I have.
This woman is probably older than me, she's maybe late 40's / 50. I'm 40. I'm just coming back to work after a year of mat leave. I have the obligatory meetings set up, including one with a new manager who joined while I was on mat leave.
So I had problems with this woman before I went on leave. She does not like me, I don't like her either, but I hide it better and it doesn't interfere with my black woman code at work, which is, I don't make life hard for her, I just swerve her. I'm not trying to get any black women sacked to mess up their money / mortgage / life / dependents, it's not that serious. What I don't like about her? several things. She is a bit of an ego-maniac which I think hides insecurity, you can't have a conversation without it being about her very quickly, the having to have one up on others. I don't like that she openly condescends to people she manages, especially when they don't deserve it, are also black, and sometimes older - it just feels so wrong. Her supervisees smile through it, but you can see the angst, it's not what we do. I know this woman just finds the stress of the job hard (we work with vulnerable people) and she is likely a much nicer person outside of work, but come on. And then I think she manages badly, for example, one conversation we had where she said something very wrong and sexist about a woman who alleged rape the nmanaging someone on the case. Just awful, what she said wasn't;t just wrong, it was influential. I did challenge her on this and I do feel this is what prompted her to approach the first manager before I went on leave. but I spoke with my other colleagues and they all agreed I had a duty to speak up and change the narrative because biases really matter in my job.
She has no black woman code. Before I went on mat leave I tried to speak to her about our dynamic, just to bring it back to the centre and she ducked my 3 attempts.
So I'm due to have my first meeting with the new manager tomorrow and today I get an e-mail from the manager saying part of the meeting will be to address concerns this woman has raised to him about me.
I have been gone for more than a year. We haven't spoken in how long. You don't even give me a chance to meet the man, without part of the meeting being about you?
I'm finding it hard to keep the black woman code. Please, I really feel like dropping bombs on this woman when I go back into work. But I keep saying to myself, chill, be the bigger person.
This is a long winded one, I'm not even asking for advice or has it happened to you, I'm just sharing that I feel betrayed, saddened, angry and that I expected more. Either sort it out with me or push on, but going in after so long to a new manager? I'm finding it hard to be the bigger person, and I'm mad that it's another black woman this is going down with.
Alright said. Thanks for listening!