Or are you the only Black person in his life? I aak because I often find that in interracial couples, the Black spouse is the only Black person they know which makes me feel that they might think that their Black spouse is a one-off or "not like those other Black people" which of course is racist.

In your situation, I personally would not stay with a man who could say such things. I would start to wonder what he really thinks about me

did your son grow up in a predominantly white community or was it quite mixed? was he given an opportunity to embrace your culture and to experience the diversity of other cultures? any black males in his life? or was his/your blackness something to ignore/gloss over?

your dh’s views have not come out of nowhere.

I'm brown, and can now spot racism so easily. Sadly from experience. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP, he should at least care that he has hurt you. I'd be leaving. Just get things together, and ready yourself. You don't deserve this xx

Absolutely this

Wait what?

Yep what?!

@RandomCatGenerator just ignore and report. Its a troll that started targeting me last week for some reason. Not quite sure what this post is ranting about but none of the rants have made sense!