Black child in private school

[DM29]

My DC would be the only black child in the small prospective school? Everything about the school is great despite the diversity in class. Would that be a deal breaker?

I can’t remember what was said in this thread, but it’s probably worth a look:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/black_mumsnetters/4499386-Black-kids-at-private-school?reply=116323546

Ok thank you, I will have a look through.

Depends on how culturally aware the school leadership are, what sort of topics they cover in, say, history. Do they acknowledge Windrush Day, Emancipation Day, Black History Month? What is the cultural background of the white children, are they mostly English from the local area or more international and bilingual (e.g. French, Russian, etc.) The Ofsted report should give some insight into the latter question.

Personally I wouldn't consider it for Reception because I think they should see more people who look like them reflected at this early formative stage. But it depends what your other options are OP.

It would be (and has been) a deal breaker for us personally.

Thank you for your response. This is not an ofsted regulated school but I have looked at the ISA reports.
My DCs current school has slightly better but given the size of the school it’s comparable.
Something I need to think long and hard about as I am seeing there really is no perfect mix.

Thank you for response.
May I ask what you decided to go for in the end? Did you have to compromise on other aspects e.g academics, facilities etc

We decided to stick with state schools (although we did move state schools from the existing one we were at).
I think some would say we did compromise, and our experiences and viewpoints might be impacted by the fact that my husband and I dont have experience of uk private schools ourselves (I am not from the UK) so if we had then perhaps we'd have a different view. Ultimately, raising black boys who had experienced racism in education, diversity really mattered to us.

My DC started off in state school which I picked for its diversity as well as for its academic reputation. However, I learnt that just because the make up of the pupil body is diverse, it doesn't mean the school ethos reflects it. This school didn't at all, and my DC didn't get on with the Caribbean kids because their behaviour was bad, which disappointed me as a Caribbean woman. Their friendship groups consisted of African and white kids, which was fine. I moved them to a private school, predominantly white, because they weren't being academically challenged in the state school and they weren't happy. The private school doesn't have a culturally diverse ethos or awareness, but the academics and co-curricular opportunities are excellent. However, my DC are a bit older now so I can discuss things with them and ensure they continue to interact with friends of different ethnicities outside of school.

It's a tough call, but whatever you decide you can always move them if it doesn't work out. I never thought I'd move mine, but I did and it was for the best.

Thank you for sharing your experience I really appreciate it. Sorry to hear your DC experienced racism, it’s never a nice experience no matter how much we try to prepare them.

Thanks so much for your response.
I am genuinely torn. My DC is currently at a private school and the only black child in the year out of 3 classes with a few mixed race children. The prospective school is a lot smaller only one class per year with great teachers, and results but I gather my DC would be the only black child. So, am I going from the frying pan into the fire?!

You mentioned your DCs are older, do you think it has impacted them in anyway by not having many people that looked like them in their school?

It hasn't impacted them because they're more aware now of matters to do with race and identity, but they 'll only be at this school for 2 years compared to the 5 years they spent at the state school. Also, we live in a multicultural city so they see black people everywhere else.

You mentioned your DC is the only black child in their current year, with a few mixed children. But are they even friends with the mixed children? Because if not, then from the child's perspective it will make no difference if you move them to an all white school. What is it about the current school that makes you want to consider leaving it?

You make such valid points thank you! And no my DC isn’t particularly friends with the mixed race children. (Although that may be due to the fact all the mixed children are boys!)

The current school is good but, as they go up to age 13 there isn’t a strong focus on the 11+ and I feel DC is not being challenged as much as could be. It’s a big busy school with excellent facilities but I believe my DC would benefit from a little more structure which the smaller prospective school provides.

Is the school city of rural based?

We have been in a few schools with pretty mixed/not so mixed populations - and to be honest we’ve found where the parents are - well I guess ‘cosmopolitan professionals’ (we are in an area where people mostly come and go) and the kids are pretty cool on race and sex (they all muck in together and are friends). Which is brilliant.

We’ve only had a bit of racist name calling (taking piss out of name - so not as bad as it could have been) from a kid from India and one from China (but DS is pretty gobby so marched up to the head to complain).

@DM29 Feel free to PM me, as I have a hunch I may know the schools concerned (though I could be completely wrong!) and be able to offer more direct insight.

I know people who've done it the other way: moved DC from an 11+ school to one that goes up to 13 because they didn't think their DC were ready for the 11+ and that it was too much pressure. From what I've heard, if you want your DC to sit the 11+ you won't get much preparation from a school where the majority go on to 13. But if your DC is happy and settled, could you manage to tutor her yourself or get a tutor in the run up to the test?

Thank you! I just have PM you so, if it doesn’t come through please do PM me!

The school is in Surrey so I wouldn’t quite call it rural but it has its pockets.
Although, it is interesting that it is dependent on the parents to an extent of how well adjusted the children would be about race.

Good on your DS!!

@DM29 we've only used prep schools that go to Year 6 and then moved to independents in Year 7. Is there a reason why you want to move to the new school apart from 11+. My friends with children that were at prep schools that did the 13+ were very happy.
I would not move my DC to a school with no other Black or mixed children.

@WildBactrian what made you think the Caribbean children at your DC's school were badly behaved? Were they generally out of control or were they being profiled by their teachers and did they have to reign in their culture to fit in like in so many state schools? One of mine was told off several times for kissing their teeth, the DC in question didn't know what the two teachers were going on about because it isn't something we do. They heard some kids slurping and they joined in. I emailed the head on a Sunday to say I thought my child was being profiled and had a meeting with the deputy the following day and she spoke to the teachers in question. If the issue hadn't been resolved the head would have stepped in.

I read about a state school a few years backs that put children into isolation for kissing their teeth and if it persisted they would be suspended. In fact the punishment was harsher than saying the F word to a teacher.

OP, sorry to derail.

I feel very fortunate that I am able to tackle any issues head on with our school and get them sorted.

If anything, the school bent over backwards to support those children, leaving the children on the receiving end of their bullying and swearing feeling sidelined and ignored. Nothing improved and the school just trotted out wishy washy answers. I would say a lot of the focus and attention was on 3 very disruptive boys, but the teachers didn't know how to relate to them. It's good that you tackle things head on @Soma. I just got fed up and left.

Ahh, I see it was three boys... there are always "those" DC in every class. In one of my DC's prep classes it was three little blond girls that the teacher despaired of. In a senior school, it was four expat DC whose parents were diplomats.

But I supposed if you are at a very small school with a vanishingly small number of disruptive children that stand out for one particular characteristic, it might be easy to attribute the behaviour to that characteristic.

Anyway, I feel your pain when it comes to disruptive behaviour, and you were well within your rights to jump ship.

@Soma My DC is already the only black child in her year out of 3 classes so, it’s the same in terms of ratio at the new school.
Apart from 11+ it comes down to various nuances and offerings that the smaller school offers. Essentially, they both feed into the same set of senior schools.

When we moved out of London to Beaconsfield, first things DS1 asked me was why there was so few brown children at school and why it was all boys. There were three black families in the year, but it was otherwise quite white. These days it's more mixed, but Asian decent , rather than black.

I suspect it depends on the school, ours didn't tolerate racism of any kind.

Sorry - this appeared in active and I didn't see the board name.

Major deal breaker for me and my family

Sorry sent too soon- I want my kids to be in a Diverse school, where the staff are more likely to be trained in unconscious bias, where the curriculum will reflect the diverse backgrounds of all the kids, where black history isn’t one month of assemblies, where there is posters of black and brown kids around, on the website, and not as the token black kid but as a this is us as a community. I want to eat the things we eat at home at school, wear their hair naturally and proud, have friends from similar backgrounds. Hopefully have a few black teachers- studies show black kids taught by black teachers thrive academically. Personally I think this is more likely to happen in a multi diverse school!