Friendships for daughter

[helpmydaughter]

Please can you advise .I have boy girl twins that attend a small one form entry class and I am worried about friendships .
We are ethnic minority and I did not grow up in this country so that’s where I need your help .
I have an older child with asd on the severe side with adhd too and non verbal .
We live in a small house I am not sure this information relevant .

My boy is fine with friendships but my girl doesn’t have a fixed friend .Is this normal ?She kind of plays with everyone when I ask her she plays with everyone .They are both quiet and I have enrolled them in drama ,gymnastics rainbows and different clubs to help them though I and hubby are on the quiet side too .

My question is this ,do we have to do play dates as I feel maybe that’s why she needs to help with friendships but I am also afraid of letting people around us due to my older son with SEN.
Mums who have kids with SEN how do you do it and please what can I do to help her.
She went to a summer camp today and said she played all by herself when I asked her who she played with .
Sorry if it seems as if I am rambling .she seems happy but I am worried for her .That’s why I am wondering if this is normal .I will be grateful to hear of your experiences and what I can do .

I only organised a play date once and I was really nervous and I am not sure I want to do it again especially if they are different children .
do you think this is what is affecting friendships ?she mentions the names of 3 girls She’s going into year 2 now and I am worried she will be left out as there seems to be many established groups already .

They have some friends that we see outside school that are family friends though because of my sons SEN we are kind of isolated .
Please can you share with me what have worked for you .

Thank you

Why is you son having SEN an issue for play dates?

Sorry I don't know how to reply directly .
Behaviour, adhd and the autism so I am worrried he won't be understood and judged.
So this makes me very anxious that he could be misunderstood

Continue to ask her what she did/who she played with etc. Don’t make it an issue if she says nobody, pergolas continue to ask if she’s happy playing alone etc/ask who she would like to play with etc. If it appears to be a problem - maybe ask her teachers if she seems un/happy or isolated? If needed - ask for their support in helping her to integrate. Perhaps she is solitary in her play and enjoys quiet/alone time? Keep
asking and reassuring her. Understand the isolation. Perhaps if and when you or her want arrange some play dates (without her brother, maybe) so she can flourish snd harvest relationships independently.

I think you will find people are ok and understand. Some may not be, but those are not your people - I wouldn't want my kids around people who would judge them. We befriended a family with a son with SEN. My other child was in the same class as their daughter so they were friends. It didn't stop us having play dates even though the brother was a little disruptive at times. I know of another girl at our school with a brother with SEN, she has friends, playdates and sleepovers.

Your house being small - again why does that matter - other people may have small houses too. As long as your home is clean and safe - nothing else should matter.

It sounds like you are having a hard time OP, I understand how anxiety fuelled it is when your children struggle with friendships. Putting the SEN aside for a moment, is the area you live in culturally and racially diverse? Are you concerned that your son's SEN would somehow be used by others to reinforce stereotypes of your ethnicity/race/culture? I am only asking this, asI understand if so (I am not from the UK either so found it equally as confusing). My son has mild SEN (adhd) and I have always found that the way he presents reinforces many white peoples (I am white too) stereotypes of black children. As a result,
he did not get the support he should have had. I can also relate to the concerns around a "small house" etc. We live in a flat in an area where most people don't and again I always felt this reinforced others bias of pir family. Anyway I digress.
My advice would be, for now, to choose your circle bery wisely. Perhaps extend just one playdate invite to someone you know (or think) would not judge. It is really hard as its so clicky in the early years.