Is this offensive?

[Itsallhere]

Situation - having to check documents at work while speaking to the person whose documents they were, like, checking someone’s passport and having to read out their name and address back to them to check it. A name you haven’t heard or seen written down before, if you say “I hope im pronouncing this right” and then confirming the name. Is that othering and offensive or not? I can totally see that it might make the person feel that they were different, that their name was unusual, unknown, different, even weird. But I can also see that it could be viewed as the person saying it, trying to show they actually cared about how it was pronounced, instead of going in bulldozing over the correct pronounciation, and saying it however they felt like.
What do you think?

Polite to ask. DH and I get this a lot. Better than someone making a complete hash of it.

I get this a lot- both my own surname and when encountering names through work.

This is just my opinion.

No, it's polite.

@Orchidflower1

I get this a lot- both my own surname and when encountering names through work.

This is just my opinion.

You don’t say if you think it’s ok to ask if pronouncing it right?

Thanks for the views everyone

And the thing is - names can have different pronunciations anyway, so you can still get it ‘wrong’ even if it’s ‘correct’.

It’s fine. Those of us with outrageously unpronounceable names are well aware of how tricky we are!

I would veer towards thinking that asking is polite so glad that people are agreeing with that, was really worrying about the “othering”. It’s something that really bothers me as I don’t want to do it but it’s easy to do without realising

Reminds me of when I was trying to make calls to a list of customers in Wales. There was quite a few names these that I’d never come across and couldn’t pronounce - and a colleague went through the list with me to make sure I didn’t make a complete tit of myself.

If I really wasn't sure how to pronounce it, I would ask them to say it for me before attempting it myself, then asking if it was correct.

I have a non-English, West African name, which I am grateful to my parents for giving me.

The time of feeling embarrassed about other people's inability to say it has long passed for me, and I have no issue with advising someone who asks politely how to say it.

What I do object to is people mangling it up by:

• not reading what's in front of them
• not bothering as "it's too hard"
• sidestepping my name altogether
• general ignorance that not every name is English

When somone asks fir my names, I always say the first name but always spell the last name before saying it. It's away I pre-empty the constant asking.

However, I do the same as you OP. Ask that the pronunciation is right. We are not born knowing but make the effort. I just don't do it with non English sounding names but all names with slight variation.

@Liquorishtoffee

Reminds me of when I was trying to make calls to a list of customers in Wales. There was quite a few names these that I’d never come across and couldn’t pronounce - and a colleague went through the list with me to make sure I didn’t make a complete tit of myself.

That's really great example. I always struggled with Irish names.

That’s great, thanks everyone. Some really good examples and experiences there.

Sorry @Itsallhere what a wolly! I missed that but off!

Yes it’s much more polite IMO to ask for the correct pronunciation- particularly if you’re saying the name more than once.

Bit not but argh!!! Sorry!!

Surely it's best to say a polite comment 'I hope I'm pronouncing this right' rather than make a hash of it and call them by the wrong name with no niceties?

I’m often asked, and I often ask as well.

I think it's polite to ask rather than just making a hash of it. My surname is quite odd, and I've been called so many different things! I'd rather have someone say, "I'm not sure I'm saying this correctly" than say something completely different or wrong.

Thanks everyone, I’m glad I’m getting this right, I’ve always been really conscious of not wanting to look like I don’t care about the pronunciation of someone’s name because “it’s too hard” or “not important to me” because it is important to me, I would hate someone to think I just said it however I thought it should be, with no concern for how they feel about it. But then I got myself in a bit of a knot about it, that I could be making them feel different and I was othering them by asking if I’d got it right, like I was pointing out that they / their name isn’t white British iyswim

If it’s someone’s name who I’ll use a lot once I know I write it down phonetically so I don’t have to keep asking

I'll be honest and say I don't like it when people say 'I hope I pronounced it correctly', I find it othering. But maybe because that my name is only 2 syllables and phonetic (transcribed into latin from another alphabet) so I find it a bit over the top.

It would be more polite to say, 'How do you say your name please?', at least that gives me the agency to say it.

True - there’s nothing worse than someone getting it completely wrong and you not being able/ getting the chance to correct them.

I went to an office block for a meeting and the security guard was checking people.

He read my name badge and got it badly wrong. Not just a little wrong but basically like saying ‘Rectum’ instead of Rebecca (but worse as I was bullied at school because if my name - no not teasing. It was gross and really knocked my self confidence to the extent I loathed anyone asking for my name).

It obviously crossed his mind once it came out of his mouth it but he had committed so dutifully rand up my contact to announce my arrival. This word was the same as the bullies used when I was a kid so I was a bit gobsmacked and didn’t say anything.

Yes I need to grow up about this - but he really caught me off guard!

Thanks for the further comments. What I’m taking from this is that, like most things, there are different opinions, but that the worst thing to do is to bulldoze into saying a name however you think it is pronounced, and not caring or asking if it’s right or wrong. Or to ignore a name because it’s too hard.

My first & last names are unusual in that I think there's only 2 of us in the uk.
A lot of people can't seem to say my first name & shorten it which I hate.
My last name I have to spell out over the phone all the time... and people always get it wrong... plus there's the are you English comments.

So I have a lot of empathy with other unusual name holders!

I noticed at school firstly then at work that some people like to make a big deal of getting especially foreign sounding names wrong, almost on purpose.
Even the ones that are in my view easy to say!

I find those types of people to be racist?

I now work with people of various ethnicities & nationalities as patients & colleagues.

If there is a name I can't pronounce I ask simply 'how do you pronounce your name' then I practice until I get it right.

My ‘official’ surname is like that - there are actually 4 adults in the U.K. with it and yes, all related! Rare (even from the country it’s from) and transliterated, so spelled phonetically - but always mangled. But hey, my actual surname is pretty common (in sound) where I’m from but always misspelled there too so I can’t complain. One of these days I’m going to double barrel them and really go to town!