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Online Dating Sites - Success Stories.

30 replies

Denzelstowel · 14/10/2020 05:15

I've been single for a very long time and now feel ready to start dating. Can anyone recommend a tried and tested online dating site for a Mature, Black women seeking friendship leading to LTR. I've tried a few of the main sites but I'm never sure what to say after the first 2/3 messages also not sure if the men are attracted to POC. Would be interested in hearing some recommend sites being used .

OP posts:
Ablackrussian · 14/10/2020 17:23

Hi, OP.

Have you tried Bumble? I like it because if you match, it's the woman who messages first (I'm assuming your female).

If they mention that:

  1. They've never slept with a black woman before or
  2. You're pretty for a black woman
  3. I'd love to touch your soft, silky skin...you can tell them to fuck off unmatch.

I've met some great guys on there, and equally, some not so great! Grin

To be honest, even the more "high end" sites have their fair share of weirdos. If you are looking for specifics, perhaps the paid ones would be a better option.

Good luck!

Denzelstowel · 15/10/2020 11:26

Thanks for the tips - I will try Bumble - if you know of any paid sites let me know- happy to give it a go if it's a better response - I've tried Match but not much success there!

OP posts:
RedMarauder · 15/10/2020 17:57

A few years ago friends and myself had success on OKCupid as there are more people on it. Also most dating sites use the same few algorithms so you will need to play around with your profile as they US based.

The main tip I would give is after a couple of messages arrange to meet up - if allowed in your area - for a tea/coffee in a cafe as you learn a lot about someone from a quick meet up. Then if you like each other arrange a proper date afterwards.

PatricksRum · 16/10/2020 01:30

Unfortunately, my experience is sleazy guys. The few times I've matched with a non-black man, they have started telling me their fetishes for black women. Hmm

Ablackrussian · 16/10/2020 20:21

PatricksRum I hear you. It's exhausting, isn't it Hmm

PonDeReplay · 17/10/2020 07:48

Have no tips re online dating. Just wanted to wish you luck. It can happen, and I hope it does for you.

RedMarauder · 18/10/2020 01:03

There are lots of sleazy guys on online dating and it is hard work doing it. However the more you do it and talk to other women doing it/have done it the better you get at quickly blocking them.

GreatGatsby212 · 18/10/2020 13:28

I would say dont waste your cash on the paid sites. Its mostly the same people & sadly weirdos also have money to burn!

Ive had the best success on OKCupid. For me there seems to be more of a variety of people on there. Like all sites, you have fight through the dross....

Denzelstowel · 19/10/2020 15:44

@GreatGatsby212

I would say dont waste your cash on the paid sites. Its mostly the same people & sadly weirdos also have money to burn!

Ive had the best success on OKCupid. For me there seems to be more of a variety of people on there. Like all sites, you have fight through the dross....

Thanks for the replies - OkCupid - it seems like you have to have a paid account to be able to respond to any messages ?
OP posts:
GreatGatsby212 · 19/10/2020 17:46

OKCupid - you can pay to see who has liked you, but i have never done that.

You can send anyone a message/intro by commenting on a photo or a bit in their profile. They can then either ignore you or message you and you go from there.

When you swipe you will get matches if they have swiped right on you too, then either of you can send the first message.

Have a go, nothing to lose! 🤷🏾‍♀️

Ablackrussian · 19/10/2020 18:24

Its mostly the same people & sadly weirdos also have money to burn!

Yes.

JemInher40s · 19/10/2020 19:29

Hi Ladies, I've had plenty of experience with online dating, so thought I'd share my tips and experiences.

Like another member suggested, I'd recommend Bumble. Hinge is where I met my current partner. I had 'quality' dates from those two sites. My good friend met her children's father on Tinder.
Plenty of fish used to be ok some years ago, but I've heard its not so great of late.

Match.com gave special offers and you can even call them and ask for a discounted membership, and voila they (hopefully) will give you the £4.99 pm offer. Otherwise I don't think its worth the £30pm or whatever they charge. Besides, people often use more than one site so you may find a guy on match and other websites/apps.

The more you do it, the easier it gets to weed out the unworthy and men who just want a good time. The latter is easier to spot imo.

My tips

  1. Make sure you see several pics (full length and close up) so you know what you're getting. Ask how recent the pics are.
  2. Always speak on the phone (no less than twice) before you meet up.
  3. Don't arrange dinner for a first date. Drinks/coffee then if you don't like your date you can leave.
4.Always tell one person where you're going.
  1. Listen with your ears AND eyes
  2. Have fun. If it starts becoming overwhelming or you're no longer enjoying it take a break.
  3. Use the filters for preferences.
Knackeredmommy · 28/10/2020 18:48

Hinge worked for me.

TouchMyToe · 23/10/2021 11:25

@Denzelstowel

Thanks for the tips - I will try Bumble - if you know of any paid sites let me know- happy to give it a go if it's a better response - I've tried Match but not much success there!
Have you tried Bumble and are you in a relationship now?
NurseButtercup · 23/10/2021 14:05

My friend met her husband on Christian mingle, they married within 12months and have just celebrated their 5yr wedding anniversary.

TouchMyToe · 23/10/2021 14:57

@NurseButtercup, i thought Christian Mingle was a site in the US. Yes, i believe in internet dating. You need a thick skin. What would you recommend for black women?

Delectable · 23/10/2021 23:59

I met my husband on Christian Connection. We're very happily married.

We both hesitated to try OLD but I went on cos the happy marriages and relationships I saw were from meeting online so I decided to give it a go. I encourage single women to. However, I have certain opinions/beliefs about how best to use OLD which many disagree with so I don't hesitate to give suggestions without being asked. For example, in my opinion and experience stronger relationships come from men who message you first. So I discourage women from messaging first.

TouchMyToe · 24/10/2021 10:02

@Delectable

I met my husband on Christian Connection. We're very happily married.

We both hesitated to try OLD but I went on cos the happy marriages and relationships I saw were from meeting online so I decided to give it a go. I encourage single women to. However, I have certain opinions/beliefs about how best to use OLD which many disagree with so I don't hesitate to give suggestions without being asked. For example, in my opinion and experience stronger relationships come from men who message you first. So I discourage women from messaging first.

That's all good to hear but are either of you black or from diverse cultures? I'm a black woman and i dated a handful of men from Christian Connection. It didn't work for me. The men were mostly under-employed and mostly interested in my good looks and i of course had to "prove" my Christianity. I wouldn't recommend this site for black women
Delectable · 24/10/2021 11:14

Yes, I'm a black woman.

TouchMyToe · 24/10/2021 13:21

@Delectable

Yes, I'm a black woman.
Oh, this is encouraging. I'm glad things worked out. We need to read more of these testimonies on the site. Any further advice for OLD? How did you know he was the one?
Buggritbuggrit · 25/10/2021 12:42

I am a Black woman and I met my fiancé (who isn’t Black) on OKC a few years ago.

I really enjoyed dating apps. I hear/read about BW having negative experiences, but everyone I know has had a pretty good time on them! I think being in Central London probably helped considerably.

My advice would be utter ruthlessness. Be very clear with regards to what you’re looking for, in your head and on your profile. Do not entertain people who don’t fit the bill.

I like dating, though. I like talking to people on apps, I like getting dolled up and going out for a meal, I like all the ‘steps’. If you’re not a person to whom this comes naturally, I think the process could be quite challenging.

Delectable · 25/10/2021 17:18

I meant "I do hesitate to give suggestions without being asked".

Similar to what @Buggritbuggrit wrote "utter ruthlessness". This doesn't mean being unkind, untruthful or disrespectful but be super sensitive to pink/red flags of any shades. A photo, or convo that makes you uneasy even if you can't put your finger on it; don't bother continuing getting to know the person. Single until your love interest makes it clear he has chosen to be committed to you for life. Circular or rotational dating. No premature intimacy. Everyone online is single until they tell you they're not seeing anyone else except you. I in turn didn't shed my singleness until I got the offer I wanted ie the person I was interested in told me he wanted to be monogamous with me for his lifetime and asked if I'll do same. I had tried other types of dating but they didn't give me the quality of relationship I wanted. My suggestion is not to drop one's single status until you're offered what you want especially in the areas of Monogamy, Continuity and Longevity.

Be on more than two sites and special interest ones if possible. Let your profile and photos reflect your personality, style and what you enjoy doing. A couple of full body and close up good quality photos.
Don't bother with 1st dates where the guy suggests/chooses locations closer to him or more convenient to him than you. Gentlemanly guys when asking for dates tend to ask what locations are good for me and what I'll like to do. I'll suggest two or three locations neighbouring my neighbourhood but no hint as to what to do. He gives two or three suggestions , I confirm I'm happy with them or one or two. Eg he suggests dinner, theatre or bowling for example(my profile had activities I enjoy either in my bio or photos). Coffee or quick drink can be better if I have reservations we'll get along. This happened rarely as I screened heavily. Two conversations or 4 exchanges and if he doesn't ask to meet then the probability of meeting is low. I don't chat unnecessarily. I'm warm and friendly in my replies but I don't try to keep the convo going in these early days or initiate. (I know three people who initiated and they are happily married). Many more I could write but people want different things and date differently and might not be ready for this. I'm sharing my own personal opinion and experience that helped achieve what I want. Happy to discuss further in PM. I have a master degree and my husband holds Phd (well known in his area)and we both have our own properties. I wanted a more traditional relationship/marriage. I wanted a man who would lead, be emotionally available, a provider, a Christian, intellectual, loving, kind, attentive, no children, never married etc. Yes, I had a long list and many would say very choosey but I know what I wanted my future to look like and I didn't wish to be in a relationship with any sign that it could cause me trauma. I lost my mum at 6 so unconditional love and a stable nuclear family is very important to me.

I enjoyed OLD and had really lovely dates. I didn't live in Central London at the time though we now do. If the guys come to locations convenient for you that makes it less "work" for you. You dress up and take a short 10 - 20 mins drive; at least for the first date. Some argue to meet half way between each other etc. For me, I felt the sort of man I want will be happy to make a longer journey to meet me and this was another way to weed out whiny ungentlemanly men.

I hope there's some info you'll find useful up there but more importantly that you meet the man of your dreams and have the relationship that gives you joy every single day. Don't give up, keep doing life, do the things that bring you joy; love is round the corner.

Buggritbuggrit · 25/10/2021 18:26

The similarities between us are uncanny! Down to the Masters and PhD. We’re not at all religious, but - other than that - samesies.

I agree with everything you’ve said. It’s what I did and it’s clearly worked for both of us! My DF is utterly delightful. Smile

Delectable · 25/10/2021 20:34

@Buggritbuggrit does DF mean dear father? That's my only living parent too. He was so proud and happy. He flew the thousands of miles to attend our wedding; well, all my family flew in. The surprising thing is that unlike my two previous engagements (broken thankfully) which where to men of my tribe, few months after we'd been dating/being friends/getting to know eachother, my DH asked to facetime my dad to ask his permission to court me. Months later he then asked his permission to ask me to marry him. My dad appreciated the respect he accorded him as respect is highly valued amongst my tribe. Even my sister (she's 12yrs older than me), narrated it to her best friends. They all giggled happily that my DH understood that marriage for us places value on family's buy-in. So at 80 my dad says the important thing is to pick the man who treats you best irrespective of race. This is shocking, from a man who three decades ago said his daughters should only marry from their tribe but his sons can marry anyone.

Buggritbuggrit · 25/10/2021 23:06

@Delectable DF was ‘Dear Fiancé’ in that context, but Daddy is also super pleased! (And he’s also my only parent and only a couple of years younger than your dad! Again, uncanny similarities.)

Was waiting for my now-fiancé to propose throughout lockdown and wondering what the holdup was. Apparently, he was waiting for my Dad to come over so he could ask him for my hand in person. He did all the research and did it properly, according to our tribe’s customs. My Dad already really liked him, but after that he became a superfan.

We’ve totally derailed this thread. 😂 Anyway, I’m super pleased you found your person. I hope everyone else on here does, as well.