Spring is sprung, the grass is ris, I wonder where my toenails is - Due June 2010

[greensnail]

Ok, here it is ladies. Nice new thread for us all to enjoy

Playftse I'm really pleased for you x

mampam rant away.... it must be even harder when your children are comparing 'wonderdad' to you

I know you said that it was a long story about the drama classes, your dd and your parents, but is it possible to speak to them about extending their financial help at all? If they knew you had been reduced to tears about it, would they try to help more? (if they are in a position to do so themselves I guess).

playftse my mother would love it if she knew I was in floods of tears. We have a very complex relationship. She has no idea about any of my anxiety/panic attack problems since the birth of DS as after I had DD she tried to convince everyone (family, friends, Health Visitors, anyone who would listen) that I had PND and that I was 'gone in the head'. Yep she's a real piece of work at times yet other times she's ok. As it is I know that at some point down the line the fact that she has paid for DD will be thrown right back in my face. She kind of does things I think so she's got some kind of hold if that makes sense??

The long story about DD last term was that my parents never actually gave me the money last time, I'd ordered a few bits out of Mother's Avon book and it was kind of 'i'll pay for that instead of giving you the money for DD's drama' and other things like that (and no I didn't order £60 worth of Avon goodies it was £11 for my nieces birthday!). No offer was made to pay for DS's drama fee's so I assume no offer will be made this term for either DC's. It has to be paid by tomorrow!!

I feel so bad for DH too as his parents are very wealthy. If he hadn't have met me he would have life made, he would have had it all handed to him on a plate (they hate me). I feel so guilty for this and wonder what an earth he see's in me.

DH has been out this time and sorted out the tow truck man (thank god for his AD's, as no sign of any mental disturbances this time ) and has managed to get us a courtesy car (think he was worried about me going into labour and us being an hour away from hospital), so he's gone off to the garage with the man so hopefully he'll come home a little wiser as to how much this will all cost etc.

This has given me an awful lot to think about and I've realised that I'm going to have to work full time in the future, probably as soon as September. It's the only way out of our situation and I can't carry on living like this, it's too stressful. Only problem is there are no registered childminders in this area so I could drive the baby to one but getting the kids to and from school would be a problem, do you think hiring a mothers help is a done thing??? Someone who would take kids to school and then pick them up and stick around, maybe do some housework until DH or I got home from work????

Oh dear I think we're all in the wars aren't we?

Wheredidmyfeetgo I know it's not much help to know this but it does sound like you're at the bottom of the pit right now, so things will get better - you just might not notice it for a while. Your children know you love them, and I really don't think it does them any harm to be aware that mummy is human and sometimes can get cross and make mistakes. Please don't worry about it.

Mampam a gruff 'well done lad' from Sargent Major Gizmo. Don't forget, this sort of social support is what we pay our taxes for! And definitely an honourable mention in dispatches for the gumption required to chase the hospital . I'm delighted you had a good time at the wedding.

We also had a celebratory weekend since I turned 40 : don't look a day over 39, do I? DH organised a nice 'surprise' barbeque party for me, well I say surprise but he rather forgot to mention to the guests they weren't supposed to be telling me so I've been feigning ignorance all week. Unfortunately I got stuck in traffic returning home so I was a bit late and the stress triggered a panic attack (a boring side effect of this pregnancy) so I turned up late, saw everyone in the garden and promptly fled upstairs to hide in the loo . After a bit of self medication with a Pimms and steak sandwich things improved, but God I'm sick of being so...brittle...at the moment. Roll on June 20th.

Hopefully things will improve a bit when maternity leave starts - like you Filly I'm not really appreciating being handed new things to do, even though most of them can be handled perfectly well in the next four weeks. I appreciate your concern about your role - on the bright side if there's pressure on you to come back early they can't argue that it isn't a valuable one to the company!

And, oh, LaT I am a fully signed up member of the 'completely unprepared' club. I don't even know how unprepared I am - I think I have quite a few things that I need (bedding, bath, crib) up in the attic, but I haven't actually dug it all out to find out what I really need. A few people have promised me some bits and pieces but I'm feeling awkward about chasing them, which doesn't help.

MonkeyM I am a statistical freak - both my two arrived on their due date. Which probably doesn't add much to your survey, I'm afraid!

Flippin 'eck mampam you have so much on your plate

Parents can be so poisonous - I think toxic is the word I've seen elsewhere on MN. I have a 'civil' relationship at best w my mother - DH wanted to ring her and get her down to help me for a bit a few weeks ago when things were a bit grim for a while - I refused, but it then triggered nightmares afterwards about stuff that had happened when i was growing up.... Feeling the need to spread lies/exaggerations about your wellbeing post-dd sounds a bit like she was miffed that she was no longer the centre of attention - you and your dd were - and she was trying to put herself back in the frame. Forgive the amateur psychology, not my strong point (obviously). But your Dh's parents sound like something else - are they trying to punish him for making his own choices (ie not their choices) in life?

Drama classes aren't everything. Your dd would at least understand that it's the car or the classes, even if she's not happy with it. And maybe it doesn't have to be forever, if cashflows improve maybe she could resume again for the autumn term? I'm v glad that your DH's ADs are doing their job.

On the childcare front, a mother's help sounds like a potential solution - generally live-out and an older person. Probably an au pair would do (and cheaper too), but they are almost always live-in, and so you need the space. Can you ask the school about childminders, cos I think this would be your cheapest option. I know the local primary schools here tend to keep lists of CMs who are prepared to pick up and drop off from particular schools. My CM is great, but is completely computer phobic and I would not have found her if she hadn't been recommended to me. Do you know any of the other parents in your children's classes? Not all of them will be dropping off/collecting their own children and they might share insider tips on CMs, or even split the cost of arrangements they have made themselves.

Hi gibbering ginger I have just been given a couple of bags worth of 0-3 months boys clothes from a friend and have no room for them as I already recieved loads from another friend. If you would like them, you are more than welcome to pick them up whenever you can manage just let me know.

Hi all - haven't posted for a while, but have been lurking. wheredidmyfeetgo really sorry to hear you're having such a shit time of it and glad your folks are there to help.

I had an appointment with the obstetrician and anaethestist today - which was frankly a disaster. MOne of my midwives had told me that if I wanted gas and air then it was open to me, but when I brought it up with the doctors today (had 2 seperate meetings) they stopped short of saying it wasn't allowed, but made it bloody clear that no one would be happy to let me have it on the day. The anaethestist told me that it didn't work and that it was all psychological and the ob just keep repeating "It's not the solution, it makes you just go out of your head". She was really patronising to be honest. Said "you can't have it just because you get to 4cm" and "you can't have it when you need to push" - and refused to tell me when the f* I WOULD actually be able to have it.

Then when I said that I didn't want to have to go on a sugar and water drip as soon as I arrived at the hospital and that I'd prefer to eat and drink she told me that it was out of the question and that I would be putting mine and the babies life in danger. That I might have some airy fairy notion of childbirth but that she was aware of the reality becuase it was her job.

All this was done in my rather shabby French so I wasn't massivly articulate, and it was obvious they thought I was just being difficult. Over 90% of women have epidurals here, and whilst I'm not against the idea in principle it something I'd have liked to have kept as an option. Though without gas and air I dont see how I'll be able to cope. I dont want to feel cross and confrontational about the doctors before I even get to the bloody hospital as I know that's really conterproductive. I'm just feeling dissapointed becuase the only 2 things that I actually wanted to do I'm probably not going to be able to do without some massive fight on the day - which frankly I doublt me or DP will be up to. (Well I would have loved to have had a water birth but when I asked my midwife about bringing my own pool to the hospital and she nearly wet herself laughing - so obviously that was a no).

I could understand it (a bit) if I had complications but everythings fine with me and the pregnancy, it's just they like to be always prepared for the worst case scenario here and so it's a hyper medicalised approach.

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

I tried to laugh it off at the end and turned to DP and said that OK we'd just have to have the next one in the UK at my parents house. The doctor just sneered it would be "criminally negligent". Just about managed to make it into the carpark before I burst into tears.

Anyone got any idea if having your baby late/early is hereditary? My mum was induced for all 3 of us, and my sister was also induced. I'm wondering if this means I also have that in store for me. Any ideas?

greensnail I really like Alice and Lily. Also Lillian, which is like Lily but just a little more unusual. Kate, Charlotte and Lucy are also already used by family for us!

Oh theperfectbaguette how horribly frustrating for you. It must be really hard being pregnant in a different country who seem to have a very different attitude to childbirth to what you would expect at home. I'm sure I saw a support thread on MN somewhere for people living overseas and pregnant. Might be worth searching for it to see if anyone on there has any useful advice to help you make the most out of the french system.

Busy here today! I'll be back when DD is in bed to catch up properly, but I am now officially more prepared! Moses mattress bought, maternity pads and nappies. As far as I am concerned, I am ready! Somewhere for him to sleep, something to wear and something to eat all sorted. The rest is just trimmings......

Petifiluo, I think pregnancy length is genetic, but I have no proof apart from personal experience. My mum was induced with all 3 of us, my sister has been induced (at +12, and +14) with both of hers, and I was induced at +12 with DD. We all have normal cycles (mine is 28 days regular). Maybe we just lack the genetic bit that makes you go into labour. Though DH says its cause we are all grippy scots and hate parting with anything - which might be true as we all find it hard to give blood/loose weight etc!

Goodname, thanks for the offer but I am drowning in baby clothes at the moment. Everyone seems to be giving me bags of baby clothes. Very generous of them but is getting me down as the house is a tip and I have nowhere to store anything! Might regret it later on, but at the moment I just can't cope with any more stuff!

Wheredidmyfeetgo - sorry you are having such a rough time. I don't really know what to advise, but agree with everyone that you/your kids/your baby are the ones that are important at the moment hopefully everything else will fall into place - things normally work out even if it doesn't seem like it at the time.

Am stupidly unprepared here. Considering twins are normally early. But as I said above I seem to lack the labour gene so am not worried about anything happening before june. We've pretty much chosen names but as everyone knows its twins, boys and will probably know the date in advance too due to section/induction, we are keeping them secret for the time being. And I'm waiting to see what the babies look like as well before definitely choosing.

Scan (32wk to check both twins are growing equally) and midwife appt tomorrow. Have list of gripes as long as my arm, so midwife better be prepared for a long appointment!

oh dear oh dear...tortuous times.

perfectbaguette what an utterly shite experience - you poor thing. It must be doubly hard struggling in a second language. I don't understand what their issue is with the G&A. Are they saying they would withhold G&A but prefer to administer a drip and epidural from the word go?
If you have a TENS machine you may find you can cope through the whole labour just with that. I tried a home birth with DD, and was very keen to have G&A available (which it wasn't). But the TENS did the job all the way through first stage of labour. When I did eventually transfer to hospital, I actually hated the G&A - made me feel sick. Just something to consider, you might not actually need or want it.

Mampam so sorry your relationship with your mum is so complicated. If your DH's parents are well-off, can they not offer any help, for the sake of their grandchildren if nothing else? you shouldn't be stressing now about going back to work when your new DC hasn't even arrived. But I guess it helps to know you have a solution sorted out in plenty of time.

Happy Birthday gizmo - and I'm sure you don't look a day over 39! How sweet of your DH to organise a surprise party (even if it did trigger off a mild panic attack). The thought that counts! Blimey - what are the odds of both of your DCs arriving on their due date?! Incredible.

Am so knackered. Am finding it harder and harder just getting through the day at work. Really missing my cheeky weekend lunchtime nap . Am also incredibly large now. I've put on 3 stone...another half a stone and I'll weigh more than DH. Nicht gut.

playftse really pleased you have got your DH back - hoorah!

Welcome home MrPlayftse!

Margot - I think I've just about always weighed more than my dh . He is only an inch taller than me though (he's short rather than me being particularly tall!).

Happy birthday gizmo! You are looking very fine for your age - not a wrinkle in sight!

Bugger - you've reminded me that I ought to try and find someone to borrow a tens machine off too. Another thing to add to the (non-existent except in my head) list.

I don't know where my washable breast pads are either. I knew where the box was, so thought I didn't need to worry about that, but the box is empty .

baguette - that sounds bloody ridiculous and incredibly frustrating, but I have no idea what to suggest, with the french being the french .

Glad that you had a lovely time at the wedding mampam. Bugger for the car though. Remind me what kind of work you do? Would childminding yourself be an option for you to save on childcare fees and still bring in an income?

Congratulations on starting maternity leave greensnail .

Ah, I know about that (non-existent except in my head) list Cantsleep! It plagues me. ...and SO much googling to do and so little time. I have just spent 4 hours looking up:
Reusable nappies: (God knows where to start - but loads of bargains as Real Nappy Week)
Best sling for small baby in summer (Calin Bleu??)
Bedroom roller blinds
Baby Names
Prams on ebay

Hour by hour my life is being sucked into the ether...

Greensnail - Love Alice

Hmm, seems like Alice is rapidly rising up the list. It was 2nd choice name for DD, but for some reason I completely went off it for most of this pregnancy and DH couldn't understand why and didn't really see the point in discussing lots of other girls names. I'm starting to really like it again though so DH will be pleased!

madamefreckle and anyone else feeling by reusable nappies. My advice would be not to spend too much time thinking about it and just go for something that seems suitable and reasonably priced. My pregnant brain just couldn't cope with all that nappy info last time around, so I just dived in a bought some totsbots to keep us going until i could make a proper decision once we were actually using nappies - it all becomes a lot clearer then! I picked loads of absolutely bargainous nappies at an NCT sale at the weekend so am now hugely overstocked even for having 2 in cloth, so if anyone wants to borrow some bits to try, let me know

CSWS I've generally always been heavier than DH too even though he's almost a foot taller than me Luckily I've been more successful in fattening him up over the last few years so I think he's probably a bit heavier now.
And my washable breastpads seem to be distributed randomly through my underwear drawers, if that helps ring any bells for you...

Have clinic followed by a scan today, so looking forward to seeing baby again. DD is with my parents so it shouldn't be too stressful!

Still haven't made that catch up yet.

Madame Freckle - have a look at the Connecta Solarweave. I've just got one and love it. It's very light, has UV protection anda cute little hood / flap that clips up to cover baby's head.

No, I'm absolutely not going to be a good group member ATM. I have tried!

Trying to take it easy today as I'm pretty fragile and didn't sleep at all well (how many of us does that describe ). We found out yesterday that my Dad's cancer has finally started to progress. We've had a longer time than they predicted,(he was given 6 months to a year a year ago). Chemo should keep him with us for a few more months, but they really can't tell. It could be a year; it could be a few weeks. There's not much to say really, except to stand and face it as best we can. I am very close to my Dad though. We are a simialr make and I'll be so lonely once he's gone.

Oh Dear. Now I've set myself off.

morning All, i wont even attempted to catch up or i'll get

im not online much these days life seems to be getting too busy, DH had to print up a schedule for me to note all the times and dates of everything thats going on for the next 2 months..scans/physio/ds's appointments.
And now im getting pary invites too and a christening in a few weeks and DH has exams too.

my poor head is ready to pop never mind bump popping!!!

im looking forward to it being july and going nowhere(i hope)doing nothing much other then having a newborn.

i think i have the basics in baby supplies, mostly from storage & we are stil debating crib/moses basket or not to bother at all as we have cotbed.

consultant mentioned possiblity of (a sort of) induction if baby needs it after next scan which is in 2 weeks. Depends if the baby's kidney dilation is still in the severe range. it kind of knocked my thoughts of course for a while as it was never mentioned to me before.(had an emcs last time)

La Trucha - I am so sorry to hear about your news, even though it is expected it still must be an enormous shock. No wonder you didn't sleep & are feeling fragile today. It's lovely to hear how close you are to him although obviously that makes it so much harder for you atm.

LaTrucha so sorry to hear about your Dad.

Mind yourself.

LaT so sorry to hear your news.

LaT I'm so sorry to hear your news. Cancer's such a cruel disease and I know how hard it is to see someone you love go through it. Thinking of you.

On another note LaT i ordered the MN Baby book and saw you have a mention in there - very impressed! I hope you got some royalties .

playftse Great news at last about DH - you deserve it!

CSWS I mentioned Jesse to DH and he is smitted, so I'm sorry to tell you that it's now on our shortlist, apologies for nicking it from you!

mampam I'm really glad you enjoyed the wedding and sorry that financial worries have hit you again. I hope you don't have to resort to returning to work FT in Sept, but if it gives you the freedom to feel less stressed about life, then I hope it works out.

theperfectbaguette How difficult to face a language barrier and such huge cultural differences in approach to birthing. i hope you can find an understanding soul amongst all the doubters you seem to have encountered so far.

I had a scan yesterday to see if my placenta has moved (it was previously low-lying) and had double bad news. The placenta is still blocking my cervix and the baby has returned to a breech presentation . I'm being re-scanned in 2 weeks but was warned to expect to have to have a section at 38 weeks, which is just 3 weeks away! That means that all my hypnobirthing and plans for a delivery by my MW sister will sadly have to change. I'm feeling really gutted as I really wanted to have that moment of joy after a natural delivery, but I need to get a grip of myself and realise it's the right thing for us both so am trying to look at the positives:

• Me and baby both couldn't be healthier according to all the checks (baby is currently 5lb 2oz)
• I'll know which day I'm going to deliver
• I'll be numb for the op so won't feel it (but this seems to be far out-weighed by the aftermath...)
• My fanjo will be as it is now with no tears/stitches

Are there any other positives to a c-section that I can focus on? I'm struggling here...

Oh and also, on a completely superficially positive point, I got to see the baby really clearly on the scan and my word it was cute! I am of course desperately biased and aware of it, but I am clearly going to be one of those mothers who thinks she has the cutest baby in the world .

CSWS I meant smitten, not smitted