So, I am 40. I used to be 25, 30, suddenly , I find I am 40. I don't know how that happened either!!!!
I'm a good 40. White women tell me I look 33, black women are just as kind, but that is likely because I'm a woman's woman and we are just kind to each other!
But my life SCREAMS middle age. I won't go into details. It's all quite pitiful and reason to feel blessed at the same. I do find that my life is a exercise of gratitude right now - 'Dear lord, help me, I haven't had a lie in in 7 years' / 'but thank you lord for these beautiful children, I am blessed', 'dear lord this mortgage is killing me' / 'but thank you lord, having a roof over my head is a blessing' etc etc. Sigh... I'm telling you this because it might just be my issue;
So the meat of the post. My partner's friends are all our age say between 37 and 45, they are suddenly marrying these 25 year old women. I've known these guys for more than 10 years, they have bleated on about wanting a woman and kids and all that good stuff, while spending every weekend in some bar or other (nothing wrong with that, I was there with them the first few years), and all of a sudden they all come up trumps but with women who are young. This makes me feel hella old. After all, the 23 year old could be my daughter. It's like the music stopped they chose a partner.
Anyways, I feel something about this. It's not one, it's pretty much ALL of his friends, all with much much younger women. It is none of my business, sure. I'm not losing sleep over it (don't watch the time of this post!!!), but something I am watching on Netflix reminds me of this issue.
Let me wrap up. I feel it's misogyny, why these men are not with women more their own age. I've been that 25 year old woman, I had relationships with older men, I totally get it. But now that I am 40, I feel very differently about these men. Not all of them, but I feel the rejection of women their age quite keenly. Because I am not young anymore, and that's tricky sometimes, but also because I actually feel I have gotten better as I've grown, right? Is this misogynoir? And I see so many of my black female friends my age holding out for these (mostly) black guys, and it really seems the men aren't interested in that way. It also makes me think, if my relationship goes completely belly up, even though I think I am, and women my age are great stuff, no one else does and I'd be alone, like so many of my friends are. This outcome appears less likely with white women. They separate, divorce, and then meet someone. I don't see that so much with black women.
I think it is down to men and what they are lacking. Sense for one, and yes again, I feel it is a kind of misogyny. I don't know whether it's a black man thing, or whether all men are like this. But black women have it so hard on the dating scene, I find myself feeling quite badly about it all. 4 or 5 black men who say black women their age are too old and they want 25 year olds.