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Original poster

Richard Okorogheye’s poor mother

58 replies

Kimchidreams · 08/04/2021 17:37

My heart goes out to Richard’s mother Evidence Joel. The way she was treated when she reported him missing was awful and you can just see the pain on her face. I’m however not sure that Sky News should be interviewing her the day after police confirmed his death. Whether or not it was her decision to speak to them, you would have thought that someone at Sky might have realised that interviewing a grieving mother on TV, the day after her son’s death was confirmed, shows a complete lack of empathy. You didn’t see Sarah Everard’s grieving mother paraded on TV, but it seems like black women are fair game. I just felt so uncomfortable watching it and had to turn over. It just didn’t sit right with me. Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 08/04/2021 21:35

I really hope that policeman is disciplined. But I'm sure in cases like this, he won't and noone will remember.

I agree with you about the Black trauma thing.

My heart goes out to his family. That poor young man. May his soul rest in peace!!

NuanceIsUselessHereSoPhuckit · 08/04/2021 21:46

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DeeCeeCherry · 08/04/2021 21:46

vonny63
His poor mother. There is a conversation that needs to take place within the black community in regards to when young black males go missing. Its all too quickly dismissed as the boy has gone to "country" to sell drugs. I fear this is the same take the police took at the beginning. It took the* pressure of social media to propel the investigation*

Exactly. If it hadn't eventually spread like wildfire on social media it'd have been left at "If you can't find your Son, how do you expect us to find him?"

That the police officer thought it was ok to say such a thing to a worried mother displays a lack of humanity.

The stereotypical judging of Black men fuelled by racists and the dog-whistle media they follow is a real problem.

A conversation in the Black community with all concerned organisations joining as one on this and related issues would be a good thing

mumsfatblackcat · 08/04/2021 22:24

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EstherMumsnet · 08/04/2021 22:39

Hi all, Just to remind everyone to please stick to the Mumsnet Talk Guidelines and to also bear in mind that the family and friends of Richard Okorogheye may read this thread, so please bear this in mind when posting and ask yourself whether your post is something you think they should have to read.

HollowTalk · 08/04/2021 22:41

It was heartbreaking to see her on the news just now. I can't think of anything worse than losing a child.

RoseAndRose · 08/04/2021 22:45

I really hope that policeman is disciplined. But I'm sure in cases like this, he won't and noone will remember

The version in The Independent uses the pronoun 'she' for the police officer concerned. And the early handling of the missing person report has been referred to the IPCO, so it should receive serious attention.

Both his mother and his father chose to speak to the press. They are not unusual in making that choice. Others make different choices.

UrbanRambler · 08/04/2021 22:55

Very sad, the poor woman must be going through hell right now. It's natural that in her grief she might be looking for someone to blame, and it sounds like the police didn't handle things in the best way, so she must be full of questions about whether her son could have been saved, had things been done differently.

It may be the case that her son had already died by the time the police became involved, but either way she needs to know what happened. I hope that she gets the answers that she needs.

NuanceIsUselessHereSoPhuckit · 08/04/2021 22:58

I see someone reported my post because I spoke the truth and they don't want to face it. Deflecting from the point I made about the second part of your OP with I "advance-searched your posts" insinuations is so obvious but I don't want my post to be deleted for speaking more truths so I'll stop here. Let's keep it about Evidence and Richard, hopefully.

Quaagars · 08/04/2021 23:15

So awful Sad only just learnt today that he has been found, and not in the way we all wanted Sad
The way she was fobbed off.
I have a teenage son approx the same age (he's nearly 18) and I can't imagine just basically being told (paraphrasing as can't remember the exact quote_ kids go missing all the time, what do you want us to do about it, just so callous.)

DastardlytheFriendlyMutt · 08/04/2021 23:18

I remember the night he went missing it was all over social media. I must have retweeted multiple tweets of people looking for him. And I honestly was scared for him with everything his mother said and how vulnerable he sounded.

But I saw many of the assertions that have been spoken about here being ascribed to him but people who didn't bother to read the messages and I also fear the majority were not from Black people making assumptions that he couldn't be vulnerable and was off to no good.

I sincerely hope the police start listening to parents and family members when they say someone is acting out of character. They know them better than any stereotype the police ascribe to a particular demographic.

My heart honestly breaks for this family.

Quaagars · 08/04/2021 23:18

Something along the lines of "if you can't find your son, how do you expect us to?"

That was the quote I was referring to
Disgustingly dismissive

DeeCeeCherry · 08/04/2021 23:22

Really dismissive. I hope that police officer thinks on what s/he said. Unimaginable to have a child go missing, and those words actually said to a Mother seeking help from those with responsibility to provide it.

I am hoping she is with family and good friends now

NuanceIsUselessHereSoPhuckit · 08/04/2021 23:31

I hope Richard's mum finds the closure she needs and deserves. I can imagine the questions going through her mind, rewinding each moment trying to figure it all out and how it really happened. I'm so sorry for her loss and the agony of not knowing is a double cross to bear.

JayDot500 · 08/04/2021 23:41

This is truly very sad. For a whole host of reasons but it's any mother's nightmare. But Evidence Joel must have felt truly helpless and my heart breaks for her.
My DH has sickle cell and it's tough. If DH went wandering out into the cold night with no coat, I'd be totally devastated because the crisis pain will undoubtedly follow within hours. No doubt his mum was living the nightmare she had been protecting her son against his entire life.

Lndnmummy · 09/04/2021 01:49

Just lying awake now thinking it over and over in my head. Imagine the public outcry if the parents of Madeleine Mcann had been told the same thing. It’s truly heart breaking.

Silkiescat · 09/04/2021 06:17

I thought she was very brave and wanting to find out what really happened to her son. I agree with her that it is very odd and how exactly does someone kill themselves in a lake. Why is he so far from home?

I hope she gets answers and I'm sorry the police took so long to listen to her.

NuanceIsUselessHereSoPhuckit · 09/04/2021 07:10

I was coming to say I actually think I shouldn't be agreeing with insinuations that Richard killed himself when his mum thinks otherwise and the police haven't concluded the investigation. It's doing what the policewoman did to her when she first reported him missing, which is not to believe her. So I stand with her and what she believes her son to be in/capable of, till proven otherwise.

If she believes a third party is involved, I hope the police don't ignore the signs and rule out anything.

Lindle · 09/04/2021 08:12

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Sugarintheplum · 09/04/2021 08:35

PLEASE IGNORE THE COMMENT DIRECTLY ABOVE. DON'T GIVE IT ANY AIRTIME AT ALL.

Sugarintheplum · 09/04/2021 08:38

It is truly heartbreaking. The local community and is still trying to piece everything back together after Grenfell.

You would truly think the police would have more heart, but we all know how reprehensibly we are treated by the police. I actually wouldn't expect better, though I know we deserve better.

Sending so much love to that family, may God bless them and guide them through this trying trying time.

Lindle · 09/04/2021 09:17

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Fembot123 · 09/04/2021 09:18

Poor soul, so young. Such a loss.

HumunaHey · 09/04/2021 09:56

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